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Month: May 2018
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (1990)
I “Ummed” and “Ahh’d” about doing this one for months. Im really not kidding. This review was originally going to be in my second season but I put it off when I realised the kind of scale I was dealing with in terms of just how broad the “Turtles” fandom actually is. there are comic books, many many cartoon series that are both directly and indirectly linked, TV specials, live action TV series, music videos, reams and reams of merchendise and even obscure stuff like the Ninja turtles anime series.
Because researching for this film basically led me down a massive rabbit hole I decided to put it off till my third season, and with the help of a very dear friend of mine (Who’s also a massive Ninja turtles fan) I slowly but surely pieced together the backstory for how this movie came to be.
As a kid I was into the Ninja turtles, while I did watch the later UK broadcasts on CBBC in the 90’s my strongest memory of watching the turtles came in the form of the VHS series:
(This one specifically)
I watched this tape quite literally to death, while I never quite wore the reels down to nothing I watched it enough that the picture deteriorated to a blurry mess that my machine eventually ate. I loved the animated kids series from this time, from the unbelieveably ultra cool intro sequence (With the “Hero” in tact becase the BBFC were terrified even the mention of the word “Ninja” in a kids show would turn us all into corrupted Rambo-esq murderers) to there affinity with pizza (An affinity I completely understand) through to the surreal and wonderful images of the technodrome and Kang. There was just something so tonally unusual about the series that kept me always coming back for more.
The confession I have here is that I never actually saw the live action movies at the time. I watched the original cartoon series, “The Next mutation” and the 2000’s cartoon series (I have very faded memories of pawing through one of the comic books as well at some point) but until this review I’d never seen the live action movie series. here’s a mild spoiler though for this year; literally yesterday I started editing together my review for TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze and I was quite stunned by just how tonally different these two films are, and just how much darker the first film is when compared to its sequels.
The first ninja turtles movie isĀ amazingly bleak by comparison to the rest of the turtles franchise…and while it isnt quite as dark as the comic books, I’d feel quite confident in saying it’s probably the darkest iteration of the turtles that I’ve seen to date. I dont think I’d have appreciated this movie as a kid, but as an adult I can absolutely appreciate it. it’s a well written, well produced movie in its own right. hell I almost feel bad calling it a kids film.
(Ending aside I really did enjoy this one. now Im craving pizza…)
Alien Species (Alien Terminator) (1995)
This review has (To date) been the biggest pain in the backside to put together out of any of the videos I’ve made before or since. not from an editing standpoint you understand, no that part was easy. What screwed me over with this film is the title. As I mention in the review there are 2 films called “Alien Species” that were released within 12 months of each other. This film is the earliest of the two.
I actually ended up having to bin half a review I wrote for this movie purely because of the date and title confusion. as IMDB and a few other sites on the internet have seemingly confused to two to such a point now that there listings are pretty much melded together with little to no rhyme or reason I’d ended up writing an extended piece describing this film but attributing it to the 1996 cast and crew. Picking apart what was related to this movie and what was related to the 1996 “Alien Species” was an absolute nightmare.
Mercifully once I’d struck a vein with this movie I was able to really get to grips with it and get to the matter at hand. Not that this film particularly needed glowing and in depth coverage. This is not one of Troma’s finest. And I love Troma movies…Sgt Kabukiman, the toxic avenger series, Class of Nuke’em high, Terror Firma. All good stuff…but at the same time theres a terrible side to Troma…the kind of side that gives us movies like this or “Surf Nazi’s must die” or “Rabid Grannies”…Its a real shame but they’re known for casting there nets as wide as possible and im sure they’ve helped a lot of up and comers really cut there teeth when starting out.
I dont have a tremendous amount of nice things to say about Alien Species. I remember it as being a boring slog featuring uninteresting characters that had maybe 1 or 2 memorable scenes but is ultimately just a cheap cash in trying to make some coin from “Species” and the “Alien” franchise. Its acceptably entertaining if there literally nothing left to do or watch. But thats not saying much because I think I’d rather change car tyres all day than watch this movie again any time soon.
(The cover/film poster as well is just awful. not only is it way too generic I have no idea whats actually going on in that cover)
The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom (1993)
This one can be chalked up to another “I didnt know what I was buying, BUT LOOK AT THAT TITLE!!!” style escapade. Theres a goodwillesq Charity shop that I frequent when Im running low on titles to review (I say “Shop” its really more of a thrift wearhouse) It was on route to a local dump and I have to assume at this point that quite a lot of the stuff that ended up in said Charity shop only did so because it was a shorter distance and often less fuss than dealing with the people who ran the dump.
I’d visit them at the end of every month and in amongst maze like arrangements of vomit and food stained sofas, broken kitchen appliences and Childrens toys that looked like they’d been tied to a tree and abandoned for the best part of 40 years I’d find the “DVD section”… I put it in quotes because realistically it was a book case full of DVD’s, pc games and anything else that could fit in a DVD bookcase.
While usually made up of TV series (Believe me if you’ve ever wondered where the biggest collection of “24” and “Midsummer murders” boxsets were held up you need go no further than this place. Nestled in amongst the TV trash and the mainstream titles that time had forgot (14 Copies of “Percy Jackson and the lightning thief” says it wasnt the most popular movie in the world) you’d find the good stuff. Films like “let’s ruin Dads day”, “Santa and the three bears” and the grail for me? “Hollywood DVD” releases and “DVD multipack” sets. The former a cheapo label that mainly deals with knock off copycat movies or the kinds of low budget affairs from the 80’s and 90’s that would make a prisoner on death row beg for the end. And the latter 9 times out of 10 being bundled in groups of 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 50 and very very rarely 100 and paired with a DVD player during the early days of the formats release.
Sadly, in both of these labels cases they’re sadly on the way out. improper storage, mass binnings and the general idea that these are worthless discs has rendered large swathes of them either scratched beyond repair or succumb to the deadly sickness that is “Discrot” (Basically when DVD’s were first being manufactured they used a plastic coating on the “read” side to protect the discs from damage not realising that that same plastic coating degrades when damaged and slowly turns into an acid that eats the disc.
Due to there prevelence you’ll always find these discs knocking around at CEX or in charity shops though I highly reccommend you check the silver side before you buy. They were manufactured cheap and sold cheaper with the understanding they were there to showcase how crisp DVD could look on a budget.
I dont visit that Charity emporium very often these days…I think there was a change in management a short while ago as I went on 3 seperate occasions over a 6 month period and all of the “Good stuff” was gone…replaced with actual proper mainstream titles that were legitimately good, there were even blurays thrown into the mix! and while I dont exactly need to find any more films to fill in my collection (I literally have stacks and boxes of tapes/dvds in my room right now). I cant help but feel a bit sad that a ritual that I did for years has been taken out of my hands…I’d clear them out of all the films they didnt want because noone in the general public would ever dream of buying “Cyborg 3” well…not unless they were genuinely mad.
This was one of the films I picked up in my final proper haul from that place and while I dont have anything to add that my review doesnt cover here…just bear in mind that when I pulled this out of a festering stack of “Little britain” DVD’s, just for a split second, I’d found my “Good stuff” for the day…and it made the trawling all worth while.
(Im a sucker for a southern accent)
Split (1989)
Now I may not be 100% accurate on this one but I believe this was my first ever “Requested” review. And Joel (The absolute diamond who suggested this film to me) chose an absolute stomper of a film right here. Its absolutely astounding and the mental images that this film paints have stayed with me as clear and vividly many months after I watched this film as they did the first time I saw it.
This was the only film that Chris Shaw ever made and he was pretty involved in it as far as I can tell acting as 3 of the critical roles that a film needs to get made (Writer, Director and editor) but thats really just scratching the surface. Chris is this film to much of an extent there are very few elements outside of the other casts performances that dont have his fingerprints on them to some degree.
But thats a good thing here! This is a very clear and strong vision of how arthouse and experimental cinema can challenge audience expectations and be cerebral at the same time. This is a challenging watch, but in a good way. I came away from this film really wishing Shaw and his crew had made more movies as I’d love to see them develop and further expand there ideas using this film as a launching pad…even if it were a multi media endeavour.
Not much has changed for me in terms of my feelings towards split. The review took a very long time to put together because I wanted to ensure that the wording for it was just right. this is one of the only reviews I’ve written thats exceeded 3 drafts, purely because trying to explain my interpretation of Split vocally was a surprisingly challenging thing to do.
I would heavily suggest you watch this film with as little forewarning as possible because if you go into this film with pre-set expectations your judgement may get a little clouded by just how strange this film can be at times. So please. This is one of the few times I’ll actively tell you not to watch this video if you havent seen the movie first.
Also; I really feel the need to say that Chris Shaw is simply a very lovely man, and my experience of talking to him (While limited) was a real treat. Both him and his brother are wonderful conversationalists and it was a pleasure to have the opportunity to ask them about split. This review has definately been a highlight for me of producing these videos. and had I not recieved the suggestion i’d probably have never found it.
(…I usually write a comment here about the film but what do you say about this thing…”Undescribable” is all I have really…)
Split was due out on Bluray in March of this year but due to some delays it has now been pushed back to an undisclosed time. However it will be released eventually by Verboden Video and I for one will have my preorder well in place because it looks to be astoundingly good!
If you are interested in owning “Split” please show Verboden some support by following them at the link below and possibly considering picking up some of there titles as they seem like a great bunch of lads too!:
Kill Keith (2011)
Life can be a funny thing sometimes. Im not really one who believes in fate. But even I’ll conceed that its too coincidental that “Sods law” happens as often as it does. For those unfamiliar with this film or Keith Chegwin specifically the the short story is that he was a childrens entertainer on UK television in the mid 70’s to the mid 80’s who sadly died in 2017 at the age of 60.
Why do I bring his death up in talking about this film? Well because 2 months earlier I’d sat down to watch “Kill Keith” for the first time. And I did not care for it…I didnt care for it at all. Keiths pretty much fine in this film…He actually has quite a good acting presence about him and shows a really good range. It’s literally almost everything else about this film thats dire. naturally I wrote my honest opinions on the film, edited it and stored it away ready for upload (At the time) in Late November/Early January…However scheduling conflicts meant I had to rearrange a few episodes so Kill Keith got jostled out of season 2 and into season 3…and then Keith Chegwin Dies and my review of this bad film is due up pretty much a week after his funeral.
That made things feel a bit difficult for me. in fact at one point I was legitimately considering just holding onto the review and releasing it later down the line. But ultimately I decided that whether this sad incident had happened or not I dont really have anything bad to say about Keith Chegwins performance in this movie…I really dont. So I decided to upload it anyway…
While it is hardly the most successful review on my channel It has been the talking point for a few people. I’ve had at least 3 people privately message me just to ask firstly if “Kill Keith” is a real movie and secondly from people who’ve usually seen the film who want to talk about it because they cant believe someone thought this was a good idea either. So in many respects I kind of have to hand it to the makers of this film…it may not be the best movie in the world but you have united people with a common ground feeling of total bewilderment.
As a closing anecdote I’d also like to say that after watching this film for the first time I posted my thoughts on facebook in a veild way (I said something like “I’ve just sat through the worst film I’ve seen in a long time! EEEESH!”) a few minutes later a friend of mine left a comment saying “I thought you liked bad movies?” I said I did like them but that “Kill Keith” was just insufferable and I went through each section of the film making process and why it was no good…there was a very long pause and my friend responded “…My best mate worked as a camera operator and an extra on that film…” … The Pain was real ladies and gents…the conversation ended very shortly thereafter.
(Also full credit to Stephen Chance! a very underrated actor who does a cracking job in this movie.)
Terror in Beverly Hills (1989)
I cannot begin to explain my frustration with this film. both in sourcing it and in reviewing it the entire thing just left me on the border of wanting to tear my hair out. Theres still no easy way to get a hold of this movie. It took me the best part of 2 days of backroom skullduggery to find a copy that wasnt utterly destroyed by youtubes compression systems.
Since I recorded this review I also attempted a further 2 more times to get a copy of this film once more on DVD (And guess what I ended up with…) and a final time on VHS tape, which I was feeling pretty confident about until the deal fell through at the last minute and the seller pulled out and dissapeared.
I think I’ve pretty much decided that i’ll never actually get my hands on this movie in a legitimate form…well barring a Bluray release…like that’ll ever happen!!. Though in all fairness the movie just isnt that good to begin with. its a 50/50 split of unbelieveably amazing campy bad movie action cheese and just really dull and boring non plot…
Only damaging it further is the sound fault throughout which is only using one channel of a stereo recording…it means quite often sound effects, room tone and peoples voices will just dissapear from the movie all together…again; I have no idea whether this is how its always been or whether the limited resources that this film has means that the only version available online is a broken version.
This is probably the closest i’ve come so far to having a journey while reviewing a movie…it shouldnt be this difficult to get a hold of a film thats been available at least twice on DVD and has been released in multiple countries on VHS…it just shouldnt. and yet here I am in a situation where seemingly the film might as well not exist for how easy it is to get a hold of it.
Its not an irrideamable movie. it has some really good moments and some very strange film work…it’s just not worth the effort to go and seek it out…you could either watch my review or “Red letter medias” coverage of this film and you’ll have pretty much seen everything worth seeing in this film.
TYTD Reviews 