The Intruder Within (1981)

Im on Vacation! it’s only for a few days mind…but i’ve popped my flippers on, donned my factor 5000 sun tan lotion and Im striding out to enjoy the benefits of the british summertime!

With this in mind Im going to leave you with this stinker of a movie till I return! This was one of the first “Big Box” Tapes I picked up when I first started re-collecting VHS tapes. I saw the cover and just knew it would be a film that I’d need to watch/cover on this show. I was looking for tat. and I absolutely found tat here! it stinks!

It never had a cinema release and this movie basically was shown on US television once or twice before it was dumped onto tape and swiftly forgotten for a couple of decades…I wanted to like this one, I really did…but it’s so drab and such a clear knockoff of the Alien and Predator franchise that I just couldnt get anywhere near liking it as much as I could have.

Still that’s just my opinion…watch this weeks review and let me know what you think! In the meantime im off to fill a coconut with rum and to put my feet up in a shady glade! have a great week guys and gals!

(I can see teeth…and a mound of flesh…I still cant exactly decide where this things eyes are…never a good sign when it comes to a poster…It also looks a bit too close to “The Deadly Spawn”…)

Night of the Demons 3: Demon House (1997)

This film was a pile of poo in my opinion and quite honestly I have very little to say about it. Its a bit of a boring film that never quite gets to where it wants to be and barring one or two interesting lighting and directional choices is pretty much a dead weight…theres a reason they never made a “Night of the Demons 4” and this film illustrates pretty cleanly why. Avoid where possible…Where’s the Tylonol?

(Even the poster for this film is lazy because it’s literally just a reshoot of the last “Night of the demons” poster but flipped with a different coloured backdrop and visual gag…this film doesnt deserve a legitimate write up…lazy.)

You Can Read (The Complete Series) (1988)

I’ve been trying to find the best way to approach talking about “You Can Read!” (The 1988 Orbis Video released Edutainment series) for a long time now. In fact since I first found out the series I’d watched as a kid was called “You Can Read” I’ve always wanted to cover it on this channel. But I wanted to make sure I did it right (Or at least as right as possible given the spotty information thats available online about it) indeed it was literally only a couple of days before I was set to record the audio for this episode that I even found out that 3 years prior it had had a full DVD re-release in Malta.

Theres literally no information about this re-release online barring a Facebook page and a throwaway article buried deep in one of the lesser known tabloid sites. and finding that article was completely by chance. And apart from a handful of people who have commented on the facebook page to say the first 2 volumes were messed up (They’d apparently been authored as CD-Roms rather than DVD’s) it’s almost impossible to find any “Real world” evidence that these DVD’s actually exist at all. Im not denying they exist you understand. it’s just that outside of that facebook page’s own advertisements I havent seen one photograph on instagram, google or social media in itself of a member of the public owning a copy of these movies. Which does rather lead me to believe it may be a scam of some sort…but then…this is too obscure to really be proper scam material…or maybe it’s just obscure enough?…

Either way this series was a major impact on my childhood and adulthood, I was rediculously pleased to grab not only a copy of this on tape…but a copy that I actually owned as a kid and even though it’s only worth a couple of quid tops. it’s my most prized possession in terms of VHS. Probably only just being pipped by my original “Video Nasty” era release of “Tenebrae”

(All the VHS artworks look odd, they have a very basic design but they’re probably the most consistant thing in this series…)

 

As usual whenever I cover something a touch obscure Im usually immediately met with the problem of there just not being a high enough resolution image of the box art for the film im trying to cover. “You Can Read” is no exception. and the handful of covers I’ve been able to find online barely break the 500 pixel region…So here’s a 3k scan of the cover of Volume 3: Me I hope you enjoy the attention to detail.

You Can Read

 

Liquid Sky (1982)

It’s rare that I get to see films like Liquid sky. Movies movies sacrifice plot over absolutely everything in order to deliver a creative, colourful and unique viewing experience. This isnt a film that is trying to balance a good plot with visuals. This film couldn’t care less where its going. It just wants to look good doing it. And in that sense it’s absolutely achieved its goal here.

The films a rare example of a “Nice Video; Shame about the song” movie that’s made it onto my shelf of interesting things. And I’m pretty sure it’s going to be there for a pretty long time. It does have its faults, bit it’s far from a terrible film.

Equally; I’m not sure if I mention this in the review (I wrote this some time around March 2019) but I found out today (19th July 2019) that lead actress Anne Calisle plays both Jimmy and Margret in this film. If I dont mention it in the review then I almost certainly would have as it’s an astounding performance in this case! If I do mention it…then I was a good egg for doing so and its yet further proof of my increasing frailty. Anyway! Enjoy.

(While the original poster is nice…the VS re-release poster is just astounding…if not a tad muted for my taste.)

The American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

So it’s been just over 2 years since I last watched an American Ninja movie (The American Ninja 2: The Confrontation) and I’ve finally taken the plunge and decided to give another one another go. my review probably wont surprise anyone who’s already seen these movies, but to newcomers all I can say is I hope you like this one!

Whenever I  think of the American Ninja series of films I am chronically reminded of my own failings as a critic. I started on 2! Who starts reviewing a series on the 2nd one!? thats a bit like eating the bread and leaving the filling of a sandwhich! Its something Im hoping to correct at some point in future…I mean…technically I’ve reviewed the Bollywood version of the first American Ninja movie With “Commando” (No not that one) So I suppose im not utterly shameful…I dont know…anyway! here’s AN3BH…I hope you enjoy it as much as I did…

 

(Lazy poster…ohhh so lazy…C- Must try harder)

If Looks Could Kill (1986)

I speak at the start of this review about how VHS covers are sometimes misleading and I really believe that this is the case here. I made a mental note when I first saw this tape in amongst the haul to talk about it at the next possible convenience because I really thought I was getting into a Horror/Gialo-esq movie. maybe something like “The New York Ripper” or “Deep Red” but the reality is this film couldnt really be further from these types of movies. Honestly? I dont really know exactly where to put it in terms of genre…Thriller is about the closest I can assign it…but that implies this film has some kind of suspense when in reality I’ve had more suspensful botty coughs.

Considering the director is well known for exploitation and sexploitation cinema I really was expecting more from this movie…as it stands the cover is probably the best thing about this movie.

This was also the last script I wrote and recorded before I took my hiatus and as such is also the last script I wrote in 2018…which is a bit mad really considering we’re now at the tale end of June 2019 and it’s only just coming out. Still it marks the end of that year officially over here. and as such I feel this is a rather special occasion!

 

(That cover really is impressive mind…I just wish they’d made the film as good…)

 

As Usual when it comes to obscure movies that havent been released on DVD or Bluray that equally have awesome covers. I took a look online for 1986’s “If Looks Could Kill” and while I found some variant covers and a couple of foreign releases I couldnt find this specific cover online in anything close to resembling decent resolution. So in order to help do my bit for the preservation of the arts. I present here a 3k scan of my VHS cover for the UK release of “If Looks Could Kill” Enjoy:

If Looks could Kill

One Dark Night (1982)

It feels good to be back in the driving seat…I really cant express that enough. it’s been a long time coming and an even longer time in the planning. This episode was originally written and recorded in November 2018. But while things were going on in my life I just wasnt able to go anywhere near this till things calmed down. I was finally able to get round to actually dealing with this in March 2019 and since then i’ve been able to continue to keep things going! SO! While things might be slightly more irregular…for now! im here!

While I wouldnt say this film was shelf worthy. I would say it’s definately been worth checking out and it’s still one that sits in my collection…a great little B-picture…I just need to find a decent partner for it.

 

(The original film poster was frankly very dissapointing…so for the thumbnail I chose to use a freshly designed poster artwork commissioned by 88 Films… it looks ace!)

Finishing the Complete Fifth Series (2018)

Well… to say this season had been a turbulent one behind the scenes would be a bit of an understatement. effectively as of April 2019 this has been the last full season that I have been able to produce. I have mentioned quite a few times that I’ve had to step back from making reviews at this time due to personal reasons. These are predominenetly down to the health of my Partner who has unfortunately been on a decline since September 2018. As a result of that coupled with an incredibly unfortunate run in which I basically went from November to February jumping from illness to illness it effctively forced my hand in what time I was able to dedicate to actually making these.

Production pretty much completely ground to a halt in the first week of December when I spent the majority of my time either running my partners house or taking her to the hospital and because of this it led to several rushed releases that were exaserbated further by youtubes copyright strike system meaning it could be days before I had the time to actually go and fix things.

I was given a brief reprieve in early March 2019 when my partner seemed to be showing signs of recovery, this lasted for about a week and a half before it all came crashing down again but in that time I was able to have the freedom to actually get back to maintaining my site, clearing up my youtube channel and updating all my links across my social media platforms. it also gave me the time to archive all of my work properly and even start working on some new material.

Now I cant sit here and tell you that Season 6 is going to be imminantly out. The reality is that Im working in dribs and drabs as and when time can allow and it may be the case that only 1 season gets made this year. but as of April  2019 I have recorded 2 new episodes (But havent edited them) I have written 2 new scripts ready to record and ive put plans in place for another 3 reviews and a couple of themed months I’d like to get in to. I dont know when these will make it up to youtube but I just wanted to reassure anyone who cares that things are still being worked on. Though I’ll do another full update on that when im in a better place to be able to talk about timescales.

In the meantime here is season 5! a season I went into with no idea what I was letting myself in for! seriously when I sat doown to write my notes for “Kiss meet the phantom of the park” I couldnt have dreamed that I’d be sat in front of my computer on December 23rd desperately trying to edit together a copy of Jack Frost ready for a next day upload, all the while keeping in touch with various relatives and doctors. I dont tend to work like that nor did I honestly enjoy the experience.

Thats not to say I hate this season. I loved working with Alex Kay on my review of “Stingray“, I loved speaking to the team behind “Witches Night out” and “The Gift of Winter” and this season marks the end of my “Teenage mutant ninja Turtles Quadrilogy ” Something I was very proud to have achieved. It was my biggest season in terms of stepping up my game and it was also the first season to not feature the official “Fourscore 2” theme, a decision I made basically as I wanted to try and move away from relying on Copyrighted material when it was unessicary.

So here’s to season 5! Arguably one of the most stressful seasons (and I sat a degree in film production) I’ve ever produced and I think some of my best work. Please enjoy and  hopefully I’ll have more news for you soon!

(Everyday is the Best day)

 

 

 

 

 

Jack Frost (1997)

Rounding off both Season 5 and 2018; here we have Jack Frost. A film thats been on my radar more or less since it came out due largely to it’s prominence in several Nerdy “Forbidden Planet” esq stores that used to populate the market stalls and highstreets where I lived in the early 2000’s. the Holographic Box art that came with the VHS of this movie was very unusual for the time and because of that I’d always wanted to check it out (Even though I knew deep down that if they had to stress a gimmick like this this hard it probably wouldnt be very good.)

The reality is, this films quite enjoyable. its by no means a regualar watch, nor is it anything groundbreaking. But I can easily see myself watching this again this Christmas and it was good enough that I’d certainly be interested in picking up the sequel.

If you are interested in picking this one up Vinegar Syndrome are the current distributors for it and they’ve done a cracking job with the Bluray version, if you like your “Troma” movies or anything by “Full moon” I think you’d probably quite dig this one.

This review was intended to make it up to youtube on the 24th of December however due to ongoing issues in personal life involving my partner I was unfortunately at the hospital all through the day this was set to go live and I was unable to schedule it in advance due to repeated copyright strikes. As a result I had to re-edit this review on the fly between trips to the hospital to try and get it up before the year out. as a result this one came out on the 31st but does wish people a merry christmas and a happy new year (Well…at least I got the last part right).

 

(Personally…while the original poster was striking and got my attention. I think the new artwork for it (Pictured above) looks much more fitting)

Nick and Noel (1993)

I had a spot of unexpected success last year when I uploaded a review for a christmas film I had found on youtube that was produced in the 90’s called “Dot and Spots Magical Christmas Adventure” at the time I didnt think anything of it. It was a fairly bland if somewhat charming little kids christmas movie and that was about it.

That was until it started getting mad clicks. While we’re hardly talking viral numbers here when I woke up to find that one of my videos rather than normally getting the 10 – 20 views they normally acrew instead got closer to 200 views and growing. Well needless to say I thought I might as well hand in my notice at work and take on the full time youtuber lifestyle.

In researching exactly why that video was more popular than others I discovered that apparently that film was:

A – Astoundingly popular in Italy (Almost a christmas classic out there)

And B – Almost completely unrepresented online barring an itallian dubbed upload.

In short I’d inadvertantly landed myself the perfect storm…it didnt lead to anything. for about 6-7 months that video was my most watched one my channel. But out of an obligation to see if lighting could strike twice I decided to look into other films that the “Dot and Spot” animators had involvment in.

Thus we arrive at Nick and Noel. and…well it’s not as popular as Dot and Spot. nor is it as charming, nor is it as well made…and even Paul williams cant save this one. its a bland one in all honesty. and due to some growing pressures that started happening around about the time that I reviewed this one I honestly dont have too many fond memories about it. It’s just completely generic and forgettable. but Im sure my review will say more than I can here.

(So underwhelming…)