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Nick and Noel (1993)
I had a spot of unexpected success last year when I uploaded a review for a christmas film I had found on youtube that was produced in the 90’s called “Dot and Spots Magical Christmas Adventure” at the time I didnt think anything of it. It was a fairly bland if somewhat charming little kids christmas movie and that was about it.
That was until it started getting mad clicks. While we’re hardly talking viral numbers here when I woke up to find that one of my videos rather than normally getting the 10 – 20 views they normally acrew instead got closer to 200 views and growing. Well needless to say I thought I might as well hand in my notice at work and take on the full time youtuber lifestyle.
In researching exactly why that video was more popular than others I discovered that apparently that film was:
A – Astoundingly popular in Italy (Almost a christmas classic out there)
And B – Almost completely unrepresented online barring an itallian dubbed upload.
In short I’d inadvertantly landed myself the perfect storm…it didnt lead to anything. for about 6-7 months that video was my most watched one my channel. But out of an obligation to see if lighting could strike twice I decided to look into other films that the “Dot and Spot” animators had involvment in.
Thus we arrive at Nick and Noel. and…well it’s not as popular as Dot and Spot. nor is it as charming, nor is it as well made…and even Paul williams cant save this one. its a bland one in all honesty. and due to some growing pressures that started happening around about the time that I reviewed this one I honestly dont have too many fond memories about it. It’s just completely generic and forgettable. but Im sure my review will say more than I can here.
(So underwhelming…)
We Wish you a Turtles Christmas (1994)
Y’know…when I first started reviewing the Ninja Turtles Movies back at the start of last year I was actually quite surprised at just how well made they seemed to be…and while I had reservations about TMNT 2 and I found TMNT 3 to be only marginally better I never quite expected to end the year with what was arguably one of the strangest and most terrifying movies I’ve seen in a while…
To say “We wish you a turtles Christmas” is a fun little video for kids greatly underestimates the power that the information stored upon the magnetised tape wields. this is not a film. this is a life experience. I have to consider my life in two halves…Pre “Turtles Christmas” and Post “Turtles Christmas” and I feel like both lead very distinctly different tones. I can now no longer hear “The Twelve days of Christmas” without wanting to end each verse with “And a Pizza with Pepper- ro – knee!” Nor can I ever think of the song “To grandmothers house we go” without thinking of sewers and pure nightmare fuel.
if your smart you’ll avoid this movie. if like me your a glutton for punishment and you enjoy the masachism that comes wth watching the total and unapologetic capitalist festive nihilism that is this unbridled screech into the darkness…then by all means be my guest…but dont come crying to me when you have to consider your life choices…
(…Horrifying…)
The Gift of Winter (1974)
While the promotional artwork is a little on the misleading side (All the character designs featured in promo posters and on the DVD for this are based on the “Witch’s night out” Art style) it is important to remember that the scale of operations for this short was almost as equally small.
ultimately I was a little bit underwhelmed by “The Gift of Winter”…on the one hand it still has that charming vibe that Witch’s had…however the quality of the animation is so rudimentary and basic that it totally took me out of the experience. I do kind of feel if they reanimated this special while keeping the original audio that it may ultimately be a more “complete” feature. and while the charm is distinctly there I just cant completely get behind this one.
I would argue that this isnt so much a christmas special more a winter special (Though there are alusions towards Christmas made near the end) but it takes what is ultimately a dark and somewhat grim time of year and makes it altogether a much more pleasent time of year. and for that I can wholeheartedly get behind it.
(Seriously; this artwork is terrifically misleading)
Penetration Angst (2003)
The story that I tell at the beginning of this review is very much true. back in the mists of time for what was the mid 2000’s Sky digital was a veritable raft of obscure, strange and bordering on the “Public Access” levels of quality content. I could and would easily sink entire nights flicking through the likes of “Rapture TV”, “The Community Channel”, “Anime Central”, “Channel M” And “Teachers TV” and thats before I got into the foreign channels or better still the cheapo foreign channels (Which especially after a beer or two quickly resemble alternate universe television)
The Horror Channel around this time was in it’s absolute infancy. and while it’s not unheard of now to catch classics like “The Evil Dead”, “The Fog” and “The Thing” on there back in 2004-2009 you were much MUCH more likely to find films like “The Wasp Woman”, “Manic Nurses Find Ecstacy” and in the early hours of the morning, Indie fodder like this movie.
It was a simpler time in all honesty and I do genuinely miss that invigorating thrill that came with landing on the “Cheapo Movie” channels and finding all sorts of obscure trash to pick through. “Movies 4 Men”, “Talking pictures” and “True Movies” still carry the mantel to this day but it’s not quite the same without those absolute bargain bin features padding out the graveyard slot.
Penetration angst is a film that stayed with me for over a decade before I actually found out what it was and the fact I was actually able to secure a copy only makes me all the better for it. it’s filth cinema, smutty, sultry and dirty a true contender in the “Modern Exploitation cinema” catagory. It has a pride of place on my shelf and with the exception of the likes of “Bad Biology” and “Teeth” I’d argue it’s the best non porn vagina driven movie I’ve ever seen.
(Also. if you own a digital television subscription be it Sky, Virgin or Freeview give your obscure channels a spin some time…while they’re not quite as tacky as they were back in the day. They do still have the habit of pulling absolute chaos out of there backsides!)
(This is another film that never quite got it’s poster/DVD art right…then again how do you market a killer vagina movie!?)
Commando (1988)
Bollywood, had never really been a genre that is explored before…let alone the world of weird and unusual bollywood films. Luckily thanks to a regular viewer Waz I landed with this particular film…and I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I think the only thing that genuinely put me off this film was the length and the total whiplash of tonal changes that happened throughout it’s over 2 hour run time…I still stand by the idea that realistically you could cut this down to a more than reasonable 40-60 minute short feature and have all the weird and wonderfulness crystallized rather than spread out in the way it’s presented here.
Based on what was here I think I’d like to explore bollywood a bit further, though I’d absolutely have to see some shorter films if I was going to commit!
(COMMANDO! COMMANDO!!!)
The B-Movie Hall of Fame – Part 2 (2018)
To those of you who are unaware I often work to a schedule in producing reviews, it takes roughly 2 weeks to produce 1-2 episodes of my show from initial viewing to final sign off. As I rule i’ve always tried to keep a pretty decent buffer between the last film watched and the latest upload (Usually about 6 – 8 episodes worth) but occasionally I like a challenge and the second half of the B-movie hall of fame was exactly that. while there wernt any intrinsically bad films on this list. Just finding the time to fit them all in with a looming deadline was absolutely one of the quickest turnarounds I’ve ever done on a video upload.
not only did this one contain some of my favorite B-movies to be seen during the challenge but it also offered up some genuinely good oddities that I hadnt heard of before. While im not 100% sure when the next BMHOF challenge will be; I really hope that im up and ready again to take it on!
(I can wholeheartedly recommend “Cherry 2000” seriously…go and check it out…it’s great!)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)
Well! I thought it best to round off the trilogy before the year was out having covered TMNT 1 and TMNT 2 It seemed only natural that the 3rd one be the closer!
I have had so many discussions about this movie since I posted my review for it and what surprised me is given the tidal wave of hate that this film gets its actually quite interesting to see how many people actually got in touch to tell me that they loved this movie or at least that it had it’s own unique charm and vibe to it.
I’ll be honest, to me it’s hardly the best film ever made. but it has a style unto itself and quite honestly I found it enjoyable. I mean…after this the whole franchise goes down the toilet for a few years…but as far as last Hurrahs go they could have ended things much MUCH worse…
(Arguably one of the more surreal film posters when taken out of context as well…)
A Boy and his Buzzard (Charlie and the talking Buzzard) – (1979)
It was the cover that pretty much sold me on this one. As soon as I pulled it out of that box of tapes I knew immediately that I wanted to get to this film as soon as possible. and thus I fell victim to judging a tape by its cover. This film is terrible. absolutely terrible. it’s long winded, short on plot and point and purpose. it only exists as a means of killing time and quite frankly the only reason I still hold it in my tape collection is simply because I cant find anyone else out there who has a copy of this. they may have it under a different name or with a different box art but apart from a low res ebay listing of the cover from a few years ago this is the only copy of this film that I can find.
Since editing this video i’ve also not been able to find a sausage of information in regards to Silver Screen Promotions. as far as I can tell this is their one and only video release. So if you are australian or you know of other Silver screen releases please do get in touch (If you have photos even better!) as I’d love to know what on earth this company were thinking when they decided that this would be a good film to shove out on tape to the masses.
Absolute rot.
(That cover is pretty cool though…though if perspective is to be believed that Buzzards bloody huge!)
Also! because I know you want this and because as I mentioned there is no record of this VHS cover in high quality please find a ultra high res scan of the cover that I made for this videos thumbnail and enjoy it in all it’s…weird glory?
TYTD Reviews 