TYTD Reviews

Hey! Did you watch the first ‘Evil Bong’ movie and thought it was kinda sorta okay but there wasnt much plot to speak of? Well! Dont you worry! because ‘Evil Bong 2’ is the ‘Incremental improvement’ picture that you’ve been missing your whole life!.. Im serious…Thats literally the best this film gets…kinda, sorta, a little bit better than the first movie in almost every regard. Not enough to out and out make it praiseworthy, but enough that, given the choice, i’d probably pick this one over the first one.

The plot picks up about 6-12 months after the events of the first film, the guys are all out of university and trying to make their way in the world, when something strange befalls the group. They all begin to suffer from increasingly strange side effects, One becomes insatiably horny, the other suffers Narcalepsy and our Jock from the first picture becomes chronically fixed in a state of the munchies.

Whatevers causing these weird issues, the gang figure its something to do with the ‘Evil Bong’ so! they chase down the guy who delivered the bong to them in the first place who tells them they need to go on a secret jungle adventure, where they meet a research team looking into a lost tribe of semi nude women who worship an equally killer Bong. Shenanigans ensue.

And I think the biggest thing to note about ‘Evil Bong 2’ over the original is this is a film that feels much more comfortable in it’s skin than the first movie. The first felt kind of awkward in places as it tried to sell it’s horror elements on an equal footing with it’s comedy ones and the intensly awful stoner humour, forced nudity and awkwardness of the cast having to play roles they didnt seem too comfortable in made the film feel SUPER dated, stiff and a bit awkward at times, not helped by the great saggy middle of the thing which slowed the action right down to a crawl for most of the runtime.

This film feels a lot more at home with what it’s trying to do, its basically apeing the old ‘Lost island explorer’ type movies of the 30s and 40s. The stoner humour is much more played down, we get a wider range of comedy which…still isnt great, but HEY! they’re trying new stuff! The horror element has almost completely been removed, gone are the weird cameos from other franchises, the nudity is massively toned down and kind of makes sense in the context of the movie.

The films pacing is much more refined, the act structure works a lot better and flows more naturally between the acts. It still slows down a bit in the 2nd act, but here rather than it getting painful, the cast (who appear much happier to be on screen this time) manage to bring their stereotypical characters to life a bit more and actually make them a little bit more interesting.

The ‘Evil Bong’ aspect is pretty much held back till the 3rd act where theres a decent enough reveal. Though it’s a little dissapointing at how little the Bongs are intergrated here. It almost feels like Full Moon wanted to make a softcore nudie flick, but then at the last minute realised they could cram some ‘Bong’ in there and make a bit more money in doing so.

In either case, while its still a flawed script, I feel they’ve made some quite nice improvements here, the stakes a bit lower. But the trade off for that is a tighter production that gets the ‘Comedy/Horror’ tone it needed to aim for, that builds on its characters in a way that feels natural and does seem like a series moving in the right direction.

Speaking of, the direction and cine is much the same as the first film too. Which is to say technically, it’s not terrible. But it’s still very much shot for function over form and they’re REALLY relying more and more on a ‘Fix it/Make it look good in Post’ mentality, which really does this thing no favours. sequences tell the story fairly effectively, but theres no real compositional flare or interesting B-roll to help make the sequences spring to life.

90% of the style from this thing comes from Pre rendered CGI assets or harsh colour corrections in post, which makes the thing look a lot cheaper than it probably was to shoot. Which is dissapointing. Its a film thats done the bare minimum and very little else on that front, which was a little bit dissapointing.

I will give some credit to the direction of the cast though, here it seems our characters, rather than being stoned out of the gord for 85 minutes ACTUALLY got something in the way of assistance from the director. The cast are lively, spry, work with there set spaces pretty well and physically animate with a reasonable delivery that matches the circumstances they’re getting into. Its a big set up from the first film and while the dialogue they’re working with still isnt *Amazing*…they actually do seem to make a good go of what they’ve been dealt here…

Speaking of which, the performances themselves are a bit of a mixed bag, I appreciate that sometimes ‘Full Moon’ leans into the ‘So bad it’s good’ style of acting. Im less inclined to enjoy performances where the performer is purposely trying to give a bad performance. It kind of fails the brief if the person doing the bad act is IN on the joke.

Our core cast are mixed to passable i’d say, with the shackles of stonerdom off their shoulders, they do get to work a decent range and seem to be having fun. The supporting cast however is where the film does quite fall down, as you have extras who really wernt that into what they’re doing, or at least giving the vibe of not being *that* into what they’re doing, halfheartedly rolling through the script to get things over with. As such they quite often arnt all that animated and just dont really seem to want to engage with the film. Which does lose it some marks unfortunately.

The scores largely stolen from the first film, but there are some new tracks thrown into the mix that really do help pull the quality of the film up significantly (I honestly cant tell you how happy I am that this thing doesnt have generic ‘full Moon’ scoring)

And all in all? While I absolutley wont say this thing is a vast improvement over the original, it DOES seem to have learned from its mistakes in the first one and has tightned up the ship considerably, producing an end product thats better paced, better acted, *slightly* better shot and feels more at home with what it wants to be and how it wants to do things.

It’s absolutley not without it’s flaws. But I’ll take a step in the right direction over utter dross any day.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/evil-bong-2-king-bong/

Unapologetically silly and barely coherent, ‘Evil Bong’ is a Stoner Comedy Horror movie that REALLY tries to ‘big up’ the horror side of it’s makeup, but cant take itself serious long enough to ever truely commit to the bit.

The plot? A dorky nerdy dorky dork moves in with a bunch of stoners of different orientations (Jock Stoner, Hippie Stoner…generic 90s style stoner) and it plays a bit like an ‘odd couple’ piece for a decent chunk of the first act, until the lads find a classified ad offering a mysterious, oversized and ancient Bong that hasnt seen any action since the 60’s.

The lads are keen and decide to pick it up. Little do they realise that this Bong is no mere waterpipe, and infact contains the restless spirit of an interdimensional weed demon who’s able to transport any tokers to a mysterious ‘strip club world’ where they’re slowly seduced and murdered in increasingly daft and bizarre ways.

I’d say it’s spoilers, but Tommy Chong is featured prominently on all the posters and promo materials for this, so inevitably, when he appears as the Bongs previous owner attempting to put an end to the…’happenings’. it’s on for young and old as our characters take on their weaknesses head on with the absolute base line of humour not that far behind them.

And; i’ve got to be honest when I say that; While this film, in my opinion, isnt very good. I do have a bit of a soft spot for it. The script bothers to have a plotline for about 20 minutes of the hour and 25 running time, at which point it falls into a cycle of the Evil Bong pulling our stoners into the strip club world, at which point it’s boobies and VERY soft gore on a cycle right up to the final act.

The first act is pretty solid all things considered, it sets things up, gives you a taster for the vibe and introduces our characters and the scenario in such a way that DOES have a draw and appeal to it. Unfortunately, the film gets stuck in one gear from that point right up to about 10 minutes off the end where just…nothing much really happens.

Its basically all padding for about 40-50 minutes in the middle of this thing, and it sags horrendously as a result. To the point that the production LITERALLY do the cinematic equivilent of jangling some shiny keys in front of the audience, in the form of 3-4 cameos from other well known Full Moon Franchises (Trancers, Demonic Toys and…Ooga Booga?…jesus christ…) Who basically turn up, say a couple lines or physically move about in the strip club scenes…and then exit stage left, never to be seen or referenced again. They could literally be edited out of the movie and noone would ever have known they were there to begin with.

The pacing is pretty nippy, in terms of how it rolls out the script, I did start to clock watch a little around the latter half of the second act, but given the film itself had more or less given up on trying to keep my attention by this point, I kind of feel like it was a mutual clockwatching experience all things considered.

The characters are all pretty one note, and while there IS character development, it comes WAY too late in the films runtime to really be useful to adding a bit more nuance to the script, so if you like ‘generic stoner’ acting and a nerdy performance that feels like something out of the latter offerings of the ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ sequels…well…you’ll probably quite like this.

Tommy Chongs character is pretty much the main reason to really stick around for this thing. he’s playing a slightly more wired take of his ‘Chong’ character and he’s easily the most entertaining part of this feature, especially towards the very end when the ‘final showdown’ really gets rolling.

The Evil Bong herself? is largely mute or murmering for most of the runtime in this one, I know in later films she gets MUCH MUCH more of a personality, but here? She doesnt really get a whole lot to say or do till the 3rd act, and what IS present in terms of character is basically just ‘Shes a bit sassy and swears a lot.’ and thats about it. All these elements kind of come together to produce a script thats basically the cinematic equivilent of a microwavable hamburger.

Direction is fine, this is directed by Band himself and it’s about as proficient a work as I could expect from him. technically its pretty sound for the most part, but its very much shot for function over form. the crew are working to capture what Band wants. But what Band seems to want here is to just ‘get the film in the can, and get back to his european castle vacation’ I cant fault the direction here on a technical level, other than to say that its a film thats coasting almost entirely on it’s gimmick to get people through the door and watching. it’s not pushing the envelope in any way more than that.

Same goes for direction of the cast. I get that he’s intentionally playing on stoner and nerd stereotypes and that this movies basically trying to be something of a throwback picture. But the thing with that is that, the films being used as the reference to throw back to here; actually had people behind them who wanted to entertain SOMEONE. they BELIEVED in what they were making sincerely to some degree and were writing with the genuine idea of wanting to make SOMEONE laugh…

This film doent have that sincerity to it to me, it feels like the team involved in making this, freebased a bunch of stoner movies; picked a few broad joke topics to work with and bashed out SOME kind of nonsense for our cast to just, get through and collect their paycheck…The cast dont seem to have been briefed much further than ‘Your a stoner…so speak slower and say ‘dude’ more often’ and while I think they do okay for a film of this quality and style, they can only work with what they’re given, and garbage going in is, at best, only going to mean cheesy awfulness coming out.

They’re largely locked in one type of emotion, most of them are crashed out or sat for the majority of the film and the one or two other people who ARNT out and out stoners who turn up in this thing are screechy and just plain annoying.

The cine is fairly lifeless. This was one of the bigger mistakes this film made in my opinion, they took a ‘We’ll styalize it in post’ attitude to the production, meaning a lot fo the film is shot quite wide (presumably they thought they could just crop in as and when required) there isnt a whole lot of B-roll leaving sequences often moving between 3 different angles with nothing to really help bring the sequences to life, and the bulk of the styalization has been done through post filtering and CGI.

The lighting is fairly flat (basically shot flat and tinted in post) and the edit itself could have easily been 15-20 minutes shorter and twice the better for it. I will compliment the set designers though, who have perfectly captured the ramshackled nature of a stoner house in the mid 2000’s…

I was GENUINELY surprised that this Full Moon Film ACTUALLY has a half decent and original soundtrack. largely rap and R&B tracks. its a breath of fresh air after 20 odd films scored by Richard Band and the Full Moon sound stock library. It gives the film a bit more of a sense of identity and I kind of dug it…Im actually quite surprised that Full Moon havent capitalised on this and done some kind of ‘Weed Green’ Vinyl pressing of the score…Im sure it’d shift more than 40 copies…

I’ve ragged on this film a fair bit, and it is a totally flawed production, As a work of cinema its dreadful. Sludge cinema of the highest order. But one thing ‘Full Moon’ have managed to do VERY well in the last 20 years or so, is produce films that you can switch your brain off too and just bathe in the cheap and cheerful ambience. and ‘Evil Bong’ is a great film to just have on in the background, checking in occasionally for the VERY quotable lines and strange on screen shenanigans.

The arguement of whether cinema can ever really truely be considered an ‘art form’ in the same way as paintings or sculpting has been raging for nearly a century at this point…’Evil Bong’ is strong evidence that it cant. But not every film necessarily NEEDS to be ‘The Seventh Seal’.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/evil-bong/

And so the concluding part of Canon films (Unofficial) ‘Ninja’ trilogy ends on probably the most bizarre note it could have ended on. By bringing demonic possession into the franchise!

Yes, the plot of this movie revolves around a Linewoman and gym Bunny ‘Christie’ as she accidentally becomes possessed by the demon spirit of an evil Ninja after weilding a cursed Katana. Her new boyfriend (and cop) is put on the case of trying to hunt down a mysterious Ninja killer who’s attacking random cops and people across the city…aaaaand as you can imagine hilarity ensues.

This films kind of lived on in the cult cinema conciousness due to it’s infamy. Indeed this is a totally cheesy and strange movie, make no mistake. But I do rather feel it’s reputation overstates it’s oddness. As part of the Ninja trilogy, its definitely a change of pace. But as a standalone movie; it’s not really THAT weird.

The scripts a bit of a mess, Its a fun mess make no mistake, but It somehow manages the incredibly difficult feat of keeping the script incredibly basic story wise, while overcomplicating the basic elements of that script to the point that it becomes overly complex and awkward.

Its a cat and mouse possession plotline, it really shouldnt be more complicated than ‘Bad guy is killing people/being bad, good guys are hunting them down’ But instead we have police chases, manhunts, a BEYOND strange exorcism scene in the middle of the movie that im STILL not 100% sure if it’s supposed to have been a dream or not. All the characters overexplain there roles, the pacing is stuck in one gear for most of the runtime, occasionally juddering into something a bit more pacey when a fight scene kicks off.

It all unfortunatley trundles into a rather drab 3rd act with an underwhelming finale. Oh, dont get me wrong, this thing is dripping with all the worst aspects and excesses of 80s culture circa 1984. But its a bit of a mixed bag on that front, with some of those elements landing perfectly, and others being just amazingly cringeworthy.

The character dialogue is SUPER minimalist, basic dialogues about as good as it gets and the creaking sound you can hear across the runtime is the weight the actors are having to carry in making what basic dialogue is there engaging and entertaining. Seriously; without the cheesy hammy over the top ness of the cast. This thing would be dryer than sandpaper in the desert.

It’s a usual criticism, but I really do feel had this thing had either 15 minutes taken off or 20 minutes of explanation added on, it could have easily been the best of the trilogy on the story front. as it stands, it borders on the incoherent at times and its entertainment value is almost entirely AT the film, rather than WITH it.

On the direction front, this is probably the best of the trilogy! A film that fully embraces trying anything once, it misses about as much as it hits, but it manages to carry a basic standard of direction and cinematography (for the most part) While also not being afraid to completely go off the handle and get experimental, creative and weird. While it MUST be acknowledged at this point, that the film is clearly trying its best to ape ‘Ghostbusters’ (this film came out 3 months after ‘Ghostbusters’ did.’ I will always applaud a film that tries and fails, than one that plays it overly safe.

The cine is equally quite the mixed bag, While I feel more B-roll and cutaway footage really would have helped shore this thing up a bit more, the edit’s are somewhat tight and the compositions seem considered and thoughtful. While the film only just crawls past the 90 minute feature runtime. I think the editors have done a good job of keeping this thing as lean as possible, while working to that 90 minute minimum zone. It absolutely could have been leaner, but it has to be stressed that theres an art in meeting runtime requirements when it comes to figuring out what can be trimmed out and what has to stay.

All in all? Its a total cheese sandwhich of a movie. But I actually kind of had a soft spot for ‘Ninja 3’ I dont think I enjoyed it quite as much as ‘Revenge of the Ninja’ (Itself really more of an all rounder people pleaser) but I could easily see me double featuring this film with something like ‘One Dark Night’ or ‘Ghost Warrior’ as a more spiritual cheesy double header.

A decent enough campy cult watch thats a total mess of a movie, but all the better for it.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/ninja-iii-the-domination/

Sam Firstenbergs first foray into action direction was the middle part of Canons (Unofficial) Ninja Trilogy. And what we have here with ‘Revenge of the Ninja’ is a much more well rounded endeavour when compared to ‘Enter the Ninja’.

The film follows a father and son who flee there country after an onslaught of Ninjas kills everyone else. They’re brought to the US by a friend of the family who sets them up running a gallery showcasing traditional dolls. Little do they know, this gallery showing is actually a front for drug smuggling and money laundering. But when the deals arranged between the mafia and the Japanese Ninjas falls through, a turf war of epic proportins is unleashed.

I was genuinely somewhat surprised by ‘Revenge of the Ninja’ the script has a lot more nuance, pacing and detail compared to its predecessor. The characters all have active motivations, the 3 act structure has a nice pacing and decent transitions between the acts, theres plenty of characters and plot variety on hand to help keep things fresh and interesting and the final act has decent closure and feels solid.

The dialogues quite a bit toned down from the first film, I find this one much less quotable, but there are still some good lines in here that do help keep the thing going and I can quite happily say I had fun with this thing. Theres also a few moments where you kind of have to take a bit of a leap of faith with this thing, nothing too aggregious, just one or two moments where you have to assume that our characters are either really REALLY stupid or oblivious. But other than that, this is just a kind of fun, somewhat generic, but well managed script.

The directions pretty functional as well, the crew all seem to be on the same page and theres a little bit more experimentation and creativity behind the wheel here, I feel like Firstenberg played his first foray into action a *little* overly safe. But it’s quibbling honestly and whats here is really solid and more than keeps the audience on board.

This extends to the cast direction too, where we see our core cast utilise set space effectively with some great usses of props and experimentation on delivery flowing freely. If I was being a bit of a Grinch, i’d maybe suggest this was down to Firstenberg not quite being as comfortable in the directors chair at this point as he’d like to be, rather than it being some kind of intentionally free form melting pot…But whats presented here works for me as a piece of entertainment and I really quite enjoyed it.

As for the Fight Choreography? For a first time action director here, Firstenberg has absolutely bettered the first film in terms of how they show the fighting, weapon play and soft/no contact interactions are the flavour of the day and with firstenberg carefully masking the no contact shots, we have some fun and interesting little fight scenes that again, wont win over any of the die hard martial arts afficionados. But DO manage to look decent, impressive and weighty, which is everything you need at minimum for a good fight sequence. From there they only continue to build quite honestly…

The cine has a bit of a boost over the first one, scenes have a bit more considered structuring, theres clearly been more thought into b-roll and cutaway footage and the edit feels quite a bit tighter. The use of onset audio in places added a degree of gritty realism to the film which I thought was a nice touch. Its still not exactly changing the world. But its a much tighter, coherent and interesting production which I think really goes the extra mile.

The performances across the board are much more toned down vs the original. Theres a degree of ham present, but nothing like what was there before and instead we have a smidge of melodramatisism mixed largely with cheesy macho action fodder. The cast are lively, animated and really push themselves to give the best they can give here.

‘Revenge of the Ninja’ is just good cheesy fun and would probably pair up quite well with ‘New York Ninja’ or ‘Death Wish 3’ as a goofy and at times over the top revenge story, thats surprisingly well made given the budget and circumstances. Definitely one to check out if you’re a fan of the genre. Dont expect to have your mind blown, but do expect a damn good time.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/revenge-of-the-ninja/

The first of Canons *unofficial* ‘Ninja’ Trilogy, ‘Enter the Ninja’ is a BIZZARE watch if nothing else. The plot, revolving around a recently trained ‘White’ Ninja returning to a poor village to catch up with friends, only to discover that said friends are in the middle of awful intimidation tactics by a group of landgrabbers who want to run them and their charity services out of the country or worse, make sure the only land they’re GOING to be occupying is six feet under.

Our lead ninja sends several friendly messages to the baddies (I.E beating the crap out of them) that the land isnt for sale. But when the group find out our charity workers have a Ninja on their side, they decide to get a Ninja themselves…One whos all too familiar to the White Ninja.

Honestly, there isnt a whole lot to say about this one. The script feels like a Kids interpretation of an adult Ninja movie. and as such in places it can get very disorienting. Everything is SUPER blunt, all the characters are extreme charicatures of the usual architypes, the plot is super basic, bluntly cut with hard transitions between acts and an emphasis on fighting over plot. What emotional elements are present in the film are really rough, lack nuance and feel like they were dropped in to help break up the fighting and nothing else.

Honestly? I really enjoyed the tone and vibe this thing gave off in being SO rudamentary that it ends up downright silly in places. Its not a bad movie in that sense. But I did feel it was about 10 minutes too long and at times, a little TOO basic in storytelling. Like…I feel confident if it wasnt for the gore, that I could show this to VERY young kids and theyd have NO trouble figuring out what was going on.

Directions pretty basic too; Everything is working pretty much as it should…which is fine. But they never really go above and beyond just keeping the ship afloat. The films really lacking in a clear and stylish vision for how this story is to play out, as such it at times plays almost as a parody of Asian Ninja movies from the time (If your film feels like it was edited by Godfrey Ho at multiple points, I dont know if that means you failed or passed the brief…)

Direction of the cast is, if intentional, decent. As mentioned, most of the cast give seriously over the top hammy performances across the board which is arguably one of the biggest reasons to check this film out. they use set space and props pretty decently and while I dont know if all this was intentional, it did create and entertaining sense of energy that probably wouldnt have been there had the director matched his direction of the crews energy.

I also have to mention that the fight choreography is kind of dull as well, we have a mixture of soft contact play and weaponry work which is handled alright, but the total lack of any kind of creative flare from a cine perspective basically makes all the fights look kind of slow and uninteresting. they dont nearly do enough with the cine and direction to really sell these fights as being over the top and cool. Which I found rather dissapointing.

The cine is fine too, theres a couple of nice shots and some decent location work, the lighting in places is a bit extra which was nice to see. but so much of the film is just slightly washed out undersaturated ‘on location’ sequences that it quickly starts to look and feel a lot drabber than the poster would have you believe. Composition of shots is a little touch and go across the runtime, but i’d say there is more good than bad here…even if it is a little uninspired.

Oh…and the soundtracks passably okay, very 80s and not much else. Not an essential work…but it does the job. Almost the entire film is ADR’d though which…im not sure if that was intentional as an homage to the ADR work on a lot of the redubbed martial arts movies coming out of Hong Kong at the time, or if it was a budget thing…But it did help make the film feel more authentic.

All in all? While the production on the whole is VERY middle of the road, I have to admit that I quite enjoyed this one as a big slab of 80s cheese. the performances were the biggest draw for me with some great lines delivered with scene chewing vigor. Is this an essential watch for the martial arts genre? No. definitely not. not in my opinion at least…But I can recommend checking this one out if you’re getting into the genre, have seen a few and want to see something thats ‘from’ the genre, but clearly not ‘of’ the genre. Its the ‘Big Mac’ of Martial arts movies, and I appreciate it for that.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/enter-the-ninja/

Another film that can be added to the pile of ‘Movies that Wish they were “Maniac” but arnt.’ “Video Murders” is a pretty by the numbers little slasher flick in which a sociopathic serial killer stalks sex workers and strangles them to death on camera for his own diabolical requirements.

And thats about as in depth as it gets. the script is your bog standard ‘Killer goes out killing, cops are 1 step behind until they arnt’ type fodder. Theres a slightly decent upturn towards the end as our killer forms something of a bond with his final victim. But its all too little too late and honestly, by the halfway point I was long into clock watching.

There just isnt a whole lot here, the titular ‘video murders’ are WAY too few and far between. and while the film could have absolutley been improved with some more SOV sequences. a fuzzy video themed intro and outro is about as involved as it gets in the video scene.

The characters are all kind of middle of the road, the killer isnt particualrly interesting and the script doesnt really go into much depth around who these people are or why we should care about them, in the 3rd act the killer is given THE most generic motive a slasher film can really offer…and thats about as far as it goes.

The direction is pretty fine enough, I didnt notice anything TOO agregious barring maybe 1 or 2 instances where it looks like the film ran out literally on the cut mark leading to a few white flashes here and there. the sound quality in places is a little ropey (probably due to poor mic placement on set) but hey. This thing does about the best it can visually (hence the star rating)

The cine is quite impressive in terms of it’s sequence building. Shots are crisp, clean and theres enough B Roll to ensure that sequences float along nicely. However; theres little in the way of experimentation and the B-roll that is present sometimes feels a little thrown together.

It also has to be said that the pacing in this film is dire. theres a chase scene towards the end of the film that goes on for WAY too long, and sequences of our killer trying to find women in bars are frankly painful and lack any kind of solid focus. it’s a real task to sit through to me.

The soundtracks cheap, but interesting as we get low budget synth scoring for most of the movie, but it rearranges classical compositions quite well and it has a somewhat demented quality that I think suits the film nicely.

Throw in a cast who really fail to land any kind of impression, barring our killer who in the closing minutes gives a hamtastic finale. and what your left with is a very generic slasher film, thats quite impressive given its budget and resources. But is just too bland for me to really truely love it. It’s not one I could recommend. If you like ‘Maniac’ as a movie, you’ll probably get on with this one fine enough, but it just smacks of ‘imitation’ and really feels like it isnt certain of standing on its own. It’ll be a while before I come back to this one.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/video-murders/

Silent Night Deadly Night 2. A film that seemingly only had contempt for its audience from its conception. Exactly why the film has ended up the way it has is up for a lot of debate, but from what i’ve been able to find, it looks like the producers basically wanted to re-release the original “Silent Night Deadly Night” in 1987 but with some newly shot additional footage bolted onto it to help sell it to audiences as some kind of “Extended cut” or “Special Edition”.

Similar to how Uli Llomel made “Boogeyman 2” by basically just bolting on some police interrogation footage to the original “Boogie Man” However; the screenwriters accidentally ended up writing a bit more material than was required. There wasnt enough for an entirely new movie…But there was enough to justify altering the idea from it being just a re-release of Silent Night Deadly Night with additional shots, to it instead becoming a new movie which was HEAVILY propped up with footage from the original Silent Night Deadly Night.

And the word HEAVILY there is doing a HELL of a lot of lifting. In essence what they’ve effectively done here is created a film that’s about a third to a half made up of footage from the original Silent Night Deadly Night with linking narrations and additional newly shot footage making up about a half to two thirds of this thing. And its here that the problems really kind of begin, but before that. Let’s get into the plot of this thing.

So the film takes place 4 years after the events of the original “Silent Night Deadly Night”. The film opens with Ricky (Billys younger brother) in some kind of prison/mental health facility where he’s clearly not playing with a full deck and is about to talk to his latest Psychiatrist Dr. Bloom, Ricky scoffs at this during the introductions as he’s already seen 12 Psychiatrists before Dr. Bloom and doesnt think anything is going to be any different this time. Nonetheless Dr.Bloom Asks Ricky about his childhood and Ricky begins to recount the events of the first movie, occasionally interrupting the film to add additional *fluffy* narrative links and to help build up Rickys character as a very angry, cold and demented character who wants to punish anyone who he deems to be…Naughty…

Now, what was the plot of the original Silent Night Deadly Night…ahh yes! I remember it as if it were yesterday! *Flashback waves as we go back to my original review*

So! That makes up about 40 minutes of the runtime and the rest of the film follows the story of what happened to Ricky. It’s revealed that after the incident at the orphanage the place got closed down and the children were all rehomed into foster care, Ricky ended up living with a family called “The Rosenbergs” a decent bunch who apparently don’t celebrate christmas, and for a time, things were going pretty well. That is until one day while Ricky is out shopping with his step mum, where he sees two nuns walking down the street. This triggers flashbacks which his mum dismisses, but when the nuns walk into a store and start messing with some red fabric, the flashbacks become all too vivid and Ricky effectively ends up seizing up in the street. His Step mum only figures out what’s going on WAY too late to do anything about it, so a couple of days later, the Rosenbergs go back to the orphanage to ask what exactly has gone on in Ricky’s past.

The Nuns reassure the Rosenbergs and tell them that, with love and support these episodes will be minimal and *should* Hopefully in time, subside completely. At which point, we then jump forwards another five years to when Rickys stepfather passes way, this seems like a bit of a traumatic turning point for Ricky. He decides to manage his grief by taking walks along the backroads around his home town, sometimes for hours at a time.

Its here that things start heating up a bit, as; while out walking one day, Ricky spots a young couple having a picnic in a clearing and decides to people watch for a bit. While hanging out, the feller; Eddie, decides hes a bit horny and basically tries to “Initiate” with his partner. When she refuses, he basically tries to rape her. When she fends him off, he gets pissed off and goes to get a beer from his truck. Which just so happens to be Red. the combination of Ricky seeing this combined with the red truck tips him over the edge and he ends up repeatedly running over Eddite with his own truck. The Doctor is surprised to learn of these incidents as they’ve never been documented before, but Ricky seems nonplussed about the whole thing. Later; The doc decides to ask Ricky about Jennifer. And this brings us more or less in line to the present day.

Jennifer was Rickys Girlfriend for a time, the pair met when Ricky was knocked off his motorbike by Jennifer and the pair quickly bonded. It transpires that Jennifer was Rickys first *proper* girlfriend and the person he lost his Virginity too. And he assumed that Jennifer was a virgin too. This however was not the case as, after a few months into dating, Ricky takes Jennifer to the movies to watch…Silent…night deadly night…hmm…anyway! Theres a loudmouthed asshole in the screening, so Ricky goes to “Deal” with him and while hes away Jennifer bumps into “Chip” an old flame who apparently treated Jennifer very badly. When Ricky returns Chip disappears to go watch the movie, but a short time later while wandering around town both Ricky and Jennifer bump into Chip again who dunks on Ricky for being a bit lame and also calls out Jennifer for having low standards and for screwing Chip in the back of his car.

Incensed. Ricky electrocutes chip with a car battery, and then when Jennifer freaks out and tries to run away from Ricky he garrots her with a car antenna before making a cop shoot himself. Ricky takes the cops gun…yadda yadda yadda…GARBAGE DAY…and after shooting several people and blowing up a rather strange car. More cops turn up and Ricky is sectioned and committed. And you’d think that was the movie…but NO! Because when we come back from that flashback, it’s revealed that Ricky has strangled Dr. Bloom with his own Reel to reel tape and escaped the facility! Leaving it down to a random detective and Sister Margret (eh?) to find Ricky before he finds a now heavily debilitated Mother Superior and gives her the old Axe to the face treatment!

In a film that honestly feels like it really shouldn’t exist, but somehow does. Will the police find Ricky in time, Will Ricky finally decide who’s naughty and who’s nice! and…How was Ricky able to tell Dr. Bloom oddly specific details about what Billy got up to in the first movie when Billy was the only person to actually see these events? Non of this and more will be answered if you take a look at Silent Night Deadly Night 2…sort of.

And given that at least 30-40 minutes of this film is either footage from the first Silent Night Deadly Night OR part of an ultra long extended credits sequence it got me thinking about my thoughts on the script from the original film *Flashback waves start* Yeh sod that, Im not doing that for the whole review, lifes too short. So the first film was a more than solid Christmas slasher, arguably not AS good as movies like “Black Christmas” or “Christmas Evil”, but solidly written, slightly campy in places and heavy enough on the gore to hold attention without it just feeling like a film going through the motions. This film however is pretty much entirely defined by a rather large issue of communication between the screenwriters and the people actively directing on set.

Y’see, The character of Ricky in this was kind of poorly defined. The Screenwriters and Eric Freeman the guy who plays Ricky, wanted the character to be cold and calculating, a harder more muted performance. The director and producer though were much more sold on a more bombastic performance, something in the same field as Freddy Kruger. And because of this disconnect, Eric had to try to do both. And this in effect absolutely defines and ruins the film in equal measures. Had they written a bombastic character, it may have come across as a bit fake because they’d be playing to that expectation, had they fully committed to playing it cold, it probably would just be seen as a bit of an oddity of a production. But the results here are just SO tonally bizarre that the film’s able to carry itself to meme status as a work of infamy.

Ignoring the fact that a decent chunk of this film is made up of another film, the new material is a bit lacking honestly, what ACTUALLY happens in this movie outside of the re-run stuff? Ricky gets adopted, scared by nuns, his stepdad dies, he kills a couple weirdos, falls in love, kills someone in a jealous rage, gets his heart broke and then kills half a dozen other people leading to a showdown with the Mother Superior…someone who, Ricky really didnt even have that much of a dealing with when all is said and done honestly.

In fact; thats pretty much this scripts biggest problem, it feels like it wants to tell the story of Ricky AND Billy, but because Billys gone, rather than settle for that loss, they’ve just given Billys lines to Ricky and then carried on with business as usual. The Scripts plagued with moments where Ricky recounts incidents that ONLY Billy was ever witness to, there are moments Ricky recounts and claims to have remembered where, not only could he have not seen what had happened, but he was like; 2 years old. So he wouldnt understand the context, retain the memories or anything like that. Even the ending with the showdown with the Mother Superior doesnt make that much sense in terms of how this films played out. Had they chosen to play it out as Ricky getting retribution for his brothers murder, then maybe it could have been a bit better accepted as an ending for this. But it isnt, they just decide Ricky hates the Mother Superior for her ruthless punishments…something that Ricky, as far as BOTH films are considered, never really went through.

That would be problematic enough, but even if you took Ricky’s supposed “Motivations” out of the equation and just decided to focus on whats explained in this film, there isnt really a lot on display…Ricky basically just sort of awkwardly bumbles from killing to killing and the final act pay off isnt worth the paper its written on because its all artificial tension. Theres basically a 10 minute story here thats been padded out to 25 minutes by using a couple of vignettes and running scenes well past the length required to tell what little plot there is.

The pacing is all over the place, mostly because this is a movie and a half thats been slammed together to try and make one coherent picture and tonally the two sides really don’t work together well. The old stuff was slightly campy, but largely trying to just be a solid enough slasher film, this thing has 50 thousand volts up it and is keeping things as camp as possible to the point that it neglects the gorier slasher elements of the first film in order to just be goofy and a bit absurdist. These two films don’t feel like they occupy the same universe. With only the final confrontation scene being in ANY way something that I feel could have happened in the original Silent Night Deadly Night. I can put part of this down to the fact that all of this additional footage was shot in a madcap 10 day shoot, so I appreciate that commitment to stylization between the two films may have been a bit thin, but even then…

And the dialogue, jesus christ…its SO basic, it really does feel like the screenwriters wrote this on a case of budweiser over a long weekend. Nothing is given any more detail than a surface level interpretation and EVERYTHING is told to us, they “show” nothing. Ricky only speaks in pseudo profound short bursts and when he does speak its usually just to say shit like “Im starting to like this film” or “Red car…very good.” i’d have preferred him to be mute honestly other than maybe his “Garbage Day” line…in fact…yeh. That would have made the film ten times better, have him say NOTHING for the full runtime and then literally out of nowhere make his one and only line “GARBAGE DAY” that would have won me back over. But yeh…its super stilted dialogue that doesnt really go anywhere, says surprisingly little and while they nail SOME aspects of “Show don’t tell” they really miss it where it counts most of the time.

To be constructive. I think, had the film ended at the point where Ricky escapes the facility. That probably would have both made the most sense AND been the more satisfying way to close. Ending things a bit open with the possibility that Ricky is still out there to this day may not necessarily have been the greatest closer in the world, but it would have at least felt like an appropriate ending for the character, but having the extra scene where he “Santas up” and goes on the rampage…while a bit more explosive a finale makes almost NO sense within the function of the rest of the film and really just left me shrugging.

The film was written by Michael Hicky, Paul Caimi and was also written and directed by Lee Harry. Both Michael and Paul have 2 credits, both for this film and the original. And thats it. Lee has 3 writing and directing credits. This was his first of the three and i’d arguably say it was his most memorable and infamous. He generally specialises in editing movie trailers.

And that would explain a lot, as on the direction front, while the cast direction is somewhat fumbled. The broad direction within a production sense is actually not too bad on these newly shot bits. Scenes generally have a coherency, the padding is fairly obvious but overlooking moments where its clear that studio intervention has taken place, there is a definite professional veneer to the technical work on hand here, and Id say Harry brings a VERY distinct vision forward that most definitely contrasts the style and feel of the original film which I totally understand may cause split room thinking. I personally didn’t *completely* get on with the jarring change in tone between the two films. I’d have rather JUST had a Ricky movie than the 45 min/35 min split we get here, but I can see how some people could just fall in love with the weirdness this film has going for it.

Thats not to let Direction of the cast get off lightly though, even with the communication issues on set around how cast members should perform and what their motivations are, its still a pretty poor showing. With the cast seemingly just being encouraged to look vaguely near the camera, stand perfectly still unless told otherwise and to read their lines AS WRITTEN and NOTHING else. And the most bizarre thing of it all is, given HOW OTT they make Eric in this, everyone else is totally muted. Which if anything just makes Eric look EVEN WEIRDER and makes everyone else look like they literally couldnt be arsed to be there. It’s such a weird choice and I feel it completely lends to the films infamy

Given the mixed direction, the cine is actually pretty solid. I feel thats the benefit of having a director on board who also works in editing is, he knows what shots are going to be needed in order to have something to work with in the edit. And here, it doesnt disappoint. We have a VERY wide variety of shot types on display composition ranges from passable to decent and sequences have been constructed utilising relatively quick cuts that DO help to show more than tell where they can. I mean, its a pain that the script “tells” anyway, but at least from a cine perspective I cant complain about how they choose to show things.

Theres a wide variety of shot types on display, my personal favourite probably being the Garbage day scene where they utilise a VERY long front facing tracking shot of Eric walking down his neighbourhood shooting people. But there’s also pans, dutch angles and other funky and interesting experimentation used throughout. It really gives off the vibe that this was a somewhat stressful set to be on, but one that wasn’t afraid to at least TRY to have a bit of fun with what it was doing. So I’d say it’s probably my 2nd favourite thing about this film.

Performances are a total flop. Eric Freeman is literally the best part of this movie, and hes only good because he commits SO wholeheartedly to whatever the hell the crew wanted him to do on a scene by scene basis that hes just utterly mesmerising to watch. Do I think he gives a good, realistic performance? Absolutely not. But do I think he’s entertaining in that performance and positively daffy duck? Yes. yes I do, and I think he’s MORE than earned his place on the board of respected bad performances in hollywood who at least tried to give the crew what they wanted.

The rest of the cast? Its a wonder they’re awake. The big issue with making most of the new parts of the film flashbacks is that it means no one actor or character outside of Eric really gets enough screen time to set ANY kind of impression other than passable or weird. And that’s basically the whole movie, actors either being just about acceptable on the performance front, or looking/feeling like they’ve just stepped out of Robocop.

And finally; the soundtrack and this films strongest element is arguably its top notch scoring. Seriously; if we’re taking calls for ‘films with scores they don’t deserve’ this has GOT to be up there. Its a creepy but relatively powerful slasher horror scoring at it’s most menacing and while it could be possibly be called a touch generic, and I could see an argument for it. At worst it’s well made generic scoring and at best it’s totally underlooked. A real winner to me, I’d say it gets my thumbs up. And it’d be one i’d quite like to own on vinyl!

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 didnt get released in the UK until November 2020. And the reason a release got stalled for this is quite possibly for the most “Silent Night Deadly Night 2” reason you could possibly believe. So bearing in mind the BBFC didnt have to ban the original “Silent night deadly night” they just told the film makers at the time that unless they made significant cuts to the footage, the film wouldnt be granted a certification and would effectively be banned. So the film makers just, didnt bother to cut the film and it just never came out in the uk. WELL.

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 almost purposefully chopped down the first film by about 50% but STILL left in those problematic scenes. So when it was submitted to the BBFC in 1987, they were basically handed the same note again saying make significant cuts or we just wont give the film a certificate. So the film makers just didnt bother releasing the film in the UK again. it was never formally banned, because they were warned off it in advance. That stayed in place until 101 films submitted both films for a bluray release and they were passed uncut and released as a special edition set in November of that year. They now also have separate solo releases that are pretty decently priced! Extras on this set are plentiful, the best for my money being a short film called “Eric Today” where we catch up with Eric Freemen in character as Ricky to see what he’s been up to since 1987! Which was nice in and of itself! So i’d say this set was definitely worth the money!

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 issss…a problematic film. I hesitate even really to call it a film as its really more of a “Best of” with a couple of short films stapled to it. I don’t think it holds together as well as the original Silent Night Deadly Night. and , if Im being honest. I think it works better as a series of moments than a film itself. Like…as a thing you can watch with friends and get some quotable lines from, this is brilliant fun. But as an actual film? Something to sit and analyse? Yeahhhh its not too good. With a score and cine that tries its best, its just that script, the performances and the mixed direction that lets this thing down ultimately, I still honestly think it would have worked better as a standalone film, I don’t think they needed to drag the first film into it at all…but I can totally see why this film has the cult following it does too…worth watching at least once. I’d say if you havent seen this one before, check it out. Though your milage may vary.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/silent-night-deadly-night-part-2/

So not content with the pain and suffering I inflicted on myself last year with “A Karate Christmas Miracle” the Ken Del Vecchio Christmas film that was half made up of aimless talking sequences and half made up of recycled footage from an older movie Ken made about a mass shooting at a cinema…seriously…I decided once I left therapy to see if things would pick up with the Sideways sequel 2020’s “A Wrestling Christmas Miracle” spoiler alert; im back in therapy.

The films a sideways sequel in the same way that Shock Treatment is to Rocky Horror, we have a lot of actors returning to play VERY similar roles, but just with different names and slightly different behaviours. And if you think that gives this film a bit of a chance to break free from the format of the previous duff entry. Well…you couldnt be more wrong.

For a starters, I don’t really know who the main character in this film is…I mean; I know which character the film WANTS me to think is the main character. But the fact of the matter is that Mario Del Vecchio who plays Kace Gabriel in this, while given top billing, a centre spot on the poster AND the films main plot, is unmistakably absent or only really present here in a minimal capacity. Maybe he opted for a reduced role in this, maybe he had school. Who knows?

The long and short of it is Mario plays Kace, quite possibly the worlds greatest child wrestler. He’s son to the Legendary “Ajax” Gabriel (OF COURSE played by Ken Del Vecchio) and literally after about 3-5 minutes of HEAVILY censored wrestling footage with Kase, thats literally just home movie footage (im not kidding, Mario in real life is ACTUALLY a decent wrestler and the footage was from some of his matches at school, shot by Ken and presumably, because he didnt bother to get release forms for the other parents/staff or kids he’s had to block censor most of the footage barring his son) Kase goes on the news (Bit weird…but okay) to announce he’s stepping back from wrestling for 40 days for a VERY important reason.

He says that he’s been given a “Sign” that if he can write, direct, shoot and edit “The funniest movie in the world” in the 40 days leading up to christmas then his best friend Charlie who’s currently in a deep coma will wake up and thus christmas will be saved. AND! As if to make for even MORE yuk yuks, Kase is getting his dad in to help him make the movie! (For clarification; his dads played as a bit of a Jabroni) Now…you’d think with a setup like that, that THAT would be the movie. Kase and his dad making a goofy movie and all the mishaps and fun that can come from the pitfalls of film production on a deadline…BUT NO!

Because not content in wrongfooting us into believing that this was going to be some kind of christian wrestling movie only to then reveal itself to be a “Kid makes a movie” film…it then wrongfoots us AGAIN by then showing us a weird scene in a hospital which is then revealed to be a scene from Kases finished movie and that most of the 40 days has passed at this point and the films finished and ready to go! The only thing left to do is the film needs to have some backups made because it only exists on a lone hard drive in a finished form. [YOU FOOL!]

After a pep talk Ajax reveals that he’s going to be out in the Congo until AT LEAST Christmas day as he’s agreed to head out for a special event on Christmas Eve where he intends to wrestle an Elephant…yeh I don’t know either. SO! Ajax puts his brother in law Ronald in charge of making backup copies of the movie ready for the big premier and for safe keeping. [YOU FOOL!!!]

Its at this point we’re introduced to Kitty and Chuck, two “bad” actors who starred in Kases film who are low on funds and likely to lose their house if they don’t think of a plan to get some scratch. So. what do they decide to do? Well; they realise that Kaces family are probably quite well off and it is christmas so they hatch a plan to break into Ronalds car and steal all their presents, Why this involves them dressing up as the grinch and cindy lou hoo…mmm…I don’t have time to analyse their sexual deviencies…

But! They pull it off! Getting away with the gifts AND unexpectedly; Kaces Hard drive! And as soon as they realise what they have they make the decision to hold it ransom to Kases family in exchange for around a million dollars. But thats not all! to hedge their bets they also get in touch with a local distribution company, with the aim to sell the rights for the film to the company and live big off the earnings.

And…the rest of the movie from this point on could basically be summarised as Kitty and Chuck being BEYOND irritating as they repeatedly call Kases mum to arrange handover of the ransom money which, for one reason or another keeps being delayed or pushed back, Kase gets a little bit concerned about his lost movie but largely spends time with his comatosed friend telling him plot lines of the film, and Kitty and Chuck hang around cafes, bars and theatres openly plotting what to do with the footage. All the while we’re treated to largely incoherent and inconsistent clips from Kaces movie AND theres an even weirder subplot where it transpires that Ajax is a secret agent and has led a coup against the communist leader of that region of the congo and installed a puppet democracy. He also didnt get chance to wrestle the elephant because, and I quote “He was probably a scared commie.”

In a film that underran SO badly it has 12 minutes of end credits, Will Kase get his christmas wish? Will Kitty and Chuck manage to sell the film and move to mexico. And…why is this film so inherently riddled with anti-communist propaganda? Seriously; its like if you went to a hot dog eating contest and found out it was actually a christian recruitment drive. Anyway; all this and more will perplex and bamboozle you into tapping out, when you watch…A wrestling Christmas Miracle.

And I don’t really know what I expected with this film. Like; if ever there was a moment where I “touched the stove” burnt myself, and then went “Mmm…but was it REALLY hot?” it was this movie. For starters, the script is pretty much just a re-run of the original film, just without the weird Dollar store “Twin Peaks” overtones. Whichever way you cut it the film at it’s core is still just “A kid has to do a special thing leading up to christmas in order to ensure a miracle happens” which is hardly a constructive stretch from the original.
What baffles me the most about the script for this film is they had 2 completely OPEN goals to work with in terms of what the actual plot for it could have been.

Even if you didnt want to make a movie based on the title and marketing of your film, they still could have run with “A kid has 40 days to make the funniest movie in the world to wake his friend up from a coma” there would have been some nice scope for character development between Kase and his dad, you could have had some great comedy moments of everything that can go wrong on a film set combined with the idea of a meathead wrestler and his son trying to get to grips with the subtle nuance of shot composition or blocking and all the pratfalls that could happen with that disconnect., there’s even scope for more emotional developments as the deadline for the film to be completed gets closer.

It can’t even be argued that they went with the weird repetitious bollocks we ended up with because of budget, because they actually rented out some kind of hospital set to shoot the movie within the movie AND they hired Gilbert Godtfried. THEY LITERALLY could have just, shot more and made Kases movie the movie! And it probably would have been more consistent and interesting than what we ultimately ended up with.

The act structure for this thing is almost non existent, taking out the 12 minutes of credits leaves us with a 65 minute feature where the first act is 10 minutes, the 3rd act is 15 and the 2nd act is a bloated 40 minute mess of whatever the editors could scrape off the floor. I cant find proof that a script for this movie even exists, and im MORE than inclined to believe that large chunks of this film were improvised because the dialogue is fumbly, stiff and has a vibe of “what would people THINK is funny or interesting?” about it. There are lines that make almost no sense.

In the opening of the film for example Ajax is watching Kases movie and comments that theres a lot of “Bleeps” in the film which Kase puts down to there being bad language in the script he didnt know he wasnt allowed to include. Now; there are multiple problems with that opening sequence. Chief amongst them being, their arnt that many bleeps in the scene that gets raised…we’re talking 1, maybe 2 tops. But MORE crucially; while they censor words like “Castration” and “Prostitute” that really DON’T need bleeping they DON’T censor words like (and apologies in advance) “Midget”. AND Ken for a more than decent chunk of the films runtime plays a “comedy wheelchair bound deaf guy”…who just sort of…flails about and makes vaguely sign language based symbols…y’know, for a laugh! Jesus christ…

They spend a frankly obscene amount of the movie trying to make the “Whats with all the bleeping?” gag a thing…despite the fact that…there just isnt that much bleeping going on, and anyone whose seen a television in the last 50 years will surely know what a censor bleep is without having to be overtly informed of that?

Though that may be giving the characters WAY too much credit here as the script writes them as border idiots. Kitty and Chuck are basically playing children. They lack a grasp of basic adult understandings and largely screech, squark and “idiot” their way through there scenes in a BEYOND annoying way. Ajax is written almost like he has an on/off switch. One minute hes a loving and considerate father and husband, the next he’s fuckin’ “Grape Ape” just shouting and being weirdly melodramatic. Kase has a couple of weird ticks but is largely muted…mainly just parroting things other cast members said 10 minutes ago, and Ronald appears to literally only be in this movie to pull comedy faces and make wailing noises as and when things happen.

Theres just, so much odd stuff to unpack with this movie…like the strange anti-communist rhetoric that just keeps being drip fed into the movie throughout the runtime. Like…mentioning it once or twice as a bit of a joke, fine. But the film gets weirdly “into” the idea that Ken Del Vecchio’s character is some kind of great liberator who manages to free a left wing country from the clutches of socialism…all the while not really doing all that much to show how “Actually great” the US is…I mean…how good can a country be when two bumbling idiots can break into your car, and hold a movie they find in there to ransom for a million dollars, while claiming they now own the rights to the movie, and NOT ONLY does noone question this, but the police are also helpless (see: too lazy) to intervene?…yeh…sounds like a hoot.

Then There’s the end of the film itself. So at the end of the film, and spoilers from here on out, Kase gets the movie back and plays it for Charlie…who doesn’t wake up…Kase is a little downbeat, but for some BIZARRE reason decides the best thing to do with his comatosed friend who for some reason isnt in a hospital, is to get him in a headlock…which SOMEHOW wakes Charlie up from his coma and saves the day…now. Overlooking the fact that his friend, if he WAS in a coma, wouldn’t just be chilling at home in his bed with no support (then again, this is the american healthcare system we’re dealing with) why on EARTH would Kase think it was appropriate to do wrestling moves on his comatosed friend?

Why did the scriptwriters essentially waste 50 minutes of my time on the “We have to make a movie to save my friend” sub plot, only to then essentially airlock it at the last minute? They say that a films enjoyment can be had in it’s journey, not just strictly it’s resolution…but if the films actively shite throughout and then disappoint’s on the ending as well ON PURPOSE. Where does that leave me honestly? I’ll tell you, watching “A Wrestling Christmas Miracle” apparently…

And thats not even mentioning the film within a film which runs infrequently across the whole runtime. And I’ll be honest I have no idea on exactly whats going on in those sections. It just seems to be an almost absurdist surrealist nightmare piece about a nurse whose sentenced to work in a hospital where everyones a bit daffy orrr…something? There arnt really any jokes in those sections of the film, just weird happenings like a guy pummeling a cherry pie sat on a bed, or a court session being held in a hospital reception…I don’t know what vibe they were going for. But given this came from the mind of a child “in film” i’d have more questions than answers honestly.

Ultimately; what we have here is a script thats incoherent and inconsistent with non existent pacing, poor act structuring, terrible dialogue that feels unnaturally stilted and unconfidently improvised. That has weird right leaning hyper fixations that it just CAN NOT get rid of and not only fails to sell itself to its audience on the premise it’s supposedly built on, but cant even sell itself to its audience on the premise it wrongfoots you on.

The Script was written by Ken Del Vecchio and Buddy Fitzpatrick who both play Ajax and Chuck respectively in the movie, we’ve covered both Ken and Buddy previously in my “Karate Christmas Miracle” review but, as of the time of writing this is their last written/produced credit to date! So, I really hope they come back this christmas with another “Miracle” film to turn this duology into a trilogy! Stepping up to the plate to direct this time, we have Chris T. Anthony, Chris has 2 directing credits, his first being a short film from 2013 and his last being this film. He’s really more of a cinematographer honestly; in that field he has 11 credits and still seems to be fairly active to this day.

On the direction front…well; its a bit better than “A Karate Christmas Miracle” My big issue with the original was that the vast majority of the film looked like it was shot freehand, on the fly and barring a few notable exceptions it just looked like someone making a film for fun, with friends, which is fine if you don’t plan on making it a studio based release and charging people actual money for the privilege of watching the thing. If you DO charge for that and you arnt an SOV film from the 80s or 90s…then im only going to rain down with violence and hellstorm at the audacity of charging money for an unprofessional and barely coherent product.

A Wrestling Christmas Miracle, barring the opening and closing wrestling scenes themselves which is most definitely just home movie footage. Feels at least a little bit more professional by contrast. A lot of the scenes are clearly somewhat planned and while it does have a bit of a whiff of the “Gun for hire” about it in terms of strong and clear visions, it at least does have a few interesting choices in scene structure, set construction and location work. Its not overly reliant stock footage, on weird CGI effects or odd colour grades or other weirdness. Don’t get me wrong! it still does *loosely* play with those elements a bit. But by contrast to “Karate” It’s generic as balls!. it’s at least moving in the right direction in terms of making a product that I could believe was sold for actual real world money. But it’s still not great.

Now direction of the cast. THAT. is something entirely different. With the script being SO unwieldy and messy I genuinely don’t know how much of what im seeing is improvised and how much is the dialogue as written and performed. If im going off my gut instinct. Id say there was a lot more improvisation than initially planned. And the only reason I say that is because my gut is really giving me the vibe that this film was cast directed by basically telling the performers to feel the delivery out, and inevitably things would get a bit silly, and then it creates a bit of a feedback loop where everyone THINKS they’re the most hilarious people in the world…but what is actually translated is some of the most irritating performances put to digital. But more on that later. The cast do seem to work with there set spaces and locations reasonably well given what they’ve got to work with. And I think the director manoeuvres the cast through those spaces quite well. But in terms of getting the right performance for the tone of this film. I absolutely do not believe they achieved that goal effectively…in my opinion.

On the cine front, this film actually kind of performs a miracle. Almost every set is decked to the nines in christmas related fodder, trees, tinsel, wreaths you name it. theres even people singing christmas carols on and off throughout. And yet SOMEHOW, this is probably one of the least christmassy movies I think i’ve seen to date. There are a few reasons for this, the total lack of snow is probably the biggest issue, its hard to make your film look christmassy when theres intermittent shots of vibrant green front yards and largely blue skies on display.

But I think the biggest issue is around the colour grading for this film, I’ve mentioned before that colours and grading in your christmas film are incredibly important to setting the mood and tone of the movie, and it’s not that hard to follow really to get semi decent results. The rule of thumb is, when your outside you want the film to look as cold as possible, you want to utilise cool colours in set design and grade as cool as possible, because you want the weather outside to look frightful, conversely when your shooting indoors you want to give the grade a warmth, something more towards the orange, yellow and red side of the specturm that plays against the more festive reds and greens of christmas decorations. Something that makes that fire look so delightful. It’s basic, but cool external shots make people subconciously think of winter, it makes them cold and gets them feeling a bit more christmassy. And equally making internals more warmer on the grade gives people that feeling of being snuggled up in their warm house at christmas.

You can play around with those elements however you like to play with your audience, for example a cooler grade on internal shots in a christmas film could be used to highlight a particularly depressing moment in the film or a warm external grade could be used in flashbacks to show “the olden days of christmasses past”.

This film doesn’t really care for film 101 as a rule. All the internal shots are graded white. Not cool, not warm. White. Which leaves the audience subconsciously directionless. What are they supposed to feel when the grade is basically just shrugging at them? As a result of the muted grade and several HEAVY shallow depth of field shots, all the christmas decoration just kind of blends into the background and become indistinct. It might as well not be there for how defined it is within the shot. And because of that and several location shots throughout the film that totally lack anything festive it just really killed the idea that this was in any way a Christmas movie.

Shot composition is *largely* acceptable. There was nothing glaring that came to my mind in terms of poor composition or line crossing. But there was nothing particularly inspired either. Framing at times could maybe be a little off, with head and shoulder shots sometimes being just a smidge too low or too high for the frame. To be honest, its all kind of unremarkable. I’ve seen worse, but i’ve DEFINITELY seen better. Its an improvement on the original by a tiny margin, but it still has a long way to go to be “good”.

Performance wise, well…we have most of the cast from “A Karate Christmas Miracle” back here for this one and my opinions on them from that review haven’t really changed. The only thing I need to say is that Buddy Fitzpatrick and Julie McCullough as Kitty and Chuck respectively are exquisite agony to me. I think had they played their characters with just a hint more nuance and self awareness they probably could have stuck the landing as “The right kind of stupid” unfortunately; their performances really feel like they were just egged on to go as over the top as they could in playing how much of an idiot they could be and its just insufferable. It really takes the movie down a peg for me…and it wasnt exaclty high flying to begin with.

The new cast in this picture are few and far between. With even the movies big star Gilbert Godtfried just looking…tired, for the 50 seconds he’s on screen. But honestly? when I say that the best actors in this film are just about acceptable, the average performance in this is poor and the worst performances are unbearable. I hope that sets the tone for you as to exactly what you’re getting into.

And finally; the soundtrack. It’s all stock tracks, thats it. Literally they’ve bought half a dozen christmas tracks from a library site and just drenched the film in them. Sometimes it’s passable, other times its painful, the instance that sticks in my mind is where they have Charlies mum singing a christmas carol and they dub in a stock track version of the carol shes singing…only they’re both playing in different keys, so it sounds awful. Its a generic score thats bland, uninteresting and just plane yucky.

And equally it’d be amiss of me to say the audio quality throughout is a mixed bag too. Some scenes have crisp audio that sounds more than decent, other sequences have audio thats echoey, unbalanced and sounds tinny. I presume its because they couldnt place a mic in some of the wider shots without it being on screen. But i’d rather some half decent ADR than poor on set audio honestly…

A Wrestling Christmas Miracle was released in 2020 by Justice for All productions I own the DVD version, im sure there has to be a bluray copy floating out there but for the life of me I cant find one after having a look around online. Extras are ultra limited, a trailer for the film is about as good as it gets. And it is available on streaming services if your morbidly curious…but honestly; i’d say save your time.

While I do think there are some areas where “A Wrestling Christmas Miracle” outperforms “A Karate Christmas Miracle” those elements are narrow and few and far between. While the cine I would argue is at least a slither more professional and the direction is maybe a smidge tighter. It has more than its fair share of issues, with a soundtrack that literally could have come from the youtube audio library, a total lack of life and definition in the colour grading and editing, direction that, at best is functional and at worst grating. And a script that is just awful in my opinion, with dated references, poor pacing, a bloated and rushed act structure, poor dialogue and a drifting, aimless vision that fails to satisfy, vastly under delivers on what it promises and has a sharp and hard ending that, while not quite as blunt as “Karates” ending is still pretty tone deaf.

I had a pretty bad time with this one, its ultimately just a quite boring film. Definitely one to use to test your metal if your looking for a genuinely bad and not enjoyable experience, its mercifully short which is about the only good thing going for it, but yeh. You guys can do so much better this christmas season, DEFINITELY one to avoid.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/a-wrestling-christmas-miracle/

Welp! As regular viewers may be aware, and…do keep this to yourself, but…i’m quite the fan of looking into the world of obscure and forgotten movies. From “Alien Species” to “Riverbend”, while I don’t ACTIVELY seek out films that no one’s ever heard of, when they’re quite literally dropped in front of me I’m definitely not one to refuse. And today’s film is a perfect example of this, though I do rather think I may well have actually hit a bit of a brick wall with this one. So buckle up because…well…this ones looking to be a bit shorter than usual.

“Santas Pocket Watch” (apparently known in some parts of the world as “Santas time piece”) exists…and thats really about the beginning and end of what I can give you in terms of the history on this thing. Seriously, the credits list for this film is tiny, and beyond the fact that it was released to the public, I can’t find ANY concrete information on it past a title,BBFC certification and runtime. Adding to the headache, the director is also the writer, lead animator AND editor and as far as I can tell this is literally his only credit and his animation studio did nothing else before or after this release. the only other information about who this mystery creator could be being a slide at the end of the feature listing a company that helped fund the creation of the short which no longer exists and has almost NO online presence outside of acknowledging that they gave him money to make this at one point.

So; “Santas pocket watch” is a 21 minute short film presented with leading narration from actor Willy Rushton, the plot follows Sam a young boy who’s big wish this christmas is to meet Santa. After his mother tells him to go to bed on Christmas eve, Sam sneaks back downstairs and stays up with the hope of actually trying to meet the big guy himself! Santa meanwhile has his elves loading up his slay ready for the big global trip while also mentioning that a massive party is going to take place when he gets back to celebrate another christmas well delivered! And the elves are delighted.

Santa heads out and starts his run, he gets to Sams house and Sam is amazed to be able to see the man. Thinking quickly he climbs into Santas sack hoping that he’ll take Sam to the north pole. Santa heads back to his sleigh and leaves unknowingly with Sam in tow, theres a complication and the sleigh crashes, hurling Sam into a tree. Santa spots Sam hanging about and isn’t mad that Sam basically stowed away, instead; he offers to take Sam to the north pole for a guided tour of the workshop AND he invites him to the big christmas party! And thats exactly what happens! Sam goes back to the north pole with Santa, helps the elves prepare for the party and then, they have an absolute ball eating rich food and laughing and joking, they all open presents and when Sam and Santa realise that Sams presents are all back at his house, Santa gives Sam his trusty pocket watch as an extra gift and a memento of his visit to the north pole!

After all that fun, Sam falls asleep on Santa’s lap and wakes up back at his house, only, he realises that he still has Santa’s pocket watch! He heads back to bed but not before some carollers sing us out as we sweep out into the heavens. And thats the WHOLE movie. All 21 minutes of it..well..barring 3 or 4 slides worth of end credits. Told you this one was going to be short!

Script wise, well…there honestly isnt a lot to say, it’s not so much a 3 act structure, more a 2 act structure with a resolution stapled onto it. It’s concise to the point of malnourishment. It tells a story and I think the story it DOES tell is fine, but this thing REALLY doesnt overstay its welcome and I think it’d probably have benefitted from being just a little bit longer and having just a little bit more room to breath. In fact; the fact that it’s SO underwritten I actually found quite charming and quaint in places because, at the beginning of the film everyones SO excited about the big christmas party thats going to happen and the film REALLY bigs up that this is going to be something REALLY impressive, so in my mind I was thinking, music, toys, games, noise, party food crazy fun times for all. So, when the big crazy christmas party turns out to be jelly and christmas pudding, some carol singing and a present opening session where everyone gets ONE gift and is BEYOND grateful for it. It kind of melted my heart a little bit.

It reminded me of pre-internet christmas, of days where you wouldnt know what you wanted for christmas until you saw it in a shop or a shopping catalogue. A time when christmas (in the UK at least) was inexplicably tied to tat and schmaltz, cheap and cheerful. Where some nice food, a good present and some light entertainment WAS christmas day, and it wasnt about piles of presents, a larder that could feed a small 3rd world country and making the house look like a christmas card. You’d just napalm the front room with the most flammable tinsel you could find, hang some weird shit off the ceiling and call it a day! And in finding a film that was able to so effortlessly capture that feeling, as a brit…well, I found it rather lovely.

Im by NO means saying this should be a christmas staple you understand, I think most will find this thing deathly dull. But to me? It’s small points that,in the moment were JUUUUST unique enough to endear me to it. Like the Elves all having unique names and characteristics like “Conk” the elf who has a big nose, Pockets; the elf who’s animators couldnt be bothered to move his arms or Socks; the elf who wears a sock on his head. Its little details like the fact santa has a reindeer called Garry Baldi (after the biscuit) who loves eating cherrys. Or the extended, but charming carolling sequences.

In almost every sense, it’s not trying to be flashy or grand or even really attention seeking, this to me is a script thats just more than happy to do its own thing in a quiet little part of the animation sphere and I kind of have to respect that.Given this is a film with very little plot it’s got a breakneck pace, the dialogue feels relatively naturalistic and given the biggest peril in this thing is Sam almost falling out of a tree, its incredibly gentle as a work.

In fact, all I can really say against the film is, it maybe would have been a bit nicer had the party been a bit more of a party rather than just an evening meal with some presents being opened. And I also feel the ending is a little underwhelming, it maybe would have been nice to see what happened at the workshop after Santa got back from dropping Sam off or Sams actual christmas day or maybe even had there been some kind of outro monologue wishing people a merry christmas in the same way they do an intro monologue to set the scene. I just felt the closing moments of this were a bit abrupt and probably could have been a bit better reinforced…but otherwise. While only probably enjoyable to a VERY small audience. I came away from this with a feeling of nostalgia that I haven’t felt since the mid 90s. Which I found tremendously comforting.

This entire thing (from what I can find online) seems to have been more or less created by a Mr. Pete Parsons. Pete has been seemingly confused on IMDB with two other Pete Parsons one a senior representative of video game company Bungie and the other a video game composer. I tried my absolute DAMNDEST to try and find ANY information on Pete that I could. But I couldn’t find a single thing related to him outside of this project.

The closest I got in terms of a match after a while of looking was a Pete Parsons that DID turn up who would have been about 18 years old at the time that this was made but he lived in australia and predominantly worked in ceramics…and he died in 1993. It is ENTIRELY possible that THIS Pete Parsons did some kind of studying in the UK, made a short animation piece and then decided it wasn’t for him and went back to Australia to work in ceramics. But I find it unlikely. That being said, given the only other options I could find online were an 80+ year old professor of greek history and a 94 year old Dead gastroenterologist, i’m fairly convinced the world may never get to meet the REAL Pete Parsons.

The art direction here is, I thought rather charming, they’ve gone for a bit of an odd contrast of making backgrounds fairly minimalist, but giving forgrounds some quite nice additional details. Im not going to lie when I booted this up for the first time I was fully expecting 8 frames a second and things only moving if they absolutely had to, but surprisingly the animation is pleasant, decently fluid and theres a nice amount of moving detail throughout, which really caught me off guard. It’s VERY much a representative of that kind of era of animation that spawned shows like “Roobarb and Custard” or “Henry’s cat” its a similar field…just…on a budget.

The characters have decent animation on expression and, while again; I don’t want to big this thing up too much as it really is VERY basic in terms of what it wants to do. It would be amiss of me not to say that, given how many absolutely trashy animated christmas specials I’ve sat through over the years, it’s nice to just…see something that gets the basic elements of visual storytelling comfortably right.

The framing of the animation is also pretty nicely handled, composition of the sequences are functional, but pleasant enough, it’s a rather lacking production really and it ties back in to what I was saying about the script in the sense that, had the script chosen to do more, they maybe could have gotten a bit more creative with how we move through the animation. That being said there’s a nice transition into the end credits that I thought was quite interesting and this short does have the odd flourish of creativity in terms of how it gets us from scene to scene. so…I’d honestly say it was just above passable…just.

Performance wise, We have Willy Rushton providing narration and voices for all our characters and this man gives…just…a total hug of a performance, he’s warm, charismatic, curmudgeonly in places. He’s just an absolute delight, and the fact he actually bothered to put that bit more effort into actually emoting the characters was just a really nice touch. Again; i’ve seen WAY too many animated specials where cast members just sound bored or aloof. Willy here though is positively charming and is probably the best thing about this special all together.

And finally! The soundtrack! And it’s a quite nice acoustic, border orchestral stringy type arrangement with a distinct festive twist! Apart from half a dozen “Special thanks” credits that literally just name people on first name terms only, the only other credit attached to this special is Stephen Caudel and this was his only credit. I think he honestly does a quite lovely job, the music is *mostly* woven into the animation punctuating key moments wonderfully. It’s a bit odd to see what would be considered a “modern” christmas special utilising largely classical and folk style compositions. But I feel it works fine enough here. If I had to grumble I’d say there are some moments where they don’t add a score to the background and it can leave the film feeling a little hollow…but then; I put that more down to the fact that as a modern cinema go’er we’ve kind of been compelled towards treating silence in film as being something meaningful. So when it turns up just because they forgot to dub any sound in, or they didn’t feel it was essential…well; it comes across as a bit off.

I have no idea when “Santa’s pocket watch” was first put out into the world largely because I can’t nail down what decade it was even produced in. having looked into it, I feel fairly confident it was released at some point in the 70’s, the BBFC has it listed as 1970 Which I feel may be a tad earlier than expected but looking at some of the various releases this film had It does ultimately feel like as good a guess as any… I can confirm it DEFINITELY was broadcast on television in the 80’s most likely on BBC2 as the BBC Genome project has it listed as being repeated around christmas in 1989 and 1990. Because theres no copyright notice at the end of the film theres no definitive way to date it and the only hint included in the short is a passing reference to “Elton John Glasses” which isn’t the “help” you’d think it would be because Elton John’s first solo album and tours started in April 1970 so it could be any time after that honestly. what I CAN tell you is that its had multiple VHS releases over the years in 1989, 1990, 1991 and it’s last VHS release was as late as 2001 which is the copy I own. The earliest copy I can find came from 1988 and was released by “Abbey Home Entertainment” on their children’s “Tempo Video” line.

Bizarrely it’s also had multiple DVD releases in both the UK and US between 2001 and as late as 2016! Most of these releases don’t even have distributor information available so nailing down exactly who’s put what out and when is proving to be BEYOND difficult. The only one that I can properly nail down is a US release from a company called “Front Row Entertainment” who put their copy of the film out on DVD at the EXACT same time that my VHS copy from “Just Entertainment” got released in the UK. given that almost all of these releases are literally just the 20 minute short dumped on Tape or disc. I find it amazing they charged full RRP for this thing…that being said, its been re-released more than “We wish you a turtle christmas” and “Alpha’s magical christmas” combined. So it clearly must have developed something of a following and honesty; having seen it now…I can kind of see the appeal.

Santa’s pocket watch isnt for everyone. Its specifically built for a very niche audience and I feel it really wouldnt sit well with anyone under 25 just purely for how inane and basic it really honestly is. That being said, for anyone over 30, this is a short but sweet time corridor to a much MUCH simpler time and while it is ultra basic and honestly only barely has enough going for it to constitute it being classified as a film. I’d be lying if I said I didnt kind of just enjoy this sweet little movie doing its own slightly odd thing in the corner. Im glad I’ve seen this film, I cant recommend it. Not to a general population. But if you’ve liked what you’ve seen and heard in this unusually short review…I’d say maybe try and dig a copy out, it’s quite cheap online and I think I may well hang on to my VHS copy for a time yet…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/santas-pocket-watch/

1978’s I Spit On Your Grave (Originally known as “Day of the Woman”) is a film thats name proceeds it in terms of infamy, the poster child of the rape revenge subgenre, the film has spent the better half of nearly 50 years battling with the censors, film critics and both mens AND womens movements, with accusations of misogyny, sexism and male gaze style titlation run rife across it’s history. So much so that it ultimately (and pretty inevitably) ran afoul of the video nasties list. Even to this day the most recent cut of this film to receive a release in the UK had over a minute of footage cut from the final release (a privilege thats usually only reserved for live animal cruelty) with several shots having to be reframed to make the rape scenes more acceptable for the BBFC to pass.

Most infamously, Siskel and Ebert used the film as a prime example in a series of talks on “Women in Danger” with the critics going so far as to call the work “A Vile Bag Of Garbage” Not that they were particularly on the pulse when it came to horror and exploitation but, anyway…

The film came about as a result of the films Writer and Director Meir Zarchi discovering a woman who had just been brutally beaten and raped crawling out of some bushes while he was taking his daughter to an event. After dropping his daughter off Zarchi and a friend went to the womans aid, but rather than taking her to a hospital, they instead took her to a police station, thinking that, if they could get a report filed they’d have a better chance of catching the culprit while events were still fresh.

This unfortunately turned out not to be the case and instead of being proactive in helping the poor woman, they were all instead held for hours until an officer could see them, and when an officer finally did turn up he was incredibly incompitent, adamant to do things as standard by the book in spite of the womans injuries and refusing to be helpful unless the woman could answer his questions, which was going to be difficult as she had a broken jaw.

Eventually after causing a LOT of emotional distress the cop eventually let Meir take the woman to a hospital, but the combined experience of witnessing such an evil act alongside the coldness of the system designed to protect people from incidents like this stuck with him, to the point that he penned and shot “Day of the Woman” in 1978, releasing it to a limited drive in audience. When takings were low, Meir pulled the film from circulation and sat on it until 1980 when it was picked up by exploitation distributor Jerry Gross, who retitled the film “I spit on your grave” after a 50’s film noir title, releasing it to a much larger audience.

Meir to this day hates the retitling, but in many ways, without Jerrys involvement, the film probably wouldnt be held in nearly as much infamy and notability as it is today. And i’m just gonna say this up front, I was not looking forward to checking this film out, so much so that I actually went out of my way to try and find the longest possible publicly available copy (my version clocks in at just shy of 1 hour and 42 minutes) so that I could watch it, write about it, and then forget about it. Im REALLY not a big fan of “Torture porn” style movies. Films where the whole reason the movie exists is because 20-50 minutes of the run time is just footage of women slowly being tortured to death, repeatedly raped or molested or worse. I don’t really see any entertainment in that, it’s upsetting and really isnt my scene, it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable honestly.

With this film being a nasty however, Im kind of taking one for the team with this one. So please note that im coming into this with the pre-set bias of not liking movies like this. Also; I usually try to use footage from the movie to back up my beliefs or thoughts. I cant really do that with this film though…not in the typical way… most of the cast are completely naked for most of the runtime and 25 minutes of the film is just one rape after another. so there will be points where im going to have to get a bit creative because…I don’t really wanna show that stuff, you don’t need to see that stuff and youtube sure as shit wont LET me show that stuff. So; with that out of the way…

The film follows Jennifer, a young woman from New York whos a specialist writer for women’s magazines. She largely writes steamy short stories, but this summer? Shes packing up and heading out of town to a remote cabin for the summer to work on her dream project, her first full novel. Before getting there, she stops off at a local gas station to top up before the final stretch and while there, she gets talking to the owner of the station and him and the owners friends are…maybe a little too polite, in wanting to know what shes in town for, where shes staying and whats going on, all of which Jennifer is happy to tell them.

Jennifer heads off, arrives at the cabin and puts an order in for some food while getting settled in, after a time the foods delivered by an intellectually disabled bagboy by the name of Matthew, who really takes a shine to Jennifer, she playfully asks if Matthew wants to be her boyfriend, which absolutely delights him and he heads away back to the gas station to go tell his friends about the woman on the lake, but they already know.

Some time passes and we get a rather gross sequence where the guys are night fishing, talking about hooking up, beautiful women and the fact that Matthews a virgin, when they ask what kind of girl Matthew would like to have sex with, Matthew replies that someone like Jennifer would be perfect for him. The next day Jennifer’s out in a hammock by the lake writing notes for her novel when 2 of the guys ride past her whooping and hollering and generally being as loud and intimidating as possible which distracts and unsettles Jennifer. Later that night they also surround the house making noises and generally trying to make her feel uncomfortable.

This all leads to the most infamous part of the movie, While out on the lake relaxing, the guys turn up again in their boat, grab onto the shoring rope from Jennifer’s Canoe, and drag her miles away from the cabin and force her boat to the shore. What follows is a grizzly, horrific and unflinching 25 minute sequence in which Jennifer is chased through the woods, stripped, beaten and raped repeatedly while the guys try to make out all this raping is so that Matthew can have sex with the woman he wants as his “First time”. All the while, while this is going on, Jennifer desperately tries to make it back to her cabin. After a while the guys leave her to make her way back, only for it to turn out that, instead of leaving her alone, they’ve instead gone back to her cabin. When she returns they rape her again twice more beat her severely all while mocking and ridiculing her, and as a final act of degradation they read her “Steamy novel” out loud in the most patronising voice possible, ridicule it before destroying it and showering the ripped remains all over Jennifers semi conscious body.

They then leave, but not before telling Matthew that he needs to go back into the cabin and kill Jennifer. Matthew REALLY doesnt want to, but the guys make him do it, so he heads inside. But rather than killing her, he instead coats the knife in her blood before running out to tell the guys he’s done it.

Two weeks pass. Jennifer manages to survive and slowly begins recovery, she starts to piece her novel back together but is fundamentally changed by the events that happened to her. Meanwhile the guys begin to get a bit nervous about getting caught for what they did to her, their main concern is that noones been to check the house in a couple of weeks and by this point, given its summertime, the body is going to start reeking which’ll draw the attention of anyone and everyone for miles around. Matthew tries to reassure the group that he DEFINITELY killed her and that he put the body in the basement to keep it cool and to reduce decomposition. But to be safe, the guys organise a recon mission to just…make sure she’s definitely dead and to properly get rid of the body. When they ride the boat past the house though…who do they see sitting in a hammock outside the house clear as day? Jennifer.

They immediately go back and kick Mattews arse and basically disown him, while they begin to plan how best to take out Jennifer for good this time. Jennifer meanwhile visits a church to ask forgiveness for what shes about to do. And what shes about to do is 40 minutes or so of ruthless vengeance on these men, we’re talking mutilations, hangings and full blown cock removals. In a fiery 3rd act that…well I both can’t spoil it here BECAUSE its so graphic, nor do I want to spoil it here because it’s kind of the main thrust of the movie. But if you are curious, you may want to check out, I spit on your Grave.

And I’ve got to say, while Im really not a big fan of movies like this, I Spit On Your Grave is probably the film i’ve most been able to tolerate out of these kinds of movie. Films like “The New York Ripper” are much too senseless and rely solely on the shock, gore and misogyny to sell the movie. This film is simplistic in it’s delivery (almost to it’s detriment) but it at least gives us Jennifer, a character to side with and someone we’re supposed to root for through the movies runtime as she gets her revenge on the people who’ve destroyed her.

Meir has gone on record as saying he wanted to make a film where, regardless of gender, you could side with Jennifer, and that he really wanted to try and create a story where the male characters in NO way could be seen as redeemable. He really wanted to make certain the rapists couldn’t be idolised or sided with. The men in this are pigs, and he absolutely wanted to make sure that there was NO doubt as to just how barbaric and savage they are.

Which makes the broader “This is an attack on women” comments made by Ebert and some of the censorship advocates of the day all the more ridiculous. One can only assume they sat through the first 50 minutes and left before the revenge portion of this rape/revenge film. Now…I suppose it could be argued that killing the men makes Jennifer no better than the rapists…an eye for an eye leaves the world blind and all that…but here Jennifer’s actions I feel are justified. She’s isolated, alone and being terrorised by men who have brutalised and abused her, the police cant help her, the town cant help her. Shes alone, and decides to take the law into her own hands. Thats my own standpoint though and I do see a valid argument to be made against that…but…I’d struggle really to see how that would A: make the movie better and B: be a hill you’d want to die on.

When it comes to the depictions of rape in this film (given it’s LITERALLY 25 minutes of the runtime) im conflicted. On the one hand I firmly believe that showing this IS important for the film. It needs to be graphic, grizzly and in your face because thats the thrust of this script. To shy away from it does a great discourtesy to anyone who’s ever experienced these kinds of events. And while I appreciate that some victims of sexual abuse will absolutely not want to see their worst moments translated onto screen in pixel perfect clarity. There will also be SA victims for whom this kind of movie will be incredibly cathartic. An acknowledgement of their pain or suffering in a society that would rather hush it away. So to me? While I personally don’t want to see something like that, I do firmly believe in it’s right to exist as a work. Especially given the more taboo nature of it’s subject. I feel like, while it may not help everyone, it may just help some people open up about their own experiences.

In terms of structuring, im kind of in two minds, on the one hand the broad plot of the film is INCREDIBLY simple. We have a 25(ish) minute set up to the rape scenes, a 25 minute rape scene and a roughly 40 minute revenge 3rd act. On the one hand the simplicity means this is a VERY easily digestible film. It’s not something that necessarily NEEDS a hyper detailed analysis. Because the morality of the film is so strongly coded into the script that even on an instinctual innate level you KNOW who the bad people are, who the good people are and exactly what is right and wrong. It’s so basic, that honestly I would worry if you watched this film and came away thinking “Well, BOTH sides here had an argument to make”

But because the scripts so simple and because so much time is given to the actual rape and revenge plotlines, it did rather leave me feeling like a middle step had been left out. Jennifer doesnt really have a “Snap” moment, there isnt a point where the film lets us as viewers know that shes taking the law into her own hands other than the church scene, but by that point her minds already made up. Instead we see her beaten and bruised, we see her healing up, we see her healed, we see her at the church asking for forgiveness and then she just goes out massacring. I feel like just a little bit more character development in that 10 or so minute window to really drive home to the viewer that Jennifer has hardened up as a persona and that shit is about to get nasty would have really given the film a strong jumping off point from the 2nd act into the 3rd.

But, other than that. I don’t really have anything negative to say about the script honestly, dialogue is kept to a minimum, plot is largely driven through showing rather than telling, what dialogue there is, is incredibly well handled, fluid and mostly sounds believable Meir does a fantastic job of writing believable characters and incredibly harrowing situations that, even in the year 2022 left me flinching at just how graphic and unpleasant it could be in places. There isnt honestly much more to say, he’s crafted a story from his own personal experiences that are beyond eye opening, and for some people thats too much…which I completely understand. Banning or censoring it is a bit much mind…but I can certainly see how someone could watch this and want to shy away from it.

As mentioned the script was written and directed by Meir Zarchi he has 3 directing credits and 5 writing credits with his last credit for both being in 2019 when he stepped in to write a sequel to this movie “I spit on your grave Deja Vu” with his only other notable credit being a movie called “Don’t Mess with My Sister” made in 1985.

From a direction front, Id say it was *mostly* solid. When Meir is working to his strengths he produces some downright terrifying work, with the rape scenes in particular being very intensly directed and as a result creating some of the most powerful visuals of that decade. It’s honestly horrifying to sit through and the fact so much of it is unbroken for that 25 minute window and SO unflinching, it’s definitely uncomfortable viewing. Contrasting that though there are points in this that just don’t quite hold up as well as they could, prolonged sequences of Jennifer settling into the cabin or driving arnt exactly conducive to the story and do drag a little bit.

Equally direction of the cast is a bit of a split problem too with some parts being incredibly well stage managed in terms of guiding the cast through the scene (again, Jennifers performance through the rape sequence and how she was guided through the revenge portions of the film are definite highlights) where I think the direction falls down is with how the cast were guided to perform during the rape scenes themselves.

Now I need to make it clear the cine isnt at fault here (more on that later) but in terms of how Mier has instructed the actors in this on how to perform during the fake sex scenes, well…I found it kind of rediculous. You’ve got Camille Keaton there acting her absolute heart out to really communicate the savagery of whats happening to her, and then you’ve got one of two performances from the men, either literally lying on top of her just kind of…wiggling about and pulling the goofiest faces i’ve ever seen. OR they’re full on violently lunging from left to right screaming, not moaning or grunting or even seemingly enjoying it, but SCREAMING at the top of their lungs in such a way that sounded more like a pained dying animal than anything else. They’re way too over the top and it did throw me a bit because these are some of the most gutwrentching scenes the film can throw at the audience and witht the male actors throwing out a physical performance like that, well…it really did pull me out of it somewhat in places.

Outside of that though, I think Meir mostly does a good job, characters use the set space well, theres plenty of room for a little improvisation and he seems to have gotten out of the film exactly what he was looking for, so in that regard i’d mark it as a well handled, but imperfect piece.

The cine is about the same, for the most part it’s nothing short of extraordinary with the rape scenes in particular getting up close with quick cuts, fast editing and a real sense of loss of control being shown through the cine and editing. The slower moments are given room to breath and the location work is fantastic with plenty of wides and mid wides to help sell just how isolated Jennifer is from the city she knows so well.

Theres some nice subtleties in the cine that I thought was solid, the one that jumped out to me was probably the murder of Matthew, in the sequence Jennifer tries to seduce matthew by leading him down to the river, making love to him and mid sex throwing a noose around his neck and hanging him. At the start of the scene her gown is white and clean symbolism for a clean conscience and good intent. But after the murder we see her in the same gown now spattered with mud. A symbolic gesture of the crime she committed and a nice subliminal visual cue to the audience that this is not the same free thinking easygoing author from New York that we were introduced to. And there are loads of these little micro symbolic moments dotted throughout the film to help the audience visually realise whats going on without just flat out telling us.

The only places I can say it kind of does fall down is largely singular instances where the framing isn’t quite right, they’ve maybe tried to experiment with a shot and not quite pulled it off. It’s just little things that do somewhat take the polish off it, theres the occasional SFX shot that doesn’t quite land as intended, on their own, they’d be negligible, but quite a few of these “One off” moments where things just aren’t quite right do crop up across the runtime and it did somewhat take it down a peg or two for me. For the most part it’s a solid work, but I think it just needed a little bit more polish to well and truly get it over the line.

Performance wise. The whole film lives and dies by Camille Keaton, had she even been an IOTA less than she gives the whole thing would have completely failed to land and fallen apart within the hour. And she does a BEYOND stunning job in the role of Jennifer, showing a wide range of acting talent that really is a step above most of the schlock i’ve covered on this channel. Her talents simply weren’t recognised by the academy, but what she does in this films 100 or so minute runtime is nothing short of extraordinary and I really feel she hasn’t been valued enough for that. She’s sublime.

Credit also has to go to Eron Tabor, Anthony Nichols and Gunter Kleemen as Andy, Stanley and Johnny the antagonists through this films runtime. Who give performances that are lechy, uncomfortable, gross, repugnant, vile, cold and manipulative. They go above and beyond to make their characters as unpleasant and upsetting as possible. The scenes where they’re confronted by Jennifer and almost immediately try to sell their friends out to save their own skins are wonderfully handled and they really made me hate them, so they must have been doing something right. I also appreciate their solidarity with Camille in that they all mutually agreed to also perform naked in the film alongside her when they originally were not scripted to in order to save embarrassment

In fact the only performance I didn’t really get on with is Richard Pace as Matthew…a big chunk of it can be down to the writing, Matthews character is intellectually disabled and as such Richard chooses to play it a very particular way, the director maybe could have tried to shape the performance a bit better, but it contrasts against the other guys in a way that I didnt really get on with, it left an unpleasant taste in my mouth and the fact he looks a bit like a young chevy chase only made the scenes he was in even more bizarre to me. I cant really see how he could have played that role any differently…but honestly…I don’t even really think the role needed to exist in the first place.

And finally, the soundtrack! There is none! Meir listened to several scores while editing the film but ultimately decided that non would be suitable and that. Was. PERFECT. The entire film is just ambient noise, what you WOULD hear if you were there and it absolutely helps take this film to the next level as the film opens with the noise and hustle of the city before settling into a terrifically unsettling silence with only nature filling in the blanks. It creates a terrific sense of isolation, that noones coming to help Jennifer and that she’s effectively on her own. It makes the rape scene even more powerful as you hear every slap, kick smack and whimper. And it makes the revenge sequences all the more intense as you feel the tensions rising without an artificial musical accompaniment trying to sell the film to you. I think with a score this would have been ruined. It’d have ruined the pressure cooker atmosphere and made a lot of the film just feel corny. The silence sells this thing. And I love it for that.

As mentioned I spit on your grave was initially released in 1978 under the title “Day of the woman” before being pulled due to low returns. It would be retitled “I spit on your grave” and re-released to a wider audience in 1980 where it finally found it’s cult following. A VHS release followed in the early 1980s under Astra Video after the BBFC refused to grant it a theatrical certificate, at the time a film would need a theatrical certification to play in theatres, but anyone could put it out on tape with no requirement to consult the BBFC. Inevitably it ended up as a section 1 video nasty due to it’s grim and unflinching brutalisation and sexual assault content. Which for the BBFC was pretty much a cardinal sin, they could be lenient on most things. But Animal cruelty and torture or abuse of women are two things that, even to this day they’re still VERY uncomfortable with.

So! The film remained banned in the UK until 2001 when a heavily cut version removing approximately 7 minutes of footage and reframing some of the rape scenes was released by anchor bay, in the time since then the last release this film had was a bluray in 2020 which reduced the amounts of cuts from 7 minutes to 1 minute and 41 seconds. Yes even in 2020 they’re STILL not happy for this film to be seen uncut. That being said, in 2020 they still outright banned “Love Camp 7”…so…ugh.

I went into “I Spit on Your Grave” not exactly expecting a good time, I was envisioning some kind of mindless and gross hour and 40 fetishistic look at sexual assault that really wouldnt be my cup of tea. But what I found was a simplistic but meaningful film that absolutely didn’t take it’s subject matter on face value and really tried to instil just how cold and purposefully malicious the worst of toxic masculinity can be. As we witness, 4 men effectively degrade a woman to the state of nothing more than an object to be used and then pay with their lives for their inhumanity. It’s a difficult watch even in 2022, a mostly well made film that I cant outright recommend, purely because of how harrowing it really can be in places. If you have a strong constitution i’d say check it out but just bear in mind this isn’t quite the “shock and awe” exploitation fare that this film gets chalked up as. So do be prepared.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/i-spit-on-your-grave/