This was my first experience with a Ken Del Vecchio production. and by GOD i’ve never been so conflicted as to whether I want that experience to happen again. On the one hand, this films SO rediculous but aiming to be sincere that I kind of feel obliged to at least see what on EARTH this guys on about. On the other hand; this was quite possibly one of the worst christmas films i’ve ever seen in my life. it makes “We Wish You a Turtles Christmas” look like “White Christmas”, it makes “Alphas Magical Christmas ” look like “A Christmas Story” it’s about as close to a christmas film as I am to being a millionair playboy (not very…)
Im just…astounded by this thing. and while I dont really have a lot more to say about it than what my review covers. Im even MORE astounded that it hasnt been picked up more intensly. you’d think with a bait title like this, it’d have filmies like myself swarming over it…but at the time of writing, im the only critics review submitted for this on IMDB and ratings remain at a relative low…I kind of want more critics to cover this thing, just so it can be outed as the piece of garbage (in my opinion) that it is.
As i’ve always said, ideally; you DONT want to be featured on my show, because being featured on my show is seldom good news. and MAN if this film doesnt live up to that…
Well, it’s the start of the christmas season and the final run of reviews until we break for the new year, and to kick things off I thought i’d introduce my (predominantly American audience) to the great british pantomime!
If you ever get the chance to see one performed, I highly recommend it as I think everyone should see a panto at least once in their lives. the colour, the campness, the cameradere. it’s just a truely wonderful experience for all involved.
I havent had the chance to go to a pantomime in years, I think my last one was maybe in 2016…maybe even 2017. I basically had a string of years where I saw too many panto’s that just wernt particularly very good and it kind of tainted my experience on going. Thats the only issue with pantomimes really. you could see 5 good panto’s and thats great! but just 1 single bad pantomime is equally to seeing 10 bad pantomimes in terms of deep hurting it causes.
The closest I can describe the feeling of a bad pantomime is it’s a bit like being stuck with an insufferable comedian who keeps picking on you, but you cant just leave…and the shows between two and a half and three and a half hours. I had 3 of those on the bounce once over 3 christmasses and it was enough to totally kill my interest. but having been in lockdown now for over 2 years at this point. I really kind of miss the scene, the vibe and the general weirdness panto offers.
Covering Jack and the beanstalk here was my attempt to try and capture a bit of that magic back, or at least reaquaint myself with the genre of “Fairytale” kids movies that would usually be used in pantomime. and I think it’s genuinely been a quite lovely experience more or less from start to finish.
The missus recommended this one to me after I showed her my VHS copy in a haul I picked up a few years ago and after playing her a brief clip a memory unlocked for her and she begged me to watch it with her. needless to say I was not dissapointed!
Of all the film I covered this season, probably the film that surprised me the most was “Driller Killer”. Generally when I go into a film with established expectations I usually come away either dissapointed or bitterly angry that a films been missold to me. But “Driller Killer” actually had the opposite effect on me.
After being told by at LEAST half a dozen people that this film was a “Slog”, was “Unremarkable”, was “A one watch film” my expectations were VERY low for this thing. I was expecting 80-90 minutes of unrelenting gore, little to no plot, sub part direction. just a gory trash film designed to shock for the sake of shock.
But what I actually found was quite a nuanced film that, while not shying away from gore, manages it in a very effective way. Using it sparingly and instead preferring to focus on psychodrama and the relationship structure between our core characters. this was actually a pretty decent little drama/thriller and had it had literally ANYTHING ELSE as a VHS cover in 1984, it’d probably have flown completely under the radar and gone unnoticed.
A raw and quite powerful watch. while I think the theatrical cut is about as much of this film as I can stomach. having an extrended cut on the Arrow Bluray is a very nice touch. If your coming to this film for horror, you’ll probably be dissapointed. but if your looking for a drama with bloodier elements I’d say this is actually a pretty solid watch.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. I wanted to like this one, I really did. but honestly it’s a total nothing of a film. a totally wasted opportunity thats so forgettable, that apart from the colosseum sections and being angry that Eric Roberts got top billing despite barely doing ANYTHING for the vast majority of the runtime. I can bearly remember anything about this film.
The original film was quite a decent effort, and set the bar very high on a sequel. I didnt expect the sequel to do better than the original. but I didnt expect the quality to drop quite so quickly. This is a series where my excitement to see part 3 went from “Oh man I cant wait!” to “If I can be bothered… in less than 80 minutes.
To add insult to injury, I cant even really show you exactly whats wrong with this film as due to a spurious copyright claim by returning absolute bastard company “Lasso Entertainment” who blocked the video worldwide and abused the appeals process to make sure my review never saw the light of day. Fortunately I uploaded an audio only version, so while its not what I envisioned. at least you can kind of see where I was going (a fully uncensored version with video will be making its way up to breach.tv in the new year.)
These are the kind of movies that makes what I do worthwhile. White Glove Massive is a near perfect example of the kind of hidden gem find that I tend to stumble on once or twice a season that makes up for the many MANY hours I waste watching utter dross.
Obviously I explain why this film is so entertainingly awful in the review itself, and genuinely if it wasnt for the price point i’d probably be sending as many people as I could to amazon to grab this movie. I genuinely think it needs to be seen by more people. but at £20 (currently) just for a bog standard DVD copy with no extra features. thats insultingly high and WILL stop people from picking it up ultimately.
Couple of things I missed in my review that I’d just like to mention here:
*The film has deleted scenes that arnt included on the finished product in any way shape or form. there are at least 2 scenes that are shown in the films online trailer that ARNT featured in the final movie the one that jumped out to me unsurprisingly (being a sexist man bloke) is the shot of a woman taking her coat off outside in front of smiley and flinty to reveal shes wearing nothing underneith. theres also some shots from around the “Garages scene” with Smiley and flinty where Smiley puts a coat on his head that isnt in the final version either. I dont know about you lot. but I for one want to see the FULL uncut version of this movie now. #ReleasetheMASSIVEcut.
*Why did I choose to cover this movie? well. I choose to cover films generally at my own discretion. and my rule of thumb thats guided me so far is that, if the film charges for people to see it. I’ll review it, This is on the understanding that, if the film maker is expecting me to pay to view their product, I should be allowed to review and critique their product to see if it’s worth the price of admission. Because of this, I generally avoid talking about “Free” films, no matter how bad or entertaining they may be. the main reason being because i’d feel like I was punching down, they havent sought my opinion, they’ve just put something out there into the world for free. and because of that I dont feel comfortable taking a film that doesnt owe me anything apart. The ONLY exception I make to this rule is if a film maker contacts me specifically asking if i’ll review their film. At which point I warn them that im not going to give them an easy time, I will be critically honest, and I then ask them to check my content and if they’re happy for me to still talk about their film then I’ll check it out and see if its a good fit.
you’d be amazed how many get less keen on the idea once they know it isnt just going to be a free publicity trip.
Anyway! White glove massive! a film that if it was £10 cheaper I’d be sending you to their amazon page righty now! as it stands. it’s really not worth it! but hay! check out my review to find out why!
Well Halloween may have been and gone, but that doenst mean I cant bring this little slice of horror to the table! and WHAT a recording this was. we ended up talking for almost an hour before we even hit record and almost as soon as the credits had finished I was immediately dragged out of the house to move a sofa. Total. CHAOS. and it turned into one of my favourite recordings.
Special thanks to Triv of Trivial Theater for joining us on this months recording. if you enjoyed her presence you can find WAY more of her stuff by clicking here.
Well! as part of my exploration into the life and career of J.R Bookwalter I sat down with some VERY pleasent people and we took a look at “Chick Boxer” one of the most notorious films in the “SOV Six Pack” collection. it was a real blast hanging with these guys and I really hope we get to do it again soon!
If you enjoy hearing my friends screams of pain you can find much more of their work at the below links:
So; for this one, we basically nicked the “Black spine” concept from Red Letter Media…yes its a blatent steal. No im not feeling guilty for having done it, No, RLM didnt invent this idea and yes im happy to keep doing it. My co-host mind…is VERY much less inclined.
I chose Mac and Me because I thought it would be a fun little watch. I wasnt sure if Ben had seen it before and this one fits the Comedy Dining Experience bill perfectly, too well known to really deserve reviewing. too obscure outside of the US to ignore and too blatantly an advert to have any merit in breaking down. it’s the perfect movie to get some people around with some beers to take the piss out of it. I cant speak for Ben. But I had a real blast with this one.