Ugh…Dont make me promote this film more than I already have done! it’s just terrible! (In my opinion) The only thing I can really add is that while I knew there was a sequel (and I have already had offers from people willing to supply me with a copy of V/H/S 2 purely for the sake of doing another one of these) I didnt realise there were another 2 sequels (well…1 sequel and 1 spin offf) out there now also.
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I go back to these movies. I described it in the comments section to one viewer as “Needing to work up the volition for it” Im not an angry reviewer. I dont do things like the Cinema Snob or the AVGN or the Nostalgia critic. And I dont enjoy putting myself through movies I know Im very likely to dislike. I’m always open to giving fresh movies I think i’ll dislike a chance because there is reasonable odds that It might change my mind (At which point im happy to sing it’s praise from the rafters) but movies like V/H/S have already established themselves in my mind as spineless and cheap. So why would I want to see more of that?.
I know in my heart of hearts I will talk about V/H/S 2 at some point…I just hope it’s as long a time as physically possible.
(I will say this though. Had the film been any good it’s poster would have been terrifically complimentary.)
Once again I decide to cover a martial arts movie. Once again I am dissapointed and baffled by exactly what the hell im watching. seriously I’ve very quickly learnt with the martial arts genre that the fight scenes rarely live up to the expectations of awesomness that the box art offers. but at the same time total randomness and bizarre asides always keep me hooked as I wonder what on earth is going on.
This films no different. Though the themes of Giallo cinema that run through this are very welcome and a refreshing change to the norm. It’s just a shame it isnt more widely utilised.
The only other thing I have to say is that since this episode was recorded and edited I’ve since found some more evidence to suggest that it’s the IMDB listing that is incorrect and that this film IS in fact a Godfrey Ho movie…Though as I said in the review Im not entirely surprised by that. Still Im always one who will admit a correction when needed!
(The VHS cover for this film is MUCH too good for this movie. this movie doesnt deserve it.)
Equally once again we have a film where finding decent posters or covers for them is remarkably slim. So here’s a copy of the UK VHS cover scanned in at 3k. hope you like it!:
What we have here is a knock off movie with a heart. Honestly I don’t have much to say about this one that wasn’t already mentioned in my review. I feel what I said was pretty definitive of my opinion on it. It’s alright; Not great…typical 40’s B movie fodder…
What I can say however is that this episode of TYTD Reviews was the first one ever to be edited entirely within Da vinci Resolve. As someone who’s background is predominantly in video editing I take this as a bit of a milestone. to be honest I hadn’t been left with much of a choice really.
I first started by splicing and dubbing video tapes in the early 2000’s, it was fairly short lived and my cuts were terrible but I got the idea in principle. then I moved onto Windows Movie maker (Back when it was actually a functional NLE tool) which was where I learnt the absolute basics of digital editing, then I jumped up to Sony Vegas which I used from about 2008 till about 2012. That software was where I really cut my teeth on video editing. I learnt about multi track video editing, green screening, overlays, masking, the works. It was a real eye opener.
From 2012 until the present day I’ve been editing on Premiere Pro CS6. It was a smooth jump over aided by the fact that I was at that time studying media and film production at university which really let me get to grips with the software in an educational environment. however quite recently CS6 has been quietly nixed. Which means I’m in the market for a new NLE. I don’t get on with Final cut pro X (Snapping can go suck a fuck) Avid is alright if you literally have money to pour into a big fire. Premiere pro has now gone “Live service” meaning at minimum it’s £20 a month for the privilege (Which I wont be taking them up on) and Sony Vegas is Windows exclusive…And so through process of elimination I ended up with Da Vinci Resolve. and y’know what? It’s alright! it does everything I need it to do in a day to day capacity. I don’t know how it’ll fair with more complex video editing but for your bog standard cutting job it’s really pretty solid. And it’s the best price an editing tool can be. Free. it’s a bit fiddly at first but once you know where everything is it’s quite a decent piece of kit. I’m hoping to upgrade my setup in the next 12 months or so and when I do Davinci will probably be where I go. So theres a hot tip for yer!
…Anyway. Here’s the mad monster.
(There were no decent quality posters for the mad monster (And what there was was only available in landscape) So this ones fan made…I found it on Deviantart…but it looks legit enough)
It’s been ages since I’ve covered an “Adult” film on here…I think in part it’s because reviewing erotic cinema can be a bit of a challenge. The line can be so fine between erotic cinema and just flat out porn that it can be really quite debatable as to whether im making an accurate critical assessment of it. Well that and Youtube has a barmy everytime so much as a nipple flies past the screen (This weeks review has been age restricted out of common decency)
There are several erotic films that I personally hold in very high regard that others consider really quite tacky or just porn. I mention in the video that im a massive Tinto Brass fan. but whereas most critics site his earlier works (Movies such as: The Howl, Salon Kitty or The Key) as prime examples of explorations of relationships and eroticism I personally much prefer his output in the 90’s which is much more bubblegum but with a distinct tinge of nastiness behind it. Not malice for the acts. but malice from misunderstood characters who slowly over the course of the films either learn better and become accepting of the situations in this film. Or get punished for continuing to not accept the scenarios. Movies like “All Ladies Do it“, “Cheeky” and “P.O Box Tinto Brass” are all quite comic in places but equally do have some slightly uncomfortable moments within them that make them challenging and engaging movies.
Emmanuelle was a film that very much put me in mind of Tinto Brass. it kind of feels like the missing link between his more serious 80’s art films and his more “Puff piece” light hearted 90’s films. I really genuinely quite enjoyed this one. the ending was deeply unplesent and the mysoginy sprinkled throughout I could quite happily do without but sans those elements this is quite a reasonable exploration of sexuality. I really do want to get my hands on the sequel just to see what the series did next and I really hope they didnt just go “Full porn” too quickly. Having seen the Emmanuelle TV series (both “2000” and “In Space”) I can confirm that at least by the 1990’s it had gone full softcore porn…Dont get me wrong there were some interesting ideas in there from a science fiction perspective…but a few interesting ideas sprinkled into porn is still porn ultimately. Honestly? I’d be interested in finding this films tipping point. though I feel it may be a while before I get my hands on another one of these.
[Due to several copyright takedowns by the melts over at “Studiocanal” this episode is now being hosted uncut on Breach.tv – Please click the above link!]
(There are 3-4 posters for this film, but they’re all either in terrible quality or explicit. This one was the only one I could find that was neither of these things…and even then I had to crop it…It’s not my favourite poster i’ve seen though…)
Im on Vacation! it’s only for a few days mind…but i’ve popped my flippers on, donned my factor 5000 sun tan lotion and Im striding out to enjoy the benefits of the british summertime!
With this in mind Im going to leave you with this stinker of a movie till I return! This was one of the first “Big Box” Tapes I picked up when I first started re-collecting VHS tapes. I saw the cover and just knew it would be a film that I’d need to watch/cover on this show. I was looking for tat. and I absolutely found tat here! it stinks!
It never had a cinema release and this movie basically was shown on US television once or twice before it was dumped onto tape and swiftly forgotten for a couple of decades…I wanted to like this one, I really did…but it’s so drab and such a clear knockoff of the Alien and Predator franchise that I just couldnt get anywhere near liking it as much as I could have.
Still that’s just my opinion…watch this weeks review and let me know what you think! In the meantime im off to fill a coconut with rum and to put my feet up in a shady glade! have a great week guys and gals!
(I can see teeth…and a mound of flesh…I still cant exactly decide where this things eyes are…never a good sign when it comes to a poster…It also looks a bit too close to “The Deadly Spawn”…)
Well after a hell of a break we’re back!…sort of! (Admittedly this “Comedy Dining experience” for the Monkees 1968 breakout film “Head” was recorded almost 12 months ago to the day. But! The important thing is it’s new and its here!
We recently laid down 2 more commentaries as well coming in the near future and we’re hoping to meet up again for more soon too so keep those eyes peeled!
For now though enjoy what I can best describe as confused ramblings!
Well, earlier this year my partner in crime Ben informed me that he was relocating to my home town! meaning previously our efforts of meeting up twice a year, recording 3-4 commentaries and winging it, could now be improved to once a month if not even more frequently! So I took him up on the offer! and so for the Halloween season we sat down and watched the “WNUF Halloween special” a film that is very close to my heart.
As mentioned multiple times (I will stop eventually!) the director currently has plans for a sequel and is currently fundraising here! and I highly recommend checking it out as it should be great fun!
This films one thats still as entertaining to me now as when I first found it nearly 5 years ago and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as we did!
And so we have a bit of a work in progress/pilot here! long before I started making reviews or even before I’d set up this website I would more often than not spend my time sat in a comfortable arm chair with my very good friend Ben watching movies in the front room of my house/flat/cardboard box and generally being irritating, getting drunk, eating copious amounts of terrible food and taking the absolute piss out of whatever was happening on the screen.
I enjoyed my time doing that so much that I invited Ben to join me in picking up more or less where we left off, only this time we’d do it live with a microphone in the room.
So what better way to open a feature length audio commentary series where people drink, eat pizza and chat crap than with a gloriously bleak film about the literal apocalypse!
Its been a little while since I wrote a blog like this and quite honestly I do feel the need to apologise for being as quiet as I have been. The honest answer is that life has gotten in the way on almost every level of my day to day happenings. And while I can only apologise for not being around more both in the youtube comments and on here, it’s not been without good reason. Nor has it been through me generally being lazy (I wish I had the time to be lazy these days!) So here’s a quick heads up as to everything that’s been going on in my life and hopefully (Assuming your one of the half a dozen people who will see this) you’ll appreciate why I have been absent recently.
(It’s been one of those years I can assure you…)
First and foremost as a bit of an epilogue to my “New Career in a new town” blogs I’ve now been in my new place of work for 5 months or so! And at this point lifes pretty good! When I first started I underwent 2 weeks of training and then I was let loose to pretty much get started in the field I’d chosen to work in. it was however only when I finished the training that I realised that the field I’d signed up for didn’t exist at the place I work at until I signed up to take it…effectively I was one of 5 people hired to create a new department and they had no training programmes in place for that department because obviously it didn’t exist to have a plan in place to train us in the first place! Because of this I was trained in a very similar though somewhat slightly irrelevant field and while I did take a lot of information that could be reworked and reapplied to my new position…there really wasn’t enough to help us just “Crack on” from the off…not helping matters we were instructed by our manager not to interact with other teams in the building for reasons that were not made entirely clear…the only reason I personally can think of is that they wanted to make our department be it’s own thing and if we’d been to talk to others it may have ended up with us picking up bad habits or falling back on existing plans they wernt entirely happy with the way the other departments were functioning.
(Me pretty much after being dumped in an office space with 5 people to do a job we had no formal training for…)
All in all I spent approximately 10 weeks with that team. They were a really good bunch and I enjoyed working with them. I say this because basically around week 9 we were all pulled into a meeting by our general manager who informed us that our solo team was being mergered with a bigger department and with it all our work was being more evenly shared out amongst the bigger team. We were all set for promotions and pay rises and with it we’d be doing more travelling and a more intense work schedule than before. Great in terms of making lots of dollar. Bad because…y’know…I like downtime.
We were told that this merger would be very slow, thered be a long transition period and that it wouldn’t be till the new year that anything meaningful would actually be happening…then a week later we were merged completely…well I say “We”… I wasn’t. I had been told that during the merger I would, at first at least, mainly be doing much of what I’d always been doing. I’d be supporting the winding down of the new department and as a result they wouldn’t be giving me any additional Job roles because they wanted me to pretty much continue to support the closing down of the department before fully merging with the existing department and finally giving me a more fuller position in the team.
Only that didn’t happen either…
Instead on the day that I was supposed to begin my “Support” period…11 weeks in mind…I was pulled aside by my manager who told me quietly that there had been a mistake…My heart sank…I didn’t know whether this meant I was about to be fired, whether I was going to be transferred somewhere or whether there was just something else that I couldn’t predit was about to occur. Mercifully it was the 2nd of those 3 options.
I was told that basically there had been a mistake made during the planning stages of the merger which had all been done in a rush, and that my managers manager had selected me to help in supporting a completely different team in a completely different venture. This new department was basically the approvals department for the central offices of the company that I worked for…in short. If someone wants to so much as cough in my workplace they have to get it approved by us to do it. With that role comes a frankly eye watering payrise, a hell of a lot more travelling and a crap ton of additional privilages. Im still stunned they even considered me for a position like this. And of course I couldn’t refuse it. the workload isn’t all that much different from what I was doing before…the only significant difference really is the diversity at which im working…but to go from the bottom of the tree to about three quarters of the way up it within 13 weeks was frankly astounding and totally unexpected to me…I genuinely thought I’d go in at the position I was hired for…stay there for a couple of years comfortably and then maybe slowly move up…this was a different pace entirely!.
(Equally relevant…I still have no idea what im doing…but im being paid more to do more stuff that I have no idea about…win?…I think?…)
But enough about that! Heres where things start to get messy. Obviously with the increase in more diverse and complex work at my ectual work it has had a bit of a knock on effect with my down time. Whereas in my previous job I’d have spent the day doing the bare minimum (Not out of choice) and then come home bounding with pent up energy not spent during the day. here im actually taxing my brain! And because of that more often than not I’ve been coming home and pretty much going straight to bed. It’s exhausting, but it’s basically helping me buy my first house about 15 years earlier than I envisioned…so I cant complain really…
(Pretty much…)
The thing is I do have down time where I can talk to you guys in the comments or make new videos or do nice extras for the channel (Or even tidy the place up a bit) but for the last 3-6 weeks in particular theres been something else eating up pretty much any other time I had. My partners been having a bit of trouble recently. We live apart at the moment and we’ve been looking to buy a place together now for a while. We’re still in the process of saving together but in the mean time until about 3 weeks ago she was living in shared accommodation with her roommate. The two didn’t really know each other before she moved in but the rent was good, she was fairly close to me and she was in a quite good location generally so we assumed there wouldn’t be any major issues…it turns out we were wrong.
Her roommate it was revealed a few weeks after she moved in was actually a massive alcoholic, ridiculously promiscuous and into any drugs that happened to be going. My partner being the kind soul that she is initially offered to help her get clean but after a number of incidents in which the police had to be called the atmosphere changed pretty quickly. And after one particular incident, the roommate in question pretty much disappeared completely (Im not kidding here we legitimately believe she ran off with a travelling circus…seriously) though her side of the rent was still being paid and it meant that the apartment was quiet for a while so my partner wasn’t all that bothered.
So one night about a month ago I took my partner out for dinner both to celebrate my recent promotion and as a dinner date (I can be romantic when I want to) it was a lovely evening and all was relaxing and well…we headed back to her apartment and as soon as we opened the front door we realised something wasn’t quite right. There was a moaning sound coming from the living room. At first we assumed that her roommate had finally come home and had maybe bought a bit of extra company with her…we jokingly shouted through to “Put some clothes on!” as we walked into the lounge…but she wasn’t with anyone…instead she had smashed the coffee table to pieces and was rolling around on the floor covered in blood and urine (She’d pissed herself) screaming, moaning and making a screeching noise that in my 25 years on this earth and ith a sizable knowledge of horror films I have never heard pained screams like this. She was completely in her own world. Her eyes were glazed over and in between the screeches she would shout “I CAN HEAR YOU! I CAN HEAR YOU!!!! IS THERE ANYONE WITH YOU!!!” after a few minutes of trying to get her to sit still my partner told me to go upstairs and call an ambulance while she basically sat on her. I went upstairs called the ambulance service and told them the situation…then I heard a thud…in the time that I had gone upstairs this girl had basically started smashing her head into the corner of a hard oak wooden door repeatedly while screaming. The result? Her face was now mashed and she was pouring with blood.
(Like this…but a bit less…and not as clearly fake…and with more screeching)
My partner got up off her to see what she’d done and in that time she stumbled to her feet, took the television cabinet out (Destroying the TV in the process) and crashing into the sofa pretty much flipping it over. In the process she’d also smeared blood all over the walls and floor of the house. Once she’d seen the damage my partner quickly restrained her again and the two of us took turns in basically holding her down and keeping her airways clear of blood till the ambulance service and the police turned up and took her away…it took 3 police officers to restrain and remove her from the apartment in which time she destroyed almost all of the furniture in the hallway and screamed so loud she stripped her throat to the point of blood pouring out of her mouth as well as her head and nose.
(Basically this…but with more blood and some ambulance staff standing in for some of those police officers)
While we will probably never know with 100% accuracy exactly how this situation arose. We have been able to assemble something of a narrative. Apparently she had been travelling with a circus as a cleaner and general helper for a few weeks before this incident happened…she’d also caused a tremendous amount of trouble with said circus due to the aforementioned alcoholism, drug use and general fuckery…So the circus basically ditched her…she spent some time thumbing rides back to my home town, she came into the apartment. Dumped her stuff in her room and went out to her parents house to basically steal the contents of their liquor cabinet…pissed out of her tiny mind she then went over to a dealer that she knows who for some reason decided that the best thing for her was some “Monkey Dust” (For those unfamiliar “Monkey dust” is a synthetic drug that seemingly has absolutely no benefits apart from making you go absolutely out of your tiny mind…go on youtube and look it up If your really interested in seeing a lot of lost souls and the total devastation it can lead in it’s wake…why it’s still legal I have absolutely no idea.) but anyway…
(Yeesh…)
She took this stuff. somehow managed to get herself home. And immediately cracked headfirst into the front door (Causing her to cut her head and start bleeding) which obscured her vision to the point that she then crashed through into the living room screaming and almost immediately smashed through the glass topped coffee table when she walked into the room. Cutting herself more and leaving her pretty much paralyzed on the floor bleeding and completely unaware of her surroundings or even what day it was…we don’t know how long she spent on the floor or when exactly she pissed herself. But we think it wasn’t very long as we think she’d have probably caused more damage had she been sat there for a while. As of the time of writing she’s been back to the apartment once in the last 3 weeks and apart from the police who came over both to give us an update as to the situation and also to ask for a testimony from us as to what exactly happened we haven’t seen or heard from her since really. The landlord has said that she’s issuing her with an eviction notice shortly not that that’ll effect us particularly…
Why wont that effect us? Well because about 3 months before any of this happened my a partner got in touch with a charity who help people with issues involving mental health find supported lodgings for up to 18 months with the aim of getting them back on there feet and helping to get them into a state of self sufficiency and employment. Well a week after this incident happened they came back to her offering her an apartment all to herself, at a greatly reduced rent with nearly all new furnishings and full support to get her back on her feet. The location of this apartment? By chance about 5 minutes on foot from my apartment. And so for the last 2 and a half weeks I’ve basically spent all the downtime I have either boxing her stuff up…driving the 15 minutes each way between her old place and her new place or unboxing her stuff on the other side. It’s been an honestly exhausting experience (As moving house usually is) but she’s already a hell of a lot better in herself and she’s feeling a lot more comfortable knowing both that im only a stones throw away from her place and also that she isn’t going to come home to find the apartment trashed and a bleeding, urinating and semi conscious woman writhing around on the floor screeching like she’s being murdered.
Between working my ass off at work and working my ass off to try and get my partner set up I’ve literally had almost no time to even stop for breath letalone answer youtube comments, make videos or watch the kind of tat that I love.
(Photo of me literally 6 weeks apart…)
On the plus side things are on the up though. Now that works settling down into a comfortable routine and my partners moved in and set up it means I can kind of try and get back on track with keeping the channel up to date. And even more good news is that I recently found out that my partner in crime on “The Comedy Dining Experience” Ben is relocating to my home town. Whereas previously we were only able to meet up to do commentaries and hang out maybe 2-3 times a year we can now hang out pretty much whenever! So hopefully that means there’ll be more comedy dining experiences to come in future! While I think it’ll be a good while till I end up in a situation where I had the freedom that I had in the past. Im just grateful that I have enough time to be able to keep the wheels in motion.
As of the time of writing im literally in the process of writing the last 2 scripts of 2018! I know right!? This is pretty much the 2nd part of the B-movie hall of fame review. And the last Christmas review of the year! So do keep an eye out for them in the near future! Equally I hope that you continue to bear with me during this time and if you want to help me or make my life a little bit easier please do share my reviews with anyone you think might be interested (Or better still go and watch some of my older reviews as that will greatly help in terms of maintaining my watch time) I will try and get back to any comments left as soon as I possibly can and while the schedule is set till January if you have any recommendations for movies to talk about please do let me know and I’ll try and fit them in somewhere eventually.
Once again thanks so much for your continued support. Its you guys who really help keep me going with this and I’ll leave you with a track I’ve been listening to to help keep me going over the last month or 2’s turbulence
Series 4 was a sturdy season if ever there was one. While I have quite fond memories of the opening half, the latter half to me did seem to drag a little. Though this was almost entirely my own fault.y’see when I was structuring this season I made 2 seemingly small mistakes which completely through my season off kilter. first and foremost. I overproduced. there was a “Red Triangle” episode that was supposed to be part of this season. But due to my collaboration with Raymond it ended up being pushed off the schedule and into Season 5 (You’ll see it in November)…but that threw me out by nearly a week due to the time it took to make the episode.
The other issue that I encountered was that I had assumed that “Armed Response” was some kind of cop drama…it wasnt. it’s a martial arts movie. and I didnt realise it was a martial arts movie till I was sat watching it and it had been locked into the schedules. meaning that an entire months worth of videos was almost entirely made up of martial arts/action movies! which kind of began to grate on me a little bit (Im having similar problems with season 5 at the minute as I’ve discovered I have a few too many kids films in the mix for my taste personally)
Ignoring that though Season 4 has some gems in there in my opinion. “Tales from the Quadead zone” was a brilliantly fun little film to sit through, I was able to continue my reviews of the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, I covered “Braindead“! a Peter Jackson Classic! and I had my mind fully rotted away by “Bikini Model Academy” and it was an out and out pleasure to be able to work with my “Comedy dining experience” partner in crime Ben in producing my first year anniversair special on Public Information Films (PIF’s to you and me)
This was also the season that would see the launch of “The ______Comedy dining experience” and im hoping there’ll be more of these in future! so do keep your eyes peeled!
All in all, I liked working on this season…half of it was done while I was in a very mellow place and half of it was done under some very heavy stress…whether that shows or not I cant really say…this is also the last season where I really get a say on whats being reviewed until 2019 at least…what with Halloween and Christmas on the Horizon…so savour it! it’ll be a while till we’re back on the freewheeling days of pick what you want!
(It’s a shorter run than normal, but I like to think that just means the quality is more concentrated)
TYTD Reviews 