A franchise that I have a rather complex relationship with, the ‘Hellraiser’ series, isnt my immediate ‘go to’ for a Horror movie fix. Its a bit too decedent and rich narratively and visually to scratch that itch in the same way your Freddys, Jasons or Michaels of the world can. No…this is a series that I only really tend to dip into when im looking for a very particular form of supernatural, intense horror, and as such, while I dont personally dislike the franchise, I find its a series I can only really take in short bursts every few years…Which is why, in my infinite wisdom, I’ve decided to watch all 11 of these over Halloween…starting with the original; 1987’s ‘Hellraiser’.

Loosely adapted from Clive Barkers ‘The Hellbound Heart’ the film is essentially treated as a bit of a ‘moment in history’ introducing audiences to the strange and unusual demons that inhabit an even MORE unusual magic puzzle box that promises the offer of ultimate pleasure…through the most anguish inducing of pains. We’re early in the game here, so no mentions of ‘Lament Configurations’ or ‘Cenobites’ here…its all very ethereal, and a lot of the narrative twists, we’re essentially just asked to roll with it.

So; in the opening we’re introduced to ‘Frank’, Frank’s just purchased the puzzlebox from a mysterious man in a cafe and, after taking it back to his dead mothers home and playing around with it for a bit, the box opens releasing interdimensional super beings of pain and pleasure, who promptly gut him with hooks, explode his body and drag him into the box into a place far worse than Hell…and its here that the main plot begins!

As Frank has a brother, ‘Larry’ who in turn has a wife and daughter Julia and Kirsty respectively. they’ve just upped sticks and moved (presumably) to the UK (its…its weird, theres more Americans in this film set in Britain than English people…again, just…roll with it) to start a new life in Larrys Mothers house, she passed away a few months ago, and other than a bit of damp and some light renovation work, Larry sees the house as a place for him and Julia to have a fresh start, while also trying to coax Kirsty to join them.

Kirsty however, isnt so keen on Julia, and has decided to get a place of her own, rather than having to put up with constant cold looks and being talked down to…so far so kitchen sink. But Julia has a secret, and that secret is about to be revealed very soon, when Larry, while helping the movers shift a matress upstairs, cuts his hand very badly and ends up bleeding all over one of the upper floors. While Julia rushes him to the hospital, its revealed that the room Larry bled in was the same room that Frank was ‘captured’ in, and the blood of his Brother manages to pull an almost entirely skeletal, and VERY gooey Frank back from the clutches of agony, and into a rather drafty upper floor room.

Later that night, Julia decides to leave their housewarming early to go to bed, and; on investigating a noise, she finds Frank in the upper floors, who demands help from her. At which point it’s revealed that shortly before Julias wedding to Larry, Frank stopped by the house and caught Julia alone. and after some…SMOLDERING moments, the pair entered into a steamy and VERY aggressive romp. In turn trapping Julia, as Frank threatened to spill the beans to Larry if she didnt remain loyal to him…Which wasnt exactly difficult, because Julia clearly fell HARD for Frank and essentially makes it clear that shes ended up trapped in a relationship with someone she doesnt really love.

Franks ask is simple, he wants Julia to go out, coax some random horny man back to the house with the promise of sex, and then when they get back, to knock him out with a hammer and let Frank ‘feast’ on the body to regrow his body back to a fully skinned form. Julia is reluctant…but Franks just…TOO alluring to resist…And eventually she gives in.

But Kirsty spots that Julias increasingly becoming distant, and one day she decides to randomly stop by the house, catching Julia and a bloody and muscle laiden Frank midway through the act of disposing of one of Julias ‘hunts’. Terrified and DEEPLY creeped out, Kirsty flees the house, taking the puzzle box with her, much to Franks terror. and after some messing around with it, Kirsty herself accidentally summons these ‘beings’ who demand her, but will settle if she can bring Frank back to them. Leading to a violent showdown.

And with this one? I feel like a lot of my thoughts on it simply boil down to personal opinion. Up front, i’ll say that the direction, cine, performances and scoring are all pretty faultless, Doug Bradley is only briefly here as ‘Pinhead’ but he essentially cements his legacy in the 8 or so minutes he’s on screen here. giving a chilling and wonderfully abstract performance that I really enjoyed. Clare Higgins as Julia is delightfully deranged, getting to work a very wide emotional range jumping from terrified, to enthralled, to disgusted, and eventually she seems to grow to love the bloodlust that comes with getting herself that bit closer to having Frank back.

Sean Chapman and Oliver Smith both play Frank here, and again a brillaint if not UTTERLY seedy performance that genuinely made my skin crawl multiple times across the runtime. and thats not to mention. Ashley Laurence, who’s simply fantastic also as Kirsty here.

No, the vast majority of my issue with this film comes with the scripting, and even then I cant fault it technically or thematically, its really more a matter of personal preference. I think the pacing is maybe just a little bit too slow boil, I feel like the scenes of Julia trying to trap men gets a little repetative and could have been shortened. I feel like, given the cenobites are front and center on ALL the promotional materials. they really dont appear all that much in the movie, they dont really get a whole lot to do, and there are absolute GULFS between them appearing and dissapearing. Im not saying that they should have been wall to wall or anything like that…But the films goal is to create mystery around these interdimensional torture beings…and I think, if anything they give us too little to really work with for me to wonder or care what they do and why.

These slower periods give way to long sections of characters not really doing all that much. and when combined with a particularly visceral gory streak that again lacks the proper context to really tie it all together. I just find it all a bit flat. Given how grand and gothic the films portrayed to be, i’ve seen this now at least 6 times, and I dont recall a single instance where I havent been bored or distracted by something else by the mid way point, and while it definitely does pick up again for the finale. theres still a lot of meandering to get there.

Add to that that, other than the ‘iconic’ lines featured in this film…the dialogue on the whole is a bit dry and uninteresting. The film tends to tell more than show, and when it does show, it shows in a disjointed way that makes it kind of hard to really get a judge of what exactly is happening.

This films been regularly sited as a great work of ‘queer cinema’ and i’ve read the reasonings for that, and while I can appreacite that angle, I just really dont see that myself here. I do see a film thats very heavily bedded into themes of processing trauma, toxic relationships and dealing with the horrors of twisting safety into nightmares. In some regards its a quality it shares with ‘Fire walk with me’. But to me? I see this film as having more homoerotic or gay coding in it than queer personally.

While the core characters are interesting, the supporting cast a bit overly dry and not particularly memorable, I always forget that Kirsty has a love interest in this film for all the actual impact he has to the plot.

Add to that a very abrupt ending, which I wont spoil here, but is kind of underwhelming considering we’re fighting interdimensional demigods capable of phasing between worlds and unleashing the worst pains and horrors known to man. Its basically a ‘magic button’ ending that just left me feeling cold, and an attempt at the very end to turn this into a semi-cyclical narrative fell flat for me.

Ultimatley; I can absolutely see and appreciate the craft that went into this movie. ‘Hellraiser’ is a very impressive film honestly, its just not really my tone or style, it has its moments which I totally get (hence the rating i’ve given) but it isnt my favourite entry in the franchise, and its not one I revisit all that often. If I were to take the objective technical ability out of my considerations for this movie, it’d probably be a 3 out fo 5…But It goes without saying really that you should probably catch this film once. But for my money, the sequel offers a much more well rounded and engaging experience.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/hellraiser/

Well; it’s Halloween once again, which can only mean one thing. Its another run of (at least) ’31 Movies in 31 Days’ and kicking things off I thought i’d go for a lighthearted play on ‘the classics’ AND revisit a Mel Brooks film that I havent seen in at least 3 or 4 years. 1974’s ‘Young Frankenstein’ Made around the time that Brooks was really hitting his stride with features like ‘The Producers’ and ‘Blazing Saddles’, ‘Young Frankenstein’ is a homage and parody of the Universal ‘Frankenstein’ movies. Made with absolute affection and heart.

The plot introduces us to the grandson of Victor Frankenstein, Frederick Frankenstein (pronounced Fronkensteen) A well respected biological scientist in his field currently training the next generation of doctors who just cant help but ask about his families troubling past with reanimation. Freddy dismisses them and his family as a bunch of lunatics. But when an aged friend of Freddys Great Grandfather appears at the campus, clutching with him the last will and testamony of the Baron. Freddy must travel to Transylvania, and engage head on with his families work, once and for all.

I dont honestly have a whole lot to say critically about ‘Young Frankenstein’ its a work that has more than held up against the tides of time. and frankly is pretty masterful in its execution.

Probably the most notable aspect of this production is the dedication to both the accuracy and subversion of that accuracy of the first 3 ‘Frankenstein’ films. we have faithful recreations of the eastern european villages featured in those Universal classics, we have the ACTUAL lab equipment from both ‘Frankenstein’ and ‘Bride of Frankenstein’ littering the new lab. the direction mimics transitions and stylistic choices of those early Universal monster movies to a tee, and in some cases they literally 1:1 redo scenes from those first two movies, but subvert them for comedic effect in a way that only Brooks can do (see: the hermit scene from Bride of Frankenstein getting a comedic makeover here)

The script is, to me, pretty hilarious, stacked jokes from start to finish running the full range of comedy. from Slapstick to sight gags, plays on words, to double entendres, parodies, innunendo…Its all here. the tone is a perfect balance of trying to play to those darker, more bleak moments of the original films, while contrasting them with absolutely daffy comedy, creating a multi tonal film that is genuinely indering at times and sincere in its efforts. Its not here to slam the original films, more to playfully appreciat their smaller, finer details.

The act structuring is solid, and again, very in line with the original Unioversal movies…I think my only criticism, and this is pretty much the only one I have for the whole movie, is that the pacing is a little lumbering at times. It feels in places that Brooks had a few too many ideas, and as such, the quality for what got into the film, and what was cut out seemed a little more lax here than with his other films.

The quality of the humour is consistently high, but some of the gags require a bit of setup, and that adds extra time onto the run that I feel slows things down a bit too much for me. There’s usually a point somewhere around the hour mark on this where I realise theres still a LOT more to go, and I start to wonder just HOW LONG this film ACTUALLY is. Its one of those films where, to me, they could have lost 5-10 minutes and really got this thing over the line. Deciding what to cut though…THAT is the tricky metric that I havent fully firmed up on.

Otherwise, this is a solid work, and the affection for the series is clear throughout, with the cast of Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman and Terri Garr as Freddy, I-gor and Inga are superb, hitting every single cue with absolute relish and clearly having an absolutely terrific time in doing so. I honestly cant imagine this film being half as engaging or enjoyable without them.

Thats not to forget Peter Boyle as ‘The Creature’ who is just a masterclass on physical comedy, making every 4th wall break an absolutely laugh riot. He’s perfectly cast here…Nor should we forget the supporting cast, who are equally daffy and fun. They bring with them a kind of palpable energy that shows that everyone involved knew the exact tone to hit to maximise the humour of the production.

Throw in an exquisite score from John Morris, who perfectly captures that ‘Universal’ vibe of 30s and 40s Horror seamlessly, giving the film one final Jolt to make it extra special!

I have a real soft spot for ‘Young Frankenstein’ and while it may not be my all time favourite Mel Brooks film. Its absolutley up there as a classic, and PERFECT lighthearted Halloween viewing for those who want to kick the season off with a laugh, over a scream!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/young-frankenstein/1/

I was late to the party when it came to ‘Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.’ In part because it didnt really get a release in the UK (a VERY small print run of VHS tapes in the early to mid 90s was pretty much the beginning and end of it until 2024, when Radience films finally released the film in the UK in HD and on disc for the first time). While i’d been aware of the film since the mid 2000’s, I didnt ACTUALLY get to sit down and watch it till mid 2022 via Tromas own ‘in house’ release on bluray which a friend VERY kindly sent my way.

But recently Vinegar Syndrome and Troma signed a mutual deal in which Vinegar Syndrome gain access to most of Tromas back catalogue to remaster in 4k and release in shiny shiny new packaging with a raft of new and archival extras…and I absolutely loved Kabukiman the last time I caught it, so I grabbed it during a sale this year, and with Halloween getting dangerously close, I decided to rev up the 4k player and see if the Boutique labels could manage, what the studios could not.

The plot follows detective Harry Griswold, one of the best cops in the NYPD, as he gets caught up in life changing events. When he misses a date with a fellow officer, Harry decides to go to his local Kabuki theater which is having an award winning run. Unbenownst to Harry, behind the scenes a great battle is shaping up, as an elderly man and his grandaughter warn of a great evil approaching. The plan, is for the old man to transfer ‘the power of ‘Kabukiman’ to a young protoge.

However; before that can happen our young man is killed by a gang of thugs hell bent on realising the prophecy that will lead to the rise of the great evil one. midway through the performance of the play, that same gang storm the stage, killing the old man and most of the theater goers. Harry steps in and manages to stave off a TOTAL blood bath, but the old man is hit, and in his final moments, transfers the power of ‘Kabukiman’ to Harry.

Leading Harry to undergo a bizzare transformation into the one and only ‘Sgt. Kabukiman’ a champion against evil with razor point fans, exploding sushi and arrow tipped chopsticks! Harry isnt quite sure whats happening to him as he slowly morphs in and out of his Kabuki alter-ego, but Grandaughter ‘Lotus’ is on hand to whip Harry into shape ready for his ultimate destiny of defeating the prophecy once and for all!

And, of all the Troma films i’ve seen, this one kind of fascinates me the most, a co-funded production between Troma and games company ‘Namco’ ‘Sgt. Kabukiman’ is a bit of an odd duck in the sense that there was a little bit of disharmony between Troma founders Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman.

The president of Namco, when discussing the tone and vibes for the film, instigated that he would very much still like to have the wild and crazy vibes that Troma were known for like ‘The Toxic Avenger’ but the he believed that the amount of offensive content and violence should be toned down. Not eradicated you understand…but rather, that the whimsy and surrealism should be the front foot of this venture, and that any violence shouldnt really exceed a PG-13 rating. Around this time Troma were in early development of ‘The Toxic Crusaders’ and the mindset from Herz perspective was that Troma was beginning to umbrella a little bit into a more accessable studio, where there could, in theory, be a film to suit any age or preference. And Sgt. Kabukiman having that same degree of ‘Troma-mania’ but targeted more at a YA audience could be the thing to help open the gates to the next generation of Troma fan.

Lloyd Kaufman disagreed, reckoning that the film should be R-rated and boundary/taste pushing because thats what people come to Troma for. In the end, after much discussion, two cuts of the film were produced, a ‘PG-13 cut’ that toned down the violence and played up the comedy, and a ‘Directors Cut’ that was R-rated and had a harder gorier, oozier edge to it. In the end, the PG-13 cut was what made it into cinemas, but subsiquent releases on home video would default to ‘The Directors Cut’. Which is the version I watched tonight.

All in all, I still love it as much, if not moreso than I did when I first watched it. The script moves at a bullet pace, the tone is perfectly balanced between giving the audience an ACTUAL story and 3 act narrative, while also feeling like at any moment the whole production could just derail into absolute farce comedy.

The act structuring itself is reasonably balanced, I feel like the Directors cut lets the film breath just a little more, but im still not 100% convinced the added gore and violence improves the film any more than the PG-13 cut.

The characters are all pretty well developed, and this would mark one of the final Troma movies to ACTUALLY BOTHER to give the characters a well rounded character backstory and arc. With most Troma movies after this devolving into single goal characters incoherently screaming for 90 minutes.

I really appreciated the fact this was a multi-plot narrative with some nice pathos moments contrasting the bizarre and whimsical comedy elements. Tonally, its a comedy with action elements through and through, and I for one really appreciated the playfulness of this film. Whereas a lot of Troma movies put their hand firmly on your shoulder before shoving you into the haunted house. This film feels like a much friendlier approach, welcoming the audience into the world of Troma with open arms and gradually warming them up to the bizarreness, rather than throwing them into the deep end. I think if you have a friend who’s never seen a Troma movie before, this one or maybe the new ‘Toxic Avenger’ may well be the best avanue to start things off.

The direction, for Troma is pretty great, clear thought went into the sequence building Kaufman clearly had a vision he wanted to realise here, and I feel like he largely achieves what he sets out to do, with only a handful of duff moments (Which…again, for Troma, is pretty remarkable) Direction of the cast is also A-grade with over the top choreography and effects work complementing some nice set space work, mild improvisation and choice line deliveries. Kaufmans an old hand at this style of film making, and I think ‘Sgt. Kabukiman’ is probably his most compitent work in terms of the budget intersecting the vision.

The cine on the new 4k release is nothing short of remarkable, a layer of grime, dirt and nicotine has been scraped off the 35mm print for this release and its as vibrant and gorgeous as ever, while this upgrade does only further highlight the cheaper aspects of the production, I was on the whole really impressed with just how sharp the image was on this release and how wonderful the composition and sequence building across the scenes looked and felt. Its a pretty solid work with incredible colour work and some nice lighting set ups. Let down a bit by a somewhat rushed feeling edit in terms of cutting styles…its a nitpick, but ultimately it did pull the film down a little bit for me.

Performance wise Rick Gianasi as Harry/Kabukiman is just incredible. I really liked the duel role play, and this is the one and only time they really give that nice duality. Harry is a bit blunt, charismatic, at times a bit comedic, but a largely cool headed man being dragged into the insane world of cosmic rituals, eternal evils and Kabuki theater. and across the runtime we see him lose his cool several times and eventually relax into the world of the supernatural.

As Kabukiman, he duel weilds being ABSOLUTELY insane, explosive, acrobatic and unstoppable, with occasionally snapping briefly back into Harry’s personality. Which was a nice twist and only added to the total feeling of ‘unknowing’ as to what the hell was going to happen next.

Susan Byun as ‘Lotus’ is also delightful, getting some wonderfully dry humour in places and really being given a good range to work with across the runtime. I dont think her performance is particularly amazing, but again, for Troma? she might as well have won the academy award that year. Bill Weeden, is for me a bit of a loose link here, he plays our villain for the piece, and while I dont think he plays a bad guy particularly badly…I think the type of baddie he’s being asked to play here, plays a little bit against what his acting style is. Personally; his turn here wasnt for me. I didnt think he was bad, I just think we needed a cooler, stonier presence for the character of ‘Reginald Stewart’ and Bill just doesnt really have that energy.

Add to this the Soundtrack which is a bit of a game of two halves. the rockier music such as the theme tune or tracks containing an actual band with vocals? are probably some of my all time favourite Troma music pieces of all time. I STILL listen to the ‘Theme from Sgt. Kabukiman’ pretty regularly years on from my first time spinning it, its legitimately a great little hair rock track that plays on music from Madam butterfly, and the band sessions all rework the music of puchini and other classical pieces to great effect in my opinion.

However, at the same time the incidental music, appears to have all been handled in house, and its vaguely asian sounding cheap farty synth whomps. it works from time to time…more during the comedy elements than anything else…But quite often when the synth music landed, it landed with a squeltch. I wasnt a fan.

Altogether though? I think ‘Sgt. Kabukiman’ is probably my second favourite Troma movie of all time, only just behind the original ‘Toxic Avenger’. Its upbeat, more whimsy driven over shock or gore, the direction and cine are some of the best Tromas ever had, as are the performances. The scripts rock solid, its sincerely funny and barring a few dud tracks, the scores pretty incredible too!

Its actually kind of wild to me that they didnt nurture and develop Kabukiman into a franchise of his own…This first film does an incredible job of parodying the ‘origin story’ film that the superhero genre is well known for, and not only did they not really build on that past this movie, they actually went in the OPPOSITE direction, essentially reducing Kabukiman to an ‘anyone can play him’ bit character who turns up in other Troma movies for occasional cameos…and most bizarrely of all, as an occasional host for Tromas youtube channel. with his new backstory being that after this film, he gave up crimefighting, got married, lost everything in a divorce, became an alcoholic and fought a rape case against him. They could have been 3-5 films deep into Kabukiman lore right now…and instead they took probably their most viable other franchise to Toxie and squandered it into oblivion…insane…its actually insane to me…

But I digress, go watch ‘Sgt. Kabukiman’ its REAAAAAAALLLY good!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/sgt-kabukiman-nypd/1/

I hadnt heard of ‘DC Cab’ until a recent splurge on one of kino Lobors sales, the Bluray cover of Mr. T angrily flailing the door of a taxi cab with a wasteland depiction of Washington just in front of him set expectations that I was going to be getting myself into a rollocking riot of a movie. And with Joel Schumacher on writing and direction (given he’d done ‘Car Wash’ less than 10 years prior) I was expecting something a little extra…Something the film unfortunately fails to deliver…

The plot of the film follows Albert, a country boy who’s headed to DC to meet up with friends and co-workers of his recently deceased Father. Alberts arrived with a mission, to carry on his fathers legacy in working for ‘DC Cabs’ He has images of a noble fleet of clean and vibrant cabs and friendly cabbies. But is almost immediately bought down to earth when he finds that the cab company itself is a ramshackled, threadbear and barely surviving business with Cabbies that have largely, seemingly escaped from prison or an asylum.

A friend of Alberts dad (and the cab companies owner) takes Albert in and helps to show him the ropes of the cab company, and while Alberts on the way up, we’re treated to a montage of ‘Wacky Shenanigans’ involving Mr. T, The Barbarian Brothers, Bill Maher and Gary Busey, alongside the rest of the cabbies in the fleet, while also introducing us to rival company, the ultra squeeky looking ‘Emerald Cabs’. Things seem on the up and up, when Albert finally gets his Hack license and meets the girl of his dreams, but when a lost violin winds up in the back of one of the cabbies cars, and a HUGE cash reward is mentioned, it leads to mutiny, theft and Albert and some kids being kidnapped! leading the Cabbies to mount a rescue mission to get one of their rank back, or lose their ranks all together!

Again, given the marketing for this film, I was under the impression it was going to be a screwball slapstick comedy ala ‘Meatballs’ with Mr. T in a prominent role as a Cabbie getting into misadventures. But he’s largely playing a background character here, he has some dialogue, and but he’s mainly there to occasionally smash things up and to make up the background numbers, with the main plot largely revolving around Albert. Which was kind of the begining of this films downfall for me.

The script itself is fairly pedestrian, the first half of the movie is largely just vignettes with the Cabbies getting into mishaps with rival cab companies and the local law. With the Violin subplot slowly bubbling away in the background until the 2nd act, when it basically consumes the entire act, which; on the one hand was nice because the disjointed comedy sketches were beginning to wear a bit thin, but on the other hand, because they have to cram what SHOULD Have been a first act setup into the entirity of the 2nd act, it means theres very little room for the comedy to continue, and what comedy is presented is very much a damp squib.

This leads to the 3rd act which is almost entirely centered around Alberts kidnapping, and the comedy does kind of come back, with some of the bigger laughs of the movie being found in the back end of this thing…But its all a bit too little too late, and the slowness of the second act, combined with a TON of padding in the 3rd, left me just feeling a bit exhausted by this movie. There’s only so long I can focus on a film, especially a comedy movie, before I have to accept that it probably isnt for me, and that tipping point happened somewhere in the 3rd act, making it almost impossible for it to pull it back for me.

Comedy is of course subjective, and while im sure plenty of people will enjoy the humour of this one…It just felt like a poor mans ‘Meatballs’ to me…Like a poor copy paste attempt at recapturing the lightning in a bottle of ‘Car Wash’ but about 7 years too late. its reliant on T&A and racial slurs to keep the audience on board for most of the opening half, and even the more slapstick moments are pretty weak. I stifled a laugh once…maybe twice across this whole thing. Which, given its a comedy movie…is pretty dire. I dont even think I cracked a smile past that.

I think the biggest problem the script has is that it confuses characters shouting things, as funny. The vast majority of the film just has out characters freaking out and screaming their lines…and for some people…thats enough. But not for me. I just found it frustrating and tiring to watch, Not helped either that the dialogues a bit muffled, meaning I had to watch with subtitles to ensure I ACTUALLY GOT the jokes.

The characters arnt really all that well developed. Most of them could best be described as ‘Muscle bound meatheads’ and thats kind of their entire schtick…Think the jocks from ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ and your not a million miles off…and the characters who DID manage to stand out, were either standing out for the wrong reasons (see Gary Buseys character dropping hard R’s like it was the 19th century again, or Charlie Barnett essentially just leaning into stereotyping and giving a poor mans Eddie murphy impression) It just felt like non of these characters, other than Albert had any real sense of depth, and even Albert doesnt get THAT much development, with most of his arc being around getting his license (which he achieves around the mid point of the 2nd act) and in trying to win the heart of a young lady who works at the diner…which isnt really resolved or closed by the movies end…as he gets sidelined for most of the 3rd act.

The film basically feels like it could be supercut into a really nice trailer, something that could get people through the door. But if the best the film has is a 60-90 second sizzle reel of jokes, its going to make the 99 minute runtime basically insufferable.

The issues with the film however do pretty much begin and end with the script (I appreciate thats a pretty big problem to have mind) the direction and cine are both studio grade and pretty sharp. Bizarrely the film opens with some really nice experimentation on shot composition and lighting. the set spaces look great…and then past that opening 10 minutes it just…collapses, into a somewhat overly comfortable state where it never really grows past just…doing the basics of a studio comedy of this era. the directions fine, cast direction especially given theres usually 10-20 cast members in a shot at any one time and they all seem to be moving or doing something, which is solid. It meets the basics, it opens strong…it just never gets better than that intro.

Performances are fine enough, Mr T is very much underplayed here as Samson, given he’s prominently featured in the marketing, he IS in the movie for a good chunk of the runtime. He just, doesnt get to say or do much…The Barbarian brothers get more to do than him, and they’re largely mute! Adam Baldwin as Albert is pretty solid in his role, starting off as a shy guy and slowly opening up into a more well rounded character as he’s brought into the wonderful world of Cabbie life. Charlie Bennet pretty much throws his entire weight behind his role as ‘Tyrone’ practically exploding on screen at every opportunity…and it would be amiss of me not to mention Gary Buseys….frankly…unsettling performance here as Dell. He feels like a jack in the box on screen, giving a somewhat demented stare to the cast or camera most of the time and just…unloading the most HEINOUS dialogue I’ve heard in a film in a good while….bizarre.

The biggest pull for this movie? and the sole reason I think it was worth it being made, was the soundtrack, which is a collaboration of Georgio Moroder and Irene Cara. It sounds great! power packed synth pop at its finest, very 80s, very cool, one i’d love to get my hands on on Vinyl…This is pretty much the best thing about this movie.

‘DC Cabs’ is pretty middle of the road, and hasnt really aged all that well in my opinion, it may look and sound pretty solid. But a comedy lives and dies by its material…and the comedy here, just…isnt really very good to me. I imagine if you caught this growing up, that you’ll almost certainly have a nostalgia for it. But coming to this in 2025 with fresh eyes? I just found it a bit overly basic, flat and it had me clenching my jaw in a few places. Not one I could really recommend honestly…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/dc-cab/

‘Santa Clause Conquers the Martians’ has been a film that i’ve been on and off trying to watch now for years. In a way, its my own fault really, Christmas is one of the busiest times of the year, and with SO many ‘classic’ Christmas movies to choose from. I’d find myself hitting play, half watching 15-25 minutes before I’d have to turn it off to go and help do some Christmas shopping, cooking, wrapping or decorating. Its not so much that I wasnt interested in the film, more that with SO many other things going on, it was just…too easy to walk away from this one and forget I’d even started it to begin with.

Well, last year I grabbed AGFAs wonderful HD Bluray remaster of this film, and today, I finally decided to give it a spin, in some ways im SO glad I did…but in others, I kind of understand why its taken me so long to actually make it through this one in a single sitting. Additionally, to clarify. The AGFA release of this film contains two cuts of the movie, a ‘Showcase’ cut of the film preserved from a 16mm print that runs to 90 minutes and includes an intermision, advertisements and some removed scenes. And a ‘Drive in’ cut preserved from an S-VHS transfer from ‘Something Weird’ video, that trims the movie down to a pacey 60 mins or so. For the purposes of this review, im going to largely be talking about the 90 minute cut.

The plot? Well, this is a matinee film aimed at very young children in the 60s…so it really cant stand to overcomplicate things. We open with a newscaster hosting a television first, via Telstar, a live interview from the North pole, with Santa, in his workshop, its early December, and Santas hard at work with his elves developing all the toys needed for every boy and girl around the world.

This live newscast however, is picked up by two martian children, who are absolutely captivated by the idea of Christmas and Santa. Their father Kima picks up on the fact that they’ve slowly stopped eating as much, and that they need ‘sleep spray’ now to actually go to sleep, and…with concern; he summons the Martian Council and they head out to the ‘Thunder Forest’ to speak to their elder. Who informs the group that all the children of Mars are waking up to the idea of Santa and Christmas, and…as Martian culture dictates that all children undergo a rapid education programme, aimed at creating children with adult brains. Non of the kids have had time to just… be Kids..and that needs to change.

So! the council decide the logical choice on what to do is simple, they need to head to earth, kidnap Santa, and force him to give the Martian children Christmas. And there plan more or less goes without a hitch…except, on the trip, they accidentally kidnap two children called Billy and Betty…who through the power of childhood wonder, and with the magic power of Santa, Show all the martians, young and old, that Christmas is a state of mind…engaging most…but turning some of the Martians towards the most DEVIOUS of tactics to ensure the status quo isnt interrupted…

And, at its core…this is a very simplistic and quite surreal little movie. cheesy and campy enough that I FULLY understand why its a bit of a darling amongst the Rifftrax and MST3K crowds. But I feel like this is a movie probably best enjoyed in the ‘riff’ format above all else.

Watching it ‘unriffed’ its still fun and wild in an early 60s way, but it does somewhat expose the drier elements of the production. Particularly in the 3rd act where we spend a painful amount of time flicking back and forth between Santa and the kids, and the Martians who just want Santa gone by any means necessary. The pacing is a little bit pedestrian in the first two acts, but when the 3rd act swings around? the whole thing just crawls to a halt for the majority of the runtime.

Beyond that? its all very simple ‘by the numbers’ type stuff. the characters are all super blunted because the target audience for this film is kids aged 3-7. dialogue is kept overly simplistic and basic. the plot doesnt really have that many twists and turns, but I was amazed at just how long 87 minutes felt watching this. Its one of *those* kinds of movies…

Honestly? the main reason to check this out is the direction and visuals. I feel like the production values of this film get unfairly slated. While its very true that this films surreal ‘cheap and cheerful’ visuals are sometimes SO low quality as to be laughable. I do have to say, especially with the AGFA remaster, you do get to see SO much more detail in these set spaces, and its actually surprising to me how much thought was put into dressing the sets and making the best out of a very ‘cardboard’ situation…Only enhanced with some really quite decent camera work, tracks, dolly’s and pans are all out in full force, it feels smooth and sequences, for the time, are reletively solid. Again; its not exactly pushing any boundaries…But its a very sturdy, if not cheap looking effort. Also, bonus points for one of the greatest cardboard robot designs i’ve ever seen in ‘Torg’ the robot!

Performances are fine enough, the Martian cast are kind of phoning it in, but when the costumes are that rediculous, its hard to be surprised by that really…It definitely would have been nice to have seen them play it more ‘alien’ like…as it stands, occasional comments to ‘Food pills’ is about as ‘alien’ as it gets, with the vast majority of ‘otherworldly’ lifting seemingly just being done by the weird costume designs…

The actors playing Billy, Betty and Santa all pretty much fit the brief…It would have been nice to see them get a bit more complexity though as, as it stands, they’re basically just there to state the obvious and let everyone else carry the plot to the next point they can jump out to reiterate whats going on for the younger members of the audience.

I feel like everyone here brings at least SOME energy to proceedings…but I feel like the folks who really needed to go all out, just clearly wernt being paid enough to do that…and the ones who DO camp it up (Im looking at you ‘Dropo’) go WAY too far and end up almost insufferable as comic relief.

Throw in an absolutely barren soundtrack barring the absolute pop CLASSIC of an opening theme, and ‘Santa Clause Conquers the Martians’ finds itself as a bit of a bumpy ride of a movie. When its good, its fun, decently paced and absurd to the point of hilarious…When its bad? its dry, plodding and frankly, a bit boring. I think next time i’ll give the 60 minute cut a spin, as im hoping they’ll have dropped some of the more ‘filler’ oriented moments. But I can absolutely see why people love this, I think riffed it could only stand to be better still, and i’d recommend checking it out at least once.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/santa-claus-conquers-the-martians/

I’ve seen about 100 of these now, this may not be the most groundbreaking Stooges short. But it made me laugh WAY too much, and didn’t have a dry moment for the full runtime. Probably the one I’d recommend to someone who’d never seen the Stooges before, and wanted to check them out.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/an-ache-in-every-stake/

I put off watching this one for the longest time because, by all accounts it wasnt so much a movie more an audiobook with stock footage running over the top of it…and well, that IS basically all this is.

A 90 minute audio narration telling the stoy of a boy named Pip who escapes a smog addled city to go to the woods, where he learns he can transform into different woodland animals, and the adventures he gets into while hes out there. With almost 95% of the films visuals being either royalty free stock footage, with 5 beng a handful of rushed shots captured on the fly to fill in the gaps where stock was totally unavailable.

THe script for this reads like an ‘automatic writing’ experiment and comes across as pretentious, and the visuals range from unpleasent, to irritating, to just beyond surreal. Its trying to be whimsical and fun. But it all falls flat on its face.

Even Socks Whitmore cant save this one, shes the only narrator for the full movies runtime, and she has a small handful of good moments. But its clear this needed a full cast, rather than just one person doing the job of 5 people.

Boring, cheap and downright dire as a viewing OR Listening experience. The handful of good Socks line deliveries and a couple of genuinely surreal moments that grabbed my attention were the paper thin mercies that stopped this film from basically being totally unwatchable.

Not worth your time, its a painful thing to sit through, I wont be watching it again.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-once/

Every day I wake up and think to myself…’Yeahhh…today’s a ‘monster club’ day….’

And y’know? I’m never wrong when I do…

Also my 200th film of 2025.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-monster-club/6/

The final film in Melusines ‘Bob Chinn Peekarama triple feature set’ California Gigolo is about as straightforward as it comes. John Holmes plays ‘John’ (a stretch…I know.) a Gigolo based in California (I know, I was shocked too.) and the film basically just…follows him around as he sees to his various clients and seeks new work. We also follow a guy named Gomez on and off throughout the film as he too gets into Gigoloing briefly. Its essentially something in the way of a ‘Day in the life’ or ‘Weekend in the life’ of the exotic and erotic lifestyle John leads.

Its fine enough, the script once again is paper thin, but at least it isnt trying to convince the audience of its storytelling prowess…It knows what it is, and the audience know within the first 5 minutes or so that they’re going to get exactly what it says on the tin. the pacings pretty on the level, it slows a little bit in the middle…but thats kind of to be expected.

The characters are all pretty lightly developed, but again, thats fine with films like these because its really just set dressing the audience and giving them a ‘type’ to work with.

The sex scenes themselves are consistent, and pretty well handled. With a good range of shot types and plenty of close up shots blended in. Theres a bit of an emphasis on Oral with this one. But I would say it was a ‘specialist’ film, just that…of all the sex acts featured in the movie, Oral is the most prominent.

The direction and cine are solid enough, though it is maybe a little basic on the lighting and experimentation front, its all fairly flat lit lighting, the sets are all pretty standard apartment or office spaces and the scenes are a little *too* clean structured. It maybe would have been nice to have seen them push the boat out a little more with this one.

Still! the performers all seem to be having a fun time on set, the soundtracks upbeat and fun enough and as a bit of escapism, its not half bad. I dont think this is an ‘essential’ watch, but I would say it’s in the upper half of Chinns filmography quality wise.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/california-gigolo/

The Second film in Melusines ‘Bob Chinn’ Peekarama triple pack is 1979’s ‘Hot Legs’ and…to be honest, there isnt really much to say on this one, other than its a bit ‘Middle of the road’.

The plot follows a media company trying to realise a new advertising campaign for ‘Hot Legs’ a stocking and garter company who are looking to shake up the world of fashion with a raunchy set of commercial advertisements and magazine spreads. The media companies top dog is ‘Mort’ a very stressed out Ad man who’s trying to juggle no show actresses, the egos of photographers and union staff in order to get the project over the line.

As you can imagine, a series of vignettes putting actresses in scantily clad outfits on erotically charged sets is bound to lead to all kinds of ‘encounters’ and through the films runtime we see several instances where business and pleasure get a little TOO intertwined…

Having seen a few of Bob Chinns films now, I was actually a little underwhelmed by this one. It didnt quite manage the charm of say ‘The Hot and Saucy Pizza Girls’ or ‘Lets Get Physical’. Usually, Chinns works have a bit of a cheeky sense of humour about themselves, and while this film is somewhat light hearted, it all seemed a bit thin on the ground in terms of what the scripts brought out of the cast.

The plotting element is fine enough, if not a little bit vague. It maybe would have been nice to have just focussed on the actresses moving through the ad campaign, or the photographer, rather than spreading the plot super thin to cover all aspects of the production.

The sex scenes here seemed a bit less focussed than Chinns other offerings, here they were a bit *too* focussed on close up oral scenes, and kept a lot of the actual sex scenes at a distance, it felt a bit ‘hands off’ and didnt quite have the same charge that a lot of Chinns films usually do have.

That being said, we trade some of that eroticism instead for some really decent set work, decent lighting with coloured gels and some nice experimentation with compositional choices…

The cast all seem pretty with it in the sex scenes, but seem a bit cool and uninterested in playing their parts in the story segments.

I dont think this is a bad adult movie really, but I just dont really think it did anything to really make it standout…its fine enough in giving eroticism and a decent (enough) plot to help it all tie together…but it starts to drag a bit around the middle, purely because there just isnt enough happening to keep the audience engaged…throw into the mix the tepid sex scenes, and this is a movie that isnt really anything special…Maybe worth your time if your into Chinns work specifically, but your milage will very much vary otherwise.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/hot-legs-1979/