XTRO (1982)

It’s Red Letter Media who should really get the thanks for properly introducing me to XTRO honestly…I had seen clips from this film before but I didnt really get a chance to properly understand the context of those clips until Mike, Jay and co properly broke this film down. It was after watching there overview of this movie that I knew I had to see it for myself.

And I really wasnt dissapointed…this films a real oddity. and it’s genuinely one of the hardest films I’ve had to catgorize for my channel really…I still have doubts about whether it should have been a “Red Triangle” episode or not…but I just dont think the films smart enough or tonally in line enough to be an out and out arty horror film…it’s just kind of…On the level. Which is fine! dont get me wrong if your looking for a movie to watch I DEFINITELY recommend you go and check this one out. But if you’ve had any prior exposure to this one beforehand. do lower your expectations. You may have it in your head that this films going to brilliant. It is enjoyable…but it’s not earth shattering. Your not looking at a top tier cult classic here…it’s definitely cult. but I think it’s got a bit more time to go on it yet before I can personally call it an out and out “Classic”

Enjoyable. This films enjoyable. I’ll probably watch it again. I still really want to get my hands on the Bluray for it at some point. but for now there are other pictures to be cracking on with. And im not in a major hurry to revisit this one.

I’ll repeat here what I said in my review (And im going to “Caps” it to be annoying) IF YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE, GO AND BUY THE BLURAY!. I really cant stress that point enough…this film looked fine on tape. But on Bluray I imagine its infinitely much more enjoyable!

(There are a couple of posters floating around for this one…neither of them really capture the true essence of XTRO though…I do realise that is a big ask.)

Little Heros (1999)

It took me a while to get around to the other feature shown on the prism leisure ultra cheapo kids double pack collection which featured the worst film i’ve ever seen “Lets Ruin Dads Day“. Indeed I put off talking about “Little Hero’s” for so long purely because I couldnt face seeing what film would be deemed “On par’ with such a terrible terrible movie. Which I think is why Im so non plussed about this movie. it’s not offensively bad, but you definitely could do better.

Its a rip off film at it’s heart mainly happy to try and suck any life it can get from the Home alone movies or the “Talking animal” genre which became very popular in the early to mid 90’s but by 1999 was most definitely on the wane.

Honestly; if you never saw this movie you’d never miss it…which is probably the most damning thing I can say about it. it’s impact in the world is as such that if it completely vanished off the face of the earth tomorrow. Probably only half a dozen people would even notice or care.

the cardinal sin is “Thou Shalt not Bore” and this films predictable plot, bad acting, below standard slapstick and generally poor production values (Made only worse by the blatant pizza hut promotional pieces) just left me waiting for this film to end.

I will do the sequels at some point…but at the minute my “To Watch” Pile is literally terrifying and I also am in desperate need of making a new blog for the site…so it may be a while before we find out how good the script was that a studio decided “Little Hero’s 2” was a good idea.

(This film didnt have a film poster (As far as I could find). So here’s the DVD cover. I dont know what im looking at…it looks like someone just took random stills/promotional work and laid them over someones shed…to me; its an offense to the eyes)

Terminator Woman (1993)

So We have a bit of an oddity here today. Way back in Season 4 I ended up doing a collaboration with a fellow youtuber Raymond Smith. Ray was in the process of doing a month on “Terminator” Knock off movies and we decided it would be pretty cool if he ended his series of Terminator movies and I ended my 4th Season with a cross over collaboration. The first one I’d ever done non the less!

It was huge fun working with Raymond and I really hope we get the chance to work together again in the future ūüôā He’s a fun reviewer and his channels heaving with movie reviews of every possible shape and size! I highly recommend checking him out some time (You can head straight to his youtube channel by clicking Here)

Unfortunately due to copyright issues half of our collaboration was removed from youtube by a company called “Lasso Entertainment”. Naturally this was most heinous and simply would not stand. So while I’ve been backlogging my reviews over on Breach.tv¬† I decided it was time to dust this one off and give it a proper home on this site. Breach arnt quite as anal about upholding the whims and wishes of companies who have little or nothing to do with the movies we talk about and actually seems to understand what “Fair Use” is…so they’re an ace company in my books! anyway; before this turns into a mini rant; I hope you enjoy this not as often seen review! You can get to it by either clicking the link below the picture or by clicking the picture itself! Oh! and before I forget! you can check out the second part of this review for the other film we collaborated on 1989’s “Lady Terminator” By clicking Here

TW

This Poster…man…this bloody poster…

https://www.breach.tv/video/6268/terminator-woman-1993-raymond-reviews-ft-tytd-reviews

V/H/S (2012)

Ugh…Dont make me promote this film more than I already have done! it’s just terrible! (In my opinion) The only thing I can really add is that while I knew there was a sequel (and I have already had offers from people willing to supply me with a copy of V/H/S 2 purely for the sake of doing another one of these) I didnt realise there were another 2 sequels (well…1 sequel and 1 spin offf) out there now also.

It’ll be a cold day in hell before I go back to these movies. I described it in the comments section to one viewer as “Needing to work up the volition for it” Im not an angry reviewer. I dont do things like the Cinema Snob or the AVGN or the Nostalgia critic. And I dont enjoy putting myself through movies I know Im very likely to dislike. I’m always open to giving fresh movies I think i’ll dislike¬† a chance because there is reasonable odds that It might change my mind (At which point im happy to sing it’s praise from the rafters) but movies like V/H/S have already established themselves in my mind as spineless and cheap. So why would I want to see more of that?.

I know in my heart of hearts I will talk about V/H/S 2 at some point…I just hope it’s as long a time as physically possible.

 

(I will say this though. Had the film been any good it’s poster would have been terrifically complimentary.)

Mission for the Dragon (Maegwon) (1979)

Once again I decide to cover a martial arts movie. Once again I am dissapointed and baffled by exactly what the hell im watching. seriously I’ve very quickly learnt with the martial arts genre that the fight scenes rarely live up to the expectations of awesomness that the box art offers. but at the same time total randomness and bizarre asides always keep me hooked as I wonder what on earth is going on.

This films no different. Though the themes of Giallo cinema that run through this are very welcome and a refreshing change to the norm. It’s just a shame it isnt more widely utilised.

The only other thing I have to say is that since this episode was recorded and edited I’ve since found some more evidence to suggest that it’s the IMDB listing that is incorrect and that this film IS in fact a Godfrey Ho movie…Though as I said in the review Im not entirely surprised by that. Still Im always one who will admit a correction when needed!

 

(The VHS cover for this film is MUCH too good for this movie. this movie doesnt deserve it.)

 

Equally once again we have a film where finding decent posters or covers for them is remarkably slim. So here’s a copy of the UK VHS cover scanned in at 3k. hope you like it!:

 

Mission for the Dragon

The Mad Monster (1942)

What we have here is a knock off movie with a heart. Honestly I don’t have much to say about this one that wasn’t already mentioned in my review. I feel what I said was pretty definitive of my opinion on it. It’s alright; Not great…typical 40’s B movie fodder…

What I can say however is that this episode of TYTD Reviews was the first one ever to be edited entirely within Da vinci Resolve. As someone who’s background is predominantly in video editing I take this as a bit of a milestone. to be honest I hadn’t been left with much of a choice really.

I first started by¬†splicing and dubbing¬†video tapes in the early 2000’s, it was fairly short lived and my cuts were terrible but I got the idea in principle. then I moved onto Windows Movie maker (Back when it was actually a functional NLE tool) which was where I learnt the absolute basics of digital editing, then I jumped up to Sony Vegas which I used¬†from about 2008 till about 2012.¬†That¬†software was where I really cut my teeth on video editing.¬†I learnt about multi track video editing, green¬†screening, overlays, masking, the works. It was¬†a real eye opener.

From 2012 until the present day I’ve been editing on Premiere Pro CS6.¬†It was a smooth jump over¬†aided¬†by the fact that I¬†was at that time studying media and film production at university which really let me get to grips with the software in an educational environment. however quite recently CS6 has been quietly nixed. Which means I’m in the market for a new NLE. I don’t get on with Final cut pro X (Snapping can go suck a fuck)¬†Avid is alright if you literally have money to pour into a big fire. Premiere pro has now gone “Live service” meaning at minimum it’s ¬£20 a month for the privilege (Which I wont be taking them up on) and Sony Vegas is Windows exclusive…And so through process of elimination I ended up¬†with Da Vinci Resolve. and y’know what? It’s alright! it does everything I need¬†it¬†to do¬†in a day to day capacity. I don’t know how it’ll fair with more complex¬†video editing but¬†for your bog standard cutting job it’s really pretty solid.¬†And it’s the best price an editing tool can be. Free. it’s a bit fiddly at first but once you know where everything is it’s quite a decent piece of kit. I’m hoping to upgrade my setup¬†in the next 12 months or so and when I do Davinci¬†will probably be¬†where I go. So theres a hot tip for yer!

 

…Anyway.¬†Here’s the mad monster.

 

(There were no decent quality posters for the mad monster (And what there was was only available in landscape) So this ones fan made…I found it on Deviantart…but it looks legit enough)

The Intruder Within (1981)

Im on Vacation! it’s only for a few days mind…but i’ve popped my flippers on, donned my factor 5000 sun tan lotion and Im striding out to enjoy the benefits of the british summertime!

With this in mind Im going to leave you with this stinker of a movie till I return! This was one of the first “Big Box” Tapes I picked up when I first started re-collecting VHS tapes. I saw the cover and just knew it would be a film that I’d need to watch/cover on this show. I was looking for tat. and I absolutely found tat here! it stinks!

It never had a cinema release and this movie basically was shown on US television once or twice before it was dumped onto tape and swiftly forgotten for a couple of decades…I wanted to like this one, I really did…but it’s so drab and such a clear knockoff of the Alien and Predator franchise that I just couldnt get anywhere near liking it as much as I could have.

Still that’s just my opinion…watch this weeks review and let me know what you think! In the meantime im off to fill a coconut with rum and to put my feet up in a shady glade! have a great week guys and gals!

(I can see teeth…and a mound of flesh…I still cant exactly decide where this things eyes are…never a good sign when it comes to a poster…It also looks a bit too close to “The Deadly Spawn”…)

Night of the Demons 3: Demon House (1997)

This film was a pile of poo in my opinion and quite honestly I have very little to say about it. Its a bit of a boring film that never quite gets to where it wants to be and barring one or two interesting lighting and directional choices is pretty much a dead weight…theres a reason they never made a “Night of the Demons 4” and this film illustrates pretty cleanly why. Avoid where possible…Where’s the Tylonol?

(Even the poster for this film is lazy because it’s literally just a reshoot of the last “Night of the demons” poster but flipped with a different coloured backdrop and visual gag…this film doesnt deserve a legitimate write up…lazy.)

You Can Read (The Complete Series) (1988)

I’ve been trying to find the best way to approach talking about “You Can Read!” (The 1988 Orbis Video released Edutainment series) for a long time now. In fact since I first found out the series I’d watched as a kid was called “You Can Read” I’ve always wanted to cover it on this channel. But I wanted to make sure I did it right (Or at least as right as possible given the spotty information thats available online about it) indeed it was literally only a couple of days before I was set to record the audio for this episode that I even found out that 3 years prior it had had a full DVD re-release in Malta.

Theres literally no information about this re-release online barring a Facebook page and a throwaway article buried deep in one of the lesser known tabloid sites. and finding that article was completely by chance. And apart from a handful of people who have commented on the facebook page to say the first 2 volumes were messed up (They’d apparently been authored as CD-Roms rather than DVD’s) it’s almost impossible to find any “Real world” evidence that these DVD’s actually exist at all. Im not denying they exist you understand. it’s just that outside of that facebook page’s own advertisements I havent seen one photograph on instagram, google or social media in itself of a member of the public owning a copy of these movies. Which does rather lead me to believe it may be a scam of some sort…but then…this is too obscure to really be proper scam material…or maybe it’s just obscure enough?…

Either way this series was a major impact on my childhood and adulthood, I was rediculously pleased to grab not only a copy of this on tape…but a copy that I actually owned as a kid and even though it’s only worth a couple of quid tops. it’s my most prized possession in terms of VHS. Probably only just being pipped by my original “Video Nasty” era release of “Tenebrae”

(All the VHS artworks look odd, they have a very basic design but they’re probably the most consistant thing in this series…)

 

As usual whenever I cover something a touch obscure Im usually immediately met with the problem of there just not being a high enough resolution image of the box art for the film im trying to cover. “You Can Read” is no exception. and the handful of covers I’ve been able to find online barely break the 500 pixel region…So here’s a 3k scan of the cover of Volume 3: Me I hope you enjoy the attention to detail.

You Can Read

 

The American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

So it’s been just over 2 years since I last watched an American Ninja movie (The American Ninja 2: The Confrontation) and I’ve finally taken the plunge and decided to give another one another go. my review probably wont surprise anyone who’s already seen these movies, but to newcomers all I can say is I hope you like this one!

Whenever I¬† think of the American Ninja series of films I am chronically reminded of my own failings as a critic. I started on 2! Who starts reviewing a series on the 2nd one!? thats a bit like eating the bread and leaving the filling of a sandwhich! Its something Im hoping to correct at some point in future…I mean…technically I’ve reviewed the Bollywood version of the first American Ninja movie With “Commando” (No not that one) So I suppose im not utterly shameful…I dont know…anyway! here’s AN3BH…I hope you enjoy it as much as I did…

 

(Lazy poster…ohhh so lazy…C- Must try harder)