Tag: partially reformed content

Partially Reformed Content #8: We absolutely Guarentee (up to) (and including) (more than) (over) (there or there abouts) One year on…

Well, its quite a bit later than I would have liked (but then, when isnt it!) but 2025 has been grabbed by the scruff of the neck, thrown from my doorstep NEVER…to return again. And as is custom around these parts, as I welcome a baby faced, but somehow menacing looking 2026 into my front room and offer it a nice cup of tea and the plate of biscuits. Its time for me to once again take a look at the year that was and kind of give you guys a bit of a personal update on my life, the universe and all that nonsense, for the handful of folks who like to know about that kind of stuff (for which, Im eternally grateful that you care <3) 

2025 was a bit of a complex beast for me honestly, in the sense that, broadly speaking, not a whole lot really happened…But on a more micro level, there were pockets of time where it very much felt like everything and everyone was all happening at once. At the tail end of 2024, as has been the tradition now for over 20 years, I took my annual ‘reflective’ new years eve bath. A time for me to take stock of the year that came before, put to bed any ill wills, let go of the past and plan my hopes for the new year. And while soaking in that tub, after letting go of the pains of 2024, I only really had one hope for 2025, and that was for it to be particularly boring and uneventful. 

Its fair to say that the previous 2 years hadnt exactly been tranquil. With multiple close family deaths in 2023, and all the grieving and arrangements that come with it, and 2024 being the year we decided to buy a fixer upper house. By December ‘24, I wasnt just ‘wanting’ some quiet time, I frankly needed it. And while 2024 brought a lot of good times, joy and the framework for stability in place. By the end of it, I was pretty exhausted. 

Which leads me nicely to 2025, and…to be honest; I kind of got my wish. Broadly speaking, the year of 2025 was a pretty uneventful one. A bit of a blur year if im honest, as the months seemed to peel away faster than I could keep track of them, I wanted uneventful; and that was pretty much what I got…

Thats not to say that absolutely NOTHING happened mind, but that what did happen was typically done in small self contained pockets. 

Probably the biggest ‘struggle’ of the year, isnt really my story to tell honestly. That would belong to my partner. After the previous 12 months of heavy renovation work, paperwork and all the meetings and arrangements that come with that. I was tired and wanted to chill, SHE was fundamentally broken. When I say that by December of ‘24 she was essentially bedridden for most of the day; every day. Im not exaggerating. And over the last 12 months its been an incredibly slow and very painful emotional and physical recovery for her. While she acknowledged that us moving in together and making a go of things was pretty much inevitable, she wasnt really well enough to do it when she did, but a fear of her getting worse physically and mentally if she waited any longer was what pushed her through this. 

For the first 4-6 months of 2025, she pretty much lived in bed, coming out briefly (if at all) only if absolutely essential and I ultimately ended up handling most of her appointments/paperwork during this time. I did as much as I could to try and help her recover and around the 5-6 month mark she did begin to get up and out of bed a bit more often, and even began to do a few things she’d previously enjoyed with her art and video game work. 

The back half of 2025, she slowly began to become more involved in the house, getting dressed and going into our living room may seem like small offerings, but they were huge milestones in terms of her recovery, and by the end of the year, she’d even begun preparing some meals, and joining me on the occasional store trip when she was well enough. By the end of 2025, she still wasnt quite back to her old self, but she was beginning to get back into the swing of things. Which, I cant tell you how proud I am of her journey on this one. Its been a huge emotional struggle for her and at times its been stressful for both of us, but I think we’ve really turned a corner by this point. 

Outside of that, my first 6 months of the year was pretty much just, looking after the missus, keeping the house from falling into squalor, and trying to arrange for a few of the smaller ‘odd jobs’ that needed doing to the place to be arranged. In Mid spring, I decided to try and have a good go on the garden as we hadnt been able to touch it really since we got the keys. We had a LOT of junk from the reno in our garden as it got too cold to remove it by the time we were finished, so I hired a skip and got rid of all of that, chopped two trees and a black hawthorn bush down that were causing us some serious access issues (I understand now how Christopher Lees Dracula could die by those fuckers…they’re lethal.)

I did a lot of weeding, made some hanging baskets, bought a few garden ornaments, and just general scrubbed, seeded and cut back the lot. It looked a lot better for it and by the summer it was a wonderful little nook to scurry myself away to, to hang in a hammock, pop a beer or soda or three and just take in the sunshine. 

We also got our loft boarded and insulated, which was pretty much THE big project of the year for us. During January 2025 we realised just how cold the house could be when it was uninsulated. With one particular day when we woke up to the INSIDE of the house getting down to as low as 5 celsius with the heating on, being a bit of a wakeup that we needed to do something fairly urgently. So! In July, we boarded and insulated, its worked a treat so far, and the new storage space has allowed us to clear away a LOT of our things. Freeing up a small ‘guest room’ to be turned into a sensory room which we’re hoping will only help further my partners recovery and give me a space to zone out from time to time. 

Outside of that, theres really only been two other things that have happened this year that have personally impacted me in a distinct way, both of them medical. The first was that, after being on the waiting list for almost two and a half years, I finally got to the top of the list for an ADHD assessment. And I feel at this point I need to add some context for folks who may not know my history, so please bear with. 

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7 years old. This was done through NHS services, and at the time the doctor told my parents that this was pretty much the most blatant example of ADHD that he had ever personally seen, so much so that he asked if he could ‘borrow’ me for an afternoon to show students going into the peadiatric support services exactly what a ‘textbook’ case of ADHD looked like more often than not. 

I was medicated for about 9 years, and I honestly blame that intervention for leading me to where I am now. Without it, I almost certainly wouldnt have made it through primary and secondary school with a qualification to my name. In retrospect, I do think I was probably overmedicated during a big chunk of that window. I felt ill a lot of the time, lost a lot of weight and was zoning out for most of the day. But it kept me quiet and focussed on the task at hand, so my parents were happy enough with that given that off meds I was positively feral. 

When I hit 15, the doctor who had diagnosed me to the service left his position and was replaced by a new to the area doctor who was strictly anti-medication. He believed that ADHD was better treated with therapies and accommodations, and thought that medications put a strain on the body and simply suppressed the underlying issues, rather than resolving them. And while I agree with the sentiment to a degree. The only universe where ADHD would be better resolved with therapies and accommodations, is a world that is welcoming and accommodating to neurodiversity. And thats a world that was positive fantasy when that doctor said what he said, and is an even LESS likely possibility today.

In either case, they asked me if i’d prefer to not be medicated, I said that the medications sometimes made me feel bad/unwell, but that the tradeoff of being able to focus, I felt was worth it. Which they chose to interpret as ‘I don’t want to be on meds’ and despite my parents protest, they informed us that, as I was soon to turn 16, they’d be discharging me from the childs services and wouldnt be renewing my medication prescription. They advised us to see how I got on without medications, and if I really TRUELY needed them, to go back to my GP, who would refer me back into the service with the adult team. That I wouldnt need to be reassessed, they’d just pick up where we left off. 

And so, it all came to a halt. But it did it probably at the best time it could have really, as I was about to start college, and I’d decided to pursue an education in film, cinema and art. (and English…because we stan STEM here.) Which worked out particularly well really. Being off meds released the full ADHD incoherency, and it turns out being able to generate a million ideas every 20 seconds, and wanting the quickest, most effective and laziest solution to a problem is JUST what the film industry thrive on. 

I spent the following 10 or so years pursuing a career in film and television, and ‘humble brag’ incoming, but with my ADHD running rampant, I was able to ace through college and make a lot of filmie friends in the process, cruise through university studying film and television at a ‘top 5’ rated university in the country, making even more filmie friends AND offering my services as an advisor on top of growing into a direction and editing specialisation. I got my first few film gigs, before finding steady work as an editor for a film company, where I quickly climbed the ladder becoming the head of the department in over a 3 year window. ‘Agile’ was the buzzword of the time, and if you were able to jump from project to project with absolute ease, you were golden balls. And my ADHD VERY much enabled that. 

Unfortunately; as these things tend to do, it wasnt meant to last, the company I worked for announced a relocation plan in 2017 that would see them moving out of my city by a good distance (significantly longer than I was willing to travel) they refused any chance of a remote working position, and essentially told me I either had to suck it up and do a 2-3 hour commute every day ON TOP of losing all the perks I was enjoying in the current location, for no change in pay, or I could leave. I chose to leave. 

In 2018, I ended up getting a desk job, and as I got bedded into the new company I picked up the swing of things, and by 2022 I was making double the amount I was making when I was leading the editing department. But the work had become overwhelming. I couldnt keep up and my focus was totally shot through. So; after some consideration, I decided to enquire what options were available via the NHS adult mental health services. After all; they told me I could just pick up where I left off, surely it would be a piece of cake right?

Well; no. it was shit honestly. I went back to my GP in mid 2022 and basically asked him if I could go back into the ADHD services, and explained what i’d been told previously. Only to be informed that the NHS (raided by cuts) didnt specifically HAVE a local ADHD service anymore in my area, and that 99% of referrals into the service now had to be handled by a 3rd party service. I said ‘Oh! Well thats fine, I really just want to talk to someone about what therapies/medications are available today, as it was quite rudimentary when I started. They said that wouldnt be possible. I asked why, and they said that, even though I had an ADHD diagnosis, and that it was in my medical notes. The 3rd party service wouldnt recognise that diagnosis. Instead; they told me I had to go into that service, essentially as if I hadnt been diagnosed at all. The real kick to the balls in all of this? I asked if their diagnosis would be recognised by the NHS once i’d got it again, and was told it wouldnt be, and that, essentially, if I ever DID need to access NHS ADHD services, i’d have to reapply AGAIN. Its unlikely I will need to given where I live. But at the same time, its frustrating. 

Anyway, they put me on the list and told me there wasnt currently a confirmed wait time. I shrugged it off…it took 2 years. I already had an ADHD diagnosis. And it took 2 YEARS for me to…not even get INTO the service, but just to get an email off them to confirm I was getting to the top of the list for evaluation. I initially spoke to my GP about this issue in September of 2022. And in LATE November 2024, I finally had my one (and to date only) session with a doctor, who assessed me for ADHD over zoom, in a call that lasted all of 15 minutes before she basically informed me that I definitely did have ADHD and that medication was likely the best way forward. 

I then got put onto ANOTHER waiting list. And in August 2025 I was informed that I was at the top of the list for titration (a 12 week window where they just…throw meds at you in different doses and see what sticks) and in late September 2025. I started that period on Methalphenidate. 

Honestly? It was a bit of a revelation. Going back onto ADHD meds as an adult, and being able to better describe how the medication impacts me really quite changed everything. 

A note at this point for anyone who hasnt taken ADHD medication before, but theres a common misconception that these medications are ‘focus pills’ and that they, somehow magically, zap your brain and force it to laser focus in on tasks without getting interrupted, and to slow your thoughts down so that you can focus on the task at hand. But thats not really how the meds work. 

See, they don’t so much ‘give you focus’ more, they take away the barriers that caused the loss of focus in the first place. For example; before meds I sucked at getting up in the morning, I was largely dependent on caffeine and it would take me at least 3 hours to even feel like I was in the room. Letalone be coherent. Id be chasing dopamine for most of the day through overeating junk food, or getting pulled into stuff I felt was ‘fun’ over stuff that actually needed doing. Worse still, once I was awake, I was then wired for most of the day I would stay up WELL into the night, going to bed at 2-3am most nights, even if I had to be up at 8:30am the next day.

The day Istarted, it was like a switch flipped, I took my first dose, sleepily, at 8am. And by 8:30am I was wide awake and beaming. I had absolutely no fatigue, I didnt touch a drop of caffeine, cruised through a full day of work without so much as TOUCHING a candy bar, I felt sharp, with the world and on top of things. That lasted for the better part of a week, before slowly eeking down. As with all meds, and particularly ADHD meds, after a while your body just…gets used to it and the benefits slowly start to creep down a bit. 

So, I had it doubled, and things seemed to perk up again…However after a few days, tolerance kicked in again and the fatigue started to creep in with it. So pushing it, they tried doubling it again. And its here things started to not quite go to plan. 

While the morning fatigue was gone again, the jitters i’d have for an hour or so in the morning on the previous dose now lasted for most of the morning. I felt nauseous a lot of the time and could barely eat, I was having quite bad ‘dry mouth’ through the day, to the point that there were times where I was struggling to swallow, and the worst of it was that, at this dose, I started to zone out quite a bit. Spending large chunks of the day a bit zombified, and around 4pm, the meds would wear off HARD causing me to completely crash out into exhaustion, with a beyond painful headache, absolutely STARVING for food.

I raised this to my prescriber, who informed me a lot of those side effects were normal, that my blood pressure and heart rate were still in normal range, and that, if they pushed further and doubled the dose again, That those issues may actually go away, due to the higher dosage. 

Now, its here really that I feel like I should probably mention the OTHER medical thing that was going on with me in 2025, because the two overlap at this point in the MOST horrendous way (and this is a big track change, so buckle up) For the better part of 10 years now i’ve been looking into getting a vasectomy. I’ve never wanted kids, im a fiercely independent person, they cost too much, I like my quiet time, and while im more than happy to be the cool uncle to my nieces and nephews, I find the best part of being an uncle is being able to give the kids back. There are other reasons beyond that from a medical perspective both on mine and my partners side of things that I wont go into here, but lets just say we both agreed that kids wernt for us, and we wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

2025 seemed like the perfect time to give it a go really, the planets had seemed to align. With the house stuff largely done, my job was in a bit of a holding pattern (I’ll get to that shortly) so they were more than happy to give me extended medical leave to recover for it, I had a lot of PTO stored anyway…But unfortunately; the week of my operation coincided with the 2 week window where I was supposed to go up to the higher dose on my ADHD medications…Which I didnt initially see as that much of a problem really. But that was because I, at that time, didnt fully understand how ADHD medications ACTUALLY worked. 

See; ADHD meds work by forcing blood from other parts of the body up to your brain, this in turn forces your brain to produce the amount of dopamine you need to regulate your body properly, which in turn causes you to feel less fatigued, and to not actively seek out dopamine hits. THATS how the focus works. 

Why do I mention this? Because the meds pull blood from EVERYWHERE. If it can get a line to your dome, its drawing it. And 7 days before my operation was set to take place, I went up another dose and my body just…NOPED the hell out at that point. The headaches i’d have at the end of the day on previous dose, basically became constant throughout the day and even more intense, I started HEAVILY dissociating through most of the day, barely being able to do much more than the barest of minimum work tasks, and my entire evenings post work, would be spent zoning out on the sofa, barely able to move, feeling like I was having an out of body experience watching myself veg out. 

I powered through with that for the first 3 days as I was advised that might happen and that, when my body adjusted to the tolerance, it would probably all quieten down. But dear reader, it absolutely didnt. By day 4 my mood had completely collapsed into a depressive episode, which has NEVER happened before, im a very positive person usually, and this mood swing was both unusual and unsettling. But it was Day 5 and 6 where it really came crashing down, as my body had decided that, in the absence of it being able to pull blood from anywhere else in my body, it would do so from my crotch and prostate area…I was thrilled as you can imagine…

 How did this manifest? SEERING AND UNRELENTING PAIN. It felt like someone had used my crotch area as a pin cushion, and for two days I could barely walk, go to the bathroom, or do much of anything other than sit there in severe pain. I Continued my meds into Day 6 before I put 2 and 2 together and realised that it may in fact be the meds that were causing this (I was zombified…self awareness wasn’t in my rolodex at this point)

So, I stopped. I halted the meds immediately and messaged my doctor to inform them of what had happened. They told me stopping was the best idea, and to stay off them till I felt better and then try to go back on them at a lower dose thereafter. But that kind of skittled my operation, as the lack of blood flow had triggered mass MASS inflammation across my whole body by this point, and when I stopped the meds, it only pushed the inflammation further. I ended up with Prostitis (inflammation of the prostate to you and me) alongside crippling inflammation all across my hips, lower back, thighs and shoulders.

I was essentially bedbound for a week in chronic pain with the accompanying all day headaches AND because of the prostitis, I had feelings similar to a UTI without it being a UTI. I had a very fun November as you can probably imagine. Now bearing in mind a Vasectomy is a routine operation, but they are clear to say that if you arnt 100% fighting fit before hand, do not go through with it. And they ESPECIALLY suggest not going ahead with it if you have any kind of prostate or urinary problems as that can significantly increase the likelihood of infection and permanent pain post op. 

As such, I had no choice but to cancel the operation and to try and recover. In total it took 2 weeks for me to feel back to my old self, that was a week of being pretty much entirely in bed, and a following week of slowly getting back into the swing of things. But the experience really knocked my confidence, and as of this year; circumstances at work have changed, meaning that, it may be a while before I can look into it again. Which im genuinely gutted about as I spent the better part of 4-6 months getting prepared for it. 

Back on the ADHD med front, 2 weeks passed, and I went back on my meds at the lowest dose, and this time. It was a bust. I don’t know if my body had developed muscle memory for the dose or what, but it did absolutely nothing for me for the week I was on them, after a week they doubled the dose again, Which reduced fatigue a bit (but not as well as it did the first time) and helped me focus during the day, but this time around, by 1pm it would wear off HARD and i’d wind up with a massive headache, falling asleep sitting up and craving a fridge worth of food. 

They suggested doubling the dose again, but I was a bit hesitant to do so, as going up to that level was where the problems started last time, and I didnt fancy severe pain for 2 weeks again…So, I suggested I DO go up to double the dose, but I split it out. Half the dose in the morning, and the other half in the afternoon when I felt it starting to wear off. They agreed. And…for now dear reader, I think we’ve found the sweet spot. Its not perfect. But its the best i’ve had since my first couple of weeks on these tablets, and its consistent. 

All in all? Despite the issues and problems along the way, now that i’ve found the right dose, the pros very much outweigh the cons for me. I’m losing weight, feeling sharp and able to actually sit and process thoughts, rather than feeling like im in some kind of hurracane state of mind. I have planned and agreed break periods in with my doctors to help keep the meds effective. And despite the teething issues to get to this point, I don’t really have any regrets in going back to medication…though as you can probably guess, I do wish the timing had been a little better. And I would encourage anyone reading this who is either considering looking into an ADHD assessment, or has been diagnosed and is considering medication to explore it. My experiences arnt the common pathway, and everyone has different pros and cons to the journey. But I can say that I’ve gained more than i’ve lost here. 

The meds are pretty much THE story of the year for me honestly. And given thats the most intense aspect of the year, I consider myself quite lucky. So…with that in mind, heres a quick annual breakdown of the other things going on  in my life. 

Work – 

On the job front, life goes on. At the end of 2024, I was temporarily moved into a new team due to some structural changes within the business that led me to not have a manager for a while. So they just…shoved me into a random team and told me they’d look after me for the time being…that ended up being an 18 month placement, and I was genuinely gutted to leave them, they were all super nice and very welcoming people who were very supportive. Work was a good balance during that time, not too busy, not too quiet and because everything was kind of mellowed on the work front, and my boss was very accommodating, it allowed me to explore the medical situations above without too much pressure to keep things chugging as normal. Life was pretty good, and after 15 months of being with them, I did start to wonder if this was just going to become the defacto situation, as I hadnt heard anything since I was told I was moving into that team as a temporary measure. 

Unfortunately; all good things must come to an end, and in mid November 2025, I had a random HR call put in my diary (this was while I was bedridden, so I damn near shat a tonsil stone) But it was to inform me that organisational changes were incoming and that they’d found me a new manager and a dedicated team that I’d be moving to in the new year. 

My boss was very apologetic about not letting me know sooner, but apparently she only found out when I told her about the HR call, 15 minutes before it happened. Being honest, it all felt a bit bungled really, as my (then) boss told me, on a wednesday afternoon, that i’d be leaving the team after Friday, but not going into the new team, because it wouldnt exist till January 1st. Instead i’d be moving to ANOTHER team, just for a month, that had 2 members who were ALSO moving to that new team in the new year, with the aim to get the three of us introduced and aligned ahead of the formal move over to the new world. 

Problem was, that when I moved, I only had 3 weeks till I went off for Christmas vacation, and the first week of me moving, the other 2 new team members were on vacation, the second week I had a couple of days leave and the final week I was up to my neck in sign off work before disappearing till the end of the year. So collectively the three of us spoke maybe 4 times before I left, and we didnt really get to learn anything about each other…other than we’d be working together in January. During this time I also didnt have ANY boss or manager, because they went off sick with the flu for 2 weeks of the 3…and the one week we were all together, she was busy with urgent system problems…basically, it wasnt very well planned out. 

BUT! Its now nearly the end of January, im in the new team now and…they seem alright enough, my new boss is new into the business (she is my 17th manager in 7.5 years…im now averaging a new manager every 6 months or so), so theres a lot of explaining things to her and trying to bring people up to speed. Only time will tell if im sat here 12 months from now saying how marvellous they are, or if im climbing the walls. All I do know is, that 2026 does bring with it some mild anxiety, because the structural organisational changes that caused me to BE moved into a temporary team for the last 18 months, was due to business streamlining, and this year its supposed to hit my paygrade…So…if you can pray for me for the next 12-15 months, i’d be very grateful. As I quite enjoy the whole ‘having a job and having money’ thing. 

Politics –

Outside of that? Well I normally have a bit of a daliance into politics in these blogs…But its all just quite depressing at this point isnt it? US politics is a hellscape at this point, so I can only hope for my US buddies that…’It’ will happen a LOT sooner than later and that politicians like Mamdani continue to not put up with this bullshit.

 On the UK front, Its just kind of exhausting honestly. Reform UK have been leading the polls for most of 2025 and the new year. A party that is now almost entirely made up of ex-tories, leading on a MAGA style policy platform, infused with a frankly prehistoric and wheezing sense of ‘british empirism’…Its disheartening to me that so many people are somehow being swept into this whirlwind that, if they vote to get these guys in, the current country wide problems will just somehow, stop. We’ll kick everyone who cant trace their families back to the UK in the 1500s out, and somehow the country will wind back to being a beer swilling, cigarette smoking, openly groping haven of 1950s/1970s sweaty anti politically correct nirvana. 

In 2025, reforms policies existed primarily in the form of ‘Whatever Nigel Farage’ pulled out of his arse when questioned. And his supporters decided the best thing to help the country work its way out of crippling economic and social debt, was to litter the streets of the UK with hundreds of flags, and to beat up anyone who tried to take them down…even if they were ordered to by the council. Which is the kind of patriotism that could ONLY come from Reform UK…

Beyond them, its all a bit naff really…I said in my last blog that Labour winning the election wouldnt really change anything because they were made up of liars and blair sycophants…and i’ve been proven right, the one or two good things this government have done for the country have been absolutely and totally eclipsed by the WALL of policies they’ve tried to force through that will lead to a surveillance state, decimated the social safety net and banned pornography. The only reason they havent been strung up from the lamposts at this point is because they’d get in the way of the flags…And when they arnt trying to actively install an all AI surveillance state…they’re trying to be a Reform UK tribute act…which has MASSIVELY blown up in their faces, as noone wants ‘reform lite’. They’ve essentially alienated BOTH sides of their core base, with the Labour right either moving fully over to Reform Uk, or the Lib dems…while the Labour left have shored up elsewhere. 

On that note, the Lib dems; who have been trying to stay relevant for the last 2 years PURELY through literal stunts via the head of the party Ed Davey, have drifted off into obscurity. I keep a pretty close eye on the news and I havent heard off the party since November last year, if not earlier…The conservatives are HEMORAGING support to reform at this point, and at the time of writing they’re getting seriously embarrassed because a lot of their ‘big name’ core MPs are in an arms race to move to reform, before Kemi Badenoch can sack them. 

Which leads me to the ‘left wing’ parties of the UK, which are the ‘Green party’, and ‘Your Party’. The former currently having a surprising bump in support due to its new leader and ‘normal bloke’ Zak Polanski, and the latter a party im bitterly disappointed hasnt been able to take off due to chronic in fighting and organisational issues, led by Jeremy Corbyn. 

At the start of last year I was all in on ‘Your Party’ I supported Corbyns run for PM through his time as Labour leader, I said he should have left and made a new party in 2019 when he still had the momentum of support behind him. But 2025 was not a good year for ‘Your Party’ as several VERY public spats between the co-owners of the party spilled out over newspapers and social media, ACTUAL lawsuits were threatened, and the party conference ended up heavily fumbled due to the ballot process being heavily influenced, and the decisions of those votes resulting in a conflicting and confusing set of decisions for the party. I still fundamentally agree with the principles the party stand for. But I cant at this point actively support them as, at this point in time its just a bit embarrassing that these organisational disputes are being aired so publicly. If they can get their ducks in order behind closed doors, and come back this year with a coherent and organised message. They’ll win a  lot of favour from me. But at this point I cant in good faith back them fully. 

By contrast, the green party seem to be on a role, with current polling suggesting they arnt TOO far off toppling Labour. They have quite a way to go to beat Reform at this point…But Whereas Reform have kind of capped out at 25% of the vote share, and for the last 6 months have hovered between 22-25%. The Greens are still growing, jumping in the last 6 months from 3% of the vote to 17% as of the time of writing, and seeing an absolute EXPLOSION of new members. Its unsurprising really, Polanski comes across as a genuine and charming gent. They’ve reviewed their policies and the new manifesto is streamlined and heavily focussed on social issues which is something I align with. And when the medias best challenge to him is to dreg up an article from 20 years ago when Polanski was a hypnotherapist is all they’ve got beyond just…not talking about him at all…I think, barring incident, that this year may be a VERY good one for the greens. Indeed, I agree with most of their manifesto, though I still disagree with them on their stance around Nuclear power…but given the other options. They’re the oasis in the desert that im clinging to for dear life at this point. 

Other than that though? I don’t really think theres anything else to say really…2025 was a bit of a nothing year, which I was tremendously grateful for. I desperately needed normality after the last 2-3 years, and barring a slightly turbulent close to the year, I got exactly what I wanted. As for 2026? My only hope is really for more of the same, light duty and regulated, boring, nothingness. I want stability; and beige…if I can have that this year. I’ll be happy. 

I was going to write something about the channel in this blog, but checking my wordcount, im already 11 pages deep…that and I have news on that front that I don’t want to lose focus on. So im going to do a final ‘off the cuff’ blog on that shortly…so stay tuned! But other than that! I hope you all had a nice 2025, I hope 2026 is kind to you, and I wish you the happiest of years.

Till next time

Dan x 

by tytdreviews

Partially Reformed Content #5 (More than) (Over) One Year On…

Well! It’s that time of year again when I remember I have a blog section on my website and curse myself, yet again for promising to be more regular, then completely failing to be regular. I wouldnt mind quite so much, but I initially planned to make this a christmas blog, then it became an end of year blog, then it became a “New year” blog and now as it’s the week of my birthday, it’s kind of just a “This is a special time of year, I havent updated in a while. So I better do an update of some kind” blog. Happy whatever! Lets get started.

So my last blog was September 2021 and things were ticking over at that time, but what happened in the the mysterious gap between then and now? Well…in some ways, a lot. In others…not so much. I suppose it makes sense to break it down into sections rather than go through the year as…well, that’ll get a bit messy. SO! With that in mind, im drinking Amaretto…lets go!

Youtube:

Kicking things off, the channel continues to go from strength to strength. 2022 was a HELL of a year online in almost every possible way, for a starters this really was the year where my friendships and relationships with my fellow creators really flourished. I made quite a few appearances on other channels and podcasts, which was an absolute blast. We produced 40 reviews for the channel, We started uploading in 4k for the first time plus we nailed a TON of commentaries (which also got a 1080p boost) AND at least one or two special documentaries…Oh AND in the last few days of December 2022 we hit 1000 subscribers after roughly 5 and a half years of uploading content and over 6 years of the channels existence. 

Honestly, even after a few weeks to get over it, im still kind of lost for words, Waaaay back in 2017 when I first started uploading content, I only set myself 3 goals:

*To inform, entertain and educate while being fair

*To hit 100 subscribers

*And to hit 1000 subscribers. 

Its a weird feeling to be here at this point now, I genuinely and sincerely never thought i’d get here, I figured youtube would terminate the channel before i’d get there or i’d just stay small forever honestly. I appreciate i’ve been going on about it now for a while, so Im hoping this is the last time I get to say it, but THANK YOU to everyone who’s supported me over the years, commented, shared my videos and helped support me, even at my lowest points the comments and kind words you guys have left have been honest to god lifechanging. It makes me think, if one person can enjoy what I have to say, maybe I should keep going. So thank you for that.

At the same time however, I do kind of feel a bit of a sense of loss. Like a dog chasing a garbage truck, i’ve spent the last 3 years at least searching for my white whale, and now I have it harpooned and mounted on my mantle (I have a big mantle) I honestly don’t really know where to go from here…the next number in my head that I’d consider a recognisable milestone would be 5k, which im not hitting anytime soon. So im left with a bit of a calmness that im not really used to. 

Where do I go from here? Well, im working on the new season as we speak. Thats taking up quite a bit of my time. It’ll be a little while till I hit 2k subs, im just over halfway towards getting the watch time I need to get into the partner programme…but other than the ability to directly contact someone at youtube, at this point the monetisation isnt really worth it…that and I don’t think they’ll even have me on the programme…so theres no point in shoooting for that…I dunno..I suppose all I can keep doing is meeting my deadlines, getting the weeklies out and continuing to enjoy my time with all the cool COOL people i’ve had the pleasure of hanging with recently.

Other Online Shenanigans:

While the channel has been going from strength to strength, I feel its also kind of appropriate to quickly run through a few other changes that have been happening both on the channel and on the wider internet. Some good! Some…not quite so good.

First and foremost! I started using Letterboxd properly! I set an account up at some point in 2021, but completely forgot it existed/couldnt be bothered with it until around Summertime in 2022, when I figured I might as well give it a go. I’ve REALLY enjoyed it! While I don’t go anywhere NEAR as in depth as my actual video reviews. It’s a really great place to just get immediate first impressions nailed down (AND a good excuse to post the transcripts of my video reviews online in text form from time to time) I post under the same name as my youtube channel, so if your on there and want EVEN MORE reviews from me EVEN MORE often. Then yeh, head over there and drop me a follow. Im currently in the midst of a first time watch through of the original “Twilight Zone” and im ranking them on there at the minute alongside the occasional film when I can get round to it. 

On the less so good news. 2022 marked the start of an indefinite hiatus for “The Comedy Dining Experience” which was a bit of a blow. When we first started the show, me and Ben would record whenever we had availability and it was a bit of an odd treat to sit down and take apart a movie, have a laugh, eat some good food and drink some good drinks. At some point around 2019 we swapped to monthly uploads and the party continued from there. We had guests on, we started to cover TV and PIF’s. It was a good time. 

Unfortunately though, a few things have come up that makes it increasingly difficult to get together to record. Around late 2021, Ben found himself in a new role at his job, which made his availability VERY fragmented. The amount of editing the commentaries were taking was getting longer and longer each time, to the point that I was spending almost as much time editing the commentaries as I was editing full feature reviews (I originally started the Comedy Dining Experience as a quick and easy way to get longer form content up on the channel when I didnt have time to edit full blown reviews). 

Which wouldnt be a problem if it wasnt for the fact that the commentaries were ALSO getting significantly less views than my fully edited videos. If a weekly review gets 60 views in a week, a comedy dining experience episode would get 15. The Comedy Dining experience was always put out more for the love of doing it than the reception it got. But it got to a point where I just couldnt justify sitting editing non stop for 5-8 hours (not including actually prescreening the film, or the recording time itself both of which could easily add anywhere between 4 hours and 7 and a half hours depending on the movie)    

For a time, recording the commentaries online seemed like a sensible solution as we could do it whenever we were both free, we didnt have to arrange travel and it allowed for much easier editing as we had separate audio tracks to work with. But due to spotty internet and varying kit quality, sessions could become a little frustrating (try recording a commentary for 2 hours and then having the film reset randomly because of an internet issue AND the audio go AWOL because our recorders crashed) Ben equally didnt seem as keen on online recordings as in person ones, I cant speak for him, but I think he preferred being in the room with me over talking to a blank screen. I

In either case, Availability for recording time for the commentaries started to get thinner and thinner as 2022 went on and it kind of got to a point where we both ultimately ended up too busy to organise getting together to record more. As such, our last commentary was recorded in the Summer of 2022. It was part 2 of our “Drug stories” series, it was released around September 2022 and an edited version combining parts 1 and 2 is releasing late in January 2023. This does rather raise the question; Whats going to happen to “The Comedy Dining Experience”? 

Well…The honest answer is, I don’t know. At the time of writing, Bens still incredibly busy on his end, Works got me by the balls (more on that later) and at this point the only thing I can say with any certainty is, I don’t think we’ll be going back to monthlies any time soon. I can tell you what i’d like to happen with the show going forward. I think it would be nice to maybe treat them more as “Specials” that happen throughout the year that  occupy the times when im “off air” with the main reviews (I figure maybe 2 or 4 in the summer when im on a break, 1 or 2 when im off during January and maybe another 1 or two randomly dropped in across the year if we get time) But at this point…I cant honestly say. I can tell you with relative confidence that “Drug stories part 2” wont be our last episode (we AT LEAST will be finishing the classic bond run at some point) I just couldnt tell you when our next one will be. So if you are one of the 15 people who support the Comedy Dining Experience…this isnt good bye, this is GREAT bye. 

This of course did somewhat create a bit of a scheduling black hole for the channel. Mercifully, around that time, Triv from Trivial Theater invited me to help her co-host a couple of live streams she was planning (a games night and a commentary) and seeing how easy and fun it was to do, it got me into it! We now host (at least) one monthly “games night” stream on both of our channels where we shoot the shit, have a bit of a laugh, hang with the audience and just have some fun. It’s a decent time! And a really fun way to let off some steam at the end of a busy week! Its so much fun to connect with people who watch the show or who have similar outlooks and want to just chill and chat. I’ve really gotten into it! Not to mention it’s SIGNIFICANTLY easier on the editing front (basically whats broadcast, is broadcast…no edits necessary) Which leads me onto my final piece of news.

We opened a discord this year! For those unfamiliar with it, Discord is a bit like the old message boards of yesteryear, the only difference is theyre a bit more curated and built a bit like an instant messenger than the old way of forum posts. I put off opening one for ages through fear of it not really bringing anyone in, but we’ve built a rather small but brilliant community over the last few months, on there we talk about a wide variety of things, from music and film to strange youtube videos,ongoing movie sales and discussion around the channel. We host watchalongs periodically AND it’s the base for our games night streams. So if you ever want to join in live on our games nights, or just hang out, share some music and talk about the subtleties of “Nukie” be sure to head over to our Discord and introduce yourself! We’d love to have you aboard! 

Work: 

Outside of the internet, probably the most hectic thing going on in my life at the minute is my work life, it’s the thing thats eating up most of my time and causing me the most frustration…and it hasnt always strictly been this way. When I last blogged Work was a bit turbulent, but was ultimately manageable. I cant go into too much detail about what I do, but at the time of writing in my previous blog I was working in global communications and it was kind of a “wavey” time for lack of a better word. Sometimes it would be quiet and very pleasant, other times it could be very intense and a bit overbearing. But I was being paid an alright amount of money, the team I was in was both supportive and decent and most importantly, I was part of a respected area of a larger business who were noted for their excellence. It was never perfect, but it was a fantastic position to be in.

Well, less than a month after that blog was published I was informed by management that they wanted to move my skills to a new area within the team, rather than working in global communications, they wanted me to take a look at improving their current global training processes. I had been working on several optimisation projects that had gone quite successfully and they basically wanted to apply what i’d done to their training portfolio to see if I could improve it any. 

What followed was a period of around 8 months that I (at the time) playfully described as “Stepping on landmines” the process I inherited was fairly straightforward on the surface but LITTERED with idiosyncrasies that basically meant that unless every single item submitted to us was scrutinized intensely and heavily there was a constant risk of things going very VERY wrong very VERY quickly. We would regularly get requests that would be like “This item of training can only be delivered on the 3rd and 4th week of any given month, and only on mondays or wednesdays, but maybe sometimes on tuesdays after 2pm if staff are available. Unless its a monday in an odd numbered month in which case it needs to follow a completely different set of guidance, and if you don’t follow this exactly for the next 18 months the whole thing is going to go to shit” You’ve got to imagine, as a newcomer to the area…having to deal with half a dozen to 2 dozen live examples of that kind of bollocks on a near continuous basis was stressful and made me feel quite uncomfortable.

Not helping matters, my boss at the time didnt want me to do any changes or optimisation to the process unless I could demonstrate that I was competent in the field. Not a particularly unreasonable request. But when I was pulled in specifically to optimise the process, spending 8 months having to deal with the mine field was beyond difficult for me to stick with. In fact I spent most of October ‘21 to May ‘22 quite unhappy with the situation, while also being continually pushed to stick at it.

Then, around May/June 2022 the boss finally let me get onto improving things, and between then and October ‘22 we really went from strength to strength. There was still the occasional issue here and there, but for the most part, I kind of hit a level of serenity. If something had been bothering me, I just improved it, binned it or reworked it to make it as least painful as possible. It was an intense 4 and a half months or so. But we moved mountains in that time and really made a difference. It was a nice feeling. 

It actually kind of upsets me to note that this was only a very narrow window. The company that I work for was rocked with several issues through October of 2022. First and foremost was a large dip in the stock market and the second was the impending cost of living crisis. After consultation with the companies shareholders. It was decided reorganisation and restructuring was required in order to streamline the company as much as possible and to maximise profits to the shareholders. 

As a result, the area of the business I worked for was dissolved, my boss was unceremoniously made redundant and our award winning team was essentially dissolved and split up to be merged in with other teams. I found myself moving from a team of 7 down to a team of 2 (myself and one other member of my team) with a first time manager and almost no sympathy for the situation and the best we could be told about our futures was that “we were safe…for now.” and between late October ‘22 and the present day, well…it’s been unpleasant. Thats probably the best way I can describe it. 

The new management are surveillance types who have a VERY specific way of running things and frankly, I don’t feel comfortable in my skin. I’ve gone from a job where I was a key recognised player in my field, with the freedom to work on and develop projects freely, to have open collaboration with other teams and the freedom to be flexible on appointments and meetings (basically only attending things that I felt NEEDED my attention) to a role where I don’t get to do project work, where im being called on randomly at no notice to run around like a headless chicken for missions to make the boss look good (and thats it) told what to do constantly, often with little to no notice and constant monitoring. Where changes are happening weekly with little to no notice and no consultation either and im being forced into unecessary meetings that add no value to my day. Essentially; I’ve gone from a job where I was leading active change, to a  job where I have no certainty, no security and no choice in the matter. It sucks. 

Now, at this point it could be an idea to consider a career change. At the end of the day, whether the job was pleasant previously doesnt matter, its crap now…so getting out makes sense right? Well…it’s complicated. Y’see, the company I work for have an initiative for employees in which they can offer up some of their monthly salary and get it converted into shares in the company. They do 3 or 5 year stints and basically when your times up, you can either close your account and take whatever pot you have, or you can claim in back as shares meaning when the price is good, you can offer them up and not only get your cash back, but a tidy profit too. 

Well…Im currently in one of those, its set to expire relatively soon. And I don’t want to miss out on that “tidy profit” part of the deal. So regardless of my feelings on the issue. I’ve basically got to play nice for the next few months at least and hope I don’t get fired/let go between now and the tail end of THIS year. I also want to AT LEAST make it to June of this year without incident as that’ll be my 5th anniversary with the company which would also mark the longest job i’ve ever held down. Which given how turbulent everything is, is very much easier said than done. Basically, im asking for your thoughts and prayers on this one until at least around October time. After that I should be in the clear no matter what happens. 

At this point, Work is probably the most stressful, difficult part of my life. Which wouldnt be *so* bad if I wasnt stuck there 5 days a week for 7 hours a day. I really REALLY hope it improves because this is the first time in around 5 years that I’ve felt properly *pit of my stomach* unhappy at this place, a feeling I didnt think I’d feel again after my last job ended up hyper toxic and I left by any means necessary to get away from it. But here we are. Hopefully by this time next year when I do another blog there’ll be good news either way on this front. 

Home Life:

My home life over the last year and a bit has best been described as a mixed bag. Since my last blog I’ve had 2 christmases. Christmas 2021 which I would consider one of the best christmases i’ve ever had, and one of the most peaceful and relaxing ones to date. And Christmas 2022 which was pretty much a split room, with everything leading up to christmas being an anxiety ridden stressful and awkward time generally, and everything christmas day through to new years being surprisingly relaxing and “enjoyable enough.” So kind of meh and a bit underwhelming all things told.

I bring that up initially because I think it’s the best doorway to sum up where things are on the home front, for most of 2022 things have been kind of sort of okay, but in decline. On the downsides, both my Dad and my Mums physical health has deteriorated quite badly in the last 12 months. My dads not been the healthiest person in the world for a VERY long time now. And for most of 2022 he’s slowly gotten worse, his speech has deteriorated, he’s been falling over (a LOT) and he just seems constantly out of sorts. Which is very disheartening to say the least, my mums also having a few health issues and over christmas this year, at her job, a large number of unexpected absences due to covid basically left her on the line for 3 staff members workloads AND her own right up to more or less Christmas day. 

How does this tie into me? Well…apart from it being a rather unfortunate situation, it also meant that pretty much the entirety of my families christmas this year fell to me and my partner to sort out. We spend 3 days with my folks over christmas and despite repeated warnings against it as early as October this year, because of the health and job issues mentioned above, my family decided to “Put it all on red” and tried to go entirely for an “online” christmas this year, they ordered all the food, all the presents, the decorations…pretty much everything online. Aaaaand as predicted by me and my partner, on the 22nd of December we got a phone call off them panicked because all their decorations had been delayed due to postal strikes and *almost* all of their online food shopping had either been substituted for items that didnt cut the mustard, or were refunded due to being out of stock entirely. It meant that basically for most of the time between the 16th and 21st of December I was helping to sort mine and my partners christmas stuff out, then the 22nd right up to 11pm on the 24th of December me and my partner were basically on all day hunts for everything from christmas lights to sprouts.

We did it, just about. But it meant ultimately everyone at my place over christmas was either exhausted, unhappy, irritable, or a combination of the three. We shalnt be doing it again this christmas…I can guarantee that. 

BUT! This year wasnt purely a year in decline on the home front! It was actually a pretty good year for my partner, who after years of various mental health issues and a severe case of “not wanting to be alive anymore” was actually fully and formally diagnosed with EXACTLY what it is thats been causing her severe issues over the last 17 years or so. Shes receiving medication now and we’re hoping for some further treatments across 2023. Shes seen a MASSIVE quality of life change, and while we’re FAR from being out of the woods on that front and there still very much is a struggle. Shes at least feeling and functioning day to day better than she has in years. 

Its a kind of a given that with drastic changes on that front that there would be a little bit of tension here and there while things settle into a new routine, but it’s really given her a new lease of life and made things a lot stronger for it. 

Outside of the above however, lifes been pretty quiet on the home front. With the pandemic still raging (We’re apparently at the ‘Oh get over yourself’ stage of it now as hundreds continue to be hospitalised and die daily from it and China is staring down the barrel of a predicted 6-8 million deaths incoming) I’ve not really been up to all that much other than online stuff, going for the occasional walk (it’s good to touch grass sometimes) and at a VERY rare push, a trip to the cinema if I can find an empty enough screening. 

Part of me hopes that things will pick up over the next couple of years…part of me thinks it’s all about to kick off again…only time will tell. As for how things are right now. I find myself in a tremendously serine place honestly…like, where I am, for better or worse Im happy and comfortable. And have the means around me to remain so for a while yet *hopefully*

Technofear:

The only other thing really thats happened on the home front since the last blog is that 2022 really was kind of the year of the upgrade. With an impending recession/financial crash/technocratic dystopia on the horizon. I figured now would be the best time to upgrade as much of my regular kit as possible because, well…after the year thats just gone. Theres a distinct feeling of uncertainty in the air, and I’d rather tackle that with kit thats as up to date as possible, than go into a recession and potentially see the prices spike (or production slow) to such a point that I lose the chance to upgrade for the better part of another 3-5 years (being GENEROUS) 

So! To that end, I upgraded my TV, jumping from a 50 inch 1080p set I bought in 2019 to a 55 inch 4k bastard that can cut glass, I FINALLY retired my old PS4 after 6-7 years service, it made a noise like it was taking off and the controllers battery life was *roughly* 35 seconds on a full charge, but replacing it was a proper dedicated 4k bluray player, and a region free one at that! So importing movies? Not a problem anymore! This was the year I also finally took the opportunity to refresh my desktop. Which was a particularly sentimental moment. 

I’ve had a bit of an iffy relationship with computers for most of my life. The first computer I had was  LONG out of date and heavily used windows machine that was basically good for word processing and MAYBE playing the occasional CD on a good day if the planets were aligned. I was with Microsoft for the longest time, mainly on desktops for most of the 90s and 2000’s before finally moving on to using laptops around the mid to late 2000’s and almost every single ONE of them was absolute dogshit in terms of capabilities. The absolute worst being a 2007 Medion laptop I was gifted 2nd hand in 2010 which lasted (approximately) 12 months before it basically became impossible to use. When powering on, it sounded like an exploding jet engine. The boot up took AT LEAST 20 minutes. Long enough to go for a shower, make a cup of tea and have a good long stare at a wall. After about 3 months in university, random keys on the keyboard stopped working, meaning I had to copy and paste letters I was missing for a time and use “l33t” shortcuts where possible (My ‘I’, ‘O’ and ‘T keys all stopped working) it couldnt connect to external hardware (even when plugged in) it had to be wired in for internet access because the wifi card died, and after about 1 hour of solid use it would start making an alarm sound that was piercing before switching off for (at minimum) 15 minutes because it had overheated. But! I had no money at the time…so it was basically the best I could do (fuck using the university library computers) 

The reason I detoured so hard there was because it leads me to my actual point. Which was that as soon as I started to make actual money…like…money where I could actually go and buy things and DIDNT need to immediately spend it on rent/bills/food. The first thing I wanted was a reliable machine that WASNT absolute dogshit. So I saved solidly for around 7 months and picked up an imac. It was a 2013 model, at the time it was a decent little runner. I didnt go fancy with the customisations, but it was more than enough for what I needed it for. I used that imac for 7 years solid, battering it pretty much every day with everything from complex edits to live recordings and everything in between. And after 7 years of VERY heavy use, it still ran pretty decently. I mean…it was slow compared of the machines of today, edits would take over an hour to export for full reviews (and anywhere between 4-6 hours for commentaries) but; it worked. There was nothing fundamentally wrong with it. It just started to show its age a bit on what it *was* capable of. 

Which was why, this year, I decided to retire it. In part because of the above mentioned oncoming dystopia, and in part because I won a competition where the prize was £350 of apple store vouchers. SO! I grabbed one of the newest apple mac studios, and a decent 4k monitor to match, it BLOWS past edits. It can turn out fully cut reviews in under 25 minutes in 4k and it can do commentaries in as little as 45 minutes. I also grabbed a full license for Da Vinci resolve in the process. So barring incident or accident, I should in theory be set up now for the next 7 to 10 with a bit of luck. 

The last of the upgrades came over christmas when I decided to grab a new bed (I went for an ottoman bed, SO much more storage!!!) and I finally decided to retire my old 2nd monitor, which was a very temperamental 720p TV/DVD player combi machine that my sister gave me, free of charge which she herself had had since 2014. I swapped up to a huawei 1080p slim monitor that has MORE than done the job so far! As it stands I probably wont need to update anything else now until the end of the decade…which is a surprisingly nice feeling.

Politics:

Lets not go there shall we? I’ve never been a fan of saying “They’re all as bad as each other” but at this point, there isnt even a hint of one of the main parties pulling ahead on taste or decency, we’re burning through PM’s at a rate that could be registered in MPH, The bloody Queens Bloody dead, the conservatives are basically on death row and trying to rince the public purse as fast and diligently as a fat cat scarfing down as much of the christmas turkey as it physically can scarf before the family find it and eject it from the house via a boot to the arse from a 2nd story window. And the best the opposition can do is try and be as close ideologically to the conservatives as possible while occasionally somehow managing to out-Tory the tories. 

Theres a general election on the horizon (at some point in the next 12-18 months) and I literally have no idea who Im going to vote for at this time. In my area theres never really ‘Green party’ representation, not that im particularly pleased with them housing transphobes. But they’d be the ones i’d feel most confident going for given the current shower. Instead; in my area the representation will no doubt be: A Tory, Labour, Lib dem, UKIP, Reform UK and a smattering of independents who range from “Britain first” supporters to absolute loonatics who want to bring back public square executions or ban radio broadcasting because it turns people gay. 

Generally; when general elections come up, I’ll factor two things in, who is my local representative and who is my national representative. If I don’t like the national rep, i’ll vote on behalf of the local candidate and vice versa. In this election NON of the national candidates are suitable and while the local ones havent been confirmed yet, all the people who ARE currently listed as being the local reps for their respective parties are the same ones who ran at the 2019 election. And they were pretty much all a shower of shite as well. 

So at this point, im genuinely staring down a rather desolate barrel of either voting (somewhat reluctantly) for the greens (IF they bother to field a candidate in my area) OR spoiling my ballot (which is currently my most likely option) The only certainty in all of this, is that no good can come of this, and the next few years are going to be fairly interesting if you have to interact with it. 

Wrap up (predictions):

SO! Thats everything thats been going on in my world for the last 12-18 months. In some regards it’s been a pretty mundane run. I havent really gone anywhere, I havent really done anything and outside the world seems to have all but gone mad and collapsed. Into civil unrest and war. 2022 was a bit of a mixed year for me, with the opening half starting mixed to positive, moving to pretty much the perfect balance by the middle of the year, before slowly declining into stress and absurdity into the new year. 2023 almost seems like the mirror of this, starting, at first peacefully before getting a stress sledgehammer to the nards when I returned to work…Who knows how this year is going to turn out? Honestly, at this point? I havent a fucking clue. From where im sitting, 12 months from now I could be in a completely different situation, discussing completely different topics and non of this will matter. Equally I could be here 12 months from now saying everything stayed the same. 

Whatever 2023 brings, the only certainty is uncertainty, but…I hope that regardless of what happens…That both you and I find ourselves in the places we need to be, doing what we need to do and enjoying what time and freedoms we have while we have them. The one thing thats been on my mind now for the last few months is, this summer, I’d like to visit a beach. I havent been to the seaside in well over 2 and a half years at this point. I miss the sea. I miss the sand, I miss the change of scenery. Im hoping this summer to correct that. 

Whatever your hopes are for this year, go for it, start today if you can, and you’ll almost certainly succeed. A belated Happy new year to you all and, see you on the other side.

Dan.

by tytdreviews

Partially Reformed Content #4 – (Over) one year on.

Its been a while. Just over a year or so in fact since my last blog (whats a couple of months between friends eh?) The honest answer is I promised I was going to try and do at least quarterly blogs after publishing the last one. I wrote at least a couple around the renovation project I had on at the time involving my work room. But despite writing at least 3 different versions of the same blog none of them really felt suitable for the blog or interesting “Man decorates room” could be fun. but it just didn’t really sit right with me. Then life gets in the way (as it often does) and because I spent so long writing those blogs that never got published I was left with the feeling that I’d only recently updated the blog (even though I hadn’t) so I decided to focus on Channel stuff over updating the website. 

Then I forgot the blog existed entirely at some point around November as home life, work life and personal life took over and it was only really around June this year that I remembered “Oh Shit! I have a blog on my site that I haven’t updated since I did my Room renovation blog!” then I actually checked the blog section of my site and went “OH SHIT!  I NEVER ACTUALLY PUBLISHED MY ROOM RENOVATION BLOG!” and; since June every few days or so I’ll be hit with a mini pang of guilt that I haven’t given you guys that sweet sweet 1-2-1 time that I really should. 

So to newcomers who’re maybe reading these for the first time. the “Partially reformed content” blogs are basically personal blogs, just mainly focussed around stuff that’s going on in my life, or been going on in my life. thoughts. Feelings. Its kind of the “Spam” of blog types. It’s everything from tail to snout with Now’t taken out. 

So; whats happened over the last 15 months or so? well; If we’re filling in gaps I finished the renovations on my property around September time last year, had a catastrophic hard drive failure that almost wiped Season 8 of my reviews clean off the face of the earth. My partner got quite unwell again and ended up in hospital a couple of times. I ended up more or less looking after her property for a good portion of time while she was in the hospital, which led to a massive backlog on the review front. Which all culminated in a mad Christmas dash in which I simultaneously lost my voice JUST before a big recording session where I had to nail 12-15 scripts in 5 days. which was fun…Basically I sounded like Tom Carvel for most of Christmas as a result.

The Family had its first Covid Christmas. Which; surprisingly, was much MUCH more enjoyable than the usual Christmas routine. Both me and my partner have VERY large families and I always try to book 2 weeks off at Christmas. which generally means week 1 is spent visiting all her relatives, half of week 2 is spent visiting all of mine, 2-3 days are spent cleaning and if i’m lucky I get a day to actually relax before im due back at work. It’s pretty intense and honestly, for quite a while it was basically kind of an enforced thing rather than an enjoyable thing. Don’t get me wrong. I like my family and I like my partner’s family. But there’s something about “Annual Get togethers” that just kind of irks me. it feels enforced, with the expectation being that you MUST go and you MUST have a good time and if you don’t pretend that your having the best time of your life you’ve ruined Christmas, and if you say your not going half the family won’t turn up and you’ll be responsible for ruining Christmas. basically; the option is go and fein interest or I’ve ruined Christmas. The only reassuring level of comradeship being that my partner feels exactly the same. Only she has anxiety so the feelings I’ve listed above are 10 times worse for her than me. 

But last Christmas? that all changed; instead of mass cleaning operations in expectation of “The family”, Instead of travelling up and down the country ticking people off our list and trying to be civil when uncivil opinions presented themselves, instead of spending hours adrift in other people’s houses not really having much to say, getting overheated and watching that precious leave time slowly ebb away. Instead. There was nothing. Silence. peace. Oh don’t get me wrong some members of both of our families kicked up in a “Covid or no Covid! It’s Christmas!!!” Kind of way. But I’m not even going out now. I’m double vaccinated. I certainly wasn’t about to go and sit in other people’s houses unvaccinated with 16-20 people who all have varying morals on what is and isn’t okay to do during a pandemic. 

Instead; last Christmas we had a bit of a general clear out which lasted about a day. My partner and I went to my parents house on Christmas Eve and stayed there till the new year. just us, them and my sister for a week of pigging out in front of Christmas films, drinking various flavours of booze and the occasional party game. On Christmas Eve me and my partner agreed to visit her grandparents for a “Garden Visit” (Basically we stood in the garden and they talked to us through the conservatory while my partner collected some home bakes and presents that all her family had dropped off at the house) we stayed for about an hour and caught up before letting them crack on. and on our side we had a rather successful Christmas zoom call with all of our households online for about 2 hours, where we did a secret santa, some party games and just chilled. In total what was previously a two week endurance marathon of cleaning and catching up became collectively about 3 days of light housework and distanced meetings with a handful of relatives with the rest of the time being an absolute breeze. I think it’s probably the best Christmas I’ve had in at least the last decade, and equally one that’s given me some of my most fondest memories. 

At the start of the year we launched season 9  of our reviews! Which was really good fun and around the same time as the launch my workplace got in touch to tell me that I would be working from home now on a full time basis. Essentially; working from home had proven so effective to work/life balance and morale that they decided that about 2/3rds of the workforce could do it permanently. Now I work from home full time and Im required to go into the office twice a year to both make sure my work equipment is as up to date as possible and to speak to my team manager face to face (basically to double check I haven’t outsourced my job) this was probably the best outcome I could have asked for.

 I’m generally quite an introvert around people i’m not too familiar with (im happy to be a weird and crazy dickhead with people I care about and people who’re in my “Scene” but strangers? Normal people? they give me the fear) I was in the rather unfortunate position when I used to work in an office where my entire team barring me got made redundant which meant, in an open plan office space where people hot desked. I’d quite frequently be with people who I didn’t know, who didn’t really care to know me either. I don’t miss the hustle and bustle of office culture, I don’t miss the morning or evening commute where I would spend 50 minutes travelling 2 miles. I certainly don’t miss having to defrost my car all through the winter at 7:30am every day from November through to February. In fact. the only thing I really miss is there was a goats cheese and Beet sandwich they’d sometimes sell in the office canteen that was just…*mwa* perfection. And…being honest. While the office itself was actually a really nice place to be. I’d take working from home and having the freedom and flexibility to work how I want hands down every single time.

And that really was the last big change in my life, and that happened way back in February. Being absolutely honest, during the pandemic has kind of fundamentally changed my relationship with time. This year has frankly evaporated. And I know before the pandemic I was prone to saying that. no. this shits not normal. I literally can’t believe we’re only roughly 3 months away from it being the end of the year. Summer was non-existent (collectively 5 weeks or so of blisteringly unbearable heat in high humidity. 4 of which happened between May and June and 1 of which happened in September) and a spring I literally can’t remember it was that uninteresting. I just…this years vanished. But it kind of goes a bit deeper than that. 

I have no evidence to back this up other than anecdotal ones but it feels like everyone’s aged about 10 years as a result of the lockdowns, the being stuck indoors, the uncertainty. My grandparents were thriving outdoorsy types who used to go on long walks semi regularly and there was barely a weekend that went by where they weren’t in some part of the UK exploring the towns and cities. In 18 months they’ve gone from up and attem sluggers to needing canes to walk any further than the bottom of the garden, unable to hold long conversations and irritable. My own parents have softened a bit themselves. from the “Can do” any job any time type to being trapped at home for the most part with weak joints, and just simply, a lot less able to do stuff. this isn’t just old age. And if it is then it’s positively collapsed on most of my family in the space of 12-18 months. these were fully functioning, sharp members of society and now; well…they look weathered. They look tired. And it’s quite upsetting to see honestly. 

I thought lockdown was going to be harder on me than it has been. I mean; I was an introvert shut in before the lockdowns happened. So when they came into effect I wasn’t exactly affected all the much. Basically the only thing that changed in terms of my lifestyle was that I ended up wearing a mask outside, I already washed my hands TONS before the pandemic (because people are dirty) but now I just wash them a little bit longer and a little bit more, and pre-pandemic I’d rarely (probably every other month) treat myself to either a trip to the cinema, a trip to the theatre, a meal out with the missus or in the summer a weekend getaway. And that’s really the only thing I miss genuinely is that freedom to just go “Right; Im taking my partner out for a nice dinner” or “Ooh! That films playing! I can’t wait to go watch it!” even now im fully vaccinated I STILL don’t feel comfortable going to these places. Because; if it isn’t the risk of catching covid from wherever i’m going that bothers me, it’s the idiots who won’t get vaccinated who continue to put everyone else at risk who do. 

Evil comes in all shapes and beardy sizes…

For me? Being vaccinated means I can go to the supermarket and not feel the need to bring a cattle prod to zap people getting too close away, it means I actually feel comfortable attending doctors, dentists and hairdressers appointments. It means I don’t feel *Quite* as fearful of killing my elderly relatives who’re also fully vaccinated. That doesn’t mean i’m hugging and kissing them you understand, it just means that I feel comfortable enough to be inside their house without it being a massive risk. 

But restaurants? Gigs? The cinema? Actual holidays? As long as the cases and deaths continue to climb steadily and idiots continue to protest their right to not mask up, to not get vaccinated and to not bother being responsible for their kids safety, I can’t engage in that part of society anymore…and that does upset me somewhat. So…for the most part I remain indoors, hoping that either cases start coming down or we finally hit a level of vaccine coverage that makes it less risky to do more public driven events. 

I mean; I say that like I hate being indoors. I do need to clarify. I am VERY happy to be a shut in! All this extra free time has saved me a nice amount of money, introduced me to some wonderful people online and it has allowed me to really focus on the channel and this website in a much more meaningful way than I did before. I now actually have a production schedule. a roadmap and projected plans. None of this would have happened pre-pandemic…hell this new blog wouldn’t exist if the pandemic hadn’t happened. So in that regard I’ve flourished.

And on that front, if we’re looking for positives with my co-host, partner in crime and best buddy  Ben being vaccinated not too long after I was, it meant that in August we were able to meet up and record commentaries for the first time since November 2020. And that was a quite wonderful moment. We’d dabbled with remote recording as early as May 2020 but it was a difficult job due to ropey internet connections and lack of kit. In November, Lockdown lifted briefly so we were able to get together for a one off  session to record 3 commentaries back to back. And in January 2021 we finally sorted out a way for us to remote record in decent quality with *minimal* interruption. We recorded regularly from Jan to Jul and in August we met up to record 2 new commentaries, have a catch up, play some Mario kart and drink a few beers. It really was quite lovely! I don’t know how often we’ll be doing face to face meet ups but I’d like to think irregularly regular would work for me! 

Over the summer I worked hard on our newest season of the show, I set myself a summer checklist and I achieved all but 1 of them which was put on hold. Basically with this being our 5th anniversary year (This is the 5th year of us uploading content and the 6th year of the channel’s existence) I wanted to try and do something a bit commemorative. So I decided I wanted to publish a book in an INCREDIBLY limited number compiling some of my favourite reviews from the last 5 years, with updated thoughts, extra behind the scene info, a few new exclusive reviews and all that good stuff. and that book is pretty much all but finished. Like; literally barring proofreading I reckon there’s probably about another 3-4 weeks work there just in putting the last few touches to it and adding in a new review or two more than the ones that are already there and it’d be good to go. I scoped out the cost of publishing and found a decent enough looking publisher within my price range, but then, just before reaching out to them to inquire about getting a short run on these books, they hiked their prices. And my “Expensive but understandable” initial quote suddenly became JUST out of my price range. So…the projects on hold. I have a few other things on the boil at the minute anyway so I’m not exactly desperate to get this done. it may come out soon, it may be another couple of years. But for now at least. It’s paused while I rethink my options. 

And that pretty much takes you to the present day. the new seasons been running for about 2 weeks at this point and has had quite positive feedback (thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to subscribe to the channel, comment and like my videos. It genuinely is very much appreciated and helps me keep the lights on and the fire burning) and hopefully you’ll enjoy the rest of the run as we go on! Im hoping this half of the year will be relatively quiet, Halloweens just around the corner and I genuinely can’t wait to do what we do every year there (Drink, get diabetes, watch horror films till the sun comes up) and i’m equally hoping for a quite quiet and chilled out Christmas! there’s a few irons in the fire that’ll be announced in good time around other projects I worked on over the summer, but for now lifes pretty reasonable. 

In terms of this site? It’s almost always a source of “Oh God I should update this” type facepalming. So, while I do try my best to keep things up to date. Don’t be surprised if the next blog isn’t a million years from now! I really hope to get the time to pick up my alternate history of cinema articles again at some point and of course I do enjoy a good politics grumble. But for now at least; all I can say is. I hope you all have a very safe rest of the year. I hope you’re all keeping well and I wish you all the very best. 

See you in time x 

by tytdreviews