We Wish you a Turtles Christmas (1994)

Y’know…when I first started reviewing the Ninja Turtles Movies back at the start of last year I was actually quite surprised at just how well made they seemed to be…and while I had reservations about TMNT 2 and I found TMNT 3 to be only marginally better I never quite expected to end the year with what was arguably one of the strangest and most terrifying movies I’ve seen in a while…

To say “We wish you a turtles Christmas” is a fun little video for kids greatly underestimates the power that the information stored upon the magnetised tape wields. this is not a film. this is a life experience. I have to consider my life in two halves…Pre “Turtles Christmas” and Post “Turtles Christmas” and I feel like both lead very distinctly different tones. I can now no longer hear “The Twelve days of Christmas” without wanting to end each verse with “And a Pizza with Pepper- ro – knee!” Nor can I ever think of the song “To grandmothers house we go” without thinking of sewers and pure nightmare fuel.

if your smart you’ll avoid this movie. if like me your a glutton for punishment and you enjoy the masachism that comes wth watching the total and unapologetic capitalist festive nihilism that is this unbridled screech into the darkness…then by all means be my guest…but dont come crying to me when you have to consider your life choices…

 

(…Horrifying…)

Finishing the Complete Third Series (2018)

Series 3 I think is the season where I finally managed to get the majority of my ideas consistently down. Unlike the other two seasons which were learning curves using trial and error both in my pacing and in the design of the channel. It was season 3 where I personally feel I really got down exactly what I was trying to do and was able to keep the quality levels up a bit (Most would disagree)

I think personally there were some pretty good episodes in this run. I personally had a lot of fun editing my reviews of Gammera, Terror in Beverly hills, Ring of Terror and Australian Web of Fear. But it was also nice to be able to get to grips with unexpected movies like Balance of Power and Francesca.

This was to me a season of growth and while I dont necissarily have a lot to say about this season in terms of how its turned out when compared to previous seasons. It definitely set me up ready to go with some very useful skills that I would take into season 4. In fact at the time of writing this article Im very nearly finished with season 4’s writing and it’s been a blast to work on almost as much as this season was.

It was the longest season to date and it’s also got a special place in my heart.

(Fun Fact: I originally edited Gammera to include the old intros from season 2 before re-editing them at the last minute for the newer titles)

American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

American Ninja 2 (Often released with the subtitle “The Confrontation”) was a sequal to the original American ninja movie which came out in 1985. This is one of the few times I’ve spoken about a films sequel before I’ve delt with the original and there are a few reasons for that that were fairly tedious but basically boiled down to “When I started this channel I was only going to talk about Janky B-movies and experimental/erotic films” and the first American ninja movie is actually pretty good. its a bit slow in places but its fun enough…this film was a bit more unusual and weird and I thought at the time it would fit my channels tone a bit better. It may have also been down to the fact that i’d watched the first one only a week or 2 before I decided to start my channel in the first place and I really didnt feel up to rewatching a film like this so soon after i’d watched it for the first time. This was also the first episode I recorded for the second ever group of episodes I made 🙂

(I’ll be honest; im a sucker for a ninja film that features genetically modified super ninjas)

EDIT [22/01/21]:

So At some point around 18 months ago, for reasons youtube cant fully explain to me, a glitch happened on my youtube channel scrubbing approximately 8 minutes of footage from the Above American Ninja review. I worked with them over a couple of days to try and retrieve it. But as far as they were concerned it has sadly been lost. So! I decided to try and put this right. In part because I plan to cover more American Ninja films on my channel in future, and in part because I actually kind of like this review. Im not massively fond of my early work (As most youtubers will atest after a certain period your ‘early works’ come with a healthy dose of cringe at what you could have done better/differently.

So I decided to rebuild the review! I luckily keep the original isolated vocals of every review I make and, while doing some frame matching for the review itself I sourced better quality copies of the footage, I worked on the layout, processed the audio and generally tidied the whole thing up to make it look and feel a lot more in line with my current reviews. I wouldnt say it was a ground up remake. more that this is a 2.5D reimagining of a 2D review. it’s just a bit more polished. AND it brings the review back from near obscurity! So I hope you enjoy this; it didnt take a particularly long time to put together, but I felt it needed doing! 🙂