2019: Rummaging Through the Wreckage

So I’ve managed to squirrel a couple of hours away today So I thought now would be as good a time as any to pop up a blog about whats going on in my life right now! Yes…for the 3 people who regularly read this, consider this blog me offering you a seat at the café table of life with you and only you. A steaming cup of tea gently cooling as we look out into the somewhat sunny and slightly overcast bustling street and talk life, the universe and everything…y’know…to set the scene.

(I quite like the look of this place)

It has been a little while since I’ve actually put one of these together. I had written a blog which explained literally everything that had happened in my life since October up to March but reading it back recently was not only explicitly bleak reading, but it read more like a witness statement of my last known sighting rather than an actual attempt at helping to clarify why everything has ground to a halt…

So in order to keep things a bit lighter (As I am currently working on a full update video that should go up in the next couple of weeks and will clarify a lot more of the “Going forward” stuff that im not going to get into here). Im going to briefly summarise what’s gone on and I’ll save most of the going forward stuff for the actual update video itself. So! In summary here’s why I haven’t been making videos:

  • My partner suffers from quite severe mental health issues and has recently developed extreme suicidal thoughts. Due to chronically underfunded mental health services in my area. (Thanks to what I will affectionately refer to here as a “Shower of bastards” that is the conservative party). I’ve been effectively put in charge of keeping her alive…and other than a support worker (Who has been genuinely amazing) who pops in a couple of times a week and my partners doctor, who genuinely seems intent in ending her life. That’s been about it in terms of people trying to stop her doing shit. At the peak of this phase she ended up in the hospital for overdosing 4 times in the space of 7 days.

 

  • There was a literal 3 month period during the events of the above all of the above in which I daisy chained several quite severe Throat and chest infections one after the other. to the point where I pretty much lost my voice and was bed ridden for a time.

 

  • I was given a promotion at work which rapidly increased my workload and then in February 2019 the entire department I’d been moved into was made redundant. Luckily I have been able to find some temporary work but my employment status could best be described as precarious yet weirdly stable at this time.

I don’t want to dwell on the above too much because as it stands 2 of those 3 things are better than they have been. My partner is trying her best to re-engage with services and wants to get herself into a position where she can occupy her own time and from what I can see shes making great progress in getting back on her feet. It’s a very rocky road and that unpredictability is still something that is eating up a large amount of my time…But im very proud of her to see what she’s accomplished so far. mainly because I kind of love her a lot and I’d rather her not die (Im sure you understand). equally I’d like to take the time out to mention that if anyone who watches my stuff here is feeling low or having thoughts of suicide. Im sure you know the usual places to check into but I’ll just pop them here too.

(I tried looking for pictures of people in love with depression but all I got was a load of bollocks trying to romanticize depression as a “Struggling artist” type thing rather than acknowleging it for the absolute Cunt that it is…so here’s something stocky.)

Equally I have recovered now and until the inevitable bout of hayfever I encounter every spring hits me like a truck Im feeling a lot better in myself and im using my time as best I can to move things forwards both personally and with the film reviews!

And at this time I think it’s worth broaching the subject of reviews and what I actually do. Quite recently I’ve started to write again (As if the very existence of this blog wasn’t a good indicator of that). I had a couple of episodes written for season 6 when I downed tools back in November last year (A horror film and an thriller if you must know) but obviously given circumstances I had to shelf them until I was in a place where I would be able to pick them back up and develop them into full episodes. Things had been bleak since then but oddly about 3 weeks ago I had a period of rest from ongoing situations and from there rather than waste time on a video game or go out somewhere I found myself thinking: “…Hmm it’s been a while…I think im going to tidy up my computer and get my website reorganised.” I then spent 2 days clearing out old reference footage, audio files, archiving old reviews and retagging and readjusting some of the posts on the site. I even found time to catch my website up to my very latest review…

I don’t exactly know what went on over that weekend but from that point onwards I suddenly found myself with random pockets of time all over the place, a few hours here and there and even the odd free few days. And I’ve used that time. I’ve kind of rediscovered my love of writing in that sense and I have to say I think a break has done me some good. It feels good to sit and look at all of the drafts I’ve put together over the last 3 weeks and think that they’re something that I’ve put time to that seem somewhat productive. Its something that I hope someone out their will appreciate.

(Here’s hoping!)

Ultimately I only ever really got into doing these reviews because I was fed up of the lack of resources available for more obscure direct to video releases about whether they were actually any good or not coupled with a real urge to try and help other people who have no doubt ended up in my situation in the past. It comes from a place of love for the industry ultimately and that’s something thats spanned a number of years with me. Even when I was a college student doing film studies at A-level I would regularly endorse the benefits of looking at bad films as being as important if not more important than understanding what makes a good film. Anyone can make a good film in the 21st century all you need is money and a reasonable editor. You’ll make a good film but it’ll be banal. It wont have heart (Something I feel modern cinema struggles with quite badly) but if you understand what makes something terrible and you appreciate the heart that can go into making abject failure. You’ll be more than capable of appreciating that small details can effect the big picture in ways you’d never have considered.

That’s the fire that keeps me going when im reviewing absolute rot. Its my own (in some ways demented) love of analysing car crash cinema. Picking apart what didn’t work, pondering if it could have worked with some tweaks and ultimately deciding whether a car crash is worth recommending to you the viewer or whether it truly is a “Write off”. I enjoy the debate that comes with having the opinion that bad films are as important to study as good films (So much so I developed a lecture series on the subject that I hope to have filmed someday)

(I love all bad movies…well almost all bad movies…)

So for now im still here, working behind the scenes on reviews. With a renewed vigour for the subject honestly. I think as much as I’ve had a stressful time of late a break from this was something I needed. Youtube Burnout is a bit of a hot topic these days and I may go into more detail about my own personal experiences in the near future when I get time. Before I go for now I think it’s probably best to let you know at least where im up to with writing just to keep you guys all in the loop. I’m currently trying to lock down episodes for October while I have more time on my hands than less. It’s going to be a themed month, 5 episodes that will chart a particular horror history. In total I’ve now written 7 scripts, recorded 2 of them and I have plans for another half a dozen in the fire as of the time of writing (17.04.19) though as I say…I’ll save actual plans for these till the update video comes out.

Till next time. Thanks so much again for your continued patience and support

Dan.

 

(Thought i’d end this blog on a little bit of a positive note enjoy!)

 

Reelin in the years – Backdating the site and stormy weather.

So im writing this at a point in time where the websites kind of in a bit of a limbo of sorts. Its not yet publishing the newest content from my youtube channel but I am still posting some new content in the form of my Instagram pictures, Blogs and anything else that needs doing in order to make this site both interesting and useful. I wanted to make sure that before I officially announced this site to my youtube/twitter/Instagram/facebook followers that it was as up to date as it was physically possible to be (And if you are one of my followers and you’ve randomly stumbled across this site. First; Bravo! Second; let me know! I’d love to hear it!). This was mainly because no one wants to visit a half built website, But also because it’ll give people something to look at properly when I do announce this sites Launch formally. That being said it has kind of stirred a few emotions with me.

In a sense its kind of made me a little bit nostalgic for what was going on about 12 months ago. Back in April 2017 TYTD Reviews was just one of about 5 ideas that floated in and out of my head on a semi regular basis. To jump forward nearly 12 months and find that not only am I still producing content but that its taken me on a journey that’s led me to talking to some of my favourite movies directors. Inheriting a massive video tape collection and a channel that’s helped me make some really quite wonderful friends on message boards and youtube itself really makes me feel like I spent my time well this past year.

Screen Shot 2018-04-20 at 00.11.05

(Behold! the original first thumbnail for “The Dragon Lives again” Gaze upon its crapness in awe and wonder!)

I’ve decided in my “Video review” section (Particularly with my older videos) to add a portion of text above the video retrospectively talking about those early reviews now that I’m quite a distance away from them. And its been a lot of fun looking at my early (And frankly shocking) reviews and seeing how far I’ve come in developing my talking style, video designs and the fundamental changes that have taken place over the months. There have been some that I’ve already decided will need to be revisited at some point because I really have failed to do the film justice in these early videos. But it puts me in a somewhat nostalgic mind-set. When I wrote and recorded my first four episodes (An un-produced pilot episode, The Dragon Lives again, The Last man on Earth and The American Ninja 2) I didn’t make any notes while watching the movies, and I actually went to the trouble of driving my car over to an empty supermarket car park so that I could record in private. I remember it being vaguely cold and feeling terrified that someone was going to drunkenly wander across the car park in the middle of the night and find me with my Ipad mini illuminating my face with some chunky headphones on so I could check my levels. I’d prefer not to be mugged/stabbed…

Nowadays every film I talk about has a minimum of 5 pages of reference notes, a 4-5 page script and a day or twos total video editing time. Even having come from a film background if you really knuckle down when it comes to youtube videos you quickly learn a new style, pattern and language that’s quite alien to the professional film industry. Its been a very enlightening experience.

So Im backfilling my site with 1-2 old videos a day and as of the time of writing I’ve just written my article for “Bloody Muscle Body Builder in hell” I reckon if I keep this up I should more or less be caught up in time for the launch of Season 4. Which would be a rather nicely timed thing really.

In my real life; things are getting a bit stressful. I’ve been having a few issues at work recently that im really hoping to resolve sooner rather than later. I feel at times like I’m on the outside of my workplace looking in, rather than it being the other way around. I just feel a bit like I’m being purposefully isolated. And while I don’t mind the isolation to an extent I feel like it’s being applied somewhat maliciously by certain colleagues. Luckily Mrs TYTD, my family and her family have all been incredibly supportive of me during this time which has been very helpful in keeping my mentality and spirits high, They’ve really been amazing… and of course you guys (The people who watch my videos and actively seek out my blogs) have been a tremendous comfort to me during this time too! Every nice comment, thumbs up or share has really given me a morale boost so I really cant thank you all enough. As I say I hope this resolves itself sooner rather than later. Because frankly the issues im having have started to bore me a bit and I’d much rather just get on and keep my head down for a bit.

(Im in a weird place where this gif simultainiously perfectly sums up my current situation and yet at the same time it doesnt…and this is on an hour to hour basis at the minute…)

On top of this I’m also desperately trying to get my video Schedules back on track after an incident last month where I came down with flu for 2 weeks (Costing me approximately 3 maybe even 4 completed videos) it really knocked it out of me and realistically it was almost 3 weeks before I even sat down to watch a new movie to review. Luckily over the last few weeks I’ve been able to slowly catch myself back up and as it stands there are 3 episodes of Season 3 left to upload (Over 2 weeks) and 8 episodes of Season 4 fully completed (With 13 episodes written at the time of this publication) I probably overdo it on the pre-recording but I like the gap. Its sizable and it means I’m covered for every eventuality.  Though it does mean my recommended film reviews take a hell of a long time to get published (Which I do sincerely apologise for).

Short film Spotlight is also giving me a bit of grief at the minute so far I have 5 episodes written, 2 recorded audibly and 1 episode fully completed. I was aiming to make this one my 2nd weekly show. But its becoming very apparent that I may have to make it fortnightly just to help keep my sanity in check. (There’ll be more on Short film Spotlight in an update video I’m planning on releasing at the same time I formally launch this website) its actually surprisingly difficult to produce 2 research heavy shows a week…even if only one of them is long form…But I hope you enjoy it when it comes out.

Its not all doom and gloom though! I’ve recently reconnected with an old musician friend of mine who is currently working on a reworking of the TYTD reviews theme for me (Which should debut with Season 5) which will mean I’ll finally have a theme tune that’s  100% royalty free. I’ve also been working with my friend to produce some new music videos for him which has been fun. I’ve added a links and affiliates page to my site and I’m very happy to say that he’s agreed to affiliate with me and my channel in principle. As soon as he’s figured out what site he’d like to promote through this websites affiliate links it’ll be added to the list.

I’ve also got a cracking nights entertainment lined up this weekend as I’m going to a comedy show  to see a very British comedian whom I’ve seen at least 4 times previously and whom every time I see him I end up almost passing out laughing. So yeh; that should be a laugh (No pun intended) I’ve also finally started going through my massive Tape collection and there’s some absolute GOLD in there. So keep an eye out on the channel because I will be covering quite a few of these over the next few weeks.

I suppose to summarise; I feel like I’m somewhat losing control of some aspects of my life while simultaneously really getting my life in order in other aspects. And its weird and unusual and a little bit scary at times because for the last 5 years or so there’s been a tremendous sense of stability. Change is good though. It helps you learn to better adapt to your surroundings. Its just a shame I’m usually too sleepy or too busy to be able to actively grab the bull by the horns these days…

 

(Of course; Heatons got me through a hell of a lot in my life. I think this track is a pretty good way to end this…)