Hobgoblins 2, 2009 – ★½

I first attempted to watch ‘Hobgoblins 2’ around about 13 years ago, and for the last 13 years it held the rather ‘odious’ honour of being one of only a handful of movies that I turned off before it finished. Whether I was just in a bad mood that day, or whether I found the core location of the film (a mental hospital) particularly tasteless, I cant rightly say. But; I got about 2/3rds of the way in, let out a primal pained yelp and vowed to never go back.

Well; after six ‘Vice Academy’ movies, I decided I needed a palette cleanse. And I didnt want to feel like a total failure for bailing on this movie all those years ago…So; I gave it another try. And; in *SOME* ways it was a bit better than I remembered. But its hard to tell if time has been kinder to this film, or if nearly 10 years scuba diving to the depths of the barrel has just made me ‘battle hardened.’

The plots a bit of a mishmash of semi beige ideas and key points from the original ‘Hobgoblins’ as we’re introduced to a gang of medical students studying to qualify for the profession. And at this point in time; they’re looking to learn about patients with mental health issues and learning disabilities. So naturally the film takes EVERY opportunity to call it a ‘mental hospital’ and to make all the residents seem like the most loony, over the top crazy people you’ve ever met.

While performing their residency however; one of the gang is introduced to a recast Mcreedy (the security guard from the original ‘Hobgoblins’) Who was institutionalised for blowing up the movie studio at the end of the last film. He warns the group and their lead doctor about the ‘Hobgoblins’, and basically tells them everything they need to know to summon them. And guess what!? THEY SUMMON THEM!

At first they mainly latch on to the gangs mentor. But eventually they tie themselves to one of the gang (Steve) and from their begin to set twisted carnage to the group AND the regulars of the hospital! Leading to Mcreedy having to show the guys and gals the only TRUE way to get rid of a Hobgoblin!

Im going to be upfront about this movie. Its not very good. I think nearly 10 years of ‘Softly from cable’ fundamentally damaged Sloans ability to write a coherent and detailed script. A lot of the humour here shares itself with the latter day ‘Vice Academy’ movies, and while there is definitely a whiff of the original ‘Hobgoblins’ in this, it all feels a bit watered down and budget restricted, to the point that we hit the same problems Sloans latter day film career repeatedly ran into. A LOT of time to kill, and not a lot of money or resource to fill it.

The scripts got a three act plot…which is something I guess, but its sloppy. the opening act feels a bit lazy and leans very heavily on ‘crazy people are funny’ to try and get it through, as the first act gives way to the second act, the whole thing begins to sogg and melt as the plotting becomes a bit ‘all over the place’ and increasing references to the original ‘Hobgoblins’ creep in to try and reassure the audience that these films both share a universe.

By the 3rd act, it almost feels like we’re experiencing a skit show, rather than a detailed film. as large swathes of action appear to happen off screen, and the stuff that DOES make it on screen is incredibly cheap looking to say the least.

The temptation is to say that Sloan realised at some point in the 90s that he was percieved as a ‘so bad its good’ director, and that he leaned into it in the latter part of his career. But I dont really think thats the case. This doesnt feel ‘Lazy’ in the way the some other low/no budget directors wide up being. This feels almost stifled by the sheer stuffiness of a director who’s on screen humour really hadnt advanced since about 1994. There are ‘in references’ to Sloans other movies peppered throughout this. But I think the bigger problem is that this is a film shot in 2009, that reads like a script written in 1995 and looks like a film shot in 2002.

The pacing is glacial with very VERY brief zaps of energy to push the plot along. But like the ‘Vice Academy’ movies, we spend an ungodly amount of time in ‘2 shots’ or mid group shots where 2-3 cast members will iterate and RE-iterate the same plot points over and over again until we hit that sweet 80-90 minute ‘distribution’ runtime.

The characters quite literally ARE just reimaginings of the ‘Hobgoblins’ characters, but even more cartoonish and ditzy now than before. their dialogue really struggles through most of this and that combined with a set of performances that really just felt overtly wooden really failed to win me over.

The direction does at least try a couple of interesting things. I think ‘Hobgoblins’ predominantly is known for its interesting use of coloured lighting, and this film DOES at least TRY to create a matching sense of mise-en-scene. But it does fall short for me, and not helping matters either, the only version I could find to watch this one was a copy on ‘Tubi’ that appears to be a DVD rip of the movie that hasnt been upscaled to even basic HD (theres a huge black border around the film, and it appears the image itself has been cropped, leaving a small, pixellated, blurry offering center screen)

I will say this is a solid attempt from Sloan on the direction front, especially compared to his offerings 1992 -1999. But I think, due to the budget limitations, while its definitely a step in the right direction, it cant escape looking as painfully cheap as it does. Maybe a proper HD remaster would bring things to life a bit more. But as its currently available? its a smeary blurry, cheapish looking offering.

Composition is a mixed bag too. sequences are built in quite a considered manner I will say, they use B-roll, some of the puppet fight sequences are actually pretty decent all things considered and almost all the footage is in focus and sharp. But at the same time, the majority of the sequences are a bit overly basic. shot composition is sometimes compromised (with actors heads being cut off slightly, or the framing being every so slightly too far left or too far right) lighting is a little up and down (again I think a remaster might smooth that out though) Its a bit rough around the edges. But you can tell it has heart. and I cant be mad at that.

As for the score? Well…the soundtrack wasnt really for me, a forgettable midi offering. It was felt mainly by its absence, OR by the poor mixing which sometimes caused it to almost entirely blot out the dialogue. Not the worst i’ve ever heard. But it absolutely could have been better.

Folks coming to this movie from ‘Hobgoblins’ may experience a type of whiplash that’ll make their Grandchildren need a splint. But if your used to weird, strange and low/no budget offerings. I think you’ll probably fare through this one in one piece. Its a shame to me that a ‘Hobgoblins’ sequel is, in my opinion, at best, kind of unremarkable…But I did enjoy this one at least a little bit more this time around than last time, AND more importantly; I actually made it to the end.

Not recommended, even if your into this kind of film making. Unless your doing a Rick Sloan retrospective marathon. You can give this one a wide birth. I think its probably his weakest movie. Which is shame, but at least its got some things going for it.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/hobgoblins-2/

by tytdreviews

Vice Academy Part 6, 1998 – ★★

The final part of the ‘Vice Academy’ franchise, and mediocrity is on the run once again. I have to give this entry at least SOME credit, because they actually bothered to at least TRY and go back to the series roots. Bringing our girls Candy and Traci back to the forefront of proceedings and centring the core plot around them trying to solve (or rather resolve) a crime! That crime specifically being that, while undergoing some basic financial work for the Vice Squad. a group of dressed up female bank robbers storm the place and steal over 400k in unmarked bills.

It transpires that these bank robbers are in fact 3 strippers from a nearby club, who robbed the bank with the ultimate plan being to leave the stripping life and live a little. Unfortunately, due to several confusing altercations at the bank, Candy and Traci find THEMSELVES under the microscope as alleged perps in the robbery! Forcing them to try and find as much evidence as they can to clear their name, before they both end up in the most dreaded circumstance a straight woman can find themselves in (apparently)…a women’s prison!

Now to this films credit, I will say that this is probably the most coherent three act plot the series has had since ‘Vice Academy 2’ In fact, out of all the films i’ve watched in this series. If you asked me which one i’d recommend watching after part 2. This one would probably be it. But what it makes up for in more solid structuring it neglects in almost every other aspect unfortunately.

The script itself isnt really all that different from the last two movies. As mentioned the foundation of the script is a LOT more solid than previous entries. they actually have a 3 act plot that transitions fairly nicely between acts. the sub 90 minute runtime really works in this films favour, and the humour actually feels a little better in this one than in the last few entries. It starts relatively strong, sags a bit in the middle and ends…well; it ends about as well as ‘Vice Academy 6’ could end all things considered.

However; its not all relative praise here. theres a LOT of exposition in this thing. Meandering exposition at that. and while I can handle a bit of added context a lot of this films runtime feels very filler-ey. and while I will say that this entry is more endearing that parts 4 and 5. that chasm of dirth did leave me clock watching and my attention going elsewhere once we hit the half hour mark.

Equally; while all the above improvements DO improve the viewing experience. They are somewhat minor shifts here and there. There isnt a seismic difference between the quality of this entry and the last one. I just personally think it holds its cards a little better.

The characters are all a bit beige here, again we’re missing that zany over the top-ness that made the first couple of movies a bit more interesting. And instead; its just air head humour for the most part. When it works, it works. but they’ve been flogging that dead horse now for 3 movies and by this point…its old.

As with the other entries, the directions kind of mid. Nothing substantial or ‘out there’, nothing that made me really recognise this as a Rick Sloan movie. its just kind of by the numbers, and while I appreciate the more vibrant use of colour these last couple of films have had. Its nothing to write home about. Also; while im not a big T&A guy (I dont really consider it a selling point) theres a definite lack of it here. Which again, just kind of left me wondering who this movie was really even for.

The cine is much the same. I dont have anything to add really other than its sharp, crisp and in focus (which couldnt be said for the last two movies which frequently went ‘soft’ for several scenes at a time). compositions okay, but its all a bit bland. Again; nothing that made me sit up and take attention, and nothing that made me think anyone here was trying to do anything with this entry other than get it in the can.

The performances are, for this series, a bit by the numbers. A kind of restrained zany-ness that never really pays off or manifests into anything other than what feels like a group of people thinking they’re playing ‘big’ when in fact they come across as feeling a bit awkward to do so. Not terrible, but by no means great. its a low(ish) quality offering.

And the soundtrack? unmemorable honestly; If I didnt know any better, i’d have assumed they just reused the score from Part 5. synthy gubbins and not much else. Kind of ‘Meh’.

In a way, I feel like its a shame that they ended things on ‘Vice Academy Part 6’ for a couple of reasons. Not only were they only one film off matching the ‘Police Academy’ series for sequels (the girls going to ‘Belarus’ to fight for sex workers autonomy against a dollar tree version of Christopher lee would have been worth the price of admission) But also because I do feel like this entry, while a bit stalled, DID see some improvements on the bones of the beast. Something that I think could have maybe continued on to another entry or two.

Do I think Vice Academy 6 is ‘must see’? No. Do I think its worth catching if you enjoyed the first couple? Yeah. Sure. Is the franchise as a whole worth watching? Only if your best friends with Jack Daniels.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/vice-academy-part-6/

by tytdreviews

Vice Academy Part 5, 1996 – ★★

Another day, another entry in the ‘Vice Academy’ series, and another dip in quality.

Im going to keep this one brief, in no small part to the fact that their isnt really a whole lot to really say on this one, and in part because…well; its a bit more coherent than previous entries. But that really isnt saying much.

The plot of ‘Part 5’ picks up 3-4 months after the events of Part 4, and the Commissioners son Irwin decides to mess about with a new game ‘Virtual Reality Hooker simulator’ Which…as the name suggests, lets you engage in all the fun of hiring a sex worker from the comfort of your own home, with nothing to fear but the VR goggles strap being a bit too tight!

Unfortunately during a ‘Weird Science’ style energy surge on the house, the ‘Hooker’ Irwin creates is brought to real life, and immediately begins terrorising the town by running all the other sex workers out of business, offering ‘Sex for $5’ as per Irwins customisations. Going one further, she also begins influencing Irwins life choices, giving him mixed to bad advice that he takes into his part time job at the police station.

Meanwhile Miss Deavonshire and the Commissioners marriage is on the rocks already, as the Commissioner refuses to ‘Consummate’ the marriage. leading to tensions flaring between the two, and to complicate matters further, the mayor of the town, who was promising to ensure funding to the Vice Squad/Academy for many years to come loses her election campaign. Putting the Squad AND the Academy at VERY real risk of closure!

All these elements come to a head when Irwins digital creation decides, rather than working for Irwin, who’s a bit of a pushover. She wants to take the city over herself, get all the pimps working for her, and optimise the towns Sex work trade into one of the most streamlined operations in the country! oh yeah. and Candy and Traci are back in this one…they fool around with some guys, occasionally dump some exposition…but hey, who needs main characters in a movie right!?…r-right?!…

So; on the upside, this one DOES have a plot, and they do (tangentially) get back into doing what the ‘Vice Academy’ movies were initially set up as; I.E – Busting illicit sex work operations. But thats kind of where the pleasantries end for me on this one.

The story mainly revolves around Irwins antics, the Vice Academy girls are more or less left out in the cold on this one for the full duration, Miss Deavonshire and the Commissioners storyline is tepid at best. The humour here is D.O.A. the T&A is more outrageous than previous entries, and everything feels as plodding and incoherent as ever, if not worse.

Now; I will applaud that the film actually does have a three act plot, the last 2 films didnt have that. But thats a very VERY high level achievement here. the actual mechanisms that move us through those three acts are janky to say the least. random skits, incoherent rambling conversations, bolstered by a sound mix that drowns out most of the dialogue anyway (forcing me to use Subtitles for most of the films runtime) I still cant quite get over the fact that they bring the action back into being about what the ‘Vice Academy’ movies started off as, but more or less bench the ‘Vice Academy’ girls for the majority of the movie to do a ‘weird Science’ knock off.

Directions as mid as ever, the cine is a marked improvement over the last film, theres actually a few thoughtful creative choices in composition and they bothered to film way more cutaway material here. Im grateful at least that 95% of this film is actually in focus and pointing in the right direction…the last film failed to do that.

Performances are acceptable, not the best, but better than Part 3’s attempts. The soundtracks a bit better here too. But that really isnt saying much.

All in all? this just felt kind of aimless. it has more structure than the last 2 films. but the fine detail is REALLY absent. The humours almost non existent. and again. I cannot stress enough how BIZARRE it is for me that a series thats predominantly been centered around 2 ditzy girls freash out of the academy trying and failing in humourous ways to prove they have what it takes, has decided 5 films in to not bother with that kind of thing anymore. WILD.

Vice Academy part 5 is not a good movie, its a trace outline of a better movie missing all the nuance and definition that would have got it over the line. Its a masterful achievement that, whether you’ve seen the other films or not, you could jump into this and have NO idea what the hell is going on, or what the tone of this series is actually supposed to be…But its been achieved here!

Not one I can reccommend, even if you liked the previous movies…this one was a slog.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/vice-academy-part-5/

by tytdreviews

Vice Academy Part 4, 1995 – ★★½

I had to take quite a long break before coming back to the ‘Vice Academy’ movies…In part because im still really trying to get my ‘groove’ back in terms of watching movies, but also in part due to the fact that ‘Vice Academy’ as a franchise holds the rather dubious honour of consistently hovering in that dreadful ‘dead zone’ of ‘Good enough that I cant legitimately just turn it off and go do something else. Bad enough that im not happy about the situation’.

‘Vice Academy 3’ was a lumpy and mediocre offering that felt less like a coherent plotted film, and more like a series of ‘skits’ that had been stitched together with some vague connections to the characters involved in the antics. It felt like a lower budget studio film really struggling to justify its position.

Well; ‘Vice Academy Part 4’ is the other side of the ‘bad movie’ event horizon. A film that doesnt feel like a lower budget studio flick. But rather, a film that feels like a moderately budgeted (for 1995) independent production. And with that comes a bit of a change in headspace and mindset. Vice Academy 3 was a small fish in a big pond. Vice Academy 4 is a big fish in a small pond. Which…well; I wont go as far as to say its a step in the right direction. But it certainly made the film a lot more palatable.

By this point the initial premise of ‘Vice Academy’ is WELL and truely out the window, no longer are dealing with a couple of new recruits being placed into soliciting situations, trying to bust pervs with comedy results. Instead, the majority of this film focusses on Miss Deavonshire and recruits Candy and Samantha. As Deavonshire VERY hastily (plot convenience fairy working overtime here) decides to marry one of her colleagues, The Commissioner non the less! Aaaand for comedy effect Candy and Samantha agree to organize and arrange the bachellorette party AND the wedding in full.

And what follows is basically just a nothing burger of a movie, in which Candy and Samantha try and plan a wedding, at which point shenanigans ensue. Oh! and to throw a little spice into the mix Malathian (the villain from Vice Academy 3) turns up again, escapes jail to hunt down her long distance penfriend (and love interest) ‘Anvil’ the two of them hear of Deavonshires wedding plans and threaten to crash the event. and…yeah. its basically just skits again, LONG exposition segments and a finale that does tie everything together (albeit haphazardly) in a way thats inoffensive, but doesnt really do much past that.

As mentioned, what the film has going for it is the fact that it feels like its working in a lower quality field. feeling more like an independent production means I feel a bit more forgiving of the stiffness, the bad comedy and the excessive bikini sequences. Because it doesnt have the studio polish behind it. However; that still doesnt excuse the fact that this is just a kind of dull mixed bag T&A comedy film thats now veered so wildly away from its core premise, that the fact this is supposed to be dealing with cops and bad guys, at this point is kind of inconsequential.

The scripts plodding, mercifully its an hour and 26 with LONG titles and credits, so it has that working to its favour, it may be mid, but at least its brief. Humours subjective, this is positively groan worthy for the most part. But I will admit I do like a bit of groan worthy comedy here and there…this misses more than it hits, but when it hit, I enjoyed it.

The characters all feel a bit homogenised at this point, their key sellable assets all kind of blended into one another with no real definition. Its a bit of a sludge. I imagine that made it easier to experiment with which which actors could read the lines in the most appealing ways…which is hardly the best way to go about things like this.

Other than that we’re kind of mid or lower mid across the board. The wedding plots fine…but kind of all over the place, the directions fine, but theres nothing really jump out here to really make this stand out. The cine is basic and large chunks of it are out of focus which is…just…SO distracting honestly. compositions are basic, but just about do the job, the edits a bit too loose for my liking, but we’re 4 movies into this series now so I do expect a quality dip (even if I dont agree with it)

Performances are all subdued compared the earlier films. Which, in a way im kind of happy about as the performances in part 3 REALLY annoyed me. Here everyones kind of flat and largely letting the scritps situations do the heavy lifting on the yuk-yuks. Noones awful. But noones memorable, they’re all just kind of ‘there’ and doing their thing.

And the soundtrack is largely tracks recycled from Vice Academy 2 and 3…and BELIEVE me…they WILL get their moneys worth out of the ‘soundalike’ synth tracks. SUPER grating and frankly painful at times.

All in all…’Eh.’ Im kind of disheartened in a way that the series has failed to move the dial in any way with me. All the entries i’ve seen up to this point have just kind of been a bit middle of the road and forgettable, and this film. While a marginal improvement over the last one in my opinion, doesnt do nearly enough to make any kind of waves. Another entry that i’ll likely forget within a week of watching, one I cant recommend, and with two entries to go…I just want some ‘flavour’ at this point…for better OR worse.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/vice-academy-part-4/

by tytdreviews

The Wicker Man, 1973 – ★★★★

I had the absolute privilage of watching the ‘Quicker Man’ 18 minute ‘triple bill’ feature cut tonight, and it was everything I hoped for and more. Hilarious honestly. You may not get the songs, bizarreness or performance ‘chops’ in this cut. But you damn well better believe you’ll get the ‘cliff notes’ version of the ‘Wicker Man’ in a bitesize pill. And I have to respect that.

Very well put together, I could see myself catching this one a few more times. Great if you have a quick lunchbreak and fancy watching a movie.

More films need to have an 18 minute cut. Titanic, Carrie, Halloween, Tron…The skies the limit and I wanna be there.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-wicker-man/6/

by tytdreviews

The Wicker Tree, 2011 – ★★

As a long time fan of ‘The Wicker Man’, I’d found it rather odd that its thematic sequel ‘The Wicker Tree’ is often noticeably absent from Wicker discourse within the ‘Wicker’ fandom. In fact, before watching this film I actually reached out to several of my friends who are massive ‘Wicker Man’ fans, and most admitted they hadnt bothered to check it out. And the ones who had didnt really have much good to say about the film other than ‘…Well, its a movie…thats for sure.’

So going into this one, I didnt really have any kind of idea what to expect, other than a lot of people I knew actively deciding up front that it probably wasnt going to be as good as ‘The Wicker man’…so why bother? And y’know what? Sometimes, the status quo is right on the money.

As mentioned this is a thematic sequel to ‘The Wicker Man’…so essentially it deals more in the themes of ‘old gods’ and murderous cults rather than it being a direct continuation of the antics on Summerisle. and while Christopher Lee does get a VERY brief cameo (mild spoilers) noone involved in the production honestly knew or cared enough to decide if Lee was supposed to be playing Lord Summerisle…or just a guy.

The plot in this instance centers around ‘born again’ puritan Christians Beth and Steve. The pair are famous musicians on the Christian circuit and have decided to act as missionaries sharing the good word of the lord to a small Scottish village. On arriving at the village from Dallas Texas. The locals greet them with warmth and friendliness…But it becomes apparent quite quickly that things are all they seem in the village. An accident involving the local power plant has rendered the village completely infertile, with very few children. And the villagers have their eye on Steve to help ‘increase’ the population…Testing both singers vows of celibacy.

And…from that point onwards, this essentially just turns into idle chatter at a village feight, until the last 10 minutes when it all goes a bit traditional cult murderey…and indeed as the credits rolled I too had to concede that; Yes. This was indeed ‘A movie’.

The quick answer to why this film ended up the way it is, is the way most of these movies end up the way they do…Money. Robin Hardy had been trying to sell a Wicker man sequel for years, and eventually managed to get a deal agreed with ‘British Lion’ (the company that funded the original Wicker Man.) Unfortunately; there was a communication breakdown and Hardy thought this was going to be a multi million pound film production…and as such; he produced a script that reflected that budget…Only for British Lion to bring him crashing down to reality that this very much was NOT the case…At which point, the cuts began.

I dont honestly know how much of this movie was torched before production began, but I do know that a LOT of the bigger ideas that DID make it into the final movie, had to be scaled down to a ‘Direct to Tubi’ level consistency. From there, things go from bad to worse.

The script is painfully beige. Watching this actually gave me a greater understanding of the careful ‘Yin/Yang’ balance that the original ‘Wicker Man’ script had. The bones of the work, a carefully crafted drama mystery with horror elements via Anthony Shaffer. Peppered liberally with some eccentricities and finesses from Hardy. The two elements complimented each other creating a simultaneous believable work, with fantastical; but non the less grounded elements.

The Wicker Tree by contrast is all Hardy. And the end result is a plodding and beige feature that borders on cringy in places, with unmemorable, flat and lifeless characters with ‘gimmicks’ to try and push things along. The joy of ‘The Wicker Man’ was that of the unknown and the isolated. We didnt know what Sgt. Howie was walking into as an audience, and the characters of Summerisle keep their cards very close to their chests. only revealing dribs and drabs of key plot, and a LOT of red herrings, until Howie is in such a position that he’s trapped. Fully aware of what he’s tangled himself up into, horrified, and totally unable to escape.

Here? the main characters spell out the entire plot of the movie in the first 30 minutes, and the rest of the film is watching the main characters (who arnt aware) slowly eek into a situation we knew IN FULL over an hour prior to the finale.

The pacings slow and unpleasent. Not in a ‘slow burn’ way…in a ‘we’re killing time’ way. the acts are consistent…but take an age to transistion. Quite honestly? there were moments here where I didnt even recognise an act change because that little happens in the film.

There are moments where I really got a sense of what had been cut from the film. Moments with characters, where it felt like something much more grand must have taken place in the script. But rathat than rework it to make it work better in the context of the budget and time they had for this production. they just…deleted the expensive bit, but left the residues in place. Leading to a very dislocated viewing experience.

Dialogue isnt as memorable or interesting as the original film, the core characters are fairly unremarkable, to the point that our main characters end up feeling like B-tier characters in a movie ABOUT THEM.

I think the fundamental issue with this movie really is that we just…dont get the same sense of helplessness or isolation that the original movie instilled. In that film we followed Howie as a mainlander falling into this world of strange islanders, where nothing quite made sense, until it was too late to understand the danger. Here? we’re chummy with the islanders, we spend more time with the islanders than the main characters. And it means that…rather than us feeling a sense of unease or dread about them. It really does feel like (up until the final 10 minutes) we’re just hanging around with the locals of any village or town in the north of Britain.

Thats not even getting into the fact that NON of the characters are remotely likeable. Howie was not a particularly ‘likeable’ character in the Wicker Man…but we at least could associate and relate to him from the perspective of ‘hes a guy trying to enact the law, and in his own mind, while he may be arrogant about his faith. He isnt ACTIVELY an unlikeable person’. Beth and Steve by contrast come across as grifters, con artists. We dont see enough of their genuine selves to gain any kind of appreciation or likability for them. I personally believe this was Hardys attempt at a bit of lampooning or critiquing of Evangelist culture in America…or that he just…didnt much care for Americans as a cultural movement. I kind of have to take that stance based on how unlikeable he makes every American character in this movie.

Visually the things a bust as well…from a directoral standpoint, I dont have *TOO* many gripes, this is fairly competently shot, but its basic. this is very much ‘Direct to streaming’ fodder with very little in the way of sincere unique creativity. its painting by numbers folk horror. Nothing you wouldnt find in any low to lower medium budget horror film from around this window of time. For any other Low/No budget production, i’d have been kind of ‘Meh’ on that and given it a pass…But with this being a sequel to a film that I widely consider to be one of the best horror films ever made? Its beyond disheartening and quite dissatisfying.

Not helped either by the colour grade. Where we trade 70s vibrant and lush multicolour horror of Green rolling hills, roaring red and orange fires, the blues of the sea and skies and the vibrancy of the budding flowers…for that scourge of 2000’s horror…the desaturated ‘brown grey’ colour grade. everythings washed out, nothing pops, nothing looks interesting, it all blends into a sludge of mediocrity…which only further reinforces the kick to the nads that this film did to me.

The cine is pretty ‘mid’ too…we have very little in the way of interesting composition, and overreliance on weird plug in filters and POV shots and nudity that feel less ‘Steamy erotica’ and more ‘Babestation’ in its execution. I was…dissapointed to say the least. Matched with an edit that felt clunky, poorly planned and executed in a way that left me feeling really kind of depressed.

While the direction and cine are kind of bland, but ultimately passable. Its the combination of the script and performances that really let this film down. The ONLY solid performance in this whole film is Honeysuckle Weeks as ‘Lolly’ one of the cultists essentially playing the ‘Britt Eckland’ role in this movie. Shes good! she seems to have nailed the assignment of not playing things too cartoony, but having a degree of unpredictable eccentricity about her performance. Whenever she was on screen, I did genuinely wonder what direction her performance was going to take. Which I see as a good sign.

Unfortunately; the rest of the cast end up largely flailing. With Brittania Nicol and Henry Garret as Beth and Steve really failing to do anything other than make me wonder if Robin Hardy had ever heard an American accent before. They’re stiff, have very little on screen chemistry and neither of them really convinced me that they believed anything they were saying or doing. Graham McTavish as Lachlan Morris establishes himself as ‘the bad guy’ more or less immediately; and then fails to really do anything that would cement the fact he’s supposed to be the ‘bad guy’ for this movie. Underwhelming, underutilised and lacking any real ‘show stealing’ moments. He’s no Christopher Lee…and while I know they’re big shoes to fill…It didnt really even come close to me.

The rest of the supporting cast range from middling to poor. With a major issue really being that these cast member just dont really seem to understand the tonal balance of how to play a cultist trying to lure someone in. They either play it completely straight, which doesnt work because its missing that feint unhinged element that lets the audience know somethings a bit amiss…Or they play it completly doolally. which again, doesnt work because NOONE would chat to a guy who only talks in riddles, who has a pet raven that attacks people and only listens to records about how its wrong to eat people…If I were in that situation, i’d have been halfway to Yorkshire before sundown.

And; as an aside. Thats ANOTHER problem this film has…it simply CANNOT resist back referencing ‘The Wicker Man’…even though this is really only supposed to be a thematic sequel. Giving the main villains of this film the last name ‘Morrison’, giving Lachlan Morrison Christopher lees tweed jacket to wear for most of the movie. bringing back (more affordable) cast members from the Wicker man for cameo appearences. direct references to Summerisle and music stings are all WAY too prevelent and on the nose. I dont mind one…maybe two passing nods to a previous film. But its SO blatant and on the nose here that its impossible really for me to think anything other than ‘Hey…I should stop watching this sub par attempt at a Wicker Man sequel…and just go WATCH the Wicker Man’…

The final nail in the coffin for this one really is the soundtrack. The original Wicker Man reworked and modernised classic folk songs from history into a mesmorising and beautiful score that still holds strong to this day. The Wicker Tree vaguely tries to do something similar, but with gospal music. and it SUCKS…SO SO bad. most of the reworkings of gospal numbers sound muddy, poorly arranged and flat. they dont add anything to the film, if anything that just make things feel all the more cheaper. The original songs are dire. vaguely religious themed works that dont gel with the language of the singer….and Beths ‘pop’ song from when she was just making it into the industry, really truely had me biting my knuckle for the 3rd party embarrassment. its a stink bomb of a score, a truely awful work in my opinion which…when mixed with all the other elements, really truely acts as the millstone around the neck of this movie.

Had ‘The Wicker Tree’ had zero ties to ‘The Wicker Man’…Had it just been some low – lower medium budget offering from an indie film maker. I’d have probably still disliked it. But I could have been kinder given its attempt at trying to create folk horror with unknowns at the healm.

But this had talented people behind it. Christopher Lee personally campaigned to drag top level cast members into this. And because it tries to shore itself up to the Wicker man SO intently…without really TRYING to match the quality or flare of ‘The Wicker Man’, it makes the fall from grace SO much more dissapointing to me. I knew every single beat of this movie from about 20 minutes in, and I didnt get a single thing wrong. I dont consider that a good sign when watching a film. A rushed, poorly made production that desperately needed cash to put it even remotely into ‘good terratory’. I absolutely cannot recommend this one to anyone. I say this earnestly…You’ll have a MUCH more enjoyable time watching the 2006 Wicker Man remake than this.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-wicker-tree/

by tytdreviews