Category: Action movies

Armed Response (1986)

Well this one went on a bit of a journey to arrive at it’s upload day today if Im being honest. I never really went into the full details of how I ended up with “Armed Response” in my possession. So! dear reader. It’s not much of a tale to tell but here it is.

about 4 months ago my partner messaged me to say that she’d seen a few VHS tapes in a box going on Facebook marketplace for about £5 and that she’d messaged the seller for me to ask if they were still available and suggested I go and check out the listing to see if it was worth pursuing. I jumped on Facebook and there was indeed a box of tapes going for about a fiver and the top of the box had Terminator 1 and 2 in a special presentation tin…I thought to myself “Well…for a fiver it’s worth checking it out just for the terminator tapes” so I waited a day or two and didnt hear anything back from the seller on my partners end so I decided to send a message…the guy responded in 10 minutes. First asking if I was serious and then telling me I could come and get them as soon as possible.

Overlooking the blatant sexism that had occured (My partner was Pissed let me tell you!) I waited till the nearest weekend and then with my sister we hopped to the next town over and found a small bungalow devoid of anything apart from a few dust sheets, an arth and fireplace, and what I can only describe as a trunk full of VHS tapes, with another medium sized box on top of that. It was rediculous. I actually had to ask the geezer selling these if he was genuinely getting rid of them for £5…when he said yes I practically bit his arm off and both me, the seller and my sister hobbled the short distance out of the bungalow into the back of my car.

I had absolutely no idea what I was letting myself in for with this haul. as can be seen here in this live stream where I literally spent about 90 minutes just unboxing the “Trunk” sized box.

Armed response was one of the highlights of that stream, purely because the cover itself is just so weirdly surreal. I literally had no idea what was on this tape but this cover and the fact it had Lee van cleef and David Carradine in it pretty much guarenteed that I needed to get round to this one as soon as possible.

How was it? Well I’ll let the review do the talking:

(I love everything about this cover…the colours, the weird disembodied floating blue and orange head, Carradine with half his face cut off…even subtle things like the vietnam choppers…this is a true masterpiece of VHS coverart.)

 

ALSO! Once again im coming to the rescue here! trying to find a clean and hi res version of this artwork online is bloody impossible! seriously theres maybe 1 or 2 examples of it and non of them break 500 pixels…SO! Much like the cover for “Let’s ruin Dad’s Day” Here is a super Hi-res scan of the Armed Response VHS cover (For the UK release) in all it’s heavenly glory.

 

Armed Response - Fixed

by tytdreviews

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Okay so this morning I woke up to find that today’s episode (much like last week’s episode) has been blocked worldwide…this is a problem…I’m deciding whether or not to do a blog or a video about this because it may end up becoming a real issue for my channel if this keeps happening…in the mean time I’ve removed the video from this post and once it’s fixed and reuploaded I’ll relink it here…needless to say I’m livid…more to follow…

So! Its been a good few months since my “TMNT: The movie” review and I couldnt in good faith leave you guys with just that movie alone! So here’s the sequel! In all honesty I never saw this movie growing up. and in many ways I think it was probably for the better…I dont have that level of personal nostalgia over the live action films; that level of investment in them that may make me a bit bias towards how good or bad they were…had this been the 80’s cartoon series I may be telling you a different story right now, but the reality is that I always try to approach any film I review with an open mind. I leave any baggage at the door where I can and I try and talk about the film in a way that both gives you my opinion on it while at the same time being objective enough that you can get a feel for the tone yourself.

I’ll be honest, I wasnt the biggest fan of this film (Though the review will tell you more) but I do have to aknowlege that theres good stuff in here. I dont think any film is absolutely irrideamable…well “Almost” any film…but I have a soft spot for the turtles and I like the iterations of it that I like more often than not for the writing and tone. the turtles have gone for every major audience demographic going since there inception in the 80’s so theres something really for everyone out there if you look hard enough (Yes I know theres ninja turtle porno’s…no I wont be talking about them…this year…)

But I digress! for now! here’s Ninja Turtles

(The poster for this one isnt as good as the first turtles movie poster…I mean…it’s not bad…but I think the other one did it better…)
by tytdreviews

She (1984)

Well, We’ve hit another recommended episode this week and this one was brought to my attention by Raymond; A man who’s been doing this a hell of a lot longer than I have who’s genuinely been one of the most welcoming guys I’ve met on youtube. his channel really doesnt get a whole lot of love but he deserves to do better than he does. He really does.

I feel like I’ve warmed to “She” a bit more since watching/writing the review for this one…it’s not that I think it’s any better with the distance of time behind it but rather I think i’ve warmed to it’s style a bit more and what it’s aiming to do. I still pretty much stand by what I say in my video review, I just think some of those positive points shine a little bit brighter in hindsight.

Im hoping to work on a collaboration with Raymond sometime soon and he’s been very supportive in helping make it so. So you may not have seen the last of him on my channel just yet.

(I still say the Universal Monsters are the better elements of this film)
by tytdreviews

Tunnel Vision (1995)

Im going to be honest here, in hindsight I was very dissapointed with Tunnel Vision. I’d reviewed 1 or 2 Hollywood DVD releases in the past (Like Cyborg Cop 2 and The Bogey man) but this was the moment that I fully realised that Hollywood DVD was not to be trusted. I assume these were the kind of fodder you’d find in service stations or poundlands. They’re the cheapest of the cheap movies, given a slightly glossy box art and shoved out the door at a discount.

Its a clever tactic and there are hundreds of titles to choose from. The problem is all of these films range from “They’re okay” to “My eyes the goggles they do nothing!” Tunnel vision lands in the latter of this catagory and the sheer cynicism on display in putting the Lovely Patsy Kensit (Who’s genuinely lovely) on the box in an attempt to make it look like she’s going to be a major leading force in this (When in reality she plays the sidekick…and even then she doesnt really come into her own till the final act) is pure bull in my opinion. It totally soured my experience of this film (Which could have been probably quite reasonable had they just been honest with me and ran with the main male cop on the front of the box) I cant even really say this was a “HollywoodDVD” thing because the original film poster for this film (Which looks awful) also had Kensit front and center in some vein attempt to make it look like she’s the hero/star.

This isnt the absolute pits. but in all honesty I’ve seen much better. Though based on some of the reviews I have coming up I’ve also seen much much worse from HollywoodDVD.

(Theres something oddly satsfying about this poster…the UK DVD box art is atrocious…)
by tytdreviews

Balance of Power (Hidden Tiger) (1996)

Balance of power was a bit of an unexpected hit for me in all honesty. I really wasnt expecting much in the way of this being any good (In fact I was quite frankly dragging my heels about reviewing this one because I really wasnt in the mood to review a generic martial arts movie) and yet Billy Blanks surpassed my expectations with this very overly macho but somehow slightly self aware martial arts action movie.

There was a turning point for me with this one. At first I thought my fears were all but confirmed as the film opened with a slouch into a generic “Bad guy” style affair, however by the time of the 2nd act training montage it was like a switch had been hit on this film and it very quickly upped the pace and quality of the production with a sweeping 2nd and 3rd act that were really quite enjoyable to sit through.

I’d struggle to say that this one was an out and out classic. Its still quite a generic affair. But I distinctly remember at the time coming away surprised that it wasnt absolutely awful (Not that thats a glowing endorsement exactly, saying somethings “Not awful” is completely different from saying “Is bloody amazing”

It does what it does rather well. Since this review I’ve managed to get my hands on quite a few of Billy Blanks films (Which will slowly be covered as I *Hopefully* go on) but the immediate thought thats struck me with his works is that it would be really helpful and general beneficial to everyone if they assembled some kind of “Best of Blanks” thin boxset…maybe 2-3 discs with 2 movies per disc on them. nothing fancy just something that collects some of his movies in a thin set so that people dont have to try and find them in dribs and drabs. I think he’d probably build up quite a cult following internationally if they were to do something like that.

In the US Im told both Blanks and his son are quite well known and run a line of fitness programmes. In the UK I dont think they’re quite that well known but im sure if your into your martial arts films that you’ll probably be aware of him…as for me? Well I’ve seen a few of his films but im always open to seeing more…

 

(I should also probably add that this film is off the scale in terms of being ludicrously cheesy)
by tytdreviews

Terror in Beverly Hills (1989)

I cannot begin to explain my frustration with this film. both in sourcing it and in reviewing it the entire thing just left me on the border of wanting to tear my hair out. Theres still no easy way to get a hold of this movie. It took me the best part of 2 days of backroom skullduggery to find a copy that wasnt utterly destroyed by youtubes compression systems.

Since I recorded this review I also attempted a further 2 more times to get a copy of this film once more on DVD (And guess what I ended up with…) and a final time on VHS tape, which I was feeling pretty confident about until the deal fell through at the last minute and the seller pulled out and dissapeared.

I think I’ve pretty much decided that i’ll never actually get my hands on this movie in a legitimate form…well barring a Bluray release…like that’ll ever happen!!. Though in all fairness the movie just isnt that good to begin with. its a 50/50 split of unbelieveably amazing campy bad movie action cheese and just really dull and boring non plot…

Only damaging it further is the sound fault throughout which is only using one channel of a stereo recording…it means quite often sound effects, room tone and peoples voices will just dissapear from the movie all together…again; I have no idea whether this is how its always been or whether the limited resources that this film has means that the only version available online is a broken version.

This is probably the closest i’ve come so far to having a journey while reviewing a movie…it shouldnt be this difficult to get a hold of a film thats been available at least twice on DVD and has been released in multiple countries on VHS…it just shouldnt. and yet here I am in a situation where seemingly the film might as well not exist for how easy it is to get a hold of it.

Its not an irrideamable movie. it has some really good moments and some very strange film work…it’s just not worth the effort to go and seek it out…you could either watch my review or “Red letter medias” coverage of this film and you’ll have pretty much seen everything worth seeing in this film.

(I dont know one person who doesnt immediately fall in love with Cameron mitchell and the police woman who cant type in this film. they’re mesmorizing)
by tytdreviews

Cyborg Cop (1993)

From the worst movie I’ve ever seen to frankly one of the most unmemorable films I’ve ever seen. In all honesty I can only recall three things about this movie:

*John Rhys-Davies camping it up to an astounding degree

*A scene featuring a “Terminator” knock off slowly destroying a car and then a person

and David Bradley getting involved in a high speed car chase.

Other than that and some very fleeting memories of an opening combat battle which has a man fully on fire I literally couldnt tell you one thing about this film. In fact arguably had I not reviewed this film I may have forgotten that i’d watched it all together.

…

…

Okay so I’ve just rewatched my review of it to see if it jiggled anything out of my memories. It did nothing…I seem to have enjoyed it more than I remember at the time of writing so I may well be misremembering how I felt. But I can only honestly tell you how I feel about it now. And how I feel about it now is that I dont have a strong opinion about it either way it’s a “Grey zone” movie in my mind. I mentioned in the review that I think it could work well as a B-movie or as part of a double or triple feature. And I actually think this is probably the best way to describe this film. Its by no means an “Essential watch” but if your using it to subsidise another film (Like say “Terminator woman” or “Robocop”) then I think it could work really well…I’ll probably do the sequels to this at some point in the future…If I can remember to…

(You wont believe how hard it was to source a film poster of this movie for this review…I ended up using the VHS cover because it was the only “Medium” sized image I could find”)
by tytdreviews

Alien Intruder (1993)

When I think of  “Direct to DVD” tat “Alien Intruder” is normally one of the films that springs to mind. I have a tremendously vague recollection of my grandparents buying a DVD player in the early 2000’s that came with 3-4 “Multi-film” DVD packs and Alien Intruder was one of the films included in that set…and while I didnt watch it then. watching it in 2017 for a review on this channel was certainly an experience…

Dont get me wrong I like my tat as much as the next man…but “Alien Intruder” was a bit of a different beast…it trancends bad movies and really becomes something all together a bit more special. The acting throughout is terrible, and the plots dire. but theres something about this film that’ll keep me coming back to it every few years. and no. its not the 2-3 nude scenes in the film (Though Billy Dee Williams having a moderate breakdown towards the end of this film is a defiante plus)

Honestly? this film has its moments but its hardly a cult classic in the making. My memories of this film extend as far as a few beach scenes, a guy being set on fire and a weird punch up set in the 1950’s. Scoggins is literally the best part of this film but her characterisation seems a bit all over the place truthfully…not the best bad movie I’ve ever spoken about but it may be one for you.

(“In space…noone can here you have a VR experience with boobies.” – This movie (2017) )
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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

American Ninja 2 (Often released with the subtitle “The Confrontation”) was a sequal to the original American ninja movie which came out in 1985. This is one of the few times I’ve spoken about a films sequel before I’ve delt with the original and there are a few reasons for that that were fairly tedious but basically boiled down to “When I started this channel I was only going to talk about Janky B-movies and experimental/erotic films” and the first American ninja movie is actually pretty good. its a bit slow in places but its fun enough…this film was a bit more unusual and weird and I thought at the time it would fit my channels tone a bit better. It may have also been down to the fact that i’d watched the first one only a week or 2 before I decided to start my channel in the first place and I really didnt feel up to rewatching a film like this so soon after i’d watched it for the first time. This was also the first episode I recorded for the second ever group of episodes I made 🙂

(I’ll be honest; im a sucker for a ninja film that features genetically modified super ninjas)

EDIT [22/01/21]:

So At some point around 18 months ago, for reasons youtube cant fully explain to me, a glitch happened on my youtube channel scrubbing approximately 8 minutes of footage from the Above American Ninja review. I worked with them over a couple of days to try and retrieve it. But as far as they were concerned it has sadly been lost. So! I decided to try and put this right. In part because I plan to cover more American Ninja films on my channel in future, and in part because I actually kind of like this review. Im not massively fond of my early work (As most youtubers will atest after a certain period your ‘early works’ come with a healthy dose of cringe at what you could have done better/differently.

So I decided to rebuild the review! I luckily keep the original isolated vocals of every review I make and, while doing some frame matching for the review itself I sourced better quality copies of the footage, I worked on the layout, processed the audio and generally tidied the whole thing up to make it look and feel a lot more in line with my current reviews. I wouldnt say it was a ground up remake. more that this is a 2.5D reimagining of a 2D review. it’s just a bit more polished. AND it brings the review back from near obscurity! So I hope you enjoy this; it didnt take a particularly long time to put together, but I felt it needed doing! 🙂

by tytdreviews