The cinematic equivilent of being trapped in a rough hotel reception overnight. I am honestly struggling for words as to exactly what I sat down to tonight as part of a double feature with some friends. Im only vaguely familiar with the works of Scott Shaw, and this really was an unfamilliar ‘dipping of the toe’ into his works…Honestly; I dont really feel like I understand his methodology any better for having seen this.

The broad BROAD plot follows a being who is sent to earth by an alien race to take out a great evil known as a ‘Chupacabra’. In the opening moments of the film, he’s warned that he’ll face ‘Angels and demons’ who will both try to aid, and halt his mission. And that it’ll be down to him to decide which are truthful, and which are there to decieve.

That however is a 15 minute plot stretched VERY thinly over an 80-90 minute long film that predominantly consists of people running around semi and FULLY nude in the desert firing guns, people chasing each other in small towns and subway networks and lots and LOTS of border incoherent monologues both in the back of cars and in the desert too.

Both Shaw and director Donald G. Jackson subscribe to an art known as ‘Zen Film making’ basically they’ll maybe start with a VERY basic idea, and then they’ll just film and film and film anything and everything that comes to mind until they feel they’re ‘done’…No matter how incoherent the end product.

And thats basically the best way to sum up this film. It doesnt feel like there was much in the way of planning or a script present here. Instead, its more a series of ‘happenings’ that are largely all unrelated VERY rarely cutting back to that 10-15 minute plot I mentioned earlier. By the 3rd act, the whole things gone meta and we’re watching the film makers filming and making the opening half hour of the movie.

Chracters have almost no backstory, no depth, no reason even BE in the movie, but they waddle on, say there adlibbed lines and then things move on to something else with almost ZERO physical presence.

The tone is inconsistent, its clear this was supposed to be light hearted for the most part, but there are long stints of semi serious dryness that means your never entirely sure as to what the intentions of the film are.

Theres no planned pacing present here, nothing resembling an act structure, and no indication of a beginning, middle OR end. the film starts in the middle of a scene, and ends in the middle of a piece to camera.

The dialogues messy, full of flubs and border incoherent (because theres no planned plot and the cast members come and go depending on how available they were to shoot the damn thing) you find yourself in situations where stuffs mentioned in detail, and then abandoned never to be spoken of again.

The directions basically non existent. they set the camera up for a mid wide in almost every scene, do an adlibbed take, and then shoot B-roll (if they remember to) for bits they enjoyed. there are little to no retakes, if an actor messes up the delivery…tough. and because of the crews reliance on ‘Zen film making’ to produce the goods, your constantly in the ‘vibe’ that no communication was being made between the cast and crew.

The cine is a mess, apart from the HORRENDOUS framing issues which render about 75% of the film an unfocussed, non traditional slurry. someone forgot to do the colour balancing on set for a significant chunk of the footage. Meaning to compensate they’ve cranked up the saturations levels making everyone look an ill shade of ‘Gammon’ pink and the desert positively satsuma orange. its sickly, motion sickness inducing and really lacks any kind of personal touch.

The edit feels poorly constructed, badly planned and almost like it was cut together simply by grabbing what footage ‘felt right’ between beers 5 and 6. theres not rhythm, no structure to the squences. theres random ‘flash’ breaks which were distracting and cuts are 99% of the time too early or too late. Equally, whereas most edits help refine the footage into a decently paced end product. here, it feels like every single scrap was used without ANY kind of pushback. resulting in a film that felt like it ended 20 minutes off its ACTUAL end point, but somehow had just kept on going.

The performances are stilted, stale and uninteresting, theres a few campy moments here and there, but theres almost no physicality in the performances with most of the cast just kind of standing about, a bit confused, delivering whatever their heads conjur up…usually nude.

and the score consists of 3 songs that are played on a near continuous loop that made me long for the sweet release of death at the 30 minute mark…letalone the 70 minute mark.

DESPITE its flaws, ‘Guns of El Chupacabra’ has an oddly compelling vibe to it. Not a GOOD vibe by any stretch. but there are moments pitted throughout this that I feel, in the right mindset, with a beer and some friends could be actually quite a fun time. I could (in theory) see myself watching this one again sometime. But definitely not solo and DEFINITELY not without abusing some substances before hand.

Not for the feint at heart. this was a bit of a challenging watch even for myself (and I’ve seen some rubbish in my time) I think if you go in KNOWING this thing is gonna drag from around the half way point till the end, you’ll probably have an okay time. But GOD help you if your approaching this thing blind.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/guns-of-el-chupacabra/

Totally barmy in EVERY sense of the word. ‘G.B.H’ (as described by the people I watched it with tonight) feels like ‘Roadhouse’ meets ‘Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrells’ though, this predates both of them.

A quirky picture following the misadventures of a recently released from prison ‘fixer’ who’s put in charge of running security at a string of Mancunian pubs and clubs. The film works more as a series of ‘Scenarios’ stitched together rather than a coherent work. But I feel this works SO much better in the films favour than a traditional narrative. we basically just see our lead character engage with thugs and mobsters from rival factions, give them a good kicking, and this is intercut with him seducing anything with a pulse that walks through the doors, and in a particularly notorious scene, he appears to have sex with a stuffed teddy bear…I have no idea why that happens.

The script is SUPER lightweight, clocks in at approx 73 minutes, the tone is supposed to be heavy and gritty, but comes off as ramshackled and campy. the pacing is non existent, this is ADHD addled cinema at its finest, and as an ADHD riddled individual I was utterly won over by its total lack of coherency or an attempt at a vision.

The characters are all cockney gangster stereotypes, the ending is bizarre, the film continuously jumps all over the place trying to find a thread which it never really manages. the opening act is pretty coherent in setting up the base scneario. but it gets SO lost in the 2nd act as to what its actually trying to say or do. That when it bizarrely finally PICKS a lane in the last 10 minutes…I had all but given up on trying to follow the thing, and was purely costing on its enjoyable ‘Vibes’ for lack of a better descriptive.

The dialogue was clearly written to sound ‘Hard’ but is delivered softer than pudding. resulting in some WONDERFUL deliveries that made me laugh multiple times.

The directions poor due to the lack of coherency on the script, I believe this is quite possibly the 2nd dullest car chase i’ve ever seen ina movie. the cine is incoherent with shots barely composed, beige colour palettes and no real tolerance for ‘The Line’ or cinematic planning.

The edit is ROUGH, with cuts happening 2 seconds to early across the entire runtime and an epileptic level of cuts happening during the fight sequences making it almost impossible to figure out whats actually going on. they also use Slow motion capture…but not on the scenes slow motions really inteded for…its a weirdly put together movie, I could fully believe the editor was paid in watered down whisky.

The performances range from genuinely fun and menacing villains to people who clearly have never acted or read a script in their lives. and the soundtrack sounds like stock music throughout…presumably because Director and producer Cliff Tremlow was a music library scorer as his full time job.

Despite its total TOTAL incoherency. I really quite enjoyed ‘GBH’, its ramshackled ‘Thrown together’ nature makes it perfect ‘Booze and friends’ viewing fodder and its unintentionally hilarious assembly had me grinning multiple times throughout. im really looking forward to Severins upcoming release of this, and it’ll very likely be a day one pre-order! be sure to check this one out when it gets released!

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/gbh/

One of those movies that im surprised MST3K didnt get around to riffing (though ‘Cinematic Titanic’ certainly didnt waste the opportunity!) ‘The Doomsday Machine’ is a SLOG. and a fairly unpleasent and mean spirited one at that.

The plot? Its the not to distant future (I believe the far off year of 2010) and China has invented a doomsday weapon thats capable of destroying earth. In the opening of the film we see a covert agent sneaking into a compound to photograph the weapon inside a cage that ‘Only Chairman Mao has the key to’. Oh…this film gets a bit racist in places too…so…BUCKLE UP FOR THAT!.

Photos of the weapon arrive back on US soil just in time for a united global mission to Venus. men and women from all around the world have been selected as the first people to colonize the planet, with a not insignificant portion of the film dedicated to them getting ready to go into space.

Once the launch itself happens, things almost immediately start going wrong, first and foremost being that some of the men are irresistably horny and IMMEDIATELY try to bang the women on the mission…whether they consent or not (and again, this film gets VERY SA in places…so again…BUCKLE UP!)

This is then shortly followed by a break in transmission where its revealed that the Chinese are either about to, or already have detonanted the ‘Doomsday Machine’ which is then followed by COMPLETE confirmation when the planet becomes a magma filled slag heap after a chain nuclear reactor failure. Leaving the astronauts trapped on board.

Its at this point that the ‘TRUE’ plan of the mission is properly revealed (and this is the halfway point of the movie…) It turns out that the US government KNEW china had a doomsday weapon, and were likely to use it, so they sent the astronauts up to basically make their way to Venus and ‘Adam and Eve’ it up to repopulate the planet.

Unfortunately they didnt count on TWO things, ONE being that some of the women aboard didnt sign UP to become birthing units for a new population of people. and TWO being that the radiation from the seismic blast was SO strong its catching up with the spaceship and will ultimately leave all the men sterile unless they can propel away from it. Some of the crew handle this fairly well and begin working on a solution…Others decide to use the situation to ramp up their SA efforts…Its all downhill from there really.

This thing was a total slog, I caught it as part of ‘Elviras Movie Macarbre’ which is probably the absolute best way to watch this one, purely for the fact that at least you get some fun enough host segments to take you away from the dull misery.

The scripts SO long and boring, scenes drag on and on and on WELL past the point that the audience understands whats happening and quickly into the realms of clockwatching. the pacings equal to a heavily laiden tortoise, the tone swings from ‘Buck Rogers’ esq 50s scifi schlock to some pretty unpleasent moments of racism, mysoginy and abuse. it doesnt really have a coherent story to tell and quite regularly threads are spun and then abandoned across the runtime. The entire opening sequence for example is just to establish there IS a doomsday machine…when your films called ‘The Doomsday Machine’…non of the characters or plot elements from that opening sequence make it past the 10 minute mark.

The characters are all super generic and unlikable, the dialogues really basic, tells EVERYTHING while also showing it. non of it is interesting or engaging to the audience, its 70-80 minutes of technobabble. and very little else.

The direction is incredibly poor, making most 50s poverty row features look expensive. its basically 2 sets, frequently redressed, shot wide and mid wide with a one or two (at most) camera setup. other than some VERY lacklustre wirework, this things got nothing to bring to the table. When I Can say confidently that films 20-30 years this films senior outshine it in terms of effects and camera work, from film makers with NO experience…well I hope that imparts just how poor this viewing experience really is.

The cine has a couple of flickers of moments here and there, theres some interesting colour and lighting work dribbed and drabbed across the runtime, but its all a bit thrown together, composition is static and repetative. the sequences rely heavily on stock footage for big chunks fo the runtime and feel quite slack in terms of how they’re cut together. its a messy work honestly.

The performances are HILARIOUSLY wooden in places, but ultimately dont provide enough comic relief to help this production pull through. everyones stuck on one mode of delivery, which is fairly dry and stilted for 90% of the runtime…But they DO all get at least one moment to do ‘frantic over the top’ acting…which garners mixed results. Theres not enough here from the cast to really truely win me over…their physicality on set is frankly dreadful, they bearly animate in that regard…its a mess.

And the score is so forgettable, I honestly forgot it. I literally have no notes…its that bland.

Had this not been hosted by Elvira, i’d have really struggled to make it to the end of this one. its dry, dull, and honestly a bit offensive in the year of our lord 2024. If your gonna catch it, watch the ‘Cinematic Titanic’ version of the ‘Movie Macarbre’ one…But maybe bring a pillow and a blanket, because this thing WILL knock you clean out in 30 minutes or less.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/doomsday-machine/

Its got to be coming up to 15 years since I first sat down and ‘Tail to snout’ watched ‘Manos: the Hands of Fate’ a film quite unlike anything that had come before it, and a film thats infamy proceeds it in almost any and all film discussions.

Yes, ‘Manos’ is widely considered a stinker, a much beloved movie (thanks to the MST3K/Mads/Rifftrax crowd) but a stinker non the less. But, and I dont want to be controversial here, I dont really think its THAT bad…or rather, people who cite it as one of the worst films ever made, I feel are rather overexaggerating it.

I absolutely wont defend this thing as a ‘good’ work, or even really a ‘fun’ work…but as something rather unique and exotic in terms of testing the limits of ‘the rules of cinema’ I find this picture really quite watchable.

The plot? follows a young(ish) family as they head out on a vacation, however they experience car troubles along the way and end up at a rundown house where they’re greeted by a dishevelled and goat-like caretaker by the name of ‘Torgo’ who is VERY reluctant to help or get involved with the family, warning them to leave as soon as possible as ‘The Master would not approve’ before somehow being swept up into letting them stay the night and head out in the morning.

During the night the tone and vibe shifts quite drastically as Torgo corners Margaret (the mother of the family) insisting that the master wishes for her to become his new wife…and what follows is a further 30 minutes of not quite horror, not quite satire, not quite psychological piece, as the family consult the master and his otherworldly realm that houses his many MANY wives…

And you know your in for an interesting time when its easier to describe what the film ISNT than what it actually IS.

The script has a VERY basic plot line underpinned in 3 acts thats pretty clean to follow…How it manouvers through those 3 acts however to GET that basic plot across feels like ‘Concussion cinema’ to me. Scenes just run on and on and the conversations feel like the kind had when your trapped in a motel suite with people you dont really know or like that much 6 pints of beer in. It feels awkward, like the cast are trying to socially navigate the scenario, but not in a naturalistic way that you could reasonably EXPECT a few strangers trying to read the room to feel like. This is awkwardness explicitly BECAUSE whats written in the script only really made sense in the mind of the writer, and he didnt really bother to direct the cast on set all that much.

The pacing and tone are all over the place, it has moments of very dry dated comedy, it gets VERY bleak in places quite quickly, but when thats married up to the BEYOND strange dialogue and the woozy and unsettling pacing, it ends up at times feeling more like a work of AI than something an ACTUAL person paid money to make.

Its a nippy 73 minutes of a movie, but that puts it in the awkward situation where, im not entirely sure whether this thing should have been 10 minutes longer and REALLY, TRUELY given us the detail needed to make the plot a bit more clear and layered (rather than what they’ve ended up doing, which is just throwing everything they’ve got at the screen.) Or whether they should have cut the thing by 20 minutes and TRUELY made it a surrealist art house piece where the basic plot was really all there needed to be.

I also cant quite figure out whether the characters not really having any depth works in the films favour or not either…on the one hand that lack of depth keeps things a little more mysterious and ‘otherworldly’ we never really truely know what ‘The Master’ and ‘Torgos’ FULL mission was here…nor do we really get to know the rest of the cast in any menaingful sense barring the scenes they occupy. Which I think does help give the film a bit more appeal.

But then on the other side, that lack of character depth makes everything feel really shallow and strange. made even STRANGER by the BIZARRE decision to dub all the casts voices over in post because the ‘on set’ audio was unsatisfactory…but to redub ALL the womens performances with a single voice actress who doesnt even TRY to differentiate voices…It really doesnt do the film any favours…

On the direction front, everything is gently out of focus, the colour schemes are either overly vibrant and heavily lit (due to the exposure rating on the cameras being very VERY dark) or pitch black. shot setups had to be ‘guessed’ at because the cameras used only had VERY rudamentary viewfinders. its clear there was some creative vision behind how this film should have looked and behaved. But given this was the directors first feature film outing, and that he did it really just because he ‘could’ rather than having any kind of burning drive to make something specific. Its unsurprsing that sequences here are undisciplined, experimental and often badly framed.

When Harold P. Warren had a shot in mind, he CLEARLY had a vision in hand…but if he didnt, well…the assumption based on the extras is that the DOP was just given free reign to ‘fill in the gaps’ on the script.

It also became apparent from the extra features on the ‘Manos’ bluray that the cast were chronically left in the dark in terms of how to perform. Harold didnt direct them or give them any advice. I assume either because he didnt know he had to, or if he did, he decided to leave it up to the cast to communicate their interpretation…this simultaineouly worked in the films favour AND backfired spectacularly…as I feel, had their been a more seasoned director at the healm, we’d have never got to see ‘Torgo’ as a character in all his strange and unusual glory, and the awkward stiltedness that has really helped cement the films infamy probably would have been a smoother experience. So I guess shoddy direction actually kind of saved this one.

As mentioned the cine is hit and miss, when it hits (I.E a cleanly composed shot thats massively overlit and full of rich vibrant colour) I absolutely fall in love with it, it feels like an absurdist piece in those moments…when it ISNT that (which is the majority of the film) its blurry, smeary and beige up to the elbows. Your milage almost certainly may vary. But I think if you have a keen eye for visuals, there are at least half a dozen shots in this thing that may effect you in a profound way.

In terms of the editing?..Well, again we go to the special features of the ‘Manos’ bluray, where they described the editing process as ‘Three drunk guys hashing it out over a weekend’…THAT, is EXACTLY how it feels to watch, cuts are inconsistent, badly timed, they use way too many fade ups and downs to and from black when it isnt needed, splices are badly made, there is noticable print damage that was dubbed into the master copies of the film during the edit process…its a mess, effective in places when combined with everything i’ve said above…but a mess.

Performance wise, the core cast had little to no guidence, The actor playing Torgo was on drugs for most of the shooting period and comitted suicide a couple of weeks before the premiere. Its a real mixed bag. Probably the best performances in this are Tom Neyman as ‘The Master’ bringing a genuinely commanding performance to the role, he really had an animated presence here, and while I do think he didnt *quite* nail enough menace for ‘adult horror’ here? I think he’d have been an amazing kids tv and film villain.

John Reynolds as Torgo is as iconic a performance as the riffer would have you believe, he was a method actor, which meant ACTUALLY huritng himself with prosthetics in his knees and shoes to help him hobble for most of the runtime. while he may not give the best performance of the film, he’s almost certainly the most memorable with some amazing physical turns here, and dialogue deliveries that range from unsettling to hilarious.

The rest of the cast…im gonna be honest, are a little dull. They all have their own moments to shine…but when you’ve got performances from ‘Torgo’ and ‘The Master’ to compete with, it’ll always seem a little less thrilling.

Score wise? its weird. a hybrid of chilling piano pieces, and music that sounds like it belongs in a nudist camp movie. some of this suits the film, some of it REALLY doesnt…but I cant really imagine the film without it.

‘Manos: The Hands of Fate’ is not a good film. it struggles on a technical level, the lack of coherent direction is palpable, the perforamances beyond notable exception leave a lot to be desired and the score is unusual. But it does have some upsides, with a script that is really truely ‘unique’ for the time, some BIZARRE and mesmorising performances, choice cine and directional turns when everything lined up properly, and ultimately we did get arguably one of the best ‘MST3K’ episodes out of the deal as well…

I can absolutely understand why folks love AND loath ‘Manos’ for me? I think I may stick to a ‘riffed’ version in future…but seeing it unriffed from time to time DOES make me appreciate the few times it actually does go above expectations. i’d say this was worth catching at least once.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/manos-the-hands-of-fate/1/

I first caught ‘Dead Heat’ a couple of years ago as part of a double feature on ‘The Last Drive in with Joe Bob Briggs’ and I honestly cant think of a better example of a film that has good ideas driven into the ground by bad decisions. This one comes courtesy of ‘New World’ pictures, Roger Cormans production company, and you can pretty quickly tell that this has ‘New Worlds’ typical ‘fantastic soundtrack and character pieces held together with masking tape and a prayer’ aesthetic.

The plot follows two detective pals Roger Mortis (GETTIT?!?) and Doug Bigelow as they do their usual patrols of the city. After a strange encounter with two jewel theives that take an entire swat teams worth of bullets and are only stopped by LITERALLY being blown up. The pair discover that there was more to these crooks than meets the eye…namely that they’d already been checked into the morgue a few months prior. Some invetigations reveal that a shady scientific company appears to be stocking unusual supplies that have been shown to have restorative bodily properties. and, on inspecting the facility, they find something a bit odd.

A backroom containing a giant table and electronic equipment…and a stitched together biker who goes full on Beserker at the pair. during the scuffle Roger ends up dying in a pressure chamber, but Doug and one of the scientists at the facility get him tot he backroom and with some ‘weird science’ wondery, Roger is brought back to life. He feels great…but somethings off…it turns out, he’s rotting…unable to die! but rotting…with the local pathologist giving him only hours to live before he begins to decompose to a point that he’d be umable to hold his own frame.

And so, a race begins with Doug, Roger and others to find out WHO is running the ‘death ressurection’ racket and hopefully put an end to it before things get too far out of hand.

For starters, the script is a lighthearted and fun little idea, it moves at a reasonable clip at an hour and 20, they pace out the action across the 3 acts pretty well, and the three acts themselves are reasonable well paced out starting strong, maintaining a good momentum and finishing a *little* bit abruptly for my taste…but probably about as well as these things could have honestly.

The characters, for the most part are likable, but herein lies the first issue…while most of them are nicely charismatic and really fit the bill of the roles they’re playing. The character of Doug and more specifically the performance of Joe Piscapoe absolutely poured cold water on this thing. Doug as a character is a quip machine. He doesnt really do all that much plot wise, he doesnt have any real solid character development moments. He seems to literally exist in this film to turn EVERY. SINGLE. SITUATION…into a bad joke-fest. and its frankly insufferable.

Had they opened with him being that way, then maybe explored his character a bit more to reveal maybe some kind of background that means he uses humour to cover, and ended the film with him reigning in on it. I’d have probably gotten on better with the character. but after the first 10 minutes of the character not taking ANY situation presented to him seriously, I started to feel a nagging head pain, that only got worse and worse as the film wore on.

Honestly? this could have just been Roger, Randi (The scientist who helps the pair uncover the truth on whats going on) and ‘Smithers (the pathologist in the lab who first reveals the unusual circumstances) and it probably would have been a much stronger work for it. Unfortunately we end up with a bit of a crowded house, which didnt exactly do the film any favours.

The dialogue (bad jokes aside) is for the most part fine enough, nothing TOO out there or interesting, but the film has some interesting moments for decent one liners and I think they nailed the chartcter dynamics for the most part.

The tone of this thing is another minor issue…It cant seem to decide if it wants to be an all out action film with supernatural elements. or an action comedy, or an action horror/thriller…or some kind of macarbre dark comedy…so it just sort of…tries everything. Which makes it quite hard to get a decent read on the intention of the writer director…and can cause some moments of the film to feel a bit ‘bad taste’ or jarring compared to the general tone of the production.

Direction and cine in and of itself is actually pretty above standard, Its a studio picture so I expected the bare minimum to be met. But theres actually some really solid creative visions realised here and some really quite solid scene building. A particularly noteworth sequence being set in a chinese deli featuring special effects and puppeteering that, the first time I saw this, had my jaw on the floor.

Shots are well composed, Colour use is kind of drab here, which is a real shame as I think a splash of colour really could have helped elevate this one a bit more. sequence building can be a bit messy in places, I think they were tight on the amount of film they could shoot on. So there are moments where I feel a bit more B-roll maybe could have helped this one out a bit more. On the whole though, its a kind of inoffensive work. Nothing too ‘genre’ defining. but it gets the job done pretty well.

Performance wise, We stumble again. While our core cast of Treat Williams and Lindsay Frost are a deligthful pairing bringing real charm, charisma and energy to proceedings. I had a real bad time with Joe Piscapoe…I appreciate he was probably directed to be this obnoxious…but he REALLY gets to a point in this where I couldnt really roll my eyes any harder. he’s loud, awkward and a bit fumbly on physicality…I wasnt a fan.

Mercifully, the film does win things back with an unexpected (but welcome) Vincent Price cameo, and he’s as wonderful as ever, ultimately pulling the film back from becoming a bit bland. Darren McGavin ALSO delights as Dr. Earnest, giving ‘Mayor from Jaws’ vibes throughout ALSO helping to keep this thing on an even keel.

The soundtracks killer, Honestly? ‘Dead Heat’ is a fine enough film, it wont win any awards. But if you like New World pictures like ‘Night of the comet’ or ‘The Stuff’ you’ll probably dig this. it has sparks of a good idea, it just…doesnt quite fully realise them.

Someone on my discord server called this film ‘Miami Vice, but with zombies’ and I think they may be onto something…

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/dead-heat/1/

Watched on Saturday August 3, 2024.

source https://letterboxd.com/tytdreviews/film/skip-tracer/2/