Another Day, another latter day offering from ‘Full Moon’ that has the germ of an actually pretty decent idea at its core myred down by the usual issues of underfunding, cost cutting on things that shouldnt really be cost cut on and a fundamental failure to understand the potential behind the pitch leading to a sloppy production that at BEST has a couple of decent moments peppered throughout.

What this film pitches – After several hundred years of not really interfering in human ‘ways’ a group of mythical Celtish beings decide to visit earth for some fun, with a loose mission to locate and put an end to an evil force. They arrive in the midst of a beauty contest where the winner will be a signed spokesperson for a luxury product. Inevitably the girls insecurities cause friction and backstabbing and when these mischevious demigods arrive on the scene and start claiming souls…Well…noones safe.

What this film delivers – 70 minutes of women being increasingly catty with each other occasionally punctuated by THE shallowest attempt at heartstring tugging i’ve ever seen (REPEATEDLY) while 3-4 actors in VERY poor makeup with AWFUL Irish accents try to force their way into the movies plot (unsuccessfully) by randomly killing some of the girls for little to no reason. With the last 15 or so minutes actually bothering to approach something of a coherent tied up narrative.

The scripts not the worst i’ve ever seen, but its BEYOND repetative, is bland, lacks any kind of distinction or character. Its badly structured with an opening and closing act that lasts about 5-10 minutes a piece and a 2nd act that eats up the rest as it sets up the scenario then idles for 50 minutes.

it’s tonally all over the place as we cut from totally random scene to scene with no real solid structure in place, it has a VERY underwhelming ending, and it fails really to set any kind of high stakes for us to get invested in. Dont get me wrong; it DOES put stakes on the table. But we dont learn what those actually are till about 15-20 minutes off the end. So for the bulk of the film, it really does just feel like a chugger.

The characters are largely interchangable, play on stereotypes, are 2d, very artificial (basically they become whatever the scriptwriter wants them to become on a moments notice) with no real bite or charm to edeare you to them. The villains of the piece (or rather the neutral parties of this piece) are the aforementioned Celtic creatures. and they’re equally as bland and uninteresting as the main cast. Our main monster, a Leprachaun gets arguably the most rounded out character, but theres nothing really to bump him above any of the other cast really and he could best be described as ‘Normal man with a magic stick’, the other monsters LITERALLY are one note. Theres one that grunts and is horny, theres one that grunts and screams, and theres one who says totally basic lines that do nothing for the production.

The directions not the worst i’ve ever seen, it meets the barest of ‘pass’ rates in terms of how it looks and in terms of style, but it’s again a VERY bland affair. This period of ‘Full Moons’ in house work was VERY cookie cutter in style, they managed to create a look that is simultaineously acceptable technically, while vaccuous to the point of near contempt.

In business, its the ultimate goal of corporations to find that sweet spot where they can sell you things with horrible technicalities and flaws, but they’re tolerated by the consumer because ‘it’s not THAT bad’. Thats what ‘Full Moon’ perfected in this era of their productions. Films that absolutely arnt GOOD. but they’re not SO bad that NOONE wants them.

Its a bland film on that front, kind of dead behind the eyes, only really existing to put Bands name on another movie and get more products into the ‘Full Moon’ storefront.

Direction of the casts a mixed bag too, Im not sure if there just wasnt a clear communication line between the director and the cast, but theres a LOT of scenes of people just standing in rooms, not moving or interacting with anything in the set, shot as a mid close up two shot. the deliveries are kind of on the dry side, dryer than i’d have expected for ‘Full Moon’ (And THAT’S saying something.) It just…feels like a movie with no soul. I mean, yeh…they’re saying their lines and yeh, they do move a *little* bit in the set. But theres nothing here that helps draw distinction, nothing that communicates to me that these are people REALLY experiencing these events. It just screams ‘Paycheck gig’ in all the worst ways.

Same goes for the cine, it’s not BAD…but it aint great. Shots are reasonably composed, the edits a little looser than i’d have liked, but its better than it could have been, they use colour acceptably to help create tone and vibe and sequences, if anything, are a little OVER heavy on B-roll…which is a novel complaint from someone used to people having NO B-roll.

Thats not to mention the practical effects which are just REDICULOUS. The image on the poster of our Leprachaun villain looking like he’s been possessed by Pzuzu? He literally never looks like that in this whole film. Throughout, he looks like a man dressed in a $20 rental costume from Party City with a clearly fake beard and wig, and jam smeared all over his face (im not kidding, it looks like raspberry jam.)

All the other creatures are either a mix of puppets, or not particularly great looking latex masks, theres a minor bit of CG work with one of the creatures to make his eye look like its moving…but it doesnt work as an effect and only makes the mask look cheaper.

Most of the visual effects are basic filters from the editing package and they REALLY seem to like the ‘Warp’ and ‘Bubble’ effects in that package because they use them a lot here…

Performance wise, The cast feel flat, uninterested actresses halfhearting their way through lines they arnt really interested in, with only a couple of times (where they were clearly having a good day) where they get to showcase some actual interest and volition. otherwise. they’re dry as tindersticks and the whole thing feels like it could tip into just straight out porn at any minute.

And the soundtrack? Richard Band…Again. doing the same Richard Band Score he’s been doing for 20+ years at this point in time. You’ve heard one of them, you’ve heard his whole catalogue. Dull, stocky, not my vibe.

All in all? this is ‘oatmeal’ of ‘Full Moon’ movies. a bland and somewhat flavourless sludge of…matter, that had the potential to actually be kind of fun or interesting. But instead went all in on nudity and aimlessly wandering about not really achieving much. Not my thing, I probably wont watch it again.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/unlucky-charms/