Mad Cows (1999)

It’s been a very long time since I covered a british comedy….in fact if memory serves the last one I covered would have been waaaaay back in Season 4 When I took a look at “Whoops Apocalypse” Reviewing comedies isnt quite as rewarding as the other types of films I talk about on here…for one thing if they’re bad comedies they can be incredibly painful to sit through in a totally unenjoyable way and in another being a rather passionate comedy fan. if I want to invest some of my time into talking about comedy, I want to make sure im covering something I’ll want to remember.

Mad Cows is not one of those movies…its not even close to being one of those movies. As mentioned I first heard about this film via Cook’d and Bomb’d a message board that specialises in comedy. This was listed by one of there users as one of the worst british comedies ever made. I still dont think its THAT bad…but my god…give this one a swerve if you can.

It’s not fundamentally awful it’s just the fact its so border irritating. Anyway; I’ve said my piece. i’ll let the review do the death blow.

(This isnt an official poster…the official poster was too 90’s…it said nothing about the film and looked garish…I Mean; this poster doesnt really say anything about the film either…but it’s closer than the official one…)

The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

This (So Far) has been the most stressfull episode I’ve released of this season. The reason being that a company called “Europacorp” have a master copy of this movie logged with youtube on a “Block worldwide” copyright notice. As such. the moment I uploaded this episode, it blocked worldwide. I disputed it; and they forgot to respond to the dispute…that’s literally the only reason you’re able to watch this “Uncut” on youtube. Seriously; up until Tuesday of this week (the 24th of March 2020) I was so certain this episode was going to be shot down that I re-edited it in the same way that I did with my review of “Emmanuelle“.

Another reason I was so on edge about this review being blocked is that personally; and not to blow my own horn here too much…Im really proud with how the edit turned out for this one. sometimes I dont quite manage to put across the exact way I feel about a film through the editing…but with this one. I personally think I nailed it. so I really hope you enjoy this weeks review. it’s a weird one!

(All the posters for this movie kind of suck a bit (They’re not awful…they’re just not great)…but the Severin films slip art for this movie is absolutely gorgeous!)

Freakmaker (The Mutations) (1974)

There’s not really a whole lot more I can say about my experience with “The Mutations” that isnt already mentioned in my video review below. Quite honestly I found a very brief low quality clip of it on youtube and when it turned up in one of the VHS tape hauls I picked up I was over the moon quite honestly…I dont think it quite lived up to my expectations (But then again these things rarely do) But what I did enjoy about this one was just how B-movie(Ish) it could be at times. Seriously. there are moments in this movie that literally wouldnt have felt out of place in a movie 20 years this films senior. And I seriously cannot understate how fantastic Tom Baker and the supporting circus cast are in this movie.

It’s recently been released by DVDDiabolik (Available here) and I highly reccommend checking it out. it’s currently a limited edition but hopefully a standard edition release wont be that far away too!

 

(That poster is so badass. a design classic; it pretty much tell’s you everything you need to know about the movie without you even having to see it. I love it.)

Slade In: “Flame” (1975)

It was Iain Lee who first introduced me to “Slade In: ‘Flame’ ” via his radio show a few years ago. If memory serves he dedicated nearly an hour of one of his shows to Slade, the band and this film in particular. mentioning that it was one of the best films he’d ever seen. So naturally I immediately went to look for a copy, at which point my testicles retracted into my pelvis as I saw the price was way more than I could ever afford.

I was incredibly lucky last year to score this film for a tenner. when; at the time prices were between 75 and 200 pounds for a copy. Since making this review the price has drastically decreased…it’s still a bit pricy for a nearly 10 year old DVD (Between 15 and 25 pounds at the time of writing) but if you like what you see in this review, I say go and grab it. it’s a really nice little movie…I’d maybe stop short of saying it’s essential. But Im happy that I have a copy and if nothing else it introduced me to the world of “Slade” which; well, other than that christmas song. there wasnt really a whole lotta Slade going on in my life.

I would genuinely like to see what a Bluray scan of this film would surface…it’d also be nice to have a proper “Making of” for this one, as while the hour long interview with Noddy Holder present on the disc is MORE than welcome…it’s only really one side of the story and it’d be nice to hear about the whole bands experiences (Or even the writers and directors thoughts…assuming they arnt suffering from a case of fatal death)

A great little film. genuinely. and one I’ll probably end up digging out again sooner rather than later.

 

(This poster is WAY too busy…but the DVD art is WAY too minimalist…it’s all or nothing with Slade…this was the learning curve I’ve been on.)

Hercules (1983)

We’re Back! and it feels like Bloody ages since I put the lid on Season 6. I started writing season 7 back in early November last year and originally this episode was supposed to be the 10th in this seasons run. I’d never seen it before and apart from being a bit of a fan of Lou Ferrigno’s film work I couldnt have told you anything about this before I hit play. as soon as the credits rolled I knew that this one simply HAD to be the opener. it’s so perfect to hit the ground running! Giant robot monsters, space bears and rainbows just…bloody…everywhere!

we’re back now for a 17 week run (Plus plenty of extras along the way!) we hope you enjoy this new series!

 

(That poster man!…this would sell ANYONE to go and check this thing out!)

The “Pink Flamingos” Comedy Dining Experience (1972)

So in a bit of a first (And what with it being Valentines day) me and the missus decided to sit down and watch the first movie we ever went on a date together to see (She had never seen it before…and yes 8 and half years later she’s still with me!)

We had a great time and hopefully she’ll  be joining us in a few more commentaries in future! So sit down on the couch (Unless it rejects you), Shit in a box and prepare to “Pa-pa OOH mow mow!” yourself into a coma as we work our way through a film on the filthiest people alive!

 

(Finding a Hi-res image of “Pink Flamingos” era devine is bloody hard man!)

The “Bloody New Year” Comedy Dining Experience (1987)

Well! Happy 2020 everybody! to celebrate both myself and my comedy dining “Partner in crime” Ben decided to take a dip into one of the few New years horror films that isnt absolute and total garbage! So here’s a feature length commentary for “Bloody New year” it’s easily the most entertaining movie I saw in 2019!

Black Christmas (1974)

I loved this movie. thats all I have to say really. Dont watch the 2006 “Black Christmas”, dont watch the 2019 “Black Christmas” they’re both a load of bollocks. THIS. This is a damn fine movie. it kickstarted the slash genre in the US, it’s witty, pacey, entertaining  Well written with likeable characters who have complex backstories and interesting plot threads and it’s genuinely eerie in places. it’s well shot, the direction and cine for the time is original and does a lot of things that Hollywood wouldnt jump on for a good 5-10 years thereafter. it’s one of the few films that; when the end credits ran, genuinely gave me chills. I am not easily stirred. Im not easily effected by movies. This film made me feel something. it’s that good.

In fact apart from a couple of poor lighting choices and a couple of tonally out of place characters who are dispatched of rather quickly I think this is genuinely the best christmas horror film I’ve ever seen. thats all I have to say about this. The review below will suck this films dick some more. but yeh. I felt I needed to reiterate exactly how awesome this film is.

Unfortunately if trends continue this year as they have the last couple of years noone will really see this video. it’s an unfortunate side effect of uploading around christmas eve/Christmas day time. Everyones incredibly busy with family, friends and other such business that in the youtube industry I might as well “Dead” my channel from the 20th of December through to February and I probably wouldnt miss any views or subs…bizarrley while traffic is reletively high at this time of year (Due to so many people being off or looking for stuff to watch while the family slowly drive them insane) almost non of it finds it’s way to my channel at this time of year. An example being my Christmas Evil review which after 2 years of being online as of today has only just reached 22 views…which came as a shock to me when I just went to look it up because up until September this year it only had 11 views…so I guess search traffic is up this time. Another example being my Jack frost review from last year which faired somewhat better (but not by much) as it was uploaded on New years eve and was my last video on my channel for a while.

This isnt to moan about my stats (Hell if I have multiple blogs planned about THAT!) but it’s more to say that if you’ve taken the time to click on this post you’re probably one of an absolute minority. and the fact you’ve taken time out to watch this (especially if it’s at christmas time) genuinely means more to me than any other videos I upload at any other time of year. even if it’s out of season. these videos never get much attention. So I really want to personally thank you for taking the time to watch this. I like to think that even if only 5 people watch this video over the christms period. That if I can make those 5 peoples days that little bit more interesting or just stop them being driven mad my relatives. even if it’s just by telling them about a film they’ve just GOT to see. I’ve served my purpose as a critic.

Go watch Black Christmas. It’s really good.

Merry Christmas and a very happy new year from all of us here at TYTD Towers. We’ll be back with a new season in February/March time. and in the mean time. Make 2019 count.

– Dan

 

(This poster…this fucking poster. Fuck. grim m8.)

Christophers Christmas Mission (Sagan Om Karl – Bertil Jonssons Julafton) (1975)

This one really was a difficult watch in all honesty. it’s a testamony to how pre-conceived opinions on what a film is about can drastically effect the overall enjoyment of the piece. In the UK this was genuinely marketed as a movie for young kids. the cover for the VHS and DVD releases were both incredibly kid friendly (See the poster at the beginning of my review for a better idea of exactly how kid friendly it looked) and the back of the box was colourful and written in a way to make it easy for kids to get an idea of what this is about. all mentions of Socialism and communism or our lord Jesus christ is omitted in the blurb on the back of the case for this one and Bernard cribbins is mentioned multiple times as a means to try and sell this to them.

Genuinely; I think Abby home video bought this and didnt realise what they’d got their hands on till it was too late to back out of it…either that or they planned to put this out as a kids film knowingly with no regard for what it actually is about…which just plain sucks in all honesty. I think in the hands of a decent distributor (And with a decent remaster and maybe a couple of extras) this could really make a rather lovely set. Im not one for talking about “Dream releases” for content here but I think I can make an exception with this one as it kind of feels right to give it a decent release. Here’s what I’d do with it if I got my hands on it.

*4K Scan of the original film elements followed by a full remaster (clean up, colour grade and levels check)

*Both cuts of this film (Both the english Cribbins version and the original Swedish release with subs) available on the disc (The English version to be recreated using the 4k swedish scan as nothing is significantly altered and only a scene or two have been removed so it would be easy to resynch the english dub track)

*Commentary with Cribbins + A couple of film critics (Im looking at you Kim Newman and Alan Jones!) to talk about the history of this film, the animation style, why the themes of the film probably didnt take to a british audience and any juicy tidbits about Per Åhlin and Tage Danielsson

*A documentary following the production of this feature + a brief history of it’s broadcasting history both in Sweden and the UK

* (If possible…hell it’s my fantasy why not) An isolated Score track…for all that lurrrrvely Jazz and Bossa.

*a mini Documentary about politics in christmas movies. dealing specifically aroun the socialist themes raised in this feature and a discussion on whether Christmas is more personified by the Left or the Right.

*old promotional materials (TV spots, radio spots if their are any,) both from the UK and Europe

*A NICE. Bluray cover. using newly drawn artwork thats fitting for the 15 – 30 year old audience that this film is clearly based at.

*Reversable artwork containing the original Abby home video release cover artwork…Okay im joking…but what I would like is:

*Reversable artwork that uses it’s swedish title alongside some of the original promotional artwork (See the image used in my thumbnail of this review)

Obviously this release will never happen in a million years. but this movies got such a decent and wholesome message I really wish it would. it’s charming and to see it have such a shoddy release history really is a proper downer. Still…at least we got the chance to have it localised. had it not been I may never have heard of it.

(The animation still creeps me out a bit…it reminds me a bit of Wondershowzens more abstract animation sections)

Prancer Returns (2001)

This was not a good movie. it wasnt quite the worst I’ve ever seen. but it was pretty bad. We’re talking just south of Clarke Paylow bad. which is pretty bad. this film isnt badly made…I mean it’s badly cut and tinted (In my opinion) but it commits the cardinal sin…it’s really boring and it just retreads existing ground that the first film covered. it’s a needless sequel. it literally serves no purpose other than to exist…and to me thats a real downer….

I think I thrash this one pretty consistently in the video below…but if you want an even shorter review than that. You’re unlikely to fall onto this one in the wild. and if you do. run the fuck away from it. it’s almost Hallmark christmas movie bad.

(The cover is literally the best thing about this…and even thats a bit rubbish…)