Terminator Woman (1993)

So We have a bit of an oddity here today. Way back in Season 4 I ended up doing a collaboration with a fellow youtuber Raymond Smith. Ray was in the process of doing a month on “Terminator” Knock off movies and we decided it would be pretty cool if he ended his series of Terminator movies and I ended my 4th Season with a cross over collaboration. The first one I’d ever done non the less!

It was huge fun working with Raymond and I really hope we get the chance to work together again in the future 🙂 He’s a fun reviewer and his channels heaving with movie reviews of every possible shape and size! I highly recommend checking him out some time (You can head straight to his youtube channel by clicking Here)

Unfortunately due to copyright issues half of our collaboration was removed from youtube by a company called “Lasso Entertainment”. Naturally this was most heinous and simply would not stand. So while I’ve been backlogging my reviews over on Breach.tv  I decided it was time to dust this one off and give it a proper home on this site. Breach arnt quite as anal about upholding the whims and wishes of companies who have little or nothing to do with the movies we talk about and actually seems to understand what “Fair Use” is…so they’re an ace company in my books! anyway; before this turns into a mini rant; I hope you enjoy this not as often seen review! You can get to it by either clicking the link below the picture or by clicking the picture itself! Oh! and before I forget! you can check out the second part of this review for the other film we collaborated on 1989’s “Lady Terminator” By clicking Here

TW

This Poster…man…this bloody poster…

https://www.breach.tv/video/6268/terminator-woman-1993-raymond-reviews-ft-tytd-reviews

Night of the Demons 3: Demon House (1997)

This film was a pile of poo in my opinion and quite honestly I have very little to say about it. Its a bit of a boring film that never quite gets to where it wants to be and barring one or two interesting lighting and directional choices is pretty much a dead weight…theres a reason they never made a “Night of the Demons 4” and this film illustrates pretty cleanly why. Avoid where possible…Where’s the Tylonol?

(Even the poster for this film is lazy because it’s literally just a reshoot of the last “Night of the demons” poster but flipped with a different coloured backdrop and visual gag…this film doesnt deserve a legitimate write up…lazy.)

Dan and Ben Take the P.I.F’s!: The “Charlie Says Vol.2” Comedy Dining Experience

In celebration of hitting a 200 subscriber milestone I thought I’d offer up a bit of a bonus video this week! here’s a commentary we recorded in November 2018 covering over 150 Public information films. We were really rather “Merry”. and we will admit it’s a bit more towards the “Derek and Clive” end of the spectrum as a result. Still! here’s to the next 200! and we hope you enjoy this dealve into the terrifying world of the UK in the 1970’s and 80’s

 

You Can Read (The Complete Series) (1988)

I’ve been trying to find the best way to approach talking about “You Can Read!” (The 1988 Orbis Video released Edutainment series) for a long time now. In fact since I first found out the series I’d watched as a kid was called “You Can Read” I’ve always wanted to cover it on this channel. But I wanted to make sure I did it right (Or at least as right as possible given the spotty information thats available online about it) indeed it was literally only a couple of days before I was set to record the audio for this episode that I even found out that 3 years prior it had had a full DVD re-release in Malta.

Theres literally no information about this re-release online barring a Facebook page and a throwaway article buried deep in one of the lesser known tabloid sites. and finding that article was completely by chance. And apart from a handful of people who have commented on the facebook page to say the first 2 volumes were messed up (They’d apparently been authored as CD-Roms rather than DVD’s) it’s almost impossible to find any “Real world” evidence that these DVD’s actually exist at all. Im not denying they exist you understand. it’s just that outside of that facebook page’s own advertisements I havent seen one photograph on instagram, google or social media in itself of a member of the public owning a copy of these movies. Which does rather lead me to believe it may be a scam of some sort…but then…this is too obscure to really be proper scam material…or maybe it’s just obscure enough?…

Either way this series was a major impact on my childhood and adulthood, I was rediculously pleased to grab not only a copy of this on tape…but a copy that I actually owned as a kid and even though it’s only worth a couple of quid tops. it’s my most prized possession in terms of VHS. Probably only just being pipped by my original “Video Nasty” era release of “Tenebrae”

(All the VHS artworks look odd, they have a very basic design but they’re probably the most consistant thing in this series…)

 

As usual whenever I cover something a touch obscure Im usually immediately met with the problem of there just not being a high enough resolution image of the box art for the film im trying to cover. “You Can Read” is no exception. and the handful of covers I’ve been able to find online barely break the 500 pixel region…So here’s a 3k scan of the cover of Volume 3: Me I hope you enjoy the attention to detail.

You Can Read

 

Liquid Sky (1982)

It’s rare that I get to see films like Liquid sky. Movies movies sacrifice plot over absolutely everything in order to deliver a creative, colourful and unique viewing experience. This isnt a film that is trying to balance a good plot with visuals. This film couldn’t care less where its going. It just wants to look good doing it. And in that sense it’s absolutely achieved its goal here.

The films a rare example of a “Nice Video; Shame about the song” movie that’s made it onto my shelf of interesting things. And I’m pretty sure it’s going to be there for a pretty long time. It does have its faults, bit it’s far from a terrible film.

Equally; I’m not sure if I mention this in the review (I wrote this some time around March 2019) but I found out today (19th July 2019) that lead actress Anne Calisle plays both Jimmy and Margret in this film. If I dont mention it in the review then I almost certainly would have as it’s an astounding performance in this case! If I do mention it…then I was a good egg for doing so and its yet further proof of my increasing frailty. Anyway! Enjoy.

(While the original poster is nice…the VS re-release poster is just astounding…if not a tad muted for my taste.)

The American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

So it’s been just over 2 years since I last watched an American Ninja movie (The American Ninja 2: The Confrontation) and I’ve finally taken the plunge and decided to give another one another go. my review probably wont surprise anyone who’s already seen these movies, but to newcomers all I can say is I hope you like this one!

Whenever I  think of the American Ninja series of films I am chronically reminded of my own failings as a critic. I started on 2! Who starts reviewing a series on the 2nd one!? thats a bit like eating the bread and leaving the filling of a sandwhich! Its something Im hoping to correct at some point in future…I mean…technically I’ve reviewed the Bollywood version of the first American Ninja movie With “Commando” (No not that one) So I suppose im not utterly shameful…I dont know…anyway! here’s AN3BH…I hope you enjoy it as much as I did…

 

(Lazy poster…ohhh so lazy…C- Must try harder)

If Looks Could Kill (1986)

I speak at the start of this review about how VHS covers are sometimes misleading and I really believe that this is the case here. I made a mental note when I first saw this tape in amongst the haul to talk about it at the next possible convenience because I really thought I was getting into a Horror/Gialo-esq movie. maybe something like “The New York Ripper” or “Deep Red” but the reality is this film couldnt really be further from these types of movies. Honestly? I dont really know exactly where to put it in terms of genre…Thriller is about the closest I can assign it…but that implies this film has some kind of suspense when in reality I’ve had more suspensful botty coughs.

Considering the director is well known for exploitation and sexploitation cinema I really was expecting more from this movie…as it stands the cover is probably the best thing about this movie.

This was also the last script I wrote and recorded before I took my hiatus and as such is also the last script I wrote in 2018…which is a bit mad really considering we’re now at the tale end of June 2019 and it’s only just coming out. Still it marks the end of that year officially over here. and as such I feel this is a rather special occasion!

 

(That cover really is impressive mind…I just wish they’d made the film as good…)

 

As Usual when it comes to obscure movies that havent been released on DVD or Bluray that equally have awesome covers. I took a look online for 1986’s “If Looks Could Kill” and while I found some variant covers and a couple of foreign releases I couldnt find this specific cover online in anything close to resembling decent resolution. So in order to help do my bit for the preservation of the arts. I present here a 3k scan of my VHS cover for the UK release of “If Looks Could Kill” Enjoy:

If Looks could Kill

One Dark Night (1982)

It feels good to be back in the driving seat…I really cant express that enough. it’s been a long time coming and an even longer time in the planning. This episode was originally written and recorded in November 2018. But while things were going on in my life I just wasnt able to go anywhere near this till things calmed down. I was finally able to get round to actually dealing with this in March 2019 and since then i’ve been able to continue to keep things going! SO! While things might be slightly more irregular…for now! im here!

While I wouldnt say this film was shelf worthy. I would say it’s definately been worth checking out and it’s still one that sits in my collection…a great little B-picture…I just need to find a decent partner for it.

 

(The original film poster was frankly very dissapointing…so for the thumbnail I chose to use a freshly designed poster artwork commissioned by 88 Films… it looks ace!)

2019: Rummaging Through the Wreckage

So I’ve managed to squirrel a couple of hours away today So I thought now would be as good a time as any to pop up a blog about whats going on in my life right now! Yes…for the 3 people who regularly read this, consider this blog me offering you a seat at the café table of life with you and only you. A steaming cup of tea gently cooling as we look out into the somewhat sunny and slightly overcast bustling street and talk life, the universe and everything…y’know…to set the scene.

(I quite like the look of this place)

It has been a little while since I’ve actually put one of these together. I had written a blog which explained literally everything that had happened in my life since October up to March but reading it back recently was not only explicitly bleak reading, but it read more like a witness statement of my last known sighting rather than an actual attempt at helping to clarify why everything has ground to a halt…

So in order to keep things a bit lighter (As I am currently working on a full update video that should go up in the next couple of weeks and will clarify a lot more of the “Going forward” stuff that im not going to get into here). Im going to briefly summarise what’s gone on and I’ll save most of the going forward stuff for the actual update video itself. So! In summary here’s why I haven’t been making videos:

  • My partner suffers from quite severe mental health issues and has recently developed extreme suicidal thoughts. Due to chronically underfunded mental health services in my area. (Thanks to what I will affectionately refer to here as a “Shower of bastards” that is the conservative party). I’ve been effectively put in charge of keeping her alive…and other than a support worker (Who has been genuinely amazing) who pops in a couple of times a week and my partners doctor, who genuinely seems intent in ending her life. That’s been about it in terms of people trying to stop her doing shit. At the peak of this phase she ended up in the hospital for overdosing 4 times in the space of 7 days.

 

  • There was a literal 3 month period during the events of the above all of the above in which I daisy chained several quite severe Throat and chest infections one after the other. to the point where I pretty much lost my voice and was bed ridden for a time.

 

  • I was given a promotion at work which rapidly increased my workload and then in February 2019 the entire department I’d been moved into was made redundant. Luckily I have been able to find some temporary work but my employment status could best be described as precarious yet weirdly stable at this time.

I don’t want to dwell on the above too much because as it stands 2 of those 3 things are better than they have been. My partner is trying her best to re-engage with services and wants to get herself into a position where she can occupy her own time and from what I can see shes making great progress in getting back on her feet. It’s a very rocky road and that unpredictability is still something that is eating up a large amount of my time…But im very proud of her to see what she’s accomplished so far. mainly because I kind of love her a lot and I’d rather her not die (Im sure you understand). equally I’d like to take the time out to mention that if anyone who watches my stuff here is feeling low or having thoughts of suicide. Im sure you know the usual places to check into but I’ll just pop them here too.

(I tried looking for pictures of people in love with depression but all I got was a load of bollocks trying to romanticize depression as a “Struggling artist” type thing rather than acknowleging it for the absolute Cunt that it is…so here’s something stocky.)

Equally I have recovered now and until the inevitable bout of hayfever I encounter every spring hits me like a truck Im feeling a lot better in myself and im using my time as best I can to move things forwards both personally and with the film reviews!

And at this time I think it’s worth broaching the subject of reviews and what I actually do. Quite recently I’ve started to write again (As if the very existence of this blog wasn’t a good indicator of that). I had a couple of episodes written for season 6 when I downed tools back in November last year (A horror film and an thriller if you must know) but obviously given circumstances I had to shelf them until I was in a place where I would be able to pick them back up and develop them into full episodes. Things had been bleak since then but oddly about 3 weeks ago I had a period of rest from ongoing situations and from there rather than waste time on a video game or go out somewhere I found myself thinking: “…Hmm it’s been a while…I think im going to tidy up my computer and get my website reorganised.” I then spent 2 days clearing out old reference footage, audio files, archiving old reviews and retagging and readjusting some of the posts on the site. I even found time to catch my website up to my very latest review…

I don’t exactly know what went on over that weekend but from that point onwards I suddenly found myself with random pockets of time all over the place, a few hours here and there and even the odd free few days. And I’ve used that time. I’ve kind of rediscovered my love of writing in that sense and I have to say I think a break has done me some good. It feels good to sit and look at all of the drafts I’ve put together over the last 3 weeks and think that they’re something that I’ve put time to that seem somewhat productive. Its something that I hope someone out their will appreciate.

(Here’s hoping!)

Ultimately I only ever really got into doing these reviews because I was fed up of the lack of resources available for more obscure direct to video releases about whether they were actually any good or not coupled with a real urge to try and help other people who have no doubt ended up in my situation in the past. It comes from a place of love for the industry ultimately and that’s something thats spanned a number of years with me. Even when I was a college student doing film studies at A-level I would regularly endorse the benefits of looking at bad films as being as important if not more important than understanding what makes a good film. Anyone can make a good film in the 21st century all you need is money and a reasonable editor. You’ll make a good film but it’ll be banal. It wont have heart (Something I feel modern cinema struggles with quite badly) but if you understand what makes something terrible and you appreciate the heart that can go into making abject failure. You’ll be more than capable of appreciating that small details can effect the big picture in ways you’d never have considered.

That’s the fire that keeps me going when im reviewing absolute rot. Its my own (in some ways demented) love of analysing car crash cinema. Picking apart what didn’t work, pondering if it could have worked with some tweaks and ultimately deciding whether a car crash is worth recommending to you the viewer or whether it truly is a “Write off”. I enjoy the debate that comes with having the opinion that bad films are as important to study as good films (So much so I developed a lecture series on the subject that I hope to have filmed someday)

(I love all bad movies…well almost all bad movies…)

So for now im still here, working behind the scenes on reviews. With a renewed vigour for the subject honestly. I think as much as I’ve had a stressful time of late a break from this was something I needed. Youtube Burnout is a bit of a hot topic these days and I may go into more detail about my own personal experiences in the near future when I get time. Before I go for now I think it’s probably best to let you know at least where im up to with writing just to keep you guys all in the loop. I’m currently trying to lock down episodes for October while I have more time on my hands than less. It’s going to be a themed month, 5 episodes that will chart a particular horror history. In total I’ve now written 7 scripts, recorded 2 of them and I have plans for another half a dozen in the fire as of the time of writing (17.04.19) though as I say…I’ll save actual plans for these till the update video comes out.

Till next time. Thanks so much again for your continued patience and support

Dan.

 

(Thought i’d end this blog on a little bit of a positive note enjoy!)

 

Jack Frost (1997)

Rounding off both Season 5 and 2018; here we have Jack Frost. A film thats been on my radar more or less since it came out due largely to it’s prominence in several Nerdy “Forbidden Planet” esq stores that used to populate the market stalls and highstreets where I lived in the early 2000’s. the Holographic Box art that came with the VHS of this movie was very unusual for the time and because of that I’d always wanted to check it out (Even though I knew deep down that if they had to stress a gimmick like this this hard it probably wouldnt be very good.)

The reality is, this films quite enjoyable. its by no means a regualar watch, nor is it anything groundbreaking. But I can easily see myself watching this again this Christmas and it was good enough that I’d certainly be interested in picking up the sequel.

If you are interested in picking this one up Vinegar Syndrome are the current distributors for it and they’ve done a cracking job with the Bluray version, if you like your “Troma” movies or anything by “Full moon” I think you’d probably quite dig this one.

This review was intended to make it up to youtube on the 24th of December however due to ongoing issues in personal life involving my partner I was unfortunately at the hospital all through the day this was set to go live and I was unable to schedule it in advance due to repeated copyright strikes. As a result I had to re-edit this review on the fly between trips to the hospital to try and get it up before the year out. as a result this one came out on the 31st but does wish people a merry christmas and a happy new year (Well…at least I got the last part right).

 

(Personally…while the original poster was striking and got my attention. I think the new artwork for it (Pictured above) looks much more fitting)