Before tonight, I hadnt seen ‘Attack of the Clones’ since…probably sometime in the late 2000’s and honestly, my memory of watching it way back then was so misty and vague, that other than a handful of scenes. I couldnt remember it clearly enough to even really recall much of what happened…Now having rewatched it, I realise thats a feature…not a bug.

I was under the impression that the Star Wars Prequels got better as time went on. But ‘Attack of the Clones’ somehow manages to the near impossible feat of being simultaineously PAINFULLY over long and boring AND overly busy and irritating.

10 years have passed since the first film and Aniken and Obi-Wan are sent to investigate an assassination attempt on Senator Amidala. causing the film to split into two plot lines as Anakin is partnered up with Padme as a bodyguard (they inevitably have THE dryest hot romance i’ve ever seen committed film…), While Obi-Wan is set the task of tailing an assassin by the name of Jango Fett who’s working for a mysterious and sith-infused ‘Count Dookoo’ basically a renegade Jedi who’s working for powerful masters.

And…Seemingly the reaction to ‘Phantom Menace’ was SO strong that they felt there was almost no choice but to completely rework the remaining parts of this trilogy…and its just awful. The lighter moments working against the more serious action adventure, are here replaced with awkward and cringey sequences that play against VERY dry and serious moments creating and unpleasent an horribly dated tone.

The dialogues painful in places, with one liners to make your skin crawl and dramatic scenes that could spoil milk. The pacing is dire, theres now even more CG sequences and even busier scenes than the first film CONSTANTLY being bombarded at your eyes creating and unpleasent to sit through collage of awfulness.

Honestly, I feel like they ‘over serioused’ this Star Wars movie and forced the humour into select and awkward pockets. Its just a terrible viewing experience pretty much entirely throughout. I didnt feel a single moment of joy or wonder in this thing. just the cold gentle buzzing of a computer rendering in the next scene.

The directions atrocious. George here is literally just throwing everything he can at the screen with no rhyme or reason, theres no clear creative vision and everything is either bathed in Orange or dark blue…and nothing else. Its a flat, lifeless vision of a picture that…If it wasnt for the fact I genuinely couldnt remember what happened in this movie…Would have had me switching off by the half hour mark.

He somehow managed to make a war between a clone army, a droid army and a load of rampant killer insects look dull…HOW do you even accomplish that!?

Direction of the casts just…awful. Hayden Christiansen seems to get the absolute worst of it. In my last review of ‘Episode 1’ I lamented that I felt Anakin as a character would have been better suited to being a quiet, more insular type who slowly comes out of his shell in the worst way possible. But instead they chose to make him a boistrous and outspoken character, which I felt worked against the stories drive.

Here? They lean EVEN HARDER in to that, establishing that Anakin is now hanging on to even BEING a Jedi by a thread because he doesnt like the rigidity of the Jedi order. he’s now even louder, unpleasent and arrogant. But he’s being directed to play the performance almost numb in tone. Which creates SUCH a weird and awkward performance. When I say Lucas’s direction of the cast in this film makes Tommy Weisaus ‘The Room’ feel like it has PULSE. You KNOW somethings gone very VERY wrong.

As an aside as well, I feel like its kind of important if your writing a film featuring a complex protagonist who’s battling the urge to just be evil…that it may be in the audiences interest to…y’know..ACTUALLY give him some contrast to work with, rather than just starting him off as neutral annoying and then working him up to Evil/Annoying…it makes it SO much more enjoyable for the viewer if we ARNT trapped in a 2 hour 23 minute ‘fart in a phonebooth’ scenario.

The Cine is compromised by an overreliance on CG and special effects, the editing is blinding, overly busy and confusing. The casting isnt terrible…but its REALLY not great either. Christopher Lee is probably the most enjoyable part of this, and he’s basically playing Space ‘Dracula’…Im sure he got at least a couple really nice driveways installed for being in this one.

The soundtrack? its star wars.

I braced when I watched ‘Episode 1’ thinking that it was going to be the worst part of this trilogy. If only i’d known that the TRUE horrors of this era lay further on in the franchise, i’d have probably had a couple beers before hand.

Literally the only good part of this film is the final 10 minutes with Dookoo…other than that this was an absolute SLOG to get through, and im glad im logging this film on Letterboxd, because I use these reviews really more as a note to myself, if ever I get the notion to go and rewatch these films…Well to future me (and to you dear reader) I say this. DONT watch ‘Episode 2’ it’s truely dire.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/star-wars-episode-ii-attack-of-the-clones/