The Naked Gun, 2025 – ★★★½

I first heard of a new ‘Naked Gun’ movie being in the works a few years ago when Seth McFarlane was announced as the writer for it…and then a few months later he had to step away. things went a bit dark on that front for a few months and then suddenly *Boom* its opening in theaters.

I’ve been trying to catch this for the last week or so, but today a couple of my friends who’d pre-booked tickets couldnt go, so me and the missus got them as freebies and an inpromptue date night! Huzzah!

The films a sort of soft reboot of the franchise in the sense that here, Liam Neeson is picking up the mantle as ‘Frank Drebin Jr.’ the new chief Lt. of ‘Police Squad’. and with a new cast predominantly Playing the sons of the original cast we drag the police parody out of the ‘dragnet’ and noir era and slap bang into modern police drama terratory, with a few affectionate nods to the past along the way.

This time, Franks got his work cut out for him, as a bank robbery botch job leaves Police squads funding on the line and Frank on thin ice to stay on the straight and narrow, or run the risk of not only being suspended, but forcing the closure of Police Squad in the process! Things turn around however when a mysterious author by the name of Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson) turns up at the HQ with news regarding her brothers death due to mysterious circumstances, that may land the pair at odds with a tech billionair with a border apocalyptic scheme on his hands!

Quick caption Summary:

Was this a good Naked Gun movie – Yes.
Was this one of the ‘great’ Naked Gun movies – No.

Comedy is always going to be subjective, and I really quite enjoyed this film honestly, I stifled a few laughs along the way. But something kind of felt off about this one to me up until the final act, and it was then when it clicked. The original Naked Gun movies were absolutely brimming with gags, obviously you have the overt foreground gags and wordplay, but then there’d be secondary physical gags happening in the foreground, and in almost every scene there’d be at least 1…usually 2 bizarre or grand visual gags happening in the background of almost every scene.

The latest entry is big on the foreground gags and wordplay, but background visual gags are surprisingly rare, they do happen from time to time, but they’re usually ‘transitionary gags’ that start as a foreground gag and then continue to unfold in the background while the rest of the scene is playing out, in a lot of the scenes people are just kind of standing around, maybe just…doing something relevent to the plot line, but we kind of lose a dimension of comedy here.

I equally was not a fan of the moments McFarlane clearly got bored working on this and tagged in half a dozen early 2000’s ‘Family Guy’ jokes…Which kind of bought the tone down for me.

Outside of those issues though, this is pretty much just a somewhat gentle screwball comedy, and its a rare site these days. Being a studio picture the technical abilities arnt really an issue, the direction mirrors modern cop dramas and action films, and I feel it does that well, the cine is nice, crisp and sharp, though maybe with just a tad too much overreliance on green screen and CG work. It looks nice…its not blowing me away…but it does what it needs to do.

The humour is for the most part solid, I was more of a fan of the surrealist humour and wordplay than the fart and poop jokes if im being honest…For me? the biggest crime was not getting Tim Robinson involved in this franchise, as I feel he really might have brought a good blend to the mix meshing McFarlane’s and the lonely islands comedic style…as it stands, it quickly becomes quite clear which bits were written by who and it makes the whole thing feel a bit less sturdy as a result.

Still! the pacings solid, the act structuring works, theres some really nice meta moments. they do nod back to old Naked Gun films, but not in a way that feels like it oversteps a mark or becomes nostalgia bait.

Liam Neeson is a damn PERFECT fit of Leslie Neilsens shoes. and EASILY is the best part of this whole feature, not to downplay Pamela Anderson, who also adds a great noir-esq contrast to Drebins character and both work to enhance the positives of each other.

While there were a few sad omissions (I dont feel like its spoilers to say that they do NOT recreate the iconic ‘police siren/car driving into weird places’ for the title sequence…nor do they use Frank Drebins hero theme at any point…which really felt like a miss on the bank raid sequence…I felt the score was pretty solid for the most part, if not a little TOO close to the cop dramas its trying to lampoon.

If I was going to rank this one? I’d probably put it on par with ’33 and a third’. Its a solid enough movie, im glad its been successful, and I really feel with this solid base, that they could probably do something really special in a sequel…or at the very least a paramount+ tv series. Worth checking out if you find it on streaming or are struggling for something to do on a rainy afternoon, great date night fodder, I dont think i’d go out of my way to see it.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-naked-gun/

Vegas in Space, 1991 – ★★★★

‘Vegas In Space’ has been on my ‘To Watch’ list now for the better part of a decade, ever since I first heard of it through Diamanda Hagans review back in 2014. A campy, schlocky and trippy Tom Rubnitz affair of a movie. Its suurrealist and lo-fi imagery stayed with me for many years until eventually I was able to track down and import a DVD copy to the UK. And tonight I finally cracked it open, and I was VERY much not dissapointed.

The film follows the crew of the ‘USS Intercourse’ as they’re tasked with investigating strange and deeply unsettling happenings on the glitzy exotic resort planet ‘Vegas in Space’ found in the Clitoral Star system. Theres only one problem, the crew of the Intercourse are all buch manly man men. and the Clitoris system is strictly ‘babes only’!

So! they take Gender reversal pills and turn in foxy ladies, before heading into Vegas under the guise of a gift from Earth Empress Vel, as a mid 20th century all girl lounge group set to perform for Empress Neuvo (the ruler of Vegas in Space).

Once landed, and acquainted with the locals, a meeting with the Empress takes place in which she reveals the reason the ladies are here, its to recover several missing jewels made of Girlium. The rarest mineral on the planet, with mystic magic properties that control the planets gravetational fields. With them missing, Vegas’s orbit is slowly disintigrating and freak natural disasters are running rampent across the planet, mainly earthquakes and explosions, and the peaceful babes of Vegas are having nightmares for the first time in decades.

Captain Tracy Daniels and the crew take the case on and Neuvo pairs Daniels up with Veneer, the queen of police on Vegas AND Empress Vels evil sister. with time running out The crew and Veneer must find the culprit, recover the jewels and reset Vegas back to the fashion and glam powered society we’ve all come to know and love!

And, I was pretty much sold on this in the first 5 minutes, Im a huge fan of the work of Tom Rubnitz, and this film very much has that kind of ramshackled, quirky, eccentric and delightful vibes and tones to it. Its all OVER the place, predominantly because it took 8 years of on and off filming totally 18 months of film time to get the film over the line. with PLENTY of improvisation both in terms of dialogue and direction.

Its kind of futile to approach this work on a traditional technical scale, this is video art at its most primest case, an experimental hodge podge of crazy ideas and half baked plot lines cooked up at an all drag queen house party in 1982/83. that was just built on and built on till completion.

The scripts arnt polished, feel quite uneven and the 3rd act drags a bit. But the tone is SO against taking itself even REMOTELY seriously, and the dialogue is SO self aware and working against most conventional film standards, that I really did have to rely on vibes alone to guide me here, and what I found was an absolute hoot of a movie. One thats incredibly light, psychadelic, brimming with campy nostalgic call backs to 60s sci fi and culture.

The direction is ramshackled, but sincere, everyones doing the best they can, the sets are all hand built and look vibrant and detailed, the costume design is bizarre and superb, the cast direction, immaculate. Theres a kind of nervous energy to the direction throughout this. The kind of vibe where you arnt entirely sure whats going to happen next. its so skittish on what its trying to show, that viably anything could pop up at ANY moment. and its that kind of energy that really endered me to this one.

The cine is largley locked off tripod shots, its a bit on the safe side, but then, occasionally there will be entire experimental freakout sequences that really pulled me in and held me with there strange and bizarre papercraft vibes. I really enjoyed it, and as someone who’s own film work is very much all about this style of film making, I was utterly engrossed.

The performances are all larger than life, hammy, campy, animated and bright, I dont think there was a single player here that I didnt at least have some good feelings towards. and the soundtrack is a bubblegum pop synthy cheap and cheerful, stripped back arrangement, largely coming from a single keyboard that gave me Frank Sidebottom and John Shuttleworth by way of the B52s vibes. I loved it dearly.

I kind of knew what I was getting into with ‘Vegas In Space’ and I really wasnt dissapointed, it more than surpassed my expectations and im really glad I checked it out. Im delighted to hear that theres a rumour a bluray remaster of this film is on the horizon (I will be preordering that) and I highly recommend if you havent seen this film already, checking it out! its a total trip!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/vegas-in-space/

The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue, 1974 – ★★★★

…This film was released as ‘Dont look out the Window’ in the US…and im still not entirely sure why…The only reasoning I have is that it somehow got swept up into the ‘Dont’ craze that bought us ‘Dont answer the phone’, ‘Dont go in the house’, ‘Dont go into the woods (alone!)’ and Edgar Wrights parody ‘Dont!’

Anyway, confusing titling aside, I think the more universally known title of ‘The Living dead at the Manchester morgue’ is probably about as good a summary of the film as its going to get. I was recommended this film by Seth over on the ‘Hellbound Horror’ youtube channel last year. Synapse films had a sale, it was kind of meant to be. Had it not been for stuff going on in my personal life, i’d have probably caught this a LOT sooner. and now having seen this one, I kind of wish I had!

The plot follows George and Edna, George is an art dealer who’s about to have an extended weekend getaway. The plan is simple, he’s travelling up to Lake Windemere to sell an item to a client, then continuing on to a cottage where he’s going to meet with some friends who are simultaineously renovating the place, and getting some much needed R&R.

Things get a bit squiffy when George pulls in to top up the gas on his motorcycle and ends up being rear shunted by a lady named Edna, the bikes badly damaged and cant be repaired till Monday at the earliest, leaving George without transport for the weekend. Without flinching, he basically manhandles the keys to Ednas Mini cooper from her tells her she’ll be obliging him a trip to Windemere in exchange for damaging his bike, and that he’ll be driving. To which Edna, kind of baffled, relents and gets in with him.

The pair go careering off down winding country lanes getting into several near misses, before Edna realises that they cant go directly to Windemere because she needs to go to South end before sundown to meet with her sister, and if she misses the link up, it could be disasterous. George kicks off big time, but when he sees how important it is to Edna, he relents.

But problems plague the trip and the pair get lost, arriving at a farm in the middle of nowhere, George goes to get directions, and tells Edna to wait for him. and its here two things happen. George meets a farmer working with the agricultural department on a top secret experimental ‘radiation’ alternative to pesticides. and Edna is attacked by a man with blood red eyes, whos soaking wet. When Edna gets to George to tell him about the attack, the mans gone. and they shrug it off as ‘women…am I right lads’…Oh! I forgot to mention, George is a MASSIVE ass for about 2/3rds of this film…one of the only issues I have with this thing honestly.

and, I cant really go much further than that, as what follows is a tale of mystery, twists and turns and plot intreagues that’ll see George and Edna WAY in over there heads dealing with scientists, the police and the reanimated corpses of the long deceased!

And honestly, my advice to you is go into this one knowing as little as possible, the more you know, the less impact this film will have. Its good! REALLY good! like…given this is a zombie movie that predates Dawn and Day of the dead, and is only 6 years on from ‘Night of the living dead’ its actually kind of incredibly how fully formed this is as a zombie film. Not to mention that it clearly influenced a whole SHED load of productions ranging from ‘Halloween 3’ through to ‘Zombi’, ‘The Thing’ to the remake of ‘Invasion of the body Snatchers’

Its a damn near perfect slow burn suspense horror film, with my only gripes really being script driven, and thats that the first act is maybe just a *Tiny* bit too slow for its own good, it picks up pace quick and by the 2nd act its all systems go, but theres maybe just a little bit *too* much idling around in the back roads of Derbyshire in the opening…and the decision to make George one of the most unlikeable characters i’ve seen since Robin Askwyths turn in ‘Horror Hospital’. They do ultimately redeem him a bit in the back half of the film, but for the first 30 minutes or so, he’s arrogant, rude, blunt, unpleasent, domaneering, vaguely sexist, and aggressive. if they hadnt mellowed him out, the film would have been a wash for me honestly…

But! outside of that its aces across the board, the scripts suspensful, slow burn, the characters are all well written and multi-layered, the act structuring is pretty solid, the plot is engaging and interesting with twists I genuinely didnt see coming. and an ending thats satisfying and a bit unexpected.

The direction and cine are both amazing with gorgeous location work of the peak district, married up to some solid set work from Rome. its a rich and sumptuous looking film that really comes into its own in HD. its not afraid to experiment, theres hearty amounts of gore and some VERY interesting and boundary pushing kills for 1974. the whole film feels about 5 years ahead of its time honestly. only beaten by the edit for the film which is clearly carefully considered and arranged. Its about as good as a film from the early 70s can look on a production level honeslty, it puts a fair few studio grade pictures to shame

The performances are solid too with great turns from the main cast, and a solid bedrock in the supporting cast too, I dont think theres a bad turn here honestly…and the soundtrack is SO eerie and otherworldly. its unique honestly, punctuates the film perfectly and isnt overbearing against the other elements of the production.

Honestly? My only regret is I was making some notes on this film while watching it for the first time, which meant I had to keep pausing and playing and replaying scenes to get the information I needed. It made what was probably one of the best films i’ve seen this year feel a bit juddery. Which is on me of course. All I can say is, if you havent seen this one, go watch it as soon as you can, and I really cant wait to give this one a respin sometime soon!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-living-dead-at-manchester-morgue/

The Magical Christmas Tree, 2021 – ★★½

After being captivated by the works of Writer, Director and dreamweaver ‘Scott Hillman’ in ‘Baby Cat’ and ‘Blue Belt’ I figured it was probably a good way to round off my current exploration of his filmography by checking out one final film written and directed by him, and starring the ever wonderful Socks Whitmore. And to my absolute delight, they made a christmas movie back in 2021. So I hunkered down with a tall hot chocolate and decided that August really wasnt too early to watch Christmas films…and as the credits rolled. I kind found myself a bit lost as to my feelings on this one.

The plot sees Socks playing our lead once again here as ‘Pace’ a non binary accountant with a masters working as a bean counter for a film production company, its December 23rd and they’re getting ready for a ‘muted’ holiday season, as their parents have disowned them for their life choices, and their cool aunt is the only person to give them a christmas present…and its wrapped in Amazon packaging.

Pace leads a pretty pedestrian life, they have a one bed apartment, all their friends are ‘online only’ and the office is really the only place they go to, other than home. That is until Christmas eve, when their boss (who in the opening titles is portrayed as a cruel and heartless man who wants to kick orphans out of their orphanage during the holiday season) bursts into the office full of life, wearing PJ’s and a night cap announcing that, during the night he was visited by 3 spirits who have convinced him to change his wicked ways and renounce his cold heart in favour of giving.

This manifests itself as him turning the office into essentially a christmas explosion, where all the employees are tasked with a holiday errand, while he desperately tries to recreate scenes from ‘A Christmas Carol’.

Pace, is given the job of getting a Christmas tree, but not just ANY Christmas tree, the boss wants a real, from the forests christmas tree thats perfect in every way and ‘magical’…whatever that means.

So, Pace grabs an axe, loads up on snacks and heads up to a nature reserve, where a park ranger almost immediately stops them, tells them that the trees in this reserve are oak for about 100 miles, and that the furs that lay beyond that are protected…BUT! chopping down trees in national forests is kinda sorta legal, and he slyly guides pace to a nature trail where they’ll be able to find fur trees.

Unfortunately for Pace, their plans go awry, when they’re stopped by a person claiming to be a wood elf by the name of Buddy who’s the guardian of the forest and refuses to let Pace desicrate this pleasent land by removing one of their protectees.

And from there…what follows is essentially a half hour montage of Pace trying to locate fur trees while Buddy mocks and misleads them, all the while the pair begin to grow closer as its revealed Buddy is also non binary, and their parents have disowned them too, leading to them setting up in the woods for 5 months.

While back at the office we get mild and gentle comedy courtesy of the office workers being split into pairs to do errands including:

*A recently divorced woman who’s gone ‘all in’ on christmas, and a muslim woman who doesnt celebrate being forced to work together to prepare a MASSIVE christmas goose, in the office, with only office supplies and the company microwave to work with.

*A laid back guy who’s shirking all the jobs and trying to get another job as quickly as possible

*The VP of the company, who is trying desperately to get the festive boss removed, committed or both.

*and another two guys who…seemingly are only there to add exposition and context to upcoming sequences.

The film cuts back and forth between Pace and Buddies storyline, and the office storyline right up to the start of the third act, when the ranger reappears and tells Pace to be careful because theres a crazy homeless person wandering around the woods claiming to be an elf…causing Pace to have to decide whether Buddy really is crazy, or if she’s just in need of a tender heart (awww…)

And given Scotts other films, this one really is a game of two halves. The scripts a bit patchy if im being honest. The plot itself is fine. and I really quite enjoyed the LGBTQIA+ themes, it was refreshing to see a film tackle issues like abandonment without mincing their words. However, I found the blossoming relationship between Buddy and Pace to feel a bit forced and simultaineously rushed…while also totally padded to the gills.

the romance elements really dont even begin to fully play in till about 15 minutes off the end of this film, and before that, there are very light suggestions…but the vast majority of their relationship is them just sharing information about themselves while wandering aimlessly around a national park and Buddy building lore around the elves and what they do. Its frienemies to lovers essentially, but that transition is so quick that it feels a bit hollow. Without going into heavy spoilers I cant really fully explain, but essentially their entire relationship comes out of a series of ‘You do this?! *I* do this too!!!’ moments that are all compressed together, and outside of that, its just the pair making slightly dry or sarcastic comments to one another.

Adding to this that the office sequences are literally all filler, non of whats happening there really ultimately matters, its a pointless B-plot that *feels* like a pointless B-plot (to me at least) just as a way to cut away from Pace and Buddy to just…ANYTHING else that isnt folks wandering around in the woods…

Comedy, as I always say, is subjective. What may leave me stoney faced, may make others uncontrollably weep with laughter. this film? to me? was gentle. theres a LOT of eye rolling gags here, groanworthy honestly…i’d say theres maybe 3-4 gags in the whole thing that raised a stifled titter from myself. Which, given this is tonally aiming to be a quirky and somewhat surreal rom-com…does not bode well…if the rom feels a bit unevenly paced and out of nowhere, and the comedy is almost non stop, but only really landed gags a single didget number of times. then i’d say tonally? its failed.

The characters are all fairly one note, Pace and Buddy are the only ones to really get any kind of complexity. and even then I feel there characters are underwritten, Pace plays a quirky but lonely employee who slowly blossoms into a…befriended and quirky employee, and Buddy gets to go from person claiming to be an elf with a troubled past whos lonely…to befriended person who claims to be an elf with a troubled past. (Also, can I just take a minute to acknowledge the GAUL of the production to name their second main lead after LITERALLY one of the most famouse ‘Elves’ of the 21st century…I know they were probably being cute…but even so.)

But the entire remaining cast get one charictaristic (I.E: Your a woman going through a divorce who TOTALLY isnt over the divorce, your a muslim woman who doesnt celebrate christmas, being forced to do christmas, your a wicked boss who’s just gone through a scrooge style visitation) and then are basically told to run that trope into the ground with a very blunt script that requires them to lean as heavily into that trope as its possible to get.

Throw in the fact that the act structuring is a bit wonky as well, with there being no real clean transition between the 2nd and 3rd acts…alongside some really ropey dialogue in places thats aiming for mid 2000’s ‘Office’ style awkward comedy…but just ends up being awkward and stilted. and while I legally CANT say this is scotts worst written work (because ‘Baby Cat’ exists) I can say that its not his best.

Mercifully, from here things to pick up a bit. On a direction level I have no notes really, As with all of Scotts films, the credit lists are a bit misleading. It may have been that he had a full crew for 1 day and then shot the remaining 2-3 days by himself, it could be that he had a handful of people around for the full 3 days, it could be a skeleton crew. As such it makes it kind of hard to really judge Scotts ability as a director here, but what I will say is, this is probably his most consistent and coherent work i’ve seen to date.

There are a couple of wobbly bits on trying to do ‘day for night’, but on the whole Scotts worked well with his crew and solo here to produce something that has a clean coherent vision and flows pretty well, is it the most incredible and astounding work I’ve ever seen? No. But its sturdy, sound and gets the job done. given the fact this is a low/no budget film, I kind of have to give him some kudos on a ship well steered here.

Same goes with direction of the cast, given a lot of this is first (and only) takes, its clear Scott makes certain his cast know exactly what he wants from them, but also that they are allowed to breath in the scene a bit and bring their own personalities to the role. while the quality of the performances themselves vary (more on that shortly) I could believe that what im seeing here is as close to what Scott envisioned in his head as possible. and again, while its nothing particularly astounding, it is definitey a solid attempt.

On the cine front, again we’re pretty much fine. Shots are well composed, sequences are well structured, the edit is sound. colour use of Dark greens, blues and browns get distinctive works. It looks professional for the most part and I really honestly have no notes, it just works as a solid piece for me…Barring 3 criticisms.

1 – There is a MASSIVE overeliance on stock footage here, basically every 5 minutes or so we get an extended montage of stock shots of L.A or of woodland animals…which is massively distracting.

2 – For some reason, Scott CGI’s a bear into this film a couple of times…it isnt integral to the plot and it only really gets referenced once…its a really bad effect and reminded me heavily of Neil Breens CGI inserted tigers.

and 3 – The Lighting, which is a bit all over the place, the office sequences look washed out and greenish, with no real attempt at creating any kind of distinctive lighting arrangements. Its all just flat profile and slightly desaturated. And the woodland scenes almost all rely on natural light, which is very hit and miss, and again, for a holly jolly christmas film, the fact they went for a pea soup green, washed out colour grade really works against the type and tone of this production. It left it feeling about as christmassy as a grindhouse feature.

Performance wise, its not the best, Socks Whitmore and Ky Mullen as Pace and Buddy are about as good as it gets, both get a decent range to work with, both have slightly awkward deliveries here and there, but both at least vaguely feel believable and naturalistic, I had a soft spot for their portrayals here, and I think they just about saved the film from collapse in my opinion.

The rest of the cast though, no…not for me im afraid, it runs the gauntlet from really dry quiet and uninteresting character performances that made me wonder why they were even there, to overtly hammy and border stereotypical performances that felt awkard and irritating to sit through. Noone here, even Socks and Ky have any kind of significant physical presence on screen, everyone feels like they’ve been given specific marks to hit and told not to move unless they have a damn good idea to get out there. its, not the best cast i’ve ever seen.

And the soundtrack? almost entirely stock and audio library christmas tracks or classical music. Im not shocked or surprised, its used about as well as it can be used, but its a bit flat and uninspired in my opinion…I dont think it suited the film well at all.

All in all? ‘Meh.’ I didnt hate this, if it was on in the background I wouldnt turn it over, for low/no budget its kind of impressive honestly…But the scripts so minimalist and plodding, uninteresting at times, full of holes and unfunny to me, combined with everything else just being kind of ‘sturdy’ or ‘solid’, that I cant in good faith recommend it, I could see myself revisiting this one at some point…but giving it my full attention again? I dont think so.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-magical-christmas-tree/

The Video Dead, 1987 – ★★★

On a rewatch, I found myself enjoying this one a little bit more than last time. Its a very easy watch in its own way…a very simple premise, some basic, but vaguely developed characters, the soundtracks a bit generic, but isnt offensive…

The first two acts are pretty smooth, though they do have a vague heir of ‘Made for TV’ about them, not helped by the fact the gore is so minimal and the zombies doing much of ANYTHING really is kind of a rare treat. But I think where this film really fell down for me is the 3rd act…the moment Joseph and Jeff agree to go into the woods to track down the escaped zombies, the film essentially goes WELL into padding terratory for most of the remaining 35 minutes…and it never really comes back from it.

Everything slows to a glacial pace, we end up in a series of runarounds, and while there are a couple of fun ideas here put into practice, it isnt enough to ultimately win me back over and while the ACTUAL ending is just about fine enough, the total waste of 30 minutes to get it really hurts this film in my opionion.

I had remembered this film looking and feeling a LOT more low/no budget than it actually is, it still doesnt look GREAT, but it does on the whole look pretty good! theres some really nice lighting and blue gel colour use. I think setting a third of the film in the woods with ultra basic camera setups and little to no props right up to about 5-10 minutes off the end is what left me with that long lasting feeling.

On the whole? on a rewatch, I actually enjoyed this one more. But if anything it really did reinforce some of the problems that I had with it previously. Definitely an easy watch if you just want something to half pay attention to rumbling away in the background while your doing something else…I dont personally think i’d instinctively reach for this one in that specific circumstance…but your milage may vary.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-video-dead/1/

Kitty Mammas, 2020 – ★★★

Welp. The older I get, the more I appreciate the idea that there will ALWAYS be something just around the corner that I couldnt have possibly concieved even in my wildest fever dreams that will manifest whether I want it to or not and proceed to simultaineously give me the strength to take on another day in this hellscape, while also wishing for the societal collapse to happen as swiftly as possible. Todays abstraction from the surrealist ether? ‘Kitty Mammas’.

Now, I initially saw a trailer for this film back in 2022/2023, and bookmarked it because…the plot is COMPLETELY ludicrous…But, i’ve finally got up to it on my ‘to watch’ pile…and I really wasnt dissapointed.

The film is a faux documentary following one ‘Dr. Han’ a disgraced medical professional allowed one last roll of the dice via part funding from the medical board, and part funding by a television network. Dr. Han was formally a reproductive infertility doctor, working in the cutting edge of his field, until an incident (which I wont spoil here) caused the board to revoke his license.

But he’s been allowed to practice once more with an interesting proposition. Han has noticed that a lot people treat their pets as if they were there children. So; Han has decided to see how viable it is to gestate a kitten in a human womb from implantation to full actual birth.

These kittens are slightly genetically modified to allow them to survive and grow in a human womb, AND he’s also modifying them to make them hypoallergenic so that their dander doesnt irritate their host.

The experiement is simple, four women, Sylvia, Rose, Joan and Maria have agreed to be implanted with Cat feotus’s, and will spend the next 90 days gestating the kittens, documenting any side effects and keeping the whole thing a secret from anyone they know, unless they’ve signed an NDA. Once the kittens are born, each woman will recieve 20 grand and they’ll get to keep the kitten, whether they choose to sell it after the birth is up to them.

Naturally, there are multiple subplots, Rose is a vlogger specialising in cat content who acts on and off like a cat with heavy emphasis on her 5 year old main ‘Mister Poof’ who’s decided to get pregnant with her own cats kitten (Because THAT isnt ABSOLUTELY horrifying and sketchy as all hell).

Joan wants to go to law school, but her mum is a hippy who wants her to pursue the ‘arts’ and wont help fund her dream, forcing her into this trial to make the cash to apply for a loan to go to school.

Sylvia is a work from home mum with several kids already who signed up for the trial for the cash (she wants to take her kids to disney) and because she wants an allergy free cat so that her husband (whos allergic) wont have any arguements against it.

And Maria, who’s in a lesbian relationship with her partner Jennifer, who’s in a HEAVY battle with her VERY religeous mother whos DESPERATELY trying to get Maria to go with a sperm donor. Maria wants the money to help part fund her wedding, and the cat is a nice bonus.

But all isnt quite as smooth sailing as it first appears, when a nosey reporter called Daryl comes onto the scene intent on further tarnishing Dr. Hans name and credibility due to a past grudge in which he believes Han stole his wife Theresa from him (Theresa left Daryl for reasons I also wont spoil here) Which is reignighted when Theresa (a vet) agrees to help support Hans work.

Having just sat through ‘Baby Cat’ not too long ago, I was kind of expecting much of the same, but barring one or two brief moments, I was actually quite wrong.

For the most part, this is just a fairly light hearted ‘slice of life’ mockumentary type thing spotlighting all the funny things that happen when women get pregnant, the obsession people have with their pets, plenty of moments of the ladies slowly developing cat traits (such as craving fish and milk from a saucer, nuzzling people, cleaning themselves) and a bit of dry deadpan humour about the absurdity of the situation to boot.

But then contrasting that, the film goes to some genuinely dark and upleasent places at times…It does offer a contrast, but I think they maybe go a little too hard at times for something so gentle. To the point that it kind of pulled me out of things a bit because it genuinely gets a bit icky at times.

Obviously, the elephant in the room is that this is a film about women giving birth to cats…and the best reason given for why the Dr even wants to pursue this venture is that, if its proven to viable, there could…maybe be a market for women who want to birth their own cats?…Its a fundamentle stumbling block really, and if you cant get over that, then this whole films just going to be long, awkward and boring for you. But if your able to accept that this is, just a thing thats happening…I think you may kind of get along with it.

The pacing is kind of on the slower side, but it never crawls. Theres always just about enough going on to keep things moving, the humour as mentioned is the lightest of the light side of things. But it did make me laugh a few times at just how absurd the whole thing is. Theres some passing social commentary on how society views women and womens ‘need’ to have kids. These moments come ABSOLUTELY out of left field, and like a speeding car, it’ll hit you, and speed off into the night before you realise youve even been hit.

I’d say consistently, its decent for most of the runtime pace wise, the acts are evenly distributed and transition really well, though; the transition from the 2nd to 3rd act lands like a wrecking ball because they decide to basically do the ‘all is lost’ trope of storytelling…but HARD CORE. so expect all the women, the dr and his staffs lives to entirely fall apart…

In fact, other than the deeply uncomfortable subject of women pushing cats out of, arguably one of the most sensitive parts of their bodies. that 3rd act is the only part where I feel it kind of comes unstuck really, as we get some VERY dark revelations about Daryl which felt very out of place for the film and kind of killed the lighter mood. Combined with multiple ‘birthing’ scenes that really just pulled the most uncomfortable parts of this movie right to the front and center. Smooth sailing for the most part, but that finale just felt SO weird and jarring.

Outside of that, I felt like all the characters were fairly well written, but had exstensive backgrounds and complexities which was nice. Rose as a character was the only one I really didnt get on with personally. They tried to go with the Vlogging angle, but it feels painfully dated even now, and her character is SO all over the place ranging from cringe to moments I genuinely thought the character had had a psychotic break. I wasnt a fan…Her segments just felt a bit awkward.

The dialogue too is a little bit hit and miss, at its best, its dry, naturalistic and genuinely quite well handled. At its worst? its stiff, unnatural, a little *too* ‘American All stars’ for my taste and cringey.

Its a deeply DEEPLY flawed script, but given the subject, thats kind of to be expected…what did surprise me honestly was just how they managed to keep the thing on the rails and gave an actual sincere attempt at trying to make a story that stood up as a professional end product.

As for the direction and cine? given its supposed to be a faux documentary, I can keep this pretty short and sweet. I feel like it captures the aesthetics of a low budget documentary, however, I do really feel this film suffers from a lack of dynamic cine and range. It desperately needed more coverage, more locaiton B-roll. its a bit overeliant on stock footage and I feel like the edit is VERY inconsistent, with there being at least 2-3 examples I saw where it felt like scene running order was a bit of an issue (for example, Dr. Han will mention something about the ladies, it’ll then cut to 2 of the ladies doing what Han mentioned, then it’ll cut back to Han who changes the subject, before cutting BACK to the other 2 ladies doing what Han mentioned a few paragraphs earlier) while they seem to nail the pacing just about, that running order regularly complicates a film visually that really didnt need to be as complicated as it was here…

Performance wise, there are clear winners here. For my money Stephanie Belding is the best performer in this thing as Dr Hans assistant nurse ‘Pauline’ shes dry, got some fantastic line delivery choices, fantastic physicality. She has 70 acting credits to her name, and I need that to be double because i’d watch her do this schtick in anything honestly. Morgan Kohan may have been given a bit of a dud character (in my opinion) but she plays it superbly, really throwing herself into the part and giving deliveries that ABSOLUTELY match the tone of the character, shes great.

I also have to mention Kathryn Kohut who gets probably the most traditional role here as Joan, an undergrad desperately trying to make a better life for herself, while being held back by her past and her family. I think she gets the best range to work with, some of the best lines in the film, and she does a really solid job. I do have to caveat that however, by adding that her physical performance is a little bit lacking. She doesnt really animate very well, and during her ‘birth’ scene, she seems more bored than in labour.

Paul Sun-Hyung Lee here? for me? is unfortunately probably the weakest element. while I cant fault most of his line deliveries. I feel like the range for this performance just inst quite strong enough, quite often he just comes across as a bit quiet and soft spoken. I feel a little bit more animation to his delivery (to match a decent physical energy) would have really helped take this to the next level.

Add to this a soundtrack thats INCREDIBLY minimalist, consisting mainly of stock tracks that are VERY sparse and pop in in perfectly timed instances as the film requires them and we have a bit of a catch 22 on our hands.

A film that technically is a perfectly sound, if not a little underwhelming, married up to a script that was better than I could have hoped, but unusually dark, unpleasent and downright unsettling in places. I absolutely dont think ‘Kitty Mammas’ is a bad film by any stretch. And I could see myself revisiting this one in the future…but my broader question as the credits rolled is ‘who is this really for?’ I think even the most ardant cat lover would struggle to make it through this one, its not weird or bad enough for the cult crowd, and its not good enough to elevate it to a ‘hidden gem’ its just a kind of sort of well made film dealing with a VERY surreal and unusual unsettling concept.

What I can say is, if you do choose to watch this, give it maybe 15 minutes…if you arnt pulled in by that point, the film isnt going to be for you, as it really doesnt change or perk up from there…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/kitty-mammas/

Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, 1988 – ★★★★

The ‘Zombi’ series up to this point? has hardly been the bastion of continuity, but its a series I almost feel compelled to respect out of the sheer GAUL of the concept of this series. SOMEONE ACTUALLY sat there and went ‘Hey, y’know ‘Dawn of the dead’ yeah? that revolutionary zombie movie that helped shape the future of horror and zombie cinema for the next 50+ years yeah? Well in Italy its called ‘Zombi’, and Italian copyright laws were written on a cocktail napkin…so lets just…make up a sequel thats *Technically* a prequel and get a famous Italian horror director in to direct it…and we’ll call it ‘Zombi 2!’ GENIUS.

and…it kind of was!? Like…I dont think ‘Zombi 2’ (or ‘Zombie’ or ‘Zombie flesh eaters’ if your british) was anywhere near as influential as ‘Dawn’ but it cant be denied that the film really helped spin up a kind of alternate WAY more realistically gory iteration of the zombie, at a time when the whole concept was really still cooking…

WELL! almost 10 years after ‘Zombi 2’ lurched its way onto screens, some KERRAZY Italian producers hired Fulci back to make a sequel to his original work and ‘Zombi 3’ became a thing! Only…it almost didnt, because Fulci wasnt a fan of the script, to the point that between him and his daughter, the pair ‘maliciously complianced’ the CRAP out of the script, essentially blunting down what was supposed to be a campy supernatural horror film about black magic rituals and cannibalistic islanders raising the dead into ‘a group of people get caught up in a zombie uprising and try to hold out long enough to survive across a handful of locations.’

And to complicate matters even further! Fulci had a stroke after handing in a VERY rough 70 minute cut of the footage he’d shot up to that point (six weeks into the production) and had to leave the production early, with no chance of completion, Which left the producers in a spot because (allegedly) 20 minutes of that was just footage of the main cast canoeing up and down a river.

SO! They got Claudio Fragasso and Bruno Mattei, who just so happened to be ALSO working on a movie in the phillipines around the same time Fulci was taken ill, to pivot this flattened out script away from black magic supernaturalism, and into a more action/science fiction oriented production…and the results, are the best kind of messy I can describe.

So the films plot is basically as described above, We open with two scientists experimenting with a chemical compound called ‘Death-1’ which seemingly reanimates anything that comes into contact with it, with slimey/explodey results. Its…quite horrific honestly, so much so that the lead doctor on the project ends up calling his boss, one ‘General Morton’ of the military to explain that the project is too much for him to handle, and he wants to revert it back to the military. Morton obliges, but during the pick up and collection of ‘Death-1’ a raid occurs and the single surviving viral sample is stolen by theives who lead the military out into the jungle while trying to go into hiding.

Unfortunately for the theives, one of the militaries ariel corps manages to land a shot on the guy carrying the briefcase, and in doing so wounds the man, and breaks the case open, smashing the vial of ‘Death-1’ all over the crooks hand. He flees to a local motel to try and lie low. But its too late and a terrifying transformation begins. and from there things begin to spiral, as the military try to cover up a zombie incident in the motel by burning the corpse of ‘Patient zero’, they accidentally send infected ashes into the air, which infects the bird population in the area and turns all of them into rabid flesh hungry beasts who, on attacking the locals ALSO infect them with the zombie virus too.

and from there, we follow a rag tag group of survivors as they experience the spreading of the virus, manage to survive it, and eventually band together as a group of uninfected to escape the contamination zone, avoiding zombies AND the militaries ‘Clean up’ team, who have been ordered to essentially genocide the contamination zone as a way of trying to control the spread of the virus (which itself is a subplot, as the doctor who quit his role, begins arguing virology to General Morton, who really just…doesnt seem to care…)

And im going to be blunt when I say this, is this the most original film in the world? absolutely not, 50% of this film is essentially a campy poor mans ‘Day of the dead’ with 40% being made up of elements of almost every zombie movie from 1968 through to the present day of ’88. With notable ‘lifts’ coming from ‘Dawn of the dead’, ‘Return of the living dead’, ‘Zombie Flesh Eaters’, ‘Doctor Butcher M.D’ and ‘Hell of the living dead’. But is this film a fun rollercoaster ride through the ‘greatest hits of zombie movies’ and then some?! You better believe it!

The one and only major issue I have with this film is the pacing of its script. The first act is positively breakneck, unrelentingly dropping SO much lore, and character background and information for you to keep in mind as the film goes on, it feels like its setting up some kind of incoherent ‘epic’…which…it kind of is really! The second act builds on that fast paced energy and throws some UTTERLY bizzare curve balls (Flying Fridge head is all im gonna say on THAT front!)

But its the second half of the second act where it kind of starts to lose me a bit. the pacing begins to slow down, to rev down, it starts getting bogged down in setting up its own finale and by the time the 3rd act had really started to get underway, it was crawling. by the end, i’d very much felt like it had overstayed its welcome. Despite the ending being more than solid enough. This probably would have been a great hour and 15 to hour and 20 with heavy trims to the third act specifically, but that pacing really kind of hobbled what would have probably been one of the best Italian Zombie movies ever made for me.

Outside of that though? I had no real issues with this at all, its a somewhat campy zombie horror film that is taking itself seriously as a production, while absolutely NOT being afraid to be tongue in cheek about itself, its confident in what it wants to be, and the pairing on script duties of Fragasso and his partner, along with Fulcis tweaks has produced a film that I feel has just enough of the supernatural and ‘unknown’ to keep it weird, but just enough of the ‘butch’ action/sci fi stuff to really make things go with a bang (sometimes quite literally!)

The plot itself is a dogs dinner, im not going to lie. it skips around between WAY too many characters, it doesnt really try to balance anything out properly, geographically; its hard to tell where everyone is in relation to each other, and the tone shifts up and down like a slide whistle.

Its a bad script, but its an entertaining script, one that rarely if ever has dull moments. is genuinely surprising in places and given the behind the scenes dramas, its amazing something so fun and coherent was able to be churned out on such short notice. its not elegant, its not considered, and its hardly original, but I guarentee, if you’ve ever played any of the ‘resident evil’, ‘silent hill’ or ‘left 4 dead’ games, you’ll feel SUPER at home here with the pacing style and aesthetics of this storytelling.

The characters are all VERY hammy and minimally scripted, we basically get just enough background to get a vibe for the character, the events that led to them finding the wider group of ‘survivors’ and from there, its all about staying alive for these guys and gals, while delivering some of THE most faux macho campy dialogue i’ve heard in a long time. I had a BALL even beginning to guess what these guys were going to say next!

As for the direciton? it’s equally messy, but you can at least see each directors influences here, and its a heady brew of strong coloured light work, gore, titilation and explosions. Its not the most competent of productions. But again, given this went through (at least) 3 different directors, all of whome have different fundamental production styles and at least SOME claims to fame between them at this point, Infamous or otherwise.

Whats presented here, is fine. If, like me, you get the most out of these films in the company of friends and a couple of beers, you really wont notice continuity issues as broadly, and the work between the various crews on this production is inconsistent, but it still kind of works for me? we jump from heavily styalised lighting scenes, to clinically lit pieces, to colourful outdoor sequences in a manner I can only describe as ‘ADHD Addled’ and, as a neurodiverse person, I was SO happy with the end result, its a production thats just…racing to get its ideas out as quickly as possible and the coordination between the directors, the cast and the crew results in a largely competent but manic end product that I was glued to for the vast majority.

The cine is much the same, lots of different styles being thrown into a melting pot, a lot of it works great, its nowhere near as ‘iconic’ or ‘memorable’ as the cine work in the original ‘Zombie’, but then, this appeals to me in a different way. the use of smoke and fog machines gives everything a dreamy woozy feeling, the coloured gel work adds to that supernatural undercurrent. the sequences are scattershot and frantic for the most part, colour work is varied and largely great. the edit is an absolute free for all, its chaos cinema at its finest and I had a real soft spot for it.

As for the performances? hamtastic in the best possible way, with Beatrice ring, Ottaviano Dell’Acqua and Robert Marius being definite highlights for me, they have a very over the top physical presence, and that tried and tested method of redubbing the entire audio suite in post lands us with some line deliveries that quite honestly have to be heard to be believed. I dont think there was a single performance in this that I didnt enjoy thoroughly.

All that AND a kickass 80s synth pop, syth rock and general rock soundtrack, the finest of Italia. Timed perfectly with some absolute stunners in the pack. I need the soundtrack for this on vinyl, in my collection as soon as possible.

I say this sincerely, this is probably the best film to recommend to someone who wants to explore the italian zombie movie subgenre. Its not the best technically, the story is a mess and it may not be as iconic as some other Italian zombie films. But its probably the best example of a good quality take on the type of film making your going to be getting into if your new to the genre, and its a self contained story.

Id honestly forgotten how enjoyable ‘Zombi 3’ was, it must be going on for 7-8 years since I last caught it, and I was actually quite surprised at just how pacey it really is as a work. I think with beer and friends, this could be the making of a great evening. and yes, while I know deep down this is kind of a cheap rip off of several other better movies. It is nice to see that AND some original weirdness all just bundled together into a nice neat package that gives you everything you could want in a Zombie movie with a healthy dose of 80s exploitation action and sci-fi to boot!

Definitely recommended, whether your here for the horror, the action or the weirdness…there really is something for anyone into ‘cult’.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/zombie-flesh-eaters-2/

It Kills: Camp Blood 7, 2017 – ★★★

Welp. It may have taken them 8 films to get it right (and even that is stretching the definition of ‘Right.’) but ‘It Kills: Camp Blood 7’ is the first film in the franchise that basically manages to just…DO the thing I want the film to do, without veering wildly off the rails and bursting into flames for no good reason at all…and what a monkeys paw of a film this thing truely is.

The plot? its Fall break, and a group of 5 students are planning on going on a road trip. while on the road they spot a hitchiker named ‘Bishop’ who’s hiking the trails around Camp Blackwood. The gang introduce themselves as ‘Jennie’ an upbeat compassionate lady leader of the group, Anna, a ‘frustrated’ recently single pringle who hates her ex, Lizzy, the bookworm of the group, Terry an upbeat chap in a wheelchair, And Drake. the BIGGEST arsehole i’ve seen realised on screen in a good while (think ‘Alan’ from ‘Return to Sleepaway Camp’ and your not a million miles off) and Annas Ex to boot…

Bishop explains that he’s hiking around Camp Blackwood looking for his wife, who went missing 4 months ago. The police have closed the search for her, so Bishop hopes that by scouring the area himself, he may either finally get closure for himself, or for any of the other families who’ve lost people on the trails at Camp Blackwood. Lizzy also backs this up, recounting the legend of Camp Blackwood. That there was a summer camp there, but some children went missing and two councillors were murdered, so the camps were closed, but its rumoured that anyone wandering the grounds will be killed or kidnapped by a muderous killer clown.

Well; as you can imagine, they arrive at Camp Blackwood. and theres a killer clown…who slowly starts picking them all off. all the while we get treated ONCE AGAIN to the same tropes that were unoriginal in the first film…SEVEN films prior.

Why do I describe this film as a monkeys paw? Well…its because technically; this is the best Camp Blood movie that i’ve seen to date. Its Mark Polonia, so dont expect a studio grade multi billion dollar feature. But the direction is more than adiquate here. Theres a clear vision realised quite well, with decently constructed sequence work (for the most part) the kill scenes are low budget, but handled fairly well given the low budget nature, graphic overlays are used here in places over CG, which I for one am VERY grateful for. The lighting is largely consistent, you can SEE everything thats going on in the film.

Direction of the cast is…passable. Which, for this franchise is pretty miraculous. Polonia has managed to give the cast enough badnwidth to explore their set space and be creative with prop use. But it does feel like he may have been a bit of a stickler for dialogue and delivery. As there are moments where the cast have lines to deliver that dont seem to match the natural cadence or flow of their voice or accent. Its all passably fine. But it does make some of the cast come unstuck at times.

The cine is probably some of the nicest of the franchise so far, and certainly some of the broadest scope. Shots are generally fairly functional over creatively motivated. But given half the films in this series dont even use a tripod and were cut together by people who’d not only never shot coverage or B-roll before, but had LITERALLY never edited before. This is a VERY sturdy work in comparison.

The effects on the kills are a little spotty, but on the whole are about as good as can be expected for the budget, and I REALLY appreciate they keep CG overlays to a minimum as ‘Camp Blood 666’ pretty much put me off them for life.

Theres a handful of continuity and white balance issues, some of the sequence building is a little confusing (it feels like there are multiple clown killers in a couple of places because the line isnt really adhered to) But shots are considered, seemingly loosely storyboarded and you can see Polonias thought process running through this thing. While it is a shame there are a few minor issues throughout such as overzealous camera wobble and some shots ending up EVER so slightly soft focus…again, this series has been in the pits for years. im just grateful its (largely) functional.

The performances are a bit pendulous. When they’re good, they’re pretty decent honestly. Probably some of the best performances since the first 2-3 films…But when they’re bad, they’re easily some of the poorest performances the franchise has seen. Of note in particular is a hillbilly couple who turn up near the beginning of the film, who are seemingly only 30% comitted to Hillbillying, and regularly slip not only out of the southern stereotypical accent…but out of their OWN accents into the kind of voice people make when they’re reading lines from a cue card they’ve never seen before…and they cant read well.

Greta Volkova as Jenny in this is the best performer. Thats a certainty for me. Shes consistent, has very few poor deliveries and IS animate for most of the time shes on screen. Her Co-stars are (largely) fine…but Greta stood out to me, she’s probably one of the best performers in this series up to this point.

Even the soundtrack cues take a step up and a bit of a step sideways, as we finally break free of Sterlings generic audio library for tracks. we DO still use a meaty chunk from it, but we’re using other royalty free sources now on top of it! Which is a breath of fresh air after 3-5 films of the same exact audio cues OVER and OVER again.

No; this films monkey paw? is the script…Because while the visuals, sound and performances are probably some of the best of the series so far in my opinion, excelling most of the other films by a significant margin…The script? is THE most generic, overly safe, plodding piece that the franchise has had outside of ‘Part 5’ which was literally just a clip show of ‘Part 4’ with 10 extra minutes duct taped onto the end of it.

The problems are multi-fold. for a starters, the actual plot is a derivative mesh of ideas from the previous films and THE safest ‘slasher stalker’ plot i’ve seen in a good while…Literally the whole plot is ’30 year old teens end up checking out an abandoned summer camp…during the DAY…and they wind up trapped there and killed in various fairly generic ways’. Theres no twists, no gimmicks, no out of left field additions, no surprises. Its shooting fish in a barrel.

We have multiple tropes returning to pad the runtime such as extended driving sequences, extended wandering around in the woods sequences, scenes of the gang finding an abandoned ‘Camp Blood’ sign, scenes of the gang around a camp fire talking about the legend of the clown killer, extended chase and kill sequences. There is very VERY little here that is unique to this film. and what is, isnt really worth mentioning.

The film isnt in a rush either, expect these extended wandering and ambling sequences to make up a not insignificant chunk of the first 2 acts, while the final act is a bit truncated and largely just an extended chase sequence with kills dotted along the way. its plodding. and even clocking in at 69 minutes long, it feels like it never really gets any kind of steam under it beyond its initial push when the first kill happens.

I think a major problem with this film is that, with them having to shoot in daylight because of lighting issues, it really reduces any sense of tension. the script doesnt lend itself to a sense of unease, so the end result at times feels almost comedic, even in the parts that absolutely wernt aiming for that. the dialogue isnt tailored to the cast, theres a ‘Sterling entertainment’ extended topless sequence in the opening of the film to get the quota out of the way. but the Clown killer as a character, by this point, doesnt even really make a whole lot of sense within this universe. He’s essentially Omnipotent, theres no real reason for him to be killing people, and he can quite literally pop in and out of locations at will, and seemingly can be in multiple locations pretty much instantaineously. The inconsistencies really dont help with giving us any kind of stakes, because why should I be scared of a clown killer that, on a whim, could materialise right behind me silently and end me in less than 3 seconds?

Throw in that the characterizations are all pretty one note and generlized and that theres a distinct whiff of ‘Friday the 13th part 2’ in this entry…and I found ‘Camp Blood 7’ to ultimatley be a bit of a frustrating watch. A film that simultaineously drastically improves the technical skill of the franchise, but marries it to a script thats so generic and by the numbers it actually kind of put me off it. It plays all the right notes, but it kind of fails the vibe check for me.

I’d say if you were interested in the series, this one would be a must see…But do temper your expectations on the plot front.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/it-kills-camp-blood-7/

Diabolical Inheritance, 1994 – ★½

Im going to keep this review short and sweet really; there are 10 good minutes in this film. take away the 8 minutes of titles and credits and your left essentially, with an hour of the drabbest padding i’ve seen in a long LONG time.

The plots straightforward, we open with the death of an old lady who owns a mansion, in her dying arms she clutches a clown doll. Her nearest relative is contacted who is a business man, and him and his pregnant wife Annie move into the house with aspirations to make it a new start for their family. Unfortunately, Annie finds the clown doll, and it turns out, its a murderous clown doll…who muders her!

Luckily they manage to save the baby, and the kid grows a tremendous fondness for the clown doll who becomes his new best friend. Meanwhile, the father, still mourning the loss of his wife, winds up dating his secretary, things begin to warm up pretty fast, when she TOO finds out about the killer doll, and a VERY brief cat and mouse game begins in which the new mrs tries to get rid of the doll, while the doll tries to stealthily kill her. All this leads to a very dissapointing finale that isnt anything you havent seen before.

Its been compared to the ‘Childs Play’ films and was essentially heavily inspired by the franchise. But theres just…NOTHING here.

The script is literally 60 minutes of people wandering around or idley chatting about their lives, with 10 minutes of, admittedly quite surreally enjoyable slow murder sequences happen. the pacing is glacial, the cast are SUPER overdramatic, but not in a fun way…Hell, the killer doll doesnt even start killing till just shy of the halfway point in the movie. A note to future killer doll film makers, if your going to promote your film as having a killer doll in it, DO NOT spend more than a quarter of your movie doing the whole ‘BUT IS HE A KILLER DOLL THO?!?!’ schtick…we all know it IS a killer doll, and if it ISNT a killer doll, we’re all going to be very dissapointed.

Character writing is slim to non, just one note archtypes floating around for the full runtime, the dialogues pretty rough. The tone is inconsistent and lacks any kind of refinement, the act structurings lumpy. this is a rough ROUGH script with not a lot going for it.

Same goes for the direction, barring a couple of the kill sequences, theres just nothing here, directing by numbers 101 for 99% of the runtime, with only the more surreal flickers found within the broader scenes being anything of interest. Same for the cine, its all ultra basic, nothing particularly notable, and the edit. Which, if anything is actually kind of poor.

In honesty? you could watch the last 15 minutes of this film, and get pretty much everything good about this film in one fell swoop. there are a handful of other weird/entertaining bits scattered in the other 63 minutes, but honestly? It’s not worth your time. One i’ll keep on file for my reference. But one im VERY likely to watch again unless its for channel fodder.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/diabolical-inheritance/