Category: Kids Movies

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Okay so this morning I woke up to find that today’s episode (much like last week’s episode) has been blocked worldwide…this is a problem…I’m deciding whether or not to do a blog or a video about this because it may end up becoming a real issue for my channel if this keeps happening…in the mean time I’ve removed the video from this post and once it’s fixed and reuploaded I’ll relink it here…needless to say I’m livid…more to follow…

So! Its been a good few months since my “TMNT: The movie” review and I couldnt in good faith leave you guys with just that movie alone! So here’s the sequel! In all honesty I never saw this movie growing up. and in many ways I think it was probably for the better…I dont have that level of personal nostalgia over the live action films; that level of investment in them that may make me a bit bias towards how good or bad they were…had this been the 80’s cartoon series I may be telling you a different story right now, but the reality is that I always try to approach any film I review with an open mind. I leave any baggage at the door where I can and I try and talk about the film in a way that both gives you my opinion on it while at the same time being objective enough that you can get a feel for the tone yourself.

I’ll be honest, I wasnt the biggest fan of this film (Though the review will tell you more) but I do have to aknowlege that theres good stuff in here. I dont think any film is absolutely irrideamable…well “Almost” any film…but I have a soft spot for the turtles and I like the iterations of it that I like more often than not for the writing and tone. the turtles have gone for every major audience demographic going since there inception in the 80’s so theres something really for everyone out there if you look hard enough (Yes I know theres ninja turtle porno’s…no I wont be talking about them…this year…)

But I digress! for now! here’s Ninja Turtles

(The poster for this one isnt as good as the first turtles movie poster…I mean…it’s not bad…but I think the other one did it better…)
by tytdreviews

Horse Crazy! (2001)

What is it with kids films and them being absolutely goddamn awful!? When I first started reviewing films on a weekly basis I would have never have guessed that some of the worst films I would encounter would be aimed at young children, and yet less than 12 months into doing it I’ve stumbled on 2 kids movies that I think are some of the absolute worst I’ve ever sat through.

The problem with this film is its way to sanitized and when it does try to be rebellious, it does so in a way that much like “Lets ruin dads day” could be seen as actually doing more harm to the child than good.

I also tremendously dislike the fact that “Stoney” in this film is kind of forced into the cowboy role even when he opens his heart out to our two leading child actors. Whether by the end of the movie Stoney just feels more comfortable in the role of the cowboy or whether he’s simply relapsed into his “Persona” to keep his friends on side is debateble but yeh, overall this is a cheap and nasty bordering on creepy little kids film and im kind of glad it doesnt have a particularly large audience.

There is a Sequel “Horse Crazy too!” and I promise you now, its a matter of when, not if for when I’ll get round to this one. Because I cant quite believe this film got made. Letalone that someone actively thought that there was enough to go on to produce a sequel. But I will endure because I knew what I was signing up for when I started this. I hope your all grateful.

 

(You honestly wouldnt believe how much trouble I have finding high resolution box art covers online for these obscure films…it sometimes takes me longer to find a decent image than it does to write the review!)
by tytdreviews

Zoo Troop: Snowstorm Rescue (2007)

This was a quite personal one for me. Not because I have any deep infatuation for the zoo troop. no no! they were well after my time! but it was personal for me because it allowed me a little bit of wriggle room to really remenise about my childhood. This video may paint a somewhat darker tinge to aspects of  my life, but its weird what you pick up on as an adult that as a kid you think nothing of.

Holiday towns in the UK in the 90’s were a quite magical place really, it was a weird time just before the mass renovations that have swept through most seaside towns since the early 2000’s but just after absolute poverty had set in. And it was absolute poverty. The best example I can think of is Rhyl (Which features heavily in the start of this review) In the 90’s my memories of Rhyl are particularly bleak. y’see, before Rhyl ended up being the 50% run down arcades, 50% retirement complex that it is today Rhyl was desolation. I remember with a strange nostalgia the funfair near the entrance to the town that reeked of fag smoke and stale booze and sugar. I recall large gangs of pale hollow men parading along the sea front…the rusted and gnarled railings along the seafront that were held in place only by the dirt and smog given off by the heaving and overbearing traffic. I remember the slums, delapodated terrace houses that  ran in rows that were predominatnly housing druggies and other similar nefariousness. And for me probably the most memorable. I remember the smell of cooking meat, burgers and hotdogs the stench of onions stewing in brown water being served by a bloke with a fag on out of a hatch from some godawful arcade that wouldnt be out of place in the Hotel california.

And yet, weirdly as I mention in the review itself I remember all of this with a strange nostalgia. A fondness if you will…As an adult I can appreciate that this was a horrible place to go and im not entirely sure what my parents thought they were doing taking me there. But I find my memories of that to be happy ones somehow. I remember running along the seafront losing a shoe in one of the quicksand-esq drifts, I remember excitedly stroking a stingray in the Sealife center, I have very strong memories of regular visits to an arcade on the seafront of Conwy (Just outside of Rhyl) and for years every summer we’d go for the mini golf, the 2p machines and video games like “The Simpsons arcade game” or “Time crisis 2” or my personal favourite an Addams family pinball machine (Which I believe is still there to this day) I’ll have to visit it again some time soon and get some pictures because as far as I can tell google images doesnt think it exists.

The Zoo troop may have been after my time but Rory was most definitely the coolset cat in town when I was a young’un. Haven caravan holidays may have not been my most favourite thing in the world (Even now I remember lying in bed one night with a massive pile of coats on top of me desperately trying to keep warm while flipping through a black and white A5 “Beano funsize special”

(It was this one specifically if memory serves though I remember it being a darker blue)

Im not entirely painting these holidays as rip roaring fun. But I really need to stress that miraculously somehow they were great. It was pretty much a week of non stop travelling for me visiting castles, beaches, strange shops and eating my weight in Nougat. and while objectively the seaside towns of britain are infinately better in the 21st century. Subjectively I’ll always have a bit of my heart left in the past.

(I never experienced the Zoo troop first hand when they were active. But I can assure you I would have been terrified)
by tytdreviews

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (1990)

I “Ummed” and “Ahh’d” about doing this one for months. Im really not kidding. This review was originally going to be in my second season but I put it off when I realised the kind of scale I was dealing with in terms of just how broad the “Turtles” fandom actually is. there are comic books, many many cartoon series that are both directly and indirectly linked, TV specials, live action TV series, music videos, reams and reams of merchendise and even obscure stuff like the Ninja turtles anime series.

Because researching for this film basically led me down a massive rabbit hole I decided to put it off till my third season, and with the help of a very dear friend of mine (Who’s also a massive Ninja turtles fan) I slowly but surely pieced together the backstory for how this movie came to be.

As a kid I was into the Ninja turtles, while I did watch the later UK broadcasts on CBBC in the 90’s my strongest memory of watching the turtles came in the form of the VHS series:

(This one specifically)

I watched this tape quite literally to death, while I never quite wore the reels down to nothing I watched it enough that the picture deteriorated to a blurry mess that my machine eventually ate. I loved the animated kids series from this time, from the unbelieveably ultra cool intro sequence (With the “Hero” in tact becase the BBFC were terrified even the mention of the word “Ninja” in a kids show would turn us all into corrupted Rambo-esq murderers) to there affinity with pizza (An affinity I completely understand) through to the surreal and wonderful images of the technodrome and Kang. There was just something so tonally unusual about the series that kept me always coming back for more.

The confession I have here is that I never actually saw the live action movies at the time. I watched the original cartoon series, “The Next mutation” and the 2000’s cartoon series (I have very faded memories of pawing through one of the comic books as well at some point) but until this review I’d never seen the live action movie series. here’s a mild spoiler though for this year; literally yesterday I started editing together my review for TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze and I was quite stunned by just how tonally different these two films are, and just how much darker the first film is when compared to its sequels.

The first ninja turtles movie is  amazingly bleak by comparison to the rest of the turtles franchise…and while it isnt quite as dark as the comic books, I’d feel quite confident in saying it’s probably the darkest iteration of the turtles that I’ve seen to date. I dont think I’d have appreciated this movie as a kid, but as an adult I can absolutely appreciate it. it’s a well written, well produced movie in its own right. hell I almost feel bad calling it a kids film.

 

(Ending aside I really did enjoy this one. now Im craving pizza…)
by tytdreviews

Santa and the Three Bears (1970)

Im finding it increasingly ironic that Im having to post my Christmas videos on what has been the hottest may in the UK since 1935…Seriously. At this point I really dont know how im not just a puddle on the floor really. Though I suppose that posting these christmas videos has helped me to at least visualise the cold in a vein attempt to keep myself cool.

“Santa and the three bears” was picked up along with “Dot and Spots Magical christmas vacation” from a charity shop for about 50p I believe. Before this I’d neither seen nor heard about it ever and based on the DVD cover (See the video thumbnail) I thought I might be inheriting some kind of eastern european “Worker and Parasite”-esq kids animation that was going to be a rickety and hilarious affair. Though in many ways it surpassed my expectations.

This is hardly Hannah Barbara fodder. it’s a little bit wobbly in places, but as far as animation goes this ones really not too bad. Though even I’ll concede that there are a few trippy sequences that kind of left me head scratching.

This isnt really a particularly good christmas film to be honest. The story is quite dull and again I think in hindsight that unless you grew up with this one and have ingrained nostalgia over it, theres not much reason to dig this one out.

Though thats one of the things that I love about these videos. It allows me to go digging for films that dont really get an airing and view them from the perspective of someone who’s never seen these films before. Sometimes I land on solid gold, other times I come away bitterly dissapointed. and with “Santa and the three bears” Im glad that I got to talk about it and review it. I really am. But I dont think I can say that this ones a “Must see”…if your a parent who grew up with this one; Show it to your kids by all means. Thats the magic and joy of tradition…But otherwise All I can say is that my own memories of this one could best be described as “Meh…” with a side order of “Eh…”

 

(There are some fun little music stings though…but your milage may vary)
by tytdreviews

Dot and Spots Magical Christmas Adventure (1996)

Here we have the most watched video on my channel…At least as of the time of writing it is…it’s currently my most watched video by a country mile. Quite how it’s achieved over 1000 views in less than 6 months I cant say…Before my youtube analytics decided to cark it I was able to find out that the majority of the traffic that was going to it was coming from Brazil. So I have to assume that either this forgotten christmas kids movie has had a second life out in Brazil or theres something in my SEO that is driving traffic to this video in the same way that Im driven to the cake section of an all you can eat buffet.

It’s not even particularly an all that great movie. Out of all the films I’ve spoken about on my youtube channel I could pick half a dozen movies that haven’t broke 50 views on my channel that have little to no recognition and desperately should be seen…and yet the 90’s kids movie thats just trying to cash in on 101 Dalmations is the one thats the most well received…I mean; Im glad that one of my videos has been viewed that much, but at the same time I do have to say “Why!?”

I found this movie in a charity shop along with the next film I reviewed (Santa and the three bears) and I paid 50p for it. I’d never heard of it before then and it took me a ridiculously long period of time to try and find it on amazon because its mislabeled on there…at least it was at the time when I was writing my review.

The company who produced this short went on to produce another animated kids short which Im considering talking about this Christmas just so I can have the set. It was a bit of a weird time during the christmas period last year because the first week of December fell on a friday that meant it was the 1st/2nd of December and because it was so early in the month I didnt want to just jump right in with the christmas cheer right out of the gate. so this came out a bit later in the month than was initially scheduled but It formed the opening part of my Christmas specials which would run right up to the 2nd series finale which I believe was a few days before new years day.

This isnt the best christmas film ever made but I could very easily see how people could be nostalgic for a movie like this…even though I dont get it myself. I can empathize with the people who do have those fond memories of sitting with the family during winter and sinking this with the christmas feeling in full force.

(I still cant quite believe that the people who animated this did the original concept art for Crash Bandicoot and Spyro…its a crazy world my friends…)
by tytdreviews

Let’s Ruin Dads Day (Coming Unglued) – 1999

The Words “Worst movie ever made” are thrown around a lot these days…sure there are some people out there who’ll rag on the latest blockbuster or who’ll go onto netflix and find some new release that “Sucks harder than anything thats ever sucked before” and in there world it must be nice to watch the new Marvel film or some indie piece of cinema and think “This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen”…

I wish I could relive those days…I really do. I wish I could go back to a time when I could watch “A Nightmare on elm street 4” and think it was the worst movie in the world. they seem like the “Good old days” comparitively. in 2009 I saw what I thought at the time was the worst movie ever made “Dolla Morte” a Production by Bill Z. Bub. And I hated myself for having it as the worst film i’d ever seen. for multiple reasons, but mainly because it was intentionally trying to be a bad movie. something that nowadays I disqualify films aiming for the “Worst movie ever” title for. Its not so bad it’s good. it’s not even so bad it’s bad…it’s so bad it’s boring. boring, and edgelord-esq with all of the bark and non of the bite. I was ashamed that I had to tell people this was the worst movie I’d ever seen because I felt it gave it some kind of mythical “Challenge” status which it really didnt deserve.

But in 2017 quite by chance I stumbled upon “Let’s ruin Dads day” and it fundamentally changed my opinions on film and the viewing experience forever. Y’see, Let’s ruin dads day isnt just a “So bad it’s bad” movie…it’s a “So bad it could actually harm you” movie. Completely unbeknownst to me I discovered that Kids movies are effectively a portal to actual Hell. when they’re good kid’s films are charming nostalgia trips that are entertaining and amusing in there own right…theres a reason why the Disney movies and films like “The Pagemaster” and “The Goonies” stay in the public conciousness as much as they do. But Bad kids films? Bad kids films are almost the opposite of that. irritating insufferable nightmare rides that purposfully Cauterize parts of your soul and mind to the point that you genuinely lose all faith and love in the craft of film.

Since starting these videos I’ve only explored a handful of kids movies and every one thats been bad has far FAR outweighed any adult oriented bad movie 10 fold. I would happily sit through “Dolla morte” or “Jesus: the total douchebag” or any of the american pie spin off movies for hours and hours and hours rather than watch even 5 minutes of a genuinely bad kids movie. And “Let’s ruin Dad’s day” to me at least at this point in time is the absolute worst kids film of all kids films. Not only because it actually irritates from a scripting, directing, acting, cinematography, musically, editing, lighting, animation and sound design standpoint. But because it actively promotes ideas and scenarios that in real life would typically end with your kids either kidnapped, on drugs or molested. This film both actively and subconciously is telling your children that it’s okay to take rides from strangers and that meeting up with people on the internet is a perfectly okay thing to do. And I have to assume that the reason this film is the way it is is because its produced with the angle of opening up a dialogue for parents to talk to there kids about stranger danger…But the DVD gives no hints that this is the case and any parent buying this for there kids would have no idea that this was its intended purpose unless they watched it, understood and took on board why some of these plot elements are dodgey, wrote a plan of action of how to broach the subject with there kids. And thats all before the sprogs even set eyes on the film.

What im saying is its unrealistic to assume that parents would pre-watch this and that even if they did it would be unlikely that they would think anything of the plot points in this film. But to a wide eyed child this could well be the movie that makes them get in a car with strangers, or agree to meet someone they dont know in real life…and thats horrific. combined with the frankly atrocious technical aspects of this and the rehashed trite script work. Let’s ruin dads day is not just a bad movie. it’s a dangerous movie. And I seriously cannot emphisise that enough.

(Even the DVD cover is obnoxious, generic and poor quality…jesus.)

 

Also; Because im a nice person, I realised a while ago that Let’s ruin dads day has absolutely shocking representation in google images…the highest resolution image of the cover was frankly insultingly low. So I bought a copy, scanned it into my computer at 8k and tweaked it on photoshop so there would be a hi res copy of the cover people could use going forward…See below…your welcome.

Lets Ruin Dads day - Fixed

by tytdreviews