TYTD Reviews

After being captivated by the works of Writer, Director and dreamweaver ‘Scott Hillman’ in ‘Baby Cat’ and ‘Blue Belt’ I figured it was probably a good way to round off my current exploration of his filmography by checking out one final film written and directed by him, and starring the ever wonderful Socks Whitmore. And to my absolute delight, they made a christmas movie back in 2021. So I hunkered down with a tall hot chocolate and decided that August really wasnt too early to watch Christmas films…and as the credits rolled. I kind found myself a bit lost as to my feelings on this one.

The plot sees Socks playing our lead once again here as ‘Pace’ a non binary accountant with a masters working as a bean counter for a film production company, its December 23rd and they’re getting ready for a ‘muted’ holiday season, as their parents have disowned them for their life choices, and their cool aunt is the only person to give them a christmas present…and its wrapped in Amazon packaging.

Pace leads a pretty pedestrian life, they have a one bed apartment, all their friends are ‘online only’ and the office is really the only place they go to, other than home. That is until Christmas eve, when their boss (who in the opening titles is portrayed as a cruel and heartless man who wants to kick orphans out of their orphanage during the holiday season) bursts into the office full of life, wearing PJ’s and a night cap announcing that, during the night he was visited by 3 spirits who have convinced him to change his wicked ways and renounce his cold heart in favour of giving.

This manifests itself as him turning the office into essentially a christmas explosion, where all the employees are tasked with a holiday errand, while he desperately tries to recreate scenes from ‘A Christmas Carol’.

Pace, is given the job of getting a Christmas tree, but not just ANY Christmas tree, the boss wants a real, from the forests christmas tree thats perfect in every way and ‘magical’…whatever that means.

So, Pace grabs an axe, loads up on snacks and heads up to a nature reserve, where a park ranger almost immediately stops them, tells them that the trees in this reserve are oak for about 100 miles, and that the furs that lay beyond that are protected…BUT! chopping down trees in national forests is kinda sorta legal, and he slyly guides pace to a nature trail where they’ll be able to find fur trees.

Unfortunately for Pace, their plans go awry, when they’re stopped by a person claiming to be a wood elf by the name of Buddy who’s the guardian of the forest and refuses to let Pace desicrate this pleasent land by removing one of their protectees.

And from there…what follows is essentially a half hour montage of Pace trying to locate fur trees while Buddy mocks and misleads them, all the while the pair begin to grow closer as its revealed Buddy is also non binary, and their parents have disowned them too, leading to them setting up in the woods for 5 months.

While back at the office we get mild and gentle comedy courtesy of the office workers being split into pairs to do errands including:

*A recently divorced woman who’s gone ‘all in’ on christmas, and a muslim woman who doesnt celebrate being forced to work together to prepare a MASSIVE christmas goose, in the office, with only office supplies and the company microwave to work with.

*A laid back guy who’s shirking all the jobs and trying to get another job as quickly as possible

*The VP of the company, who is trying desperately to get the festive boss removed, committed or both.

*and another two guys who…seemingly are only there to add exposition and context to upcoming sequences.

The film cuts back and forth between Pace and Buddies storyline, and the office storyline right up to the start of the third act, when the ranger reappears and tells Pace to be careful because theres a crazy homeless person wandering around the woods claiming to be an elf…causing Pace to have to decide whether Buddy really is crazy, or if she’s just in need of a tender heart (awww…)

And given Scotts other films, this one really is a game of two halves. The scripts a bit patchy if im being honest. The plot itself is fine. and I really quite enjoyed the LGBTQIA+ themes, it was refreshing to see a film tackle issues like abandonment without mincing their words. However, I found the blossoming relationship between Buddy and Pace to feel a bit forced and simultaineously rushed…while also totally padded to the gills.

the romance elements really dont even begin to fully play in till about 15 minutes off the end of this film, and before that, there are very light suggestions…but the vast majority of their relationship is them just sharing information about themselves while wandering aimlessly around a national park and Buddy building lore around the elves and what they do. Its frienemies to lovers essentially, but that transition is so quick that it feels a bit hollow. Without going into heavy spoilers I cant really fully explain, but essentially their entire relationship comes out of a series of ‘You do this?! *I* do this too!!!’ moments that are all compressed together, and outside of that, its just the pair making slightly dry or sarcastic comments to one another.

Adding to this that the office sequences are literally all filler, non of whats happening there really ultimately matters, its a pointless B-plot that *feels* like a pointless B-plot (to me at least) just as a way to cut away from Pace and Buddy to just…ANYTHING else that isnt folks wandering around in the woods…

Comedy, as I always say, is subjective. What may leave me stoney faced, may make others uncontrollably weep with laughter. this film? to me? was gentle. theres a LOT of eye rolling gags here, groanworthy honestly…i’d say theres maybe 3-4 gags in the whole thing that raised a stifled titter from myself. Which, given this is tonally aiming to be a quirky and somewhat surreal rom-com…does not bode well…if the rom feels a bit unevenly paced and out of nowhere, and the comedy is almost non stop, but only really landed gags a single didget number of times. then i’d say tonally? its failed.

The characters are all fairly one note, Pace and Buddy are the only ones to really get any kind of complexity. and even then I feel there characters are underwritten, Pace plays a quirky but lonely employee who slowly blossoms into a…befriended and quirky employee, and Buddy gets to go from person claiming to be an elf with a troubled past whos lonely…to befriended person who claims to be an elf with a troubled past. (Also, can I just take a minute to acknowledge the GAUL of the production to name their second main lead after LITERALLY one of the most famouse ‘Elves’ of the 21st century…I know they were probably being cute…but even so.)

But the entire remaining cast get one charictaristic (I.E: Your a woman going through a divorce who TOTALLY isnt over the divorce, your a muslim woman who doesnt celebrate christmas, being forced to do christmas, your a wicked boss who’s just gone through a scrooge style visitation) and then are basically told to run that trope into the ground with a very blunt script that requires them to lean as heavily into that trope as its possible to get.

Throw in the fact that the act structuring is a bit wonky as well, with there being no real clean transition between the 2nd and 3rd acts…alongside some really ropey dialogue in places thats aiming for mid 2000’s ‘Office’ style awkward comedy…but just ends up being awkward and stilted. and while I legally CANT say this is scotts worst written work (because ‘Baby Cat’ exists) I can say that its not his best.

Mercifully, from here things to pick up a bit. On a direction level I have no notes really, As with all of Scotts films, the credit lists are a bit misleading. It may have been that he had a full crew for 1 day and then shot the remaining 2-3 days by himself, it could be that he had a handful of people around for the full 3 days, it could be a skeleton crew. As such it makes it kind of hard to really judge Scotts ability as a director here, but what I will say is, this is probably his most consistent and coherent work i’ve seen to date.

There are a couple of wobbly bits on trying to do ‘day for night’, but on the whole Scotts worked well with his crew and solo here to produce something that has a clean coherent vision and flows pretty well, is it the most incredible and astounding work I’ve ever seen? No. But its sturdy, sound and gets the job done. given the fact this is a low/no budget film, I kind of have to give him some kudos on a ship well steered here.

Same goes with direction of the cast, given a lot of this is first (and only) takes, its clear Scott makes certain his cast know exactly what he wants from them, but also that they are allowed to breath in the scene a bit and bring their own personalities to the role. while the quality of the performances themselves vary (more on that shortly) I could believe that what im seeing here is as close to what Scott envisioned in his head as possible. and again, while its nothing particularly astounding, it is definitey a solid attempt.

On the cine front, again we’re pretty much fine. Shots are well composed, sequences are well structured, the edit is sound. colour use of Dark greens, blues and browns get distinctive works. It looks professional for the most part and I really honestly have no notes, it just works as a solid piece for me…Barring 3 criticisms.

1 – There is a MASSIVE overeliance on stock footage here, basically every 5 minutes or so we get an extended montage of stock shots of L.A or of woodland animals…which is massively distracting.

2 – For some reason, Scott CGI’s a bear into this film a couple of times…it isnt integral to the plot and it only really gets referenced once…its a really bad effect and reminded me heavily of Neil Breens CGI inserted tigers.

and 3 – The Lighting, which is a bit all over the place, the office sequences look washed out and greenish, with no real attempt at creating any kind of distinctive lighting arrangements. Its all just flat profile and slightly desaturated. And the woodland scenes almost all rely on natural light, which is very hit and miss, and again, for a holly jolly christmas film, the fact they went for a pea soup green, washed out colour grade really works against the type and tone of this production. It left it feeling about as christmassy as a grindhouse feature.

Performance wise, its not the best, Socks Whitmore and Ky Mullen as Pace and Buddy are about as good as it gets, both get a decent range to work with, both have slightly awkward deliveries here and there, but both at least vaguely feel believable and naturalistic, I had a soft spot for their portrayals here, and I think they just about saved the film from collapse in my opinion.

The rest of the cast though, no…not for me im afraid, it runs the gauntlet from really dry quiet and uninteresting character performances that made me wonder why they were even there, to overtly hammy and border stereotypical performances that felt awkard and irritating to sit through. Noone here, even Socks and Ky have any kind of significant physical presence on screen, everyone feels like they’ve been given specific marks to hit and told not to move unless they have a damn good idea to get out there. its, not the best cast i’ve ever seen.

And the soundtrack? almost entirely stock and audio library christmas tracks or classical music. Im not shocked or surprised, its used about as well as it can be used, but its a bit flat and uninspired in my opinion…I dont think it suited the film well at all.

All in all? ‘Meh.’ I didnt hate this, if it was on in the background I wouldnt turn it over, for low/no budget its kind of impressive honestly…But the scripts so minimalist and plodding, uninteresting at times, full of holes and unfunny to me, combined with everything else just being kind of ‘sturdy’ or ‘solid’, that I cant in good faith recommend it, I could see myself revisiting this one at some point…but giving it my full attention again? I dont think so.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-magical-christmas-tree/

On a rewatch, I found myself enjoying this one a little bit more than last time. Its a very easy watch in its own way…a very simple premise, some basic, but vaguely developed characters, the soundtracks a bit generic, but isnt offensive…

The first two acts are pretty smooth, though they do have a vague heir of ‘Made for TV’ about them, not helped by the fact the gore is so minimal and the zombies doing much of ANYTHING really is kind of a rare treat. But I think where this film really fell down for me is the 3rd act…the moment Joseph and Jeff agree to go into the woods to track down the escaped zombies, the film essentially goes WELL into padding terratory for most of the remaining 35 minutes…and it never really comes back from it.

Everything slows to a glacial pace, we end up in a series of runarounds, and while there are a couple of fun ideas here put into practice, it isnt enough to ultimately win me back over and while the ACTUAL ending is just about fine enough, the total waste of 30 minutes to get it really hurts this film in my opionion.

I had remembered this film looking and feeling a LOT more low/no budget than it actually is, it still doesnt look GREAT, but it does on the whole look pretty good! theres some really nice lighting and blue gel colour use. I think setting a third of the film in the woods with ultra basic camera setups and little to no props right up to about 5-10 minutes off the end is what left me with that long lasting feeling.

On the whole? on a rewatch, I actually enjoyed this one more. But if anything it really did reinforce some of the problems that I had with it previously. Definitely an easy watch if you just want something to half pay attention to rumbling away in the background while your doing something else…I dont personally think i’d instinctively reach for this one in that specific circumstance…but your milage may vary.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-video-dead/1/

Welp. The older I get, the more I appreciate the idea that there will ALWAYS be something just around the corner that I couldnt have possibly concieved even in my wildest fever dreams that will manifest whether I want it to or not and proceed to simultaineously give me the strength to take on another day in this hellscape, while also wishing for the societal collapse to happen as swiftly as possible. Todays abstraction from the surrealist ether? ‘Kitty Mammas’.

Now, I initially saw a trailer for this film back in 2022/2023, and bookmarked it because…the plot is COMPLETELY ludicrous…But, i’ve finally got up to it on my ‘to watch’ pile…and I really wasnt dissapointed.

The film is a faux documentary following one ‘Dr. Han’ a disgraced medical professional allowed one last roll of the dice via part funding from the medical board, and part funding by a television network. Dr. Han was formally a reproductive infertility doctor, working in the cutting edge of his field, until an incident (which I wont spoil here) caused the board to revoke his license.

But he’s been allowed to practice once more with an interesting proposition. Han has noticed that a lot people treat their pets as if they were there children. So; Han has decided to see how viable it is to gestate a kitten in a human womb from implantation to full actual birth.

These kittens are slightly genetically modified to allow them to survive and grow in a human womb, AND he’s also modifying them to make them hypoallergenic so that their dander doesnt irritate their host.

The experiement is simple, four women, Sylvia, Rose, Joan and Maria have agreed to be implanted with Cat feotus’s, and will spend the next 90 days gestating the kittens, documenting any side effects and keeping the whole thing a secret from anyone they know, unless they’ve signed an NDA. Once the kittens are born, each woman will recieve 20 grand and they’ll get to keep the kitten, whether they choose to sell it after the birth is up to them.

Naturally, there are multiple subplots, Rose is a vlogger specialising in cat content who acts on and off like a cat with heavy emphasis on her 5 year old main ‘Mister Poof’ who’s decided to get pregnant with her own cats kitten (Because THAT isnt ABSOLUTELY horrifying and sketchy as all hell).

Joan wants to go to law school, but her mum is a hippy who wants her to pursue the ‘arts’ and wont help fund her dream, forcing her into this trial to make the cash to apply for a loan to go to school.

Sylvia is a work from home mum with several kids already who signed up for the trial for the cash (she wants to take her kids to disney) and because she wants an allergy free cat so that her husband (whos allergic) wont have any arguements against it.

And Maria, who’s in a lesbian relationship with her partner Jennifer, who’s in a HEAVY battle with her VERY religeous mother whos DESPERATELY trying to get Maria to go with a sperm donor. Maria wants the money to help part fund her wedding, and the cat is a nice bonus.

But all isnt quite as smooth sailing as it first appears, when a nosey reporter called Daryl comes onto the scene intent on further tarnishing Dr. Hans name and credibility due to a past grudge in which he believes Han stole his wife Theresa from him (Theresa left Daryl for reasons I also wont spoil here) Which is reignighted when Theresa (a vet) agrees to help support Hans work.

Having just sat through ‘Baby Cat’ not too long ago, I was kind of expecting much of the same, but barring one or two brief moments, I was actually quite wrong.

For the most part, this is just a fairly light hearted ‘slice of life’ mockumentary type thing spotlighting all the funny things that happen when women get pregnant, the obsession people have with their pets, plenty of moments of the ladies slowly developing cat traits (such as craving fish and milk from a saucer, nuzzling people, cleaning themselves) and a bit of dry deadpan humour about the absurdity of the situation to boot.

But then contrasting that, the film goes to some genuinely dark and upleasent places at times…It does offer a contrast, but I think they maybe go a little too hard at times for something so gentle. To the point that it kind of pulled me out of things a bit because it genuinely gets a bit icky at times.

Obviously, the elephant in the room is that this is a film about women giving birth to cats…and the best reason given for why the Dr even wants to pursue this venture is that, if its proven to viable, there could…maybe be a market for women who want to birth their own cats?…Its a fundamentle stumbling block really, and if you cant get over that, then this whole films just going to be long, awkward and boring for you. But if your able to accept that this is, just a thing thats happening…I think you may kind of get along with it.

The pacing is kind of on the slower side, but it never crawls. Theres always just about enough going on to keep things moving, the humour as mentioned is the lightest of the light side of things. But it did make me laugh a few times at just how absurd the whole thing is. Theres some passing social commentary on how society views women and womens ‘need’ to have kids. These moments come ABSOLUTELY out of left field, and like a speeding car, it’ll hit you, and speed off into the night before you realise youve even been hit.

I’d say consistently, its decent for most of the runtime pace wise, the acts are evenly distributed and transition really well, though; the transition from the 2nd to 3rd act lands like a wrecking ball because they decide to basically do the ‘all is lost’ trope of storytelling…but HARD CORE. so expect all the women, the dr and his staffs lives to entirely fall apart…

In fact, other than the deeply uncomfortable subject of women pushing cats out of, arguably one of the most sensitive parts of their bodies. that 3rd act is the only part where I feel it kind of comes unstuck really, as we get some VERY dark revelations about Daryl which felt very out of place for the film and kind of killed the lighter mood. Combined with multiple ‘birthing’ scenes that really just pulled the most uncomfortable parts of this movie right to the front and center. Smooth sailing for the most part, but that finale just felt SO weird and jarring.

Outside of that, I felt like all the characters were fairly well written, but had exstensive backgrounds and complexities which was nice. Rose as a character was the only one I really didnt get on with personally. They tried to go with the Vlogging angle, but it feels painfully dated even now, and her character is SO all over the place ranging from cringe to moments I genuinely thought the character had had a psychotic break. I wasnt a fan…Her segments just felt a bit awkward.

The dialogue too is a little bit hit and miss, at its best, its dry, naturalistic and genuinely quite well handled. At its worst? its stiff, unnatural, a little *too* ‘American All stars’ for my taste and cringey.

Its a deeply DEEPLY flawed script, but given the subject, thats kind of to be expected…what did surprise me honestly was just how they managed to keep the thing on the rails and gave an actual sincere attempt at trying to make a story that stood up as a professional end product.

As for the direction and cine? given its supposed to be a faux documentary, I can keep this pretty short and sweet. I feel like it captures the aesthetics of a low budget documentary, however, I do really feel this film suffers from a lack of dynamic cine and range. It desperately needed more coverage, more locaiton B-roll. its a bit overeliant on stock footage and I feel like the edit is VERY inconsistent, with there being at least 2-3 examples I saw where it felt like scene running order was a bit of an issue (for example, Dr. Han will mention something about the ladies, it’ll then cut to 2 of the ladies doing what Han mentioned, then it’ll cut back to Han who changes the subject, before cutting BACK to the other 2 ladies doing what Han mentioned a few paragraphs earlier) while they seem to nail the pacing just about, that running order regularly complicates a film visually that really didnt need to be as complicated as it was here…

Performance wise, there are clear winners here. For my money Stephanie Belding is the best performer in this thing as Dr Hans assistant nurse ‘Pauline’ shes dry, got some fantastic line delivery choices, fantastic physicality. She has 70 acting credits to her name, and I need that to be double because i’d watch her do this schtick in anything honestly. Morgan Kohan may have been given a bit of a dud character (in my opinion) but she plays it superbly, really throwing herself into the part and giving deliveries that ABSOLUTELY match the tone of the character, shes great.

I also have to mention Kathryn Kohut who gets probably the most traditional role here as Joan, an undergrad desperately trying to make a better life for herself, while being held back by her past and her family. I think she gets the best range to work with, some of the best lines in the film, and she does a really solid job. I do have to caveat that however, by adding that her physical performance is a little bit lacking. She doesnt really animate very well, and during her ‘birth’ scene, she seems more bored than in labour.

Paul Sun-Hyung Lee here? for me? is unfortunately probably the weakest element. while I cant fault most of his line deliveries. I feel like the range for this performance just inst quite strong enough, quite often he just comes across as a bit quiet and soft spoken. I feel a little bit more animation to his delivery (to match a decent physical energy) would have really helped take this to the next level.

Add to this a soundtrack thats INCREDIBLY minimalist, consisting mainly of stock tracks that are VERY sparse and pop in in perfectly timed instances as the film requires them and we have a bit of a catch 22 on our hands.

A film that technically is a perfectly sound, if not a little underwhelming, married up to a script that was better than I could have hoped, but unusually dark, unpleasent and downright unsettling in places. I absolutely dont think ‘Kitty Mammas’ is a bad film by any stretch. And I could see myself revisiting this one in the future…but my broader question as the credits rolled is ‘who is this really for?’ I think even the most ardant cat lover would struggle to make it through this one, its not weird or bad enough for the cult crowd, and its not good enough to elevate it to a ‘hidden gem’ its just a kind of sort of well made film dealing with a VERY surreal and unusual unsettling concept.

What I can say is, if you do choose to watch this, give it maybe 15 minutes…if you arnt pulled in by that point, the film isnt going to be for you, as it really doesnt change or perk up from there…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/kitty-mammas/

The ‘Zombi’ series up to this point? has hardly been the bastion of continuity, but its a series I almost feel compelled to respect out of the sheer GAUL of the concept of this series. SOMEONE ACTUALLY sat there and went ‘Hey, y’know ‘Dawn of the dead’ yeah? that revolutionary zombie movie that helped shape the future of horror and zombie cinema for the next 50+ years yeah? Well in Italy its called ‘Zombi’, and Italian copyright laws were written on a cocktail napkin…so lets just…make up a sequel thats *Technically* a prequel and get a famous Italian horror director in to direct it…and we’ll call it ‘Zombi 2!’ GENIUS.

and…it kind of was!? Like…I dont think ‘Zombi 2’ (or ‘Zombie’ or ‘Zombie flesh eaters’ if your british) was anywhere near as influential as ‘Dawn’ but it cant be denied that the film really helped spin up a kind of alternate WAY more realistically gory iteration of the zombie, at a time when the whole concept was really still cooking…

WELL! almost 10 years after ‘Zombi 2’ lurched its way onto screens, some KERRAZY Italian producers hired Fulci back to make a sequel to his original work and ‘Zombi 3’ became a thing! Only…it almost didnt, because Fulci wasnt a fan of the script, to the point that between him and his daughter, the pair ‘maliciously complianced’ the CRAP out of the script, essentially blunting down what was supposed to be a campy supernatural horror film about black magic rituals and cannibalistic islanders raising the dead into ‘a group of people get caught up in a zombie uprising and try to hold out long enough to survive across a handful of locations.’

And to complicate matters even further! Fulci had a stroke after handing in a VERY rough 70 minute cut of the footage he’d shot up to that point (six weeks into the production) and had to leave the production early, with no chance of completion, Which left the producers in a spot because (allegedly) 20 minutes of that was just footage of the main cast canoeing up and down a river.

SO! They got Claudio Fragasso and Bruno Mattei, who just so happened to be ALSO working on a movie in the phillipines around the same time Fulci was taken ill, to pivot this flattened out script away from black magic supernaturalism, and into a more action/science fiction oriented production…and the results, are the best kind of messy I can describe.

So the films plot is basically as described above, We open with two scientists experimenting with a chemical compound called ‘Death-1’ which seemingly reanimates anything that comes into contact with it, with slimey/explodey results. Its…quite horrific honestly, so much so that the lead doctor on the project ends up calling his boss, one ‘General Morton’ of the military to explain that the project is too much for him to handle, and he wants to revert it back to the military. Morton obliges, but during the pick up and collection of ‘Death-1’ a raid occurs and the single surviving viral sample is stolen by theives who lead the military out into the jungle while trying to go into hiding.

Unfortunately for the theives, one of the militaries ariel corps manages to land a shot on the guy carrying the briefcase, and in doing so wounds the man, and breaks the case open, smashing the vial of ‘Death-1’ all over the crooks hand. He flees to a local motel to try and lie low. But its too late and a terrifying transformation begins. and from there things begin to spiral, as the military try to cover up a zombie incident in the motel by burning the corpse of ‘Patient zero’, they accidentally send infected ashes into the air, which infects the bird population in the area and turns all of them into rabid flesh hungry beasts who, on attacking the locals ALSO infect them with the zombie virus too.

and from there, we follow a rag tag group of survivors as they experience the spreading of the virus, manage to survive it, and eventually band together as a group of uninfected to escape the contamination zone, avoiding zombies AND the militaries ‘Clean up’ team, who have been ordered to essentially genocide the contamination zone as a way of trying to control the spread of the virus (which itself is a subplot, as the doctor who quit his role, begins arguing virology to General Morton, who really just…doesnt seem to care…)

And im going to be blunt when I say this, is this the most original film in the world? absolutely not, 50% of this film is essentially a campy poor mans ‘Day of the dead’ with 40% being made up of elements of almost every zombie movie from 1968 through to the present day of ’88. With notable ‘lifts’ coming from ‘Dawn of the dead’, ‘Return of the living dead’, ‘Zombie Flesh Eaters’, ‘Doctor Butcher M.D’ and ‘Hell of the living dead’. But is this film a fun rollercoaster ride through the ‘greatest hits of zombie movies’ and then some?! You better believe it!

The one and only major issue I have with this film is the pacing of its script. The first act is positively breakneck, unrelentingly dropping SO much lore, and character background and information for you to keep in mind as the film goes on, it feels like its setting up some kind of incoherent ‘epic’…which…it kind of is really! The second act builds on that fast paced energy and throws some UTTERLY bizzare curve balls (Flying Fridge head is all im gonna say on THAT front!)

But its the second half of the second act where it kind of starts to lose me a bit. the pacing begins to slow down, to rev down, it starts getting bogged down in setting up its own finale and by the time the 3rd act had really started to get underway, it was crawling. by the end, i’d very much felt like it had overstayed its welcome. Despite the ending being more than solid enough. This probably would have been a great hour and 15 to hour and 20 with heavy trims to the third act specifically, but that pacing really kind of hobbled what would have probably been one of the best Italian Zombie movies ever made for me.

Outside of that though? I had no real issues with this at all, its a somewhat campy zombie horror film that is taking itself seriously as a production, while absolutely NOT being afraid to be tongue in cheek about itself, its confident in what it wants to be, and the pairing on script duties of Fragasso and his partner, along with Fulcis tweaks has produced a film that I feel has just enough of the supernatural and ‘unknown’ to keep it weird, but just enough of the ‘butch’ action/sci fi stuff to really make things go with a bang (sometimes quite literally!)

The plot itself is a dogs dinner, im not going to lie. it skips around between WAY too many characters, it doesnt really try to balance anything out properly, geographically; its hard to tell where everyone is in relation to each other, and the tone shifts up and down like a slide whistle.

Its a bad script, but its an entertaining script, one that rarely if ever has dull moments. is genuinely surprising in places and given the behind the scenes dramas, its amazing something so fun and coherent was able to be churned out on such short notice. its not elegant, its not considered, and its hardly original, but I guarentee, if you’ve ever played any of the ‘resident evil’, ‘silent hill’ or ‘left 4 dead’ games, you’ll feel SUPER at home here with the pacing style and aesthetics of this storytelling.

The characters are all VERY hammy and minimally scripted, we basically get just enough background to get a vibe for the character, the events that led to them finding the wider group of ‘survivors’ and from there, its all about staying alive for these guys and gals, while delivering some of THE most faux macho campy dialogue i’ve heard in a long time. I had a BALL even beginning to guess what these guys were going to say next!

As for the direciton? it’s equally messy, but you can at least see each directors influences here, and its a heady brew of strong coloured light work, gore, titilation and explosions. Its not the most competent of productions. But again, given this went through (at least) 3 different directors, all of whome have different fundamental production styles and at least SOME claims to fame between them at this point, Infamous or otherwise.

Whats presented here, is fine. If, like me, you get the most out of these films in the company of friends and a couple of beers, you really wont notice continuity issues as broadly, and the work between the various crews on this production is inconsistent, but it still kind of works for me? we jump from heavily styalised lighting scenes, to clinically lit pieces, to colourful outdoor sequences in a manner I can only describe as ‘ADHD Addled’ and, as a neurodiverse person, I was SO happy with the end result, its a production thats just…racing to get its ideas out as quickly as possible and the coordination between the directors, the cast and the crew results in a largely competent but manic end product that I was glued to for the vast majority.

The cine is much the same, lots of different styles being thrown into a melting pot, a lot of it works great, its nowhere near as ‘iconic’ or ‘memorable’ as the cine work in the original ‘Zombie’, but then, this appeals to me in a different way. the use of smoke and fog machines gives everything a dreamy woozy feeling, the coloured gel work adds to that supernatural undercurrent. the sequences are scattershot and frantic for the most part, colour work is varied and largely great. the edit is an absolute free for all, its chaos cinema at its finest and I had a real soft spot for it.

As for the performances? hamtastic in the best possible way, with Beatrice ring, Ottaviano Dell’Acqua and Robert Marius being definite highlights for me, they have a very over the top physical presence, and that tried and tested method of redubbing the entire audio suite in post lands us with some line deliveries that quite honestly have to be heard to be believed. I dont think there was a single performance in this that I didnt enjoy thoroughly.

All that AND a kickass 80s synth pop, syth rock and general rock soundtrack, the finest of Italia. Timed perfectly with some absolute stunners in the pack. I need the soundtrack for this on vinyl, in my collection as soon as possible.

I say this sincerely, this is probably the best film to recommend to someone who wants to explore the italian zombie movie subgenre. Its not the best technically, the story is a mess and it may not be as iconic as some other Italian zombie films. But its probably the best example of a good quality take on the type of film making your going to be getting into if your new to the genre, and its a self contained story.

Id honestly forgotten how enjoyable ‘Zombi 3’ was, it must be going on for 7-8 years since I last caught it, and I was actually quite surprised at just how pacey it really is as a work. I think with beer and friends, this could be the making of a great evening. and yes, while I know deep down this is kind of a cheap rip off of several other better movies. It is nice to see that AND some original weirdness all just bundled together into a nice neat package that gives you everything you could want in a Zombie movie with a healthy dose of 80s exploitation action and sci-fi to boot!

Definitely recommended, whether your here for the horror, the action or the weirdness…there really is something for anyone into ‘cult’.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/zombie-flesh-eaters-2/

Welp. It may have taken them 8 films to get it right (and even that is stretching the definition of ‘Right.’) but ‘It Kills: Camp Blood 7’ is the first film in the franchise that basically manages to just…DO the thing I want the film to do, without veering wildly off the rails and bursting into flames for no good reason at all…and what a monkeys paw of a film this thing truely is.

The plot? its Fall break, and a group of 5 students are planning on going on a road trip. while on the road they spot a hitchiker named ‘Bishop’ who’s hiking the trails around Camp Blackwood. The gang introduce themselves as ‘Jennie’ an upbeat compassionate lady leader of the group, Anna, a ‘frustrated’ recently single pringle who hates her ex, Lizzy, the bookworm of the group, Terry an upbeat chap in a wheelchair, And Drake. the BIGGEST arsehole i’ve seen realised on screen in a good while (think ‘Alan’ from ‘Return to Sleepaway Camp’ and your not a million miles off) and Annas Ex to boot…

Bishop explains that he’s hiking around Camp Blackwood looking for his wife, who went missing 4 months ago. The police have closed the search for her, so Bishop hopes that by scouring the area himself, he may either finally get closure for himself, or for any of the other families who’ve lost people on the trails at Camp Blackwood. Lizzy also backs this up, recounting the legend of Camp Blackwood. That there was a summer camp there, but some children went missing and two councillors were murdered, so the camps were closed, but its rumoured that anyone wandering the grounds will be killed or kidnapped by a muderous killer clown.

Well; as you can imagine, they arrive at Camp Blackwood. and theres a killer clown…who slowly starts picking them all off. all the while we get treated ONCE AGAIN to the same tropes that were unoriginal in the first film…SEVEN films prior.

Why do I describe this film as a monkeys paw? Well…its because technically; this is the best Camp Blood movie that i’ve seen to date. Its Mark Polonia, so dont expect a studio grade multi billion dollar feature. But the direction is more than adiquate here. Theres a clear vision realised quite well, with decently constructed sequence work (for the most part) the kill scenes are low budget, but handled fairly well given the low budget nature, graphic overlays are used here in places over CG, which I for one am VERY grateful for. The lighting is largely consistent, you can SEE everything thats going on in the film.

Direction of the cast is…passable. Which, for this franchise is pretty miraculous. Polonia has managed to give the cast enough badnwidth to explore their set space and be creative with prop use. But it does feel like he may have been a bit of a stickler for dialogue and delivery. As there are moments where the cast have lines to deliver that dont seem to match the natural cadence or flow of their voice or accent. Its all passably fine. But it does make some of the cast come unstuck at times.

The cine is probably some of the nicest of the franchise so far, and certainly some of the broadest scope. Shots are generally fairly functional over creatively motivated. But given half the films in this series dont even use a tripod and were cut together by people who’d not only never shot coverage or B-roll before, but had LITERALLY never edited before. This is a VERY sturdy work in comparison.

The effects on the kills are a little spotty, but on the whole are about as good as can be expected for the budget, and I REALLY appreciate they keep CG overlays to a minimum as ‘Camp Blood 666’ pretty much put me off them for life.

Theres a handful of continuity and white balance issues, some of the sequence building is a little confusing (it feels like there are multiple clown killers in a couple of places because the line isnt really adhered to) But shots are considered, seemingly loosely storyboarded and you can see Polonias thought process running through this thing. While it is a shame there are a few minor issues throughout such as overzealous camera wobble and some shots ending up EVER so slightly soft focus…again, this series has been in the pits for years. im just grateful its (largely) functional.

The performances are a bit pendulous. When they’re good, they’re pretty decent honestly. Probably some of the best performances since the first 2-3 films…But when they’re bad, they’re easily some of the poorest performances the franchise has seen. Of note in particular is a hillbilly couple who turn up near the beginning of the film, who are seemingly only 30% comitted to Hillbillying, and regularly slip not only out of the southern stereotypical accent…but out of their OWN accents into the kind of voice people make when they’re reading lines from a cue card they’ve never seen before…and they cant read well.

Greta Volkova as Jenny in this is the best performer. Thats a certainty for me. Shes consistent, has very few poor deliveries and IS animate for most of the time shes on screen. Her Co-stars are (largely) fine…but Greta stood out to me, she’s probably one of the best performers in this series up to this point.

Even the soundtrack cues take a step up and a bit of a step sideways, as we finally break free of Sterlings generic audio library for tracks. we DO still use a meaty chunk from it, but we’re using other royalty free sources now on top of it! Which is a breath of fresh air after 3-5 films of the same exact audio cues OVER and OVER again.

No; this films monkey paw? is the script…Because while the visuals, sound and performances are probably some of the best of the series so far in my opinion, excelling most of the other films by a significant margin…The script? is THE most generic, overly safe, plodding piece that the franchise has had outside of ‘Part 5’ which was literally just a clip show of ‘Part 4’ with 10 extra minutes duct taped onto the end of it.

The problems are multi-fold. for a starters, the actual plot is a derivative mesh of ideas from the previous films and THE safest ‘slasher stalker’ plot i’ve seen in a good while…Literally the whole plot is ’30 year old teens end up checking out an abandoned summer camp…during the DAY…and they wind up trapped there and killed in various fairly generic ways’. Theres no twists, no gimmicks, no out of left field additions, no surprises. Its shooting fish in a barrel.

We have multiple tropes returning to pad the runtime such as extended driving sequences, extended wandering around in the woods sequences, scenes of the gang finding an abandoned ‘Camp Blood’ sign, scenes of the gang around a camp fire talking about the legend of the clown killer, extended chase and kill sequences. There is very VERY little here that is unique to this film. and what is, isnt really worth mentioning.

The film isnt in a rush either, expect these extended wandering and ambling sequences to make up a not insignificant chunk of the first 2 acts, while the final act is a bit truncated and largely just an extended chase sequence with kills dotted along the way. its plodding. and even clocking in at 69 minutes long, it feels like it never really gets any kind of steam under it beyond its initial push when the first kill happens.

I think a major problem with this film is that, with them having to shoot in daylight because of lighting issues, it really reduces any sense of tension. the script doesnt lend itself to a sense of unease, so the end result at times feels almost comedic, even in the parts that absolutely wernt aiming for that. the dialogue isnt tailored to the cast, theres a ‘Sterling entertainment’ extended topless sequence in the opening of the film to get the quota out of the way. but the Clown killer as a character, by this point, doesnt even really make a whole lot of sense within this universe. He’s essentially Omnipotent, theres no real reason for him to be killing people, and he can quite literally pop in and out of locations at will, and seemingly can be in multiple locations pretty much instantaineously. The inconsistencies really dont help with giving us any kind of stakes, because why should I be scared of a clown killer that, on a whim, could materialise right behind me silently and end me in less than 3 seconds?

Throw in that the characterizations are all pretty one note and generlized and that theres a distinct whiff of ‘Friday the 13th part 2’ in this entry…and I found ‘Camp Blood 7’ to ultimatley be a bit of a frustrating watch. A film that simultaineously drastically improves the technical skill of the franchise, but marries it to a script thats so generic and by the numbers it actually kind of put me off it. It plays all the right notes, but it kind of fails the vibe check for me.

I’d say if you were interested in the series, this one would be a must see…But do temper your expectations on the plot front.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/it-kills-camp-blood-7/

Im going to keep this review short and sweet really; there are 10 good minutes in this film. take away the 8 minutes of titles and credits and your left essentially, with an hour of the drabbest padding i’ve seen in a long LONG time.

The plots straightforward, we open with the death of an old lady who owns a mansion, in her dying arms she clutches a clown doll. Her nearest relative is contacted who is a business man, and him and his pregnant wife Annie move into the house with aspirations to make it a new start for their family. Unfortunately, Annie finds the clown doll, and it turns out, its a murderous clown doll…who muders her!

Luckily they manage to save the baby, and the kid grows a tremendous fondness for the clown doll who becomes his new best friend. Meanwhile, the father, still mourning the loss of his wife, winds up dating his secretary, things begin to warm up pretty fast, when she TOO finds out about the killer doll, and a VERY brief cat and mouse game begins in which the new mrs tries to get rid of the doll, while the doll tries to stealthily kill her. All this leads to a very dissapointing finale that isnt anything you havent seen before.

Its been compared to the ‘Childs Play’ films and was essentially heavily inspired by the franchise. But theres just…NOTHING here.

The script is literally 60 minutes of people wandering around or idley chatting about their lives, with 10 minutes of, admittedly quite surreally enjoyable slow murder sequences happen. the pacing is glacial, the cast are SUPER overdramatic, but not in a fun way…Hell, the killer doll doesnt even start killing till just shy of the halfway point in the movie. A note to future killer doll film makers, if your going to promote your film as having a killer doll in it, DO NOT spend more than a quarter of your movie doing the whole ‘BUT IS HE A KILLER DOLL THO?!?!’ schtick…we all know it IS a killer doll, and if it ISNT a killer doll, we’re all going to be very dissapointed.

Character writing is slim to non, just one note archtypes floating around for the full runtime, the dialogues pretty rough. The tone is inconsistent and lacks any kind of refinement, the act structurings lumpy. this is a rough ROUGH script with not a lot going for it.

Same goes for the direction, barring a couple of the kill sequences, theres just nothing here, directing by numbers 101 for 99% of the runtime, with only the more surreal flickers found within the broader scenes being anything of interest. Same for the cine, its all ultra basic, nothing particularly notable, and the edit. Which, if anything is actually kind of poor.

In honesty? you could watch the last 15 minutes of this film, and get pretty much everything good about this film in one fell swoop. there are a handful of other weird/entertaining bits scattered in the other 63 minutes, but honestly? It’s not worth your time. One i’ll keep on file for my reference. But one im VERY likely to watch again unless its for channel fodder.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/diabolical-inheritance/

One thats been on my ‘to watch’ list for longer than it really should have been. I’ve owned ‘Def by Temptation’ on VHS, DVD and Bluray over the years, and not one copy i’ve owned has ever left its cellophane…until tonight, when I finally DID pop my lovely crystal clear ‘Vinegar Syndrome’ copy in, and im SO glad I did.

The film follow cousins ‘Joel’ and ‘K’. Joel is the last surviving member of his families bloodline, and has decided to enter ministry, as his grandma has told him she foresees a time when he’ll become a world famous reverend who’ll change the world. Joels a country boy used to a slower, simpler way of living, and as his training draws to a close, he decides he wants to ‘test’ himself by going to visit his cousin ‘K’ in New York.

K fully embraces the headonistic lifestyle of a 20 something in downtown NY, he drinks, chases women, parties, blows LARGE quantities of money on fashion and pursuing his dream of being a famous film maker, but first and foremost, hes almost like a brother to Joel. And wants to ensure that his first visit to the big apple is a fun, but safe one.

Enter ‘Temptation’; a vampiric, succubus demon from hell, who stalks the dive bars around NY preying on horny, vulnerable men to enhance her strength and life energy. Temptation is capable of horrendous things, things that she personally enjoys tremendously. and after pulling a few cheaters, adulterers and skeezy types, she eventually finds K, who is VERY much about to become her next victim…until he tells her he has to go home early for the night because of Joels visit the next day…She understands. but keeps that information in mind.

The next day, Joel arrives, and its a fun time for all as K tries to better integrate Joel into the city lifestyle…he even suggests they hit a bar, promising the ‘Tee Total’ Joel that he can just grab a milk if he really wants…they head to the local, and while K sorts some things out, Joel heads in and almost immediately hits it off with a woman who manages to utterly captivate him…that woman, is Temptation.

K laughs it off, thinking Temptation and Joel are pulling some kind of prank on him…but it quickly becomes apparent when Temptation essentially pretends shes never met K and REALLY goes all in to seduce Joel, that these two arnt messing around, and K is simultaineously confused and angry. He tries to vaguely tell Joel this is a bad idea, but he just assumes K is jealous and continues to fall down the rabbit hole…

And after a confrontation between K and Temptation reveals she’s DEFINITELY not of THIS earth…K seeks help to try and vanquish the demon, stumbling on a man named ‘Dougie’ who may hold the key to vanquishing the evil, before she claims her next victim…

I suppose my only disclaimer for anyone getting into this film is, if that particularly aggressive form of late 80s, early 90s fashion and culture is an irritant to you (and I know MANY people for whome Vanilla Ice, The 90s super mario bros movie, MC Hammer and that whole casual minimalist 90s fashion movement is an allergen) you’ll probably be turned off this movie HARD. because its SO steeped in that specific times aesthetic as to be all consuming. Im hit or miss with it, but for me it fell just on the right side, but I could easily see folks being turned off by that alone.

If you do persevere though you’ll find a pretty rock solid film that I went in pretty much blind to and came away largely surprised by.

The scripts a little bit patchy in places, I really enjoyed the core premise, It was kind of what I imagined ‘Fright Night’ was going to be before I watched ‘Fright night’. I like the idea of two people with minimal experience in the unknown, attempting to save someone from that unknown and getting WAY in over their heads on it. but I suppose the biggest issue I have with this one is simply that its quite slow going to begin with.

We spend a lot of the opening of the film getting a feel for ‘Temptation’, who she is, what she does and why she does it. and while I think showing that once or twice in the first act is a good way to set up the threat K and Joel are going to be dealing with, I feel the film goes overboard on it, showing 3-5 killings that are prolonged and, while they’re very well handled, I feel like the film would have benefitted to spread them out a bit more across the runtime because, these arnt brief sequences…They run on for a while, and combining those scenes with a LOT of overexplanation on who everyone is, why they’re doing what they’re doing, while also setting up some of the second act elements, left me kind of struggling to stay focussed on the film because it felt like it was getting itself into a bit of a cyclical rut.

Mercifully; once that first act clears, it has a good momentum going and it hits the ground. RUNNING! blasting through its second and third acts with absolute ease and relishing the story its trying to tell. The pacing past that first act is tremendous, giving the audience just enough to keep it guessing, but never fully giving the whole game away, and I think thats one of the best qualities an ‘unknown evil’ style film can do.

The films absolutely a dark horror piece, but they do throw in some really nice grounded comedy moments here and there. Nothing too overt, but just subtle moments that make you feel like these are real people dealing with something they have no idea how to percieve…So yes, they will use comedy to deflect from the absolute terror from time to time…and I think that offers a really nice contrast to the bleaker moments here, helping to better shape out the script and keep the audience from flavour fatigue.

the characters are all fairly well rounded. everyone involved gets a decent chunk of backstory, they all feel fleshed out enough that you can be invested in them, and care when bad things happen. with even the side characters getting at least SOME history to work with, which I think is a really nice touch. The dialogues Solid too, with a naturalistic flow with only a few scarce moments where I felt like these characters were given lines that, I felt played against type. Joel seems to get the biggest share of dialogue that didnt quite sit right to me personally, but Im not sure if those moments were just because the character is a little bit prone to playing against what we’re introduced to, or if he was just the more likely to get lines that explain things as a result of rewrites.

all in all? barring a slow first act, this is a very nicely crafted, solid piece of work that feels like it had a lot of attention and thought put into it, that kind of surprised me, because it didnt have to be as well written and solid as it ultimately has ended up being.

The directions pretty solid too, James Bond III (Roger moore…) has done a phenominal job bringing a very unique vision to the screen, we have a grungy, colourful and often woozy feeling production on our hands that I think tells the story in a way only James ever could have. I dont feel like a studio grade director or a bigger budget would quite be able to nail that kind of sincere tone that James has managed here with his vision. it showcases 1989 New York in a very distinct way and James clearly worked VERY closely with the crew and cast to ensure that this landed EXACTLY how he wanted it to. its superb in my opinion, and the fact that this was his first AND ONLY film. is just…insane to me. Its WAY too high quality to be someones first attempt at feature making, this should have been a decades long career launching moment. and the fact it wasnt is astounding to me.

The cine is razor sharp, distinct, and uses lighting and smoke play very heavily to really help cement that distinct grungy NY vision. Red is a colour in heavy play here (for obvious reasons) but its used so intensly throughout that it becomes a motif of the film almost immediately. composition is for the most part rock solid, with only a couple of cutaways kind of failing to cut the mustard for me. the effects, for the most part, are absolutley incredible given the budget. Though, I will say there are some particular effects (not to get into too much detail here but its monster effects) that were the only ones to fall totally flat for me, which is a particular shame given that those effects are supposed to be the showstopping ones…instead rather than going ‘oh god! thats terrifying!’, I went, ‘oh god! thats terrible!!!’ Which…which is not the reaction you want for your finale…

Outside of that though, the edits superb, strong cuts, decent understanding of subtext and an attempt at putting meaning across through the medium of cuts and transitions over just telling the audience is a good starting point. Is it the best edit i’ve ever seen? no. but again, its sturdy and more than does the job.

Performance wise, I found myself with a bit of a mixed bag, Kadeem Hardison as ‘K’ I thought was an incredible choice. he really nails that ‘guy in over his head, trying to do the best for the sake of his cousin’ performance about as well as it could be done. he brings a real energy to the performance that I feel only he could deliver, playing the character as nonchalant, but just keeping that intensity of the character rumbling away in the background until the right time to pull it out.

James Bond III as Joel by contrast…im still not 100% sure about, I think he really nails the sincerity of the character, But Joel as a character is quite a complex one, a naive, but sincere ‘best intentions’ type, who over the course of the film strikes out at the fact hes so clealry naive that he tries to front as a totally in control character, who then has to come to terms with the fact that, that isnt really him and channel that naivity and and sincerity into a strength rather than a weakness.

I feel like James struggles to layer that performance, for me; when he ‘strikes out to be confident’ its…not that much different than the tone he gives when he’s trying to play the sincere version of himself. quiet anger is one of the harder performances to give if your not natrualistically that way, and I feel James struggles in his confrontations with K to bring the required energy. thats not to say he doesnt try! but it just kind of results in a more flat, distant performances than one that reads like a character being angry, but unsure of how to channel it. when he nails the deliveries and mannerisms, he ABSOLUTELY nails it…but when he doesnt? its bad. SO bad.

Theres a brief cameo from Samuel L. Jackson here, though, the promo material would have you believe he’s the whole point of the movie. He’s here for about 5 minutes collectively, and he’s fine…this is pre ‘pulp fiction’ and ‘Goodfellas’ but its a bit of an unremarkable turn for him.

The real star of the show for me? is Cynthia Bond as ‘Temptation’ who is able to play mysterious, alluring, and pure PURE evil just…incredibly. the power she puts out on screen makes you feel every venemous line delivery, every scratch, stab, punch, like it was happening to you. a whirlwind performance, and one that I STILL cannot believe did not lead to more horror roles, shes superb in this and worth checking this film out for just her performance alone if nothing else.

And as for the soundtrack? a heady mix of late 80s and very early 90s R&B and Rap, some jazzy tones are thrown in as well, it really helps define the film and the era its playing from, but it is VERY intrusive on the film. I opened with the disclaimer that if you averse to that specific 1989-1991 era of fashion and culture, you may be put off this? this is one of the big reasons why. I dont always think the score suits the film honestly, sometimes its a little to heavy for its own good. But when it does work in the films favour, it really helps give the film a lifeline.

I came away from ‘Def by Temptation’ very pleasently surprised. admittedly, given it had been featured on SO many of those ’20 horror movies’ box sets in the 2000s, my bar for this was on the floor. Which was probably why I was so blown away by just how well made, entertaining and interesting this film was. and how strong I believe the rewatch value on this could be! definitely worth checking out, I could see this pairing up quite well with something like ‘Fright Night’ or maybe as a NY Double header with ‘Jason takes Manhatten’. A fun and intelligent piece. its self aware, and has NO trouble putting across what it wants to say.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/def-by-temptation/

I first saw ‘Jaws’ when I was either 5 or 6 years old. My Dad, who considered this one of the top 3 greatest movies ever made outside of maybe ‘The Exorcist’; decided in his wisdom, in what I later found out was a ‘right of passage’ for many children of a certain age, to just…show me the film totally blind, other than to say it was a movie with a shark in it.

Dear reader…when I tell you that the ‘Ben Gardners boat’ scene saw 5 year old me change state into a pure liquid, that was projected 3 feet into the air and firmly behind the family sofa…and that I remember very little else about my first time watching this film, outside of blurs of screams of terror and the final 20 minutes (once they’d eventually calmed me down) I hope that puts across just how much of an impact this film had on me.

Over the years, Jaws became an irregularly regular watch. I lose track of how many times I watched and rewatched the VHS copy, but when the advent of DVD hit, and Jaws was one of the earlier titles to get a release. Both my dad and me upgraded to digital, and with it, my appreciation grew. years of gunk had been digitally scrubbed from the picture, and with it finally being presented in something approaching a more original aspect ratio, it felt like I’d seen the film for the first time.

As I got older, me and my dad bonded over ‘Jaws’ quoted it regularly, talked about the other (not quite as good) sequels. My Dad wasnt really much of a big talker, but with films? it was another world for him. and it helped to blossom a parental relationship into a genuine friendship.

DVD turned to Bluray, the quality got another massive bump and eventually; I met my partner, and it turns out? Shes Autistic, her specialist interest is Sharks, and ‘Jaws’ is ALSO one of her ‘top 3 greatest movies ever made’ which instantly made her a firm part of the family, and our mutual love for the film has led to some of the finest ‘movie nights’ ive ever had the privalidge to attend.

5 years ago to this day; I got the incredibly lucky chance to see the 4k remaster of this film, with the 7.1 surround mix played to a PACKED cinema where it seems that half the audience were hardcore ‘Jaws’ fans, and the other half had NO idea what to expect. When I tell you, that attending that screening is the closest I’ve personally ever come to a religious experience, and that it reinvigorated and reignighted everything I love about film as a medium, an art, and a lifelong endeavour. I do not say that lightly.

And so, tonight, in its 50th anniversairy year, for what has got to be creeping into the mid double digits. I sat down once again, with a freshly cracked 4k copy of Jaws, with my partner, and an array of Jaws based snacks. and we spent 2 hours in the company of a film that I can best describe as the same sensation of meeting an old and much loved friend after a long absence.

As a rule, I dont give out 5 out of 5’s on the films I review, because I always believe that a film COULD be better, and that; I sincerely dont believe i’ve lived long enough to be able to say with ANY authority what films i’d consider to be ‘faultless’. But goddamnit ‘Jaws’ is as close to a 5 out of 5 as I can give it.

Masterful in all regards is all I can honestly say. Im bias, this films been woven into my life so firmly that I dont feel I can objectively scrutinize it in a way that would feel sincere to me. Everything works perfectly like a well oiled machine, every check and balance is in line. before the Bluray release in 2012(ish) I could have (maybe) been picky on a couple of continuity issues. But even they’ve been corrected now.

Im honestly at a loss. Everythings as close to EXACTLY what I want out of a movie as its physically possible to be. With the only limitation it currently has being that I dont physically often have the time to watch 2+ hour long movies…Which is really more a ‘Me’ problem than anything else, and in some ways, even THAT works in the films favour because it makes it all the more special when I get to clear the diary, get some snacks and reconnect with these characters I quite literally have known for most of my life, in a film that helped me be a better person in the real world…And I honestly cant say theres much of ANYTHING out there thats been as impactful to me as that.

If you havent seen ‘Jaws’ do yourself a favour and go catch it. Even if you couldnt care less about technical ability, scoring, pacing, or any of that stuff. the story and characters alone are beyond anything i’ve personally ever seen on screen…Seriously; go watch ‘Jaws’. Masterpiece is too small a word.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/jaws/1/

Obligatory 40th Anniversairy screening. And what a movie!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/the-return-of-the-living-dead/3/

A bit of a blind spot in my 50’s ‘Giant Monster’/’Radioactive Creature Feature’ hitlist, I caught ‘Attack of the 50 ft. Woman’ today for the first time. And conflicted is probably the best way I can describe it.

Despite the titling, the titular ‘Giant Woman’ doesnt become a plot element in the film till the 40 minute mark (its a 64 minute long film) and even then, shes only shown in ‘off screen’ or ‘obscured’ interactions, fleetingly, until around 7 minutes off the end of the film when she finally does appear…and doesnt really do very much…In part due to the limitations on the special effects of the time, and in part due to the film predominantly taking place in an arid desert on the outskirts of California. I guess what im trying to say is, if your coming here expecting the giant lady to turn up 20 minutes in; demolishing buildings, throwing guys 150 feet and picking up cars…Your going to be somewhat dissapointed.

Instead, the main plot follows ‘Nancy Archer’ an heiress with a diamond the size of a bar of soap around her neck who, the film establishes, is a recovering alcoholic with mental health issues, who’s been released (under guidence) from a sanitorium, who’s husband is a lying, cheating money grubber who she initially broke things off with, but as the film opens, they’re back together…on shaky grounds.

Her husband Harry, is ABSOLUTELY cheating on Nancy with another woman called Honey. and in the opening of the film Nancy is speeding away from a saloon bar after catching Honey and Harry sharing a somewhat tender moment. while racing through the desert however, Nancy is stopped dead in her tracks by a 30 foot tall spherical ‘satallite’ containing an even taller, unsettling alien being. Terrified, she speeds back into town to tell the cops. Who are convinced she’s relapsed and is on the booze, but humour her and head out to look for the 30-40 foot tall man and his craft…only to wind up empty handed.

Harry relays this to Honey as part of the madness he has to deal with, and Honey nonchalantly suggests getting Nancy re-locked up where she’d probably die of stress anyway…at which point, Harry would be able to claim her fortune and estate and whisk Honey off into a pampered lifestyle…

At first, the Harry is BEYOND dismissive of the idea…but it slowly grows on him…However, before he can really put any kind of plan in motion, Nancy; who by this point is on the verge of a mental breakdown at the fact that noone will believe her, takes Harry and a gun out into the desert one final time to try and find the giant man…and, unsurprisingly, they DO! with HORRIFYING consiquences for Nancy when Harry speeds off leaving her in the middle of the desert with the giant assuming he’s just managed to kill two birds with one stone.

Inoffensive is probably the best way to describe this picture. In terms of ‘Atom Age’ cinema, its not particularly AS bad as some of the absolute drech that this era spat out…AND mercifully it is on the short side…But at the same time, the only thing ‘Giant’ about this film is the scale of the false advertising. I can almost hear a 50s carnival grifter being like ‘WHAT?! Y’said ya wanted a giant woman attacking stuff! and in the last 5 minutes, what happens?!…no refunds.’

The script isnt actually too bad, if you take out the giant lady stuff, its actually a kind of darker picture about a couple planning on bumping off an heiress to steal her estate. brightened up with a few lighter hearted comedy cop moments and ‘local character’ types. the pacing is a little on the slow side, but nothing too pedestrian, the characters are all animate and reasonably lively. the dialogue is a little densly packed, as is the natura of 50s cinema…but its getting more ‘talky’ here than ‘expositiony’ which I think is a nice touch.

the act structuring is a little awkward, the first and third acts seem kind of miniscule compared to the second act, they transition well enough and set up the stalls fine. But once we hit that second act, thats where we seem to find most of the padding and the film kind of settles into an idling level tone wise, where it doesnt seem to ramp up or grow beyond what its already established in the first act. The themes of mental health, alcoholism and the representation of female empowerment here may be a little murky, but for the 50s, its interesting to see a film explore these themes…even if what its trying to say ultimately ends up getting a little lost.

Direction wise, this looks fine, a decent quality studio picture with some almost Lynchian moments peppered throughout (largely around the spacship and alien sequences, and in the more domestic settings) its a good quality production that reminded me of films like ‘The Incredible Shrinking Man’ and ‘The Giant Claw’ (sans the bird the size of a battleship)

the cine is crisp, with some nice light play, good solid shadow work in places, Id have been fascinated to see what this film looked like in colour. The effects work is a little lacking in my opinion, with some of the ‘off screen’ giant limbs looking particularly clunky and awkward. Its the right side of cheese though, so im sure you MST3K fans will find a charm to this one.

The Performances are probably the best aspect of this production with Allison Hayes giving a really solid performance as Nancy here, working a solid range of emotions with a strong physicality…it’s ironically the point where she becomes the ’50 ft. woman’ that we really kind of lose the heart of this production as her dialogue evaporates, and she loses all of that wonderful physicality.

William Hudson as her husband Harry is equally great, playing the slimey cheating husband role really well with some venemous deliveries peppered throughout and a demeanour thats a mixture of frustrated and beyond the point of caring.

These two are backed by a supporting cast who, for the most part, seem to be having fun with their roles, but in a way that doesnt sacrifice the quality of the performance, theres a nice undercurrent of self aware comedy to their deliveries. But also a good level of restraint NOT to turn this into a hamfest. and thats JUST the right kind of tone this thing needed to be the best it can be. with the sheriffs team in particular coming across as likeable and a little hokey, but also clearly still aiming for a performance that isnt grating.

Throw in a fairly generic orchestral ‘WOMP WOMP WOMPPPPP!!’ 50s B-movie soundtrack, and ‘Attack of the 50ft Woman’ is a solid and enjoyable picture thats ultimately let down by the lack of its titular premise. more ladies smashing down towerblocks and kicking cars 100 feet into the air, and this would have been a firm favourite. As it stands? I can see myself definitely revisiting this film in future. But whether my thoughts will improve on a rewatch seem unlikely.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/attack-of-the-50-foot-woman/