Pokémon Heroes, 2002 – ★★★½

The first in the ‘Hoen’ era of Pokemon movies ‘Pokemon Heroes’ ditches the numerical titling and tries to shake things up a bit over the previous movies with…mixed results I think its fair to say.

For this entry they decide to essentially trial something i’ve said they really should have been doing from the start, which is telling a story they *could* tell in the anime series with limitations. But giving it a filmic budget and attention to really help get the absolute best out of it. And while I think they’ve largely achieved that brief here, its just a shame they chose the plotline they did here.

So the entire film is set on the island village of ‘Alto Mare’ and its estbalished that, according to island folk law, long ago a devestating event rained down destruction on the island and flooded the island. In a time of crisis it was foretold that two young boys, desperate to protect their family and their island home, were transformed into the mythical pokemon Latias and Latios. And together, they were able to save the day, with one of the boys being sacrified and its power effectively reincarnated into a magical orb that was hidden for safe keeping.

Cut to the present day and Ash, Brock and Misty are all taking a bit of a break in Alto ahead of their first steps into the Hoen region. Ash and Misty choose to take part in a Pokemon ‘Surf’ race, but while the race is on. Latias appears and takes a shine to Ash, helping him almost win the race, before transforming into a young girl and running off.

While all of this is going on, its also revealed that Giovanni is once again back on the scene and has sent special agents: ‘Annie’ and ‘Oakley’ to attempt to capture both Latias AND Latios AND to find and collect the magic orb to reactivate a defense device the citizens of Alto created centuries ago, should an evil presence ever return.

When ‘Annie’ and ‘Oakly’ realise that Latias is running around Alto disguised as a girl, they track her down and are about ready to capture her when Ash spots them, fends them off and gets Latias to safety. Its here that he meets Lorenzo and Bianca, Lorenzo works at a kind of museum/historic building housing the defense device and remnants of that fateful day in the history of Alto…And Bianca is his Assistant? Daughter? random Arty person he knows? Who knows…in either case both of them look after both Latias and Latios in secret and Latias has taken to transforming into Bianca because it likes her.

and…the rest of the movie could best be summed up as Annie and Oakly trying to get SOME kind of a foothold on their plan to capture the pair of mythic pokemon OR find the orb. And Ash and co learning more about Altos history and trying their best to protect Lorenzo and co to avoid the Defense weapon from falling into the wrong hands…Oh…and Team Rocket are in this and…seemingly have fallen back into the place they were in ‘Pokemon 3’ where they’re in the film…but thats about it.

And probably the biggest gripe I have with this film is its script sadly, while I think this would have been a great 2 parter in the anime, here it feels like the kind of plot thats best enjoyed as two 25 minute TV episodes with a cliffhanger, rather than one LONG hour and 10 minute feature. that 20 minutes uninterrupted may not seem like a lot, but the first act offers SO so much, before the 2nd and 3rd act kind of slup into what effectively amounts to a runaround. and not a particularly engaging one.

While the film DOES end with at least a couple of twists and turns I didnt fully expect, and it ends about as solidly as these films can end. the slump sucks SO much life out of this production. Its also one of the first Pokemon films i’ve watched that seems a bit uncertain of the tone to take. It clearly WANTS to tell a darker more serious story, but because this is a child friendly franchise and because the series seems at this point to want to do a little bit of a ‘reset button’ to try and appeal to a younger audience (bearing in mind that the 10 year olds who got into pokemon in 1997/1998 when it hit the west, would now have been 16 possibly 17 by the time this film landed in the US/EU in 2004.) we end up with a kind of dark story, being told with kid gloves…Sometimes that can work, but here it results in a film that feels like it lacks commitment to either lane, being a bit too overbasic in places for the older pokemon crowd to really want to fully get into it, but at the same time being a bit TOO complicated for this younger audience to really want to stick around all that long.

There’s also a bit of a crowded cast list here, its been bad in the other Pokemon movies, with usually either Team Rocket or Brock and Misty getting essentially forgotten about barring an occasional check in…But here, barring the opening race sequence, Brock, Misty AND Team Rocket are all basically totally forgotten, barring one or two moments where they write them in, not to add to the plot, but simply to tell the audience that the writers havent COMPLETELY forgotten about them.

Throw in a wobbly act structure, and while this script is by NO means the worst one to make it to a ‘Pokemon Movie’. Its probably the shakiest one i’ve seen since ‘Pokemon 2000’.

Other than that though, its pretty solid all round, the visuals for this entry have gotten a HUGE upgrade, rather than trying to portray grand and sweeping locations, this film revels in really getting the audience into every side ally and market square in Alto. and theres an almost quasi ‘Studio Ghibli’ feel to some of these street settings. It looks cheaper than ‘Ghibli’ obviously, but its still really nice to see after a near half a dozen films of eithe vast unbroken forests and canyons and not much else, or experiments from H.R Geigers back catalogue.

They’ve also toned back the CG usage as well, or rather, the technology has caught up enough that marrying up CG with hand drawn or semi digital animation no longer looks totally hideous and actually kind of blends in quite nicely. This is probably the prettiest looking Pokemon movie of the series thus far and I feel that the director really gave me what I want out of a filmic Pokemon story. ground level views of the towns and cities and the pokemon that inhabit it.

The performances are solid enough, nothing noteworthy as being good or awful, they’re all about as solid as they usually are. The score seems much happier to use beefed up versions of music from the anime series, which Im happier with truthfully, with only 1 or 2 pop songs reminding me that this is the early 2000s and pop is still ruling the roost.

Overall, Eh…I think if push came to shove i’d narrowly choose this one over ‘Pokemon 4 Ever’ But this is a fairly pedestrian feature where I got more enjoyment watching the detail of the location animations and all the small things like villagers running around or working. Than the actual plotline which I feel was holding back on what it really wanted to show.

If your into Pokemon and looking for the better entries, this one is fine enough. But I absolutely wouldnt say it was essential.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/pokemon-heroes/

Camp Pikachu, 2002 – ★★★

Another day, another Pikachu short. And arguably this one’s the most incoherent to date.

For a starters, there’s no setup for this one. Ash Misty and Brock are just…missing seemingly. And for some reason (fanservice) the Pichu brothers are back! They’re riding a train for some reason when they accidentally fall off and into the surrounding woodland. Where they meet our regular pokemon hero’s who…for SOME reason are just chilling in the middle of LITERALLY nowhere.

The gang decide to help the Pichu brothers catch another train to help them reach their destination, and with the help of a comically strange Wynaut, a Vulbeat and a Duskull, the gang will cross land, river and sky to get the brothers back on track!

Right from the top the title ‘Camp Pilachu’ really doesn’t suit this short. I hear that title, and I’m thinking maybe the guys go to a special pokemon camp and have a fun weekend doing camp activities. But this quite literally is just the gang wandering in the woods for 20 minutes in an *admittedly* cute and charming kind of way…but that’s about it.

It’s nice to see that by the first ‘Hoen’ film in the franchise they’ve finally managed to make the makeup of the team predominantly Johto sourced. But I have to find it funny that they only got to that point AFTER the Johto movies had formally ended…

As for the new Hoen editions. Wynaut is a fun character, but I got nothing out of Vulbeat or Duskull…

Once again Meowth and Wobbuffet seemingly do absolutely NOTHING here and are once again, completely underused leading to another wasted opportunity.

I think the animation is arguably some of the best since the first Pichu brothers short…but that isn’t really saying anything given that was only 1 or 2 shorts ago…its nice, colourful, vibrant and engaging. But it feels like they’ve toned things down across the board to the point that these are now only for the very youngest children…

The soundtracks quite the improvement over the last film though…even if ‘country Jamboree’ vibes feel a bit off for me personally.

In some ways, this film just maintains the line of quality from the last short, in others it underperforms. But I think by a hairs breadth I prefer this to the last one. It may be less complex and even more basic. But I think it does a great job of being a palette cleanser ahead of the main event!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/camp-pikachu/

Trump vs the Illuminati, 2020 – ★

This movie was very kindly sent to me by a viewer of my youtube channel, which, given we live in totally different countries is a HELL of a kind gesture…Well, I say a ‘Kind’ gesture…it’s ‘Trump Vs The Illuminati’…im not sure if its kind of them, or the beginning of a new amendment to the geneva convention…we’ll likely sort it out via the courts…

Anyway; im going to review this one much more in depth on my youtube channel in future. But a quick overview finds us in 3044, at some point 1000 years prior THE ‘Donald Trump’ inadvertently started a nuclear conflict that just so happened to coincide with an AI uprising.

during this time, the nuclear war wipes out most of humanity, and the sentient AI machines harvest the earth of all its natural resources leaving the planet picked clean…HOWEVER! just before the nuclear conflict properly kicked off a lab grown clone of Donald Trump based in China escapes its holding facility and SOMEHOW commandeers a spaceship, managing to escape the planet just before the nuclear armageddon. I dont know HOW he knows how to fly a spaceship, but you’ll find with this film that a LOT of the runtime is filled with ‘how does he/she know that’? so its easier to just let it keep on whatever momentum its working with…

Anyway, The Trump Clone crashes his spaceship on Mars, and somehow manages to merge his conciousness with AI machines that essentially render him immortal. He spends the next 1000 years on Mars until 3044, when an alien race approach the clone Trump (who either has an imaginary friend called ‘The Major’ or has an ACTUAL friend called ‘The Major’ who he will abandon shortly. The aliens warn the clone of a terrible future in which the illuminati (led by the conciousness of Alistaire Crowley ressurected into the body of an alien…for some reason…) form a galactic army and wipe out the universe.

Clone Trump doesnt care about ANY of that, and refuses to help. But when Crowley and his cronies turn up and attempt an assassination, thats only foiled when the good aliens beam Trump aboard their ship and give him a cruiser of his own. Clone Trump eventually learns that his destiny as saviour of the universe is inevitable, and so he heads out to Dubai, where the entry portal to Hell is located, so that he can fight Lucifer to the death, to destroy the illuminati and restore order to the universe…Oh! and he’s assisted in this by a Han Solo/Chewbacca style pairing of either a clone or descendent of ‘Van Helsing’ and ‘Bigfoot’…

I felt like I was having a stroke at multiple points while watching this. I see a lot of movies that dont ‘feel’ like real movies, but most of them just look a bit cheap and have a basic story. But this is the first film i’ve seen in a while that doesnt even ‘feel’ like a movie, it feels like something that would have appeared in an episode of ‘Tim and Eric Awesome show’ back in the 2000s as a scathing work of satire.

Halfway through watching this, I wondered what the audience reaction would have been had I sent this film back in time, with no context, to viewers in 1995. And I can only liken the response to be similar to that old meme about giving a medieval peasent a dorito.

The scripts the base ramblings of a mad man, theres nothing more to it, its just pseudo philosophical ‘bullshit’ mixed in with overt references to Trumps first time in office wrapped up in a bizarre plot of intergalactic warfare, that BARELY features ANY actual intergalactic warfare…

The pacings ice-bergian CRAWLING to the endzone at 69 minutes, it feels like it goes on for over 2 hours. and its BIZARRE choice to spend the majority of the runtime essentially running a ‘What If?’ around the idea that Clone Trump, under different circumstances could have been some kind of martyr figure, I feel even in 2020 was kind of poor taste, and in 2025 is just downright demented.

Essentially the majority of this movie is watching a spacesuit avatar travel from one location to another, pontificating about what makes us who we are, the meaning of life, and the occasional ‘grab’em by the pussy’ reference…

The characters all feel like they just popped out of a beginners ‘Warhammer’ Campaign. the dialogue is frankly painful and delivered by ACTUAL voice actors in such a way that im STILL not 100% certain they didnt do voice cloning and Text to speech at some points in this movie…

And to add insult to injury, the film doesnt even really fully resolve. It solves one plotline that kind of becomes irrelevent just before the end. Then about 7 minutes off the end, they cram in a dozen characters we’ve NEVER seen before up to this point, set up some random new threat and then they just…drop it. Literally they dump all that on the audience, then hard cut to credits…with seemingly no follow up planned and no ACTUAL resolution given. the film just..stops.

The direction is sparking off in every possible direction it can go off in, it lacks focus and vision, and…you wouldnt know it from the poster or DVD cover. But this is almost 100% CGI, and to be more specific, it looks VERY similar in places to PS3 era ‘Fallout 3’, ‘Mass Effect’ with a little bit of Halo thrown in for good measure. the models animate only SLIGHTLY more than a ‘T’ pose, they show locations with no characters in them frequently so they dont have to animate characters mouth movements. The Trump clone character is in a spcaesuit for 90% of the runtime, its mouth doesnt move at ALL when we can look through the visor, and the characters who DO get mouth movements? NOT ONE LINE matches the movements of the mouth.

The art style feels generic, almost like something from an out of the box animations studio piece of software, and because so MANY characters are using generic Alien models here, I assumed it meant they didnt have any additional models to cover other characters…an example being Lucifer and Alistaire Crowley here are both represented by generic alien models…but THEN literal MINUTES off the end. they show both a human animation model AND a ‘Satan’ animation model…SO WHY ARE ALL THESE CHARACTERS JUST COPY PASTED ALIEN MODELS?!?

The editing is atrocious, the score, generic and ill fitting. If it wasnt a weekday where I have work in the morning, i’d be drinking by now…ABSOLUTE waste of time…Dont bother, the fact its at least VAGUELY self aware was JUST enough to pull it back from the absolute pits. But it is TEETERING. AVOID.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/trump-vs-the-illuminati/

The 8th Annual Live ‘On Cinema’ Oscar Special, 2021 – ★★★★½

Arguably one of the high water marks for the OCOS’s its a solid night of chaos BUT! adding a twist to proceedings, the entire nights events unfolded between two different streams. I know some people were annoyed by that, but for me I found it a fascinating use of mixed media and a GREAT way to drip feed in hidden lore and details to the series without overtly doing so. the Gregg feed was a definite favourite, and I still remember the thrill of watching folks flick between the two looking for clues and behind the scenes gossip.

It was a great night that balanced comedy and tragedy perfectly once again, and one that I had a real soft spot for.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-8th-annual-live-on-cinema-oscar-special/

The 9th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special, 2022 – ★★★

A little bit of a slower offering for this years oscar special, while the ‘live at the hei ranch’ location was a bit of a shakeup, I felt like this one was nothing we hadnt seen before…and while the dramatic closer really did up the experience. This was one of the few oscar specials that I feel like I didnt need to watch it live…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-9th-annual-on-cinema-oscar-special/

Garden Tool Massacre, 1997 – ★★½

As an SOV afficionado, I’d had ‘Garden Tool Massacre’ recommended to me a few times by folk over the years, So I figured tonight would be the night…

Honestly, theres not much to say, the film is set somewhere between the midlands and the north of England, and it could best be summed up as ‘What if John Carpenters ‘Halloween’ happened just outside of Manchester, England?’

The plot is about a guy who murders his wife, and a couple of days later is apprehended by the police who put him in a maximum security mental health facility. He promptly goes mute and doesnt react to anyone for about 7-8 years, where he promptly escapes the facility by just…murdering a janitor and walking out…

and the next thing to happen is we cut to a group of lads as they’re getting ready for a weekend long party at one of the lads houses…

And you’d think that that would then be the premise…our Killer rocking up at the party and slowly picking the lads off…BUT YOU’D BE WRONG! because the vast majority of the film is just the lads awkwardly having THE most 90s english house party I’ve ever seen (seriously this brought back a LOT of memories) while a series of ‘fake outs’ happen where you THINK they’re going to be killed…but they arnt…This continues for the full runtime until about 10-15 minutes off the end, when the ‘massacre’ formally DOES start, and could best (and most generously) be described as an exercise in ‘Copy/pasting’…

The script itself is frustrating, with a first act that feels alive behind the eyes and is keen to set the entire movie up as effectively as possible. Which it succeeds in doing really, I was genuinely on board with this thing right up till the 2nd act, where the breaks are pounded and the whole film just falls into a load of people talking nonsense at a house party for the better part of 30-40 minutes…Before we crash into a VERY repetative final act that felt like a film going through the motions leading to a rather uninspiring and dry finale that just dumps you into the credits without so much as a wink and a good bye.

The characters are all one note and fairly generic, with talking topics largely being centered around beer, birds, peeing, murderers and horror films. the dialogue is rigid, unnatruralistic and due to poor audio recording equipment, BARELY audible most of the time. its a really poor show honestly that just made me wish I was watching ‘Halloween’ for most of the runtime.

Mercifully, the direction and cine DO impress. Given this was the writer/directors first foray into feature film making we get a VERY impressive creative vision that, really drags up a subpar script to something much more worth your time. Scenes are clearly very carefully planned out and crafted and its clear that, while this was a skeleton crew on hand, every attempt to keep things as close knit and to the directors vision was taken.

While the vast majority of the film does play out like one long ‘continual action sequence’ occaisonally broken up by random killings. the shots are very well composed, theres a sense of dynacism in the camera movements and given this was low/no budget, it does feel like it was at least attempting to put an heir of professionalism behind the lens.

Theres at least some attempt at utilizing B-roll, though more would have definitely been welcome, the editing for this one is really tight with some solid match cuts and decent transitions across the runtime. Visually, apart from the fact that the VHS quality here is ABSOLUTELY to the wall (im assuming the filmed this in SLP mode) it looks consistent and about as solid an attempt as i’ve seen in the SOV genre to make something feel fairly filmic.

Soundtrack wise, we have a problem. So the original scoring for this film was apparently almost entirely movie music, or copyrighted studio releases. So here for SRS’s release, we have a licensed score that DOES fit the bill and is used appropriately…But that isnt the issue. The issue is that all the dialogue audio was recorded using the video cameras on board mic. And the cast here all have VERY thick northern accents. AND they’re all in various echoey rooms…Which means I cant hear a bloody thing being said in this movie, other than the occasional line where the cast member was literally talking RIGHT into the microphone, or if they did an overdub. What I WAS able to hear though, was largely just idle chatter and horror references…So I dont think I was missing much.

And as such, the performances here are kind of moot too. The cast were all friends of the director more or less, they had limited acting experience, and largely just sort of awkwardly stand about and occasionally deliver muffled lines that I cant quite here. Honestly? the fact this release doesnt come with a subtitle track was probably the biggest miss this company have ever made…

Garden Tool Massacre is a game of two halves. While visually this is really rock solid, and it has its moments of being funny, or genuinely impressive gore wise. The sound issues, lack of animation from the cast and VERY lumpy script, ultimately hold this thing back from really hitting its potential. Even with this in mind, I did find myself having a bit of a soft spot towards it, not enough to make me want to recommend it. But almost certainly enough that I could see myself rewatching this one again, partly for the nostalgia, and partly to ACTUALLy try and figure out what the hell these people are saying for the most part.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/garden-tool-massacre/