TYTD Reviews

Another Latter day entry to the filmography of Doris Wishman, and the 2nd of two films to feature 'Chesty Morgan' the magnificent wonderwoman with the 73 inch bust. 'Double Agent 73' feels like a refinement in some ways over the last outing 'Deadly Weapons' but in exchange for enhancements in some areas, I do feel a little is lost in spirit on this one.

The plot follows Morgan as 'Jayne' (Codename: Agent 73) a undercover spy working to bring down a large criminal outfit up to multiple misdeeds. Jaynes reluctant at first to get on board, but ultimately doesnt need much coaxing to take up the job. her main priority? to capture photos of documentation showing the organisations criminal activities, and to photograph proof of the deaths of some of the key figures within the organisation.

How will Jayne get these photos? Well! its simple really, she'll have a camera surgically inserted into one of her breasts, and a large stock of film inserted into the other of course! When she sees something of interest or needs to confirm a kill, she simply lifts her left bosom and BAM! instant hard copy proof captured in an instant.

And so! Jayne gets to work, schmoozing and 'offing' the criminal underworld, capturing everything and anything she can, while the perps quickly realise someones onto them and begin to try and figure out who it could be!

When I say this film is a refinement on the work shown in 'Deadly Weapons' Im specifically referring to the direction, cine and performances. All of these elements feel significantly upgraded over the previous entry. with a much tighter and clearly set of shots, clearly thought out sequence building and a tighter and stronger edit that feels much more professional in its execution.

The direction feels a bit more creatively charged with a more inspired range of directional choices (particularly around camera placement within scenes) The set spaces feel a bit more detailed and thought through (even though a majority of it is still shot in Wishmans Apartment) and Wishmans work with the cast feels a lot more specific, a lot clearer in its execution and the performances themselves feel brighter, a bit campier and much less stiff and more engaging than 'Deadly Weapons.

Unfortunately however, what this film gains in clear creative vision and talent. it loses in scripting and plotting. This entry definitely leans more into the campier side (something I really wished 'Deadly Weapons' had done) but thats really about as positive as I can be towards the plotting and scripting of this production.

For a start, the main plot itself feels a lot less considered. a great deal of the film is essentially a formulaic repetition of Jayne going to a location, getting an update on who or what to photograph, followed by her going to another location, and either photographing evidence while dispatching a security guard, or seducing a member of the organisation and then murdering them and photographic the body.

Theres not a lot of variation, and it quickly becomes quite dry as we go through the motions until the final 10 minutes or so. he plots much more pedestrian than 'Deadly Weapons', the character development IS a lot better handled, but the trade off is a lot less characters to be invested in across the runtime. Morgan herself doesnt get a whole lot to do as the main character in this movie, other than using her boobs to take photos and occasionally pushing someone over to death.

The tone is more consistent, but also I feel doesnt go far enough. its still way to serious for me to really accept it for what it is, its screaming to be a LOT more over the top and farsical. But it never really delivers on the goods.

It opens strong, sags BADLY in the middle and ends on a relatively good note. But not to the kind of high that felt satisfying. And to add insult to injury, the soundtracks kind of unremarkable as well.

In my ideal world, elements of this film and 'Deadly Weapons' would have been combined to create a damn near perfect campy spy pastiche (A spy called Jayne finds out her husbands been killed by a large criminal organisation, and goes undercover to expose their antics and murder anyone who gets in her way by smothering them with her enormous breasts). But instead; we have two movies that are kind of, sort of okay. But both feel like they're missing elements that the other has in droves.

Im less inclined to this one purely because, while it is a lot more polished, it doesnt quite have the sincerity or heart of the previous entry. Never the less, I will also say that this one probably worth seeing at least once, just for the sheer bizarreness of the premise and for its higher production values, espcially when viewed in tandem with 'Deadly Weapons'. Best enjoyed after a good whisky in the small wee hours.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/double-agent-73/

A latter day offering by the late great Doris Wishman and the first of 2 cinematic outings for 'Chesty Morgan', a woman regarded for the longest time as having the biggest bust in cinema. Indeed, Morgans 73 inch bust and day job stripping seemed almost to be the perfect fit for Wishmans…'interesting' revenge movie.

The plot follows Morgan as 'Crystal' a loving fiance to Larry. Larry is in with a bad crowd, and has put himself at great personal risk running jobs for 'the boss'. But Larrys getting tired of constantly risking life behind bars, or worse. So he's decided to screw over 'The Boss', take a big slice of the pie, stick the theft on another guy and flee to Hawaii with Crystal for a romantic wedding and life where palm trees sway…

Unfotunately; The Boss catches up with Larry, and; while on the phone with Crystal, he gets whacked. Crystal however hears everything over the phone, including the names of the guys who've whacked her future husband AND where they're heading next. So! With no time to spare and nothing left to lose, Crystal packs a bag, flies out to vegas and gets a job as an 'exotic dancer' The goal? to find the men who killed her lover and smother them to death with her colossal Honganonganonologongas!

The films 85 minutes long, keeps a gentle, but moving pace and feels about as long as it times out to. The plot is very simple and straightforward, its a good background movie and one absolutely best enjoyed 'under the influence'. The plots light on character and character development with most lines being exposition driven or overly simplistic descriptions of whats happening on screen.

Where I end up with complex feelings towards this production, is that the setup, characters and scenarios are absolute pure cut camp, but Wishman and the cast play it a lot more serious than I feel it should be. This is a film in which a woman with incredibly large breasts smothers several men who killed her partner to death with her gigantic breasts…but they play a decent chunk of this film sincerely…and the end result is a somewhat maudlin and seedy affair in places, and while the campiness does shine through and offer a contrast. The end result feels a bit lumpy, like a clown driven pie fight in the middle of 'midnight cowboy'. The two elements dont mix well, and I wonder whether the film playing more straight cut, or leaning more into camp would have endeared me to it more.

Other than that, the directions actually remarkably good given the budget and timing constraints, it feels like a lower/mid budget production of the time. theres some nice 'big' location sequences. decent choreography on the handful of fight scenes across the runtime and Wishman guides the cast well across the runtime. In fact, i'd go as far as to say that Wishmans direction of the cast in this production is the strongest attribute and reason to check this film outside of Morgan herself.

The cine is maybe a touch on the basic side, composition of sequences are fine and theres a few 'arty' and playful shots thrown into the mix which I appreciated. But they're few and far between, I feel this production lacks a kind of zeal to really help prop up whats happening. At times, it feels a bit rough. Particularly on the edit front.

The performances range from stiffer than a cadaver in a meat truck freezer. to…if anything; overly eccentric. At its worst, its SUPER dry and hard to keep attention on the cast. At its best, its a riot of EPIC proportions (in every sense of the word) Only helped by a soundtrack that comprises largely 'liberated' instrumental of 60s and 70s psychedelia and soul, intercut with library tracks. It fits the bill perfectly and is used well across the runtime.

Ultimately; 'Deadly Weapons' is worth catching at least once. If only for the absurdity of the premise. Its not the best made film, tonally its a bit all over the place. But it undenyably has a lot of charm and warmth behind it, Chesty Morgan is a bit stiff, but endearing and I could see myself revisiting this one in future, if only while in a haze of cheap whisky

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/deadly-weapons/

And so, we arrive at the end of AGFA's 'Krazy Kidz Video Party' anthology, and…well, it closes out with a title thats better than the worst of this set, but not quite as good as the overall offerings. 'Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors' is a Soviet era kids folk/fantasy movie that was exported to the US and redubbed in the process. and I feel like some of the plots…point, was lost somewhere in translation.

The film follows Nella, a mischiveous schoolgirl who stays out late, does what she wants and disrespects her grandma. But she takes things too far and on accidentally destroying a jar of preserves, is transported to a weird 'Mirror' world where she meets her twin mirror counterpart 'Allen'.

The pair emerge in a strange and eccentric world where everyone is seemingly suffering from violent cognitive dissonance. But its soon revealed that the dissonance in question is being caused by an evil ruler of the mirror world, who's using slaves to mine and create 'Crooked Mirrors' that warp reality, showing the inhabitants of the mirror world warped versions of themselves, depending on what they want or expect to see.

When one of the girls friends refuses to continue this bizarre charade any longer, the rulers of the land arrest him and throw him in prison. Leading to Nella and Allen to team up, defeat the evil rulers, rescue their friend and free the land of crooked mirrors…and maybe…just maybe…learn a little about themselves in the process.

The single biggest problem I had with this film is that its about half an hour longer than it really should have been. The premise itself is pretty interesting, but after setting up its stall in the first act, the film gets WAY too comfortable just idling along, resulting in a VERY saggy 2nd act that largely amounts to strange looking characters lore dumping RIGHT up to the final 10 minutes or so, when the action kicks back in. And this pacing fundamentally impacts my feelings about the film. Because it plods SO mercilessly, that even the eccentric whimsy it brings with it, isnt enough to really fully keep my attention on the production.

There were several points through this where I lost track of what was actually supposed to be going on, or what the main characters motivations were supposed to be. And the end result was a film that I just…really struggled to get fully invested in, despite everything going on within it.

Outside of that though, as is the case with other entries on the AGFA set, this films feverish in what it depicts, eccentric colourful characters, strange make up and effects, Colour and direction provided by Russias answer to Dario Argento. From a direction standpoint, this films nuts, and has some VERY memorable and bizarre imagery to offer. It was quite impressive to me and pretty much the only thing leaving me clinging on to this film by the end.

Unfortunately; the budget does appear to have been an issue with this production, as vast swathes of it are largely doing the 'Doctor Who' method of direction and production by filming the vast majority in an old quarry or woodland. The knock on effect creates a cheap, and even MORE surreal experience that im still on the fence about whether I think works in the films favour or against it.

The cines a bit ropey too, sequences are a bit looser than i'd like, the camera work is a touch more experimental (as is to be expected with this kind of eastern european film work) but It didnt quite work for me completely. Not in the way something like 'The Singing Ringing Tree' or 'The Big Bad Wold' or 'Jack Frost' did.

As for the performances, its a mixed bag. I dont really review child actor performances as I dont think its fair to judge someone starting out in the industry honestly. But the adult cast are a little bit stiff, with the overdubbed vocal performances (more on those in a min) doing all the heavy lifting. Noone really caught my eye all that much on a physical level…which is a bit of a shame.

On the audio front, the redubbed voices are bombastic to say the least and also work in this films favour as one of the few reasons to keep watching. Though; as mentioned, I do feel a bit of this scripts purpose and point got lost in translation, as the redub seems pretty happy to sacrifice telling us what the hell is going on in favour of getting a frankly giddy vocal performance down on tape. The dub quality is fine enough, though it clearly doesnt match the movement of the mouths underneith at all. And the soundtrack itself is fine if not a little generic.

'Kingdom of Crooked mirrors' is a bit of a mixed bag production. While the visuals are very interesting, and its nice to see more Eastern European Kids folk stuff making its way onto bluray. The plotting being as messy and plodding as it is really hurt this film for me honestly. I'll probably watch it again to see if it brings the score up. But honestly? all I can say on this one is, if your into strange a feverish visuals and can take or leave on the story side of things…This may be worth your time, otherwise, you may want to look elsewhere.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/kingdom-of-crooked-mirrors/

On the home stretch with the 'Krazee Kidz Video Party' Set and we've landed on 'The Princess and the Magic Frog'. Another ultra low budget kiddie matinee entry, but this one was a bit of a chore honestly.

The plot follows Matthew, a kid hanging out by the creek with his friend on St. Patricks Day. When the kids realise they've lost track of time, Matthew starts to head back through the woods but quickly finds himself lost. He then begins to hear someone crying for help and after tracing the sound, finds himself stood in front of an ACTUAL Leprechaun. The Leprechaun in question has trapped his beard under a log, and after some negotiation with Matthew (who learned QUITE a lot about Leprechauns from his grandfather) agrees to free the gent in exchange for his gold.

The leprechaun reluctantly agrees and gives Matthew a string purse containing 7 gold coins. Warning Matthew as he leaves that the coins wish granting powers will only bring fortune to him, if the wishes are aimed at bringing fortune for others.

Matthew realises that he's now hopeless lost in the woods, and after trying to wish his way out by granting the forest the ability to talk (a terrible mistake) he ends up finding a frog, who tells Matthew that he was once a brave Knight who was transformed by an evil wizard. Matthew wishes for the frog to return to his human form, at which point a brave, if not slightly eccentric Knight appears and tells Matthew that he was sent to rescue a Princess captured by the evil wizard, and that now he's back in human form, his journey can continue. With…Matthew tagging along for the ride with his pouch full of magic coins of course.

The plot honestly sounds more interesting and fun than it honestly is really. This is a painfully cheap production thats predominantly shot in woodland to save money, and a three act plot that consists mainly of Matthew and the Knight getting stuck in a situation, slowly, vocally trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation and then making a wish that resolves the situation and brings them slightly closer to finding the evil wizard and the princess.

In other films, these 'problems' would usually be framed around genuinely interesting characters, character development, or an attempt to keep the audience baited. But here? its rinse and repeat. the characters dont really grow or learn, their eccentricities are fairly limited, dont grow past what is already established and wear thin VERY fast. and the finale is muted and kind of predictable. The pacing is plodding, the tone is sanitized to the point of total boredom. And barring a handful of colourful moments where characters ramp up their energy a bit. Its a kind of drab viewing experience.

If movies like 'The Big bad Wold' and 'Polly Pockets' were mind melting experiences akin to 'Uppers', this film is the cinematic equivilent of being out of your depth on 'downers'. And while that does bring with it its own vibes (for better or worse), I found it quite hard to get on with honestly.

The direction is pretty flat, there are a few creative flare ups here and there such as when the woods first begin to talk, or when they wind up speaking to a genie for a time…But theyre VERY few and far between and for the most part the cine is just flat mid and wide shots while the characters 'lore' dump for 10 minutes. sequences are quite roughly cut together, the print quality is mixed with several seconds of drop out throughout. the sound mix is up and down with overdubs not even attempted to being mixed in with the onset audio. The perforamances are all very one note and kind of flat. and the soundtracks stocky and frankly largely unmemorable.

'The Princess and the Magic Frog' has its moments, but those 'moments' barely total 15 minutes of a 78 minute runtime. a 'supercut' would more than suffice for everything that can be seen in this film. It reminded me a lot of the 1964 film, 'The Magic Christmas Tree'. Only, that feel seemed more feverish than this one. This is largely just time killing occasionally punctuated with something a bit out of pocket. Which…if thats what your into, then your in for a treat here! As for me? So far, I think its the weakest entry on the set.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-princess-and-the-magic-frog/

The 'Krayzee Kidz Video Party' continues to keep the good times rolling with its 3rd entry 'Polly Pockets' (not to be confused with the toy line). a 25 minute long compilation of vignettes that would play during kiddy matinee performances intercut between commercials, cartoons or maybe even a short movie or two.

What is 'Polly Pockets' about? Well, it follows the titular 'Polly Pockets' an upbeat energetic young lady who's dress contains a tardis's worth of pockets, and each pocket has exactly the thing your looking for. Theres magic in the magic pocket, water in the water pocket, a growing sense of existential dread in the 'US' pocket and so on. She's accompanied by 'Dandy Andy' a slightly schlubby, but equally musical magician and entertainer. and over the 25 minutes we get to see a magic show, some of Dandy Andys inventions, and two stories from Polly Pockets herself! when she visited 'The Gloomy Kingdom'!

Its all absolutely batty in the best sense of the word, the segments are high energy, vaudville adjacent pieces that feel threadbare. But are still a lot of fun and incredibly vibrant, the pacings breakneck. the characters are a tad generic, but fun all the same. The gloomy kingdom story maybe goes on for a tad longer than i'd like. But otherwise we're in a good place with this one.

Direction is fairly rudamentary as well, nothing too over the top, but the set design and costume works are really something, it almost makes up for an overly basic camera script by being so creative with so little cash.

The soundtracks sugary sweet to the point of onset diabetes. But REDICULOUSLY catchy. There's a lot to like with this set of shorts. I kind of wish they'd made more of them as it does seem to be a relatively cheap and entertaining way to sneak into the matinee market without having to commit to a feature length budget.

I dont think I can go quite so far as to suggest actively trying to hunt this one down, but if you do stumble across it or you have a copy to hand, then its absolutely worth checking out.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/polly-pockets/

23 years after I last sat down to watch ‘Ali G: Indahouse’ and with news of a new ‘Ali G’ movie just on the horizon, I decided to do what must never be done with forgotten 2000’s comedies. Revisit it. Theres a kind of unwritten rule that the comedies that arnt ‘on display’ as shining examples of the genre 1997-2007 carry with them the VERY big risk of not only having aged like milk, but bringing with them a hearty dose of homophobia, racism, misogyny, ablism or just flat out slurs. So needless to say, as I hit play on this one. I was really hoping that this one had managed to at least grow old with grace…

The plot follows the titular ‘Ali G’ a literal walking stereotype of the white slightly dumb british guy who gaslights himself into believing that he’s heavily involved in black and Rastafarian culture. The whole schtick with ‘Ali’ is that people can clearly see he’s an idiot. and in his on screen appearances before this movie, that would be used to Sacha Baron Cohens advantage, as once a celebrity or interviewee had gotten a little *too* comfortable with the idea that Ali was a pushover interviewer. He’d suddenly flip the script, using Ali’s stupidity to completely trample over bad peoples bad arguments, embarrassing them in the process. Essentially; the character is the precursor to ‘Borat’. Only; whereas people end up falling for Borat because he plays a sincere ‘foreign’ character who lulls people into a false sense of safety before dropping the floor from under them. Ali uses stupidity as his weapon of choice.

In this feature film outing we’re introduced to Ali and his rather small world of ‘Staines’ a small town in England thats pretty poverty stricken. Ali doesnt have a lot in life, a small crew he rides with, an ongoing feud with the ‘east side’. A gig running a ‘Road mans’ interpretation of ‘the scouts’ and his long suffering, but much loved girlfriend ‘Julie’. When news hits that Staines local community center has been targeted for closure and redevelopment. Ali is distraught and begins a local campaign to save the community center.

This gets the attention of the local media, and by extension,a local MP, David Carlton (played by Charles Dance) who sees an opportunity. Carlton is deputy prime minister. But he has his eyes on the big job, and when he spies Ali, he sees a chance to grab the position by rigging an upcoming by election to get Ali on the ballot. The idea being that Ali will lose devastatingly, leading to the PM having to resign in disgrace for putting such an incompetent and offensive candidate on the ballot. At first Ali’s hesitant. But eventually agrees on the condition the center is saved.

This backfires spectacularly for Carlton though, when Ali’s genuine character and stupidity ends up accidentally incriminating most of the other candidates into dodgey dealings, leading to a neck and neck race, of which Ali squeaks the win and becomes the MP for Staines. His mantra of ‘Keep It Real’ reverberates across westminster, and before too long he’s managed to fail upwards into a cabinet position. Leading Carlton to pull out all the stops to get both Ali and the Prime Minister removed from office by any means necessary and sending Ali and his crew on a political odyssy to save Staines, and his relationship with Julie.

I kind of compartmentalise this film into the same niche of comedy that houses movies like ‘Freddy Got Fingered’, ‘Beavis and Butthead do America’ and to a lesser extent ‘Pee Wees Big Adventure’. In the sense that its a journey movie featuring characters who are too dumb to realise they’re on a journey of self discovery.

Ali G: Indahouse for me still just about holds up, but does have moments that have aged better than others. On the one hand the broad plot is very rudimentary. It isnt trying to do anything to ‘out there’. But in the same breath, the film will almost tie itself in knots at times to try and setup and land a gag that…in 2002 probably would have brought the house down, but in 2026 is just kind of middle of the road.

I will say this for the film, its hit rate with gags is pretty solid. Theres rarely a dry spell across the runtime, and while the quality ranges from actually quite funny to probably problematic. Its all done with a kind of knowing awareness to it. Ali at several points in the film makes a point of calling out Homophobia, mysoginy or racism. But in the next breath will say something politically incorrect while sincerely believing thats the ‘progressive’ way to handle a situation. Which, in the 2000s was a funny way to tackle those topics. However; in more recent years its become apparent that people dont know the difference between genuine racism/homophobia/misogyny. And a progressive writer ‘aping’ those tropes in a self aware way.

That forms half of the problem with this film, is that to people who are aware of Cohen and his values, this is a self aware parody. To people who arnt aware, it becomes a validation of horrid views. Which is where the more problematic elements come into it. Add to this that the film is just absolutely relentless in hammering the same joke again, and again, and again. it flits wildly between being aggressively targeting in its comedy style, and border monotone. I enjoyed its style, but I absolutely understand why it took my 23 years to rewatch it. Once you’ve seen it, you can save yourself 90 minutes by watching the handful of comedy clips from this uploaded to youtube. Because the 80 minutes you dont see is the 10 minutes you do.

The direction and cine are pretty on brand for a low/mid budget comedy of this time. I dont really have any negative feedback on that front, the edits pretty tight, theres some really nice visual gags (and some pretty terrible gross out) that get handled about as well as they could do. Theres some slightly ropey CG used here and there. But on the whole, it does the job of telling the story and clearly and concisely as possible.

As for the performances? Baron Cohen as ‘Ali G’ is a fun enough time now. But back in the 2000s, in the UK at least, the character was suffocating to live with. culturally he was everywhere. So its quite understandable to people of a certain age why this film would only stand to raise even more ire. But I think a good long break for the character has been beneficial. Seeing the film separated from the oversaturation feels a lot more pleasant. Again; I cant say i’m chomping at the bit to rewatch this again immediately, but Ali G as a character is funny when used well…It was missuse of the character that ultiamtely overdid it.

Flanking Ali we have a VERY fresh faced Martin Freeman as his right hand man Ricky C. Who…if you’ve only seen him in ‘The Hobbit’ or ‘Sherlock’ or his more serious roles has to be SEEN here to be believed. a VERY hyper performance, bordering on grating at times. I thought he really nailed the brief of being a foil for Alis more mellow anarchy.

Charles Dance and Michael Gambon do a surprisingly straight turn as the PM and deputy. I think they’re really solid here, and dont give into Alis eccentric performance one bit, really cementing a good contrast into this production. Hell; even the supporting cast seem to really be getting into it. And while I think it would be easy to label this ‘Low Brow’ its undeniable that the cast capture the spirit of a very different era, very effectively.

Match that up with a HELL of a score micing hip-hop, electronica, R&B, reggae and mash ups to create a jukebox of 80’s and 90s sound. and other than some mixing issues where the dialogue track sinks a little too deep into the mix, I think this film has managed to stay standing!

‘Ali G: Indahouse’ is very much a film you have to be in the right headspace for. Im not going to sit here and declare it a classic. But a solid cult comedy, and a deeper cut for folks outside of the UK? absolutely. The hit rates relatively solid, the performances are positively daft, the soundtracks rock solid and the cine and direction rarely miss a beat. If you can tolerate a few less than PC gags and a relentless dedication to flogging a dead horse. Then I think ‘Indahouse’ is definitely worth your attention. Dont sleep on it.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/ali-g-indahouse/

Caught this ‘Unriffed’ for the first time today. Everytime I forget just TRULY how feverish this thing is. Ive had more coherent and less terrifying nightmares.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/fun-in-balloon-land/1/

The phrase ‘Fever Dream’ is banded about a lot these days. But with ‘The Wolf and the Seven Little Goats’ (Known in the US and UK as ‘The Big Bad Wolf’ I feel fully justified in using that phrasing.

Intended as a movie to fill the kiddy ‘Matinee’ slot on weekend mornings while mum and dad did the shopping or just had a couple of hours without the endless painful screeching of parenthood eroding their very essence as beings. I can only BEGIN to hazard a guess at the level of trauma this film must have instilled on little Bobby or Bobbette when it hit the big screen. I saw a fairly murky VHS copy of this included in AGFA and ‘Something Weirds’ ‘Krazee Kids Video Party’ set…and even I was vaguely haunted by it.

The plot, as the title suggests, follows 7 humanoid/animal hybrid goat children as they attend school. Their teacher informs them of the dangers of the world, before introducing them to ‘The Big Bad Wolf’ a known predator (not in that way…I hope…) and murderer of goat Children. The Goat kids laugh and joke about how they’d stop the wolf if it came for them…and then they head home.

On getting home though, their mother (also a humanoid Goat abomination) tells them she needs to run out to do some errands and leaves them in charge of cleaning and prepping the house for the evening. So far, so harmonious. Until THE ‘Big bad wolf’ turns up, spots that the Goat childrens mother is going out, and hatches a plan to break into the house and eat…pretty much all the goat children. Tom and Jerry/Home Alone style shenanigans ensue.

This is a nippy 58 (or so) minutes long, is decently paced in terms of what its trying to do, and is clearly targeting very young children and as such, the plots incredibly basic too. While some of the advice in this film may be a little dated, I feel what morals it was trying to instill arnt ENTIRELY awful. and the characters are relatively well developed (even if there are a few more…aggressive moments in this, that almost certainly wouldnt have made it into a remake from this century).

What IS the main selling point of this film however is the visuals. As it appears the vanity chest of Summerisle has been ransacked to dress the cast here. Giant faux animal heads with flappy mouths are the flavour of the day, and are BEYOND unsettling for most of the runtime. especially when viewed through an ‘Nth’ generation VHS copy. Honestly, played at half speed, this could easily substitute for ‘Creepypasta’ material.

The direction is relatively well handled, even if they didnt quite succeed in making ACTUAL REAL LIFE Birds keep a tiny hat on their heads while overdubbing them. but the slapstick is clean cut, nicely brought to life and incredibly surreal to watch. The cine is much the same, with this being a cropped and degraded VHS copy of an original film print, I dont really have the full scope to make a call on detail or composition. But whats here is fine enough and again, follows the basics of the technical process.

The performances are animated and lively, which is nice because, as anyone whos worn a fursuit will tell you, what you animate inside the costume is maybe 10% of what will animate outside of the costume. they really throw themselves into this, and I think they do a solid (if not terrifying) job.

throw in a gratingly ‘Twee’ soundtrack, and you have the makings of my next therapists appointment. Between this and ‘Fun in Balloon Land’ the ‘Krazee Kids Video Party’ has more or less paid for itself. Definitely worth catching at least once, I’ll almost certainly watch this one again when I need to stare into the horrors of the abyss for 60 minutes.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-wolf-and-the-seven-little-goats/

So, I was unaware that PlutoTV (in the US at least) has a ‘Universal Monsters’ channel currently. But! today I found that out! I checked out the listings and next up was ‘Draculas Daughter’ the direct sequel to the Bela Lugosi original and one I remember feeling a bit lukewarm about when I first caught it 3-4 years ago.

The plot picks up almost immediately after the events of ‘Dracula’ in London with Van Hellsing is being held in police custody for the murder of two men, and if you can believe it NOONE will believe that He only ‘killed’ one of the two of them…and that ‘Killed’ isnt really the right word because he was a 500 year old undead Count from Transylvania. When the Police consider a ‘capacity’ review. Hellsing sends a message out to one of his old students Dr. Jefferey Garth to come and help evaluate him and set things straight.

Jeffery is VERY sceptical about all of this but at least feins going along with it as Van Hellsing seems quite honest about what happened. and its here that we’re introduced to ‘Countess Zaleska’ the titular ‘Daughter of Dracula’ who has travelled from Transylvania to reclaim her fathers corpse. Zaleska has committed a LOT of naughty bad things…But the thing is, she doesnt WANT to be evil. In fact, she believes that her father has cursed her, and as long as his body remains. She will continue to commit atrocities.

As such; she breaks into the crime scene, stuns to british bobbies and steals her fathers corpse, before performing a ritual and burning it in the hope of breaking her ‘Curse’.

From here, Dr. Garth and Zaleskas paths cross, and she begins attending sessions where she explains an insatiable blood lust and evilness is within her. To which, Dr. Garth attempts to help her out from a psychological standpoint, while ALSO working to prove Van Hellsings legitimacy.

This all builds to a ‘shocking’ finale as Zaleska attempts to repress her evil urges in the hopes of overcoming it. We…we all know how this is going to go. Aaand im pretty sure if you guess out loud right now…you’ll be at least 75% correct.

Two words can pretty much sum up what absolutely tramples ‘Draculas Daughter’ and those two words are ‘Hayes Code’. The original ‘Dracula’ was released 2 years before the Hayes code came into effect, ‘Draculas Daughter’ was released 2 years AFTER it had been implemented, and it shows.

Theres no almost no violence, everything is implied, happens off screen, no blood, no actual horror, its more of a suspense supernatural thriller than anything else. And the end result is a glacial piece that trundles along offering very little for Horror fans other than that well known ‘Signature’ Univeral horror atmosphere and Gloria Holden, who single handedly carries this picture and everything worth viewing in it.

I wasnt the biggest fan of ‘Dracula’ if im being honest, but at least it had a clear intention, at least it set up its stall and stuck to it for the full run time. This is 71 minutes of psychobabble with mild drama/thriller elements leading to a finale that really underdelivers.

Most of the film is just back and forth discussions about the nature of evil, time wasting on exposition and ‘comedic’ filler. the acts all kind of slop into each other it feels less like a fully fledged ‘Dracula’ sequel, and more like they just…kept trying to add onto the ‘Dracula’ story…but they wernt very imaginative.

I cant fault the direction or cine here, its classic universal horror direction, smokey, pseudo german expressionist era/noir style lighting, decent composition from start to finish with a good solid edit holding ti all together. If you’ve seen any of the ‘big hitter’ universal monster movies, this film is on a par with those in my opinion. Its a damn fine looking picture.

Performance wise, as mentioned, I cant fault Gloria Holden as the countess, she has an absolutely memorising gaze and works with the material the absolute best she can. A fantastic physical presence on screen, they really know how to get the best out of her time on screen and she has a nice slow boil menace to her character that I really just fell in love with. My only criticism lies not with her, but the ‘code’, without it, I feel we really would have seen her at her absolute best.

The rest of the cast are all kind of unremarkable if im being honest, even Edward Van Sloan doesnt really get much to do as Van hellsing here, everyone feels like generic ‘Universal Horror’ background/filler performances. which is a big letdown, as the films already plodding enough without the cast being fairly Milquetoast.

Throw in a fairly unremarkable orchestral score that doesnt hold a candle to the mainline Universal Monster movies. And ‘Dracula’s Daughter’ winds up, for me at least as a sequel that is definitely striking, and DOES have memorable moments…but really just isnt up to snuff compared to the other Monster sequels. Its not really BAD…its just kind of…unremarkable…which is a real shame.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/draculas-daughter/1/

A retromedia special from Fred Olan Ray, I first caught ‘Super Ninja Doll’ in the small wee hours of a booze filled haze about 5 years ago while digging deep into ‘Full Moon Features’ streaming service. And, as I didnt really write ‘text only’ reviews back then, this one got logged, but not talked about. Then it dropped off of Full Moons services, fell into relative obscurity, and is now apparently on Bluray as a double feature set paired with another Christine Nguyen feature…But I dont have the volition to drop over $30 on THAT…so I had my sources hook me up.

Really; there isnt much to this one. Its a ‘Skinimax’/’Up All Night’ style softcore flick thats attempting to parody ‘Magical Girl’ anime series and comic book/sci fi movies more generally. Nguyen plays ‘Miracle’ a college age school girl with a vivid imagination, who’s on the verge of being suspended due to her ducking class to go buy and read comic books. The teachers have had enough and tell her to buck her ideas up. But Miracle is OBSESSED with comics, and in particular one strip called ‘Super Ninja Doll’. Which is a comic about a woman who can transform into a super powered magical defender of earth, and gains her powers (and gets stronger) by having LOTS of sex…

While this is being established, an evil alien race have set their sights on earth, with the aim of conquering it and using it for materials. This evil alien race ALSO gain powers and recharge by having LOTS of sex…So far so porny.

Anyway; after 2 Softcore scenes involving the evil aliens, and a softcore scene involving Miracle and a fellow classmate where they explain the premise of the ‘Super Ninja Doll’. The evil empresses henchman ‘Gorath’ descends to earth to have sex with a top scientist whos got amnesia, before trapping her in a comic book. The same coming book that Miracle was reading! and on arriving home, she finds a live action naked lady begging to be let out trapped in the pages. On passing out she meets ‘Super Ninja Doll’ who tells her shes going to have to call on her to defend the earth and fight Gorath.

Miracle goes to a supernatural science headquarters who validate her story and send her to go protect Goraths next victim. aaaand from there it basically turns into a battle between good and evil…and about 30 more minutes of softcore.

I find softcore kind of pointless if im being honest, half hearted softcore even more so. And as such, I feel like if a movie IS going to go down that route, it really has got to have something else working for it to go in its favour. ‘Super Ninja Doll’ just about manages to get itself over the line with me…but its absolute bare minimum territory.

The scripts actually probably the best part of this thing, the plotting is upbeat, hyperactive, a bit manic in places and does have a real ‘tongue in cheek’ self awarness to it…There isnt MUCH of a script to work with, but whats here is fine enough fun with some half decent lines for a ‘softly from cable’ production, and the general campy vibes I felt were quite endearing. This is pantomime for the most part, but I feel if your in the headspace for that kind of thing, you might end up having a half decent time with it.

AT 77 minutes long, the pacings a little uneven, the non sex segments of the film move at a good clip and just about do the job. But the softcore sequences really drag, not helped by multiple instances where they’ll use a cut as a cover to run the same take twice, just from different angles. I know they did it for paddings sake, but it really drags the vibes of the film down, especially as they arnt even particularly well handled softcore scenes.

The characters are 2 dimensional by design, so that works in the films favour. Overall; it has a decent tone and vibe to it. But its very stop start and never quite manages to fully deliver what its promising.

The direction is quite flat too. the non softcore scenes have a bit more life behind the eyes, with a clear vision. But with the promise of this being ‘Live action Anime for Adults’ it really doesnt meet that brief, instead; it feels like very low budget ‘Direct to video’ softcore for most of the runtime because…thats basically what it is.

The softcore scenes themselves are relatively poor quality. badly framed for the most part with no real thought put into how to make them look interesting or feel a bit more sensual. its very much just wide shot, mid shot, panning close up, mid shot, wide shot, rinse repeat for 8-12 minutes at a time. Which I think is a shame really,and kind of confusing, as they got some pretty well known Hardcore actors to appear in this movie (Evan Stone, Kitty Katsu, Syren, Nicole Sheriden and of course Nguyen herself).

I feel like a harder cut with a bit more shot variety may have made up for what is offered here. the scenes feel cramped, drab and lacklustre…rushed too. The rhythms are a bit off, and its hard to appreciate a softcore production that doesnt so much ‘set the mood’ more completely crash into it.

The cine is basic for the most part, again no real abstract thought put into sequence setups or shot types, the edit is fairly rough with some heavy greenscreen usage in places (which I actually thought was quite funny and used to VERY ‘mid’ effect) the edits rough around the edges, but at least (barring when they repeat a shot from a slightly different angle) it’s coherent and tells the story as simply as possible.

Performances are kind of subjective here, everyones being told to play big, cartoonish or comedic. And everyone does just that! Your milage may vary depending on whether you can tolerate that kind of nonsense. But for me Evan Stone and Christine Nguyen steal the show, delivering absolutely hamtastic performances when they’re not rutting that made them actually pretty watchable. The fact that they at least attempt to carry those campy performances into the sex scenes, really only makes me want to applaud them more.

And as for the soundtrack? given its supposed to be a ‘magical girl’ anime type picture…they chose to score this mainly with MIDI ‘Surf rock’ and occasional ‘Sci-fi’ sounding library tracks…it feels quite out of place for the tone they want to set. But hey, this was designed to air at 2am on some god foresaken cable channel to give the stoners and drunks something to ‘aspire’ to. I dont think they were considering linear consistency.

Ultimatley; ‘Super Ninja Doll’ is a quirky softcore flick. but a somewhat drab one at that. i’d honestly prefer a non softcore version of the film that was just the ‘story’ elements cut together because I think that would make for a somewhat surreal 30 minute ‘pilot’. Given its relative obscurity these days, I cant say its worth actively hunting down. But it does pop up on streaming services in various cuts now and then. if its 2am and your on your 5th beer…im sure you could do worse.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/super-ninja-doll/1/